See this?

Where are you? You look, and then you leave. I am too dull, it seems. Also, it’s true. Oh, well.

Fernando? LOL I am only on my second glass of chardonnay and well, you can see the results, kind of. Woo Hoo! Also, watching Sense8. Up to episode 8. Started watching it before, didn’t care for the violence, but decided to try again. Weird show, but grabs you. Hope it doesn’t turn out like LOST, which ended up a pile of crap. I remember a friend and I discussing, when we saw the polar bear, that we hoped they knew where they were going with it, but clearly, they did not have a clue. That and Battlestar Galactic had the most disappointing endings of any shows I’ve ever seen, I think.

So doing very well, considering. Actually keeping up with dishes without using the dishwasher, cooking a bit here and there, it’s all good, relatively speaking. Would like to get out more, but I always talk myself out of it. Not looking forward to surgery, because a. don’t want to have to do the whole ‘clean yourself out with this really delish drink (NOT) and hours on the toilet’ thing, cause that really sucked, and b. the possibility of death, if surgery can’t fix it. Death is not a good thing. Being positive, however. Have decided that dying is just not going to happen.

Realized, in conjuction, how truly alone I am. I really have no one. I don’t even have anyone to be my healthcare proxy. Just in case, you know. However, I am one strong bitch. Really. I am. I can deal, all by my lonesome, because that’s what I do, and that’s what I’ve always done. It’s a good thing, being strong. Having resolve. Being pragmatic. It is what it is, and whatever it is, I can handle. I mean, I’ve survived major clinical depression, years of pain and inability to function, losing pretty much everyone I’ve ever cared about, whether through death, or just somehow being removed from my life, or just not wanting to know me anymore, or whatever. I always survive. I am strong. Surprised me all to hell when someone told me, long ago, that I was the strongest person they’d ever met, because I never saw myself like that. I know better now. I fight. It’s what I do. I have my moments, and then something inside says,
‘No. We do not give up. We do not surrender’ I like that about me.

So check out Sense8, if you haven’t already. It will blow your mind.

I really should not have more than one glass of wine, people. Really. Do I look like I care? Didn’t think so.

This is so me. Pockets are crucial. 🙂

Your chocolate lava crunch thingies are fabulous. Unfortunately, the rest of your menu walks the razor’s edge between disgusting and inedible. What happened to you?

here: Left Action

Reality bites. Was that a movie?

As an obsessive reader of Torchwood fan fiction, I can so relate. Also, made me laugh. Also, also, I forgot to say, I love Chaucer as played by Paul Bettany in A Knight’s Tale. LOL

If this is the only life, then why am I not just doing everything I want to do?
— James Franco

Sooo. Saw the rheumatologist nurse practitioner yesterday. Did no one ever give you cortisone shots for you knees? No one even suggested it. Ever. Had shots. Today I can do squats. Squats. Also, I was awake til 7 am and slept for four hours, after only sleeping two or three the night before. I am so hyper it is not even funny. Well, it is, kind of. Did not know cortisone shots had those side effects, insomnia and hyper hyper. 🙂 Saw the opthamologist today. Really liking him. Very laid back and confidence inspiring. Apparently I have weird eyes, to go along with the rest of weird me.

I have five more appointments this month. Doctor, rhuemy, colonoscopy, eye surgery, and one more I forget. That is 25 appointments since march 18th. I’ve gone years with one appointment, only one, not one a year, and now they are all happening at once. But it’s all good. Getting eyes fixed, teeth and gums are in good shape, can do squats, and there is colon cancer in my family, so it’s time for my ten-year test. Before Prednisone, I could not have done any of this. I have three more months before I have to taper again. Joy. Not.

Also, I was freezing the other night and had an extra blanket on the bed. The dew point is in the 40s, not the 70s, the temps are almost down to fifty at night, and in the mid 70s during the day. And today is the equinox. Did I mention that it is all good?

Also, again, How to Get Away With Murder is back, and I can watch it on Hulu Plus with minimal commercials. I am a happy camper. And Viola Davis WON. I have followed her for years, since Jesse Stone, I think. One of my favorite actresses. She grew up a few miles from where I live, too. Love that dress, btw.

Binged watched the new season of Longmire, and there were only ten eps up, and it ended in a cliffhanger. I hate cliffhangers, especially if the show is cancelled and you are left hanging. But I do love Longmire, even if it isn’t filmed in Wyoming, the dirty liars.

So, after hyper-ing out my friend Tess today, and now my dear readers (are you really out there, people?), I think I am done for right now. Enjoy the autumn. Cozy, blankets, tea, fireplaces, what’s not to love? And then comes snow. I love snow.

Also known as my Nexus.  After trying numerous times to get it to boot, following loads of googled directions, came across some things telling me what the problem is.  The last update.  There is a petition – a petition! – to get Google to take responsibility and do something for the thousands of people whose nexuses are now bricks.  Seriously, Google?

What has happened to Snicker’s bars? I don’t eat candy much, and haven’t had one for several years, but recently had a fun-sized bar. Snicker’s used to have peanuts and caramel and a tiny bit of nougat, if I remember correctly. They were pushed as energy-giving snacks. Now they are over-sweet, mostly nougat, with a really, really thin layer of caramel and very few crunchy bits that I hope are peanuts. Really disgusting. Cheaper is not better, people. Especially when it’s only cheaper to maximize your profits. Like Cadbury Eggs. I read that Kraft bought them and are going to be using cheaper chocolate. Bet they won’t cost any less. Or taste the same. I don’t actually like Cadbury Eggs, but it’s the principle of the thing.. 🙂

It’s cool and a bit humid, but not hot and sticky. Maybe Autumn has beaten summer back with a gust of wind and a splash of rain. I hope so. I love Autumn. It’s my favorite time of year. It seems to be energizing, so I am trying to implement some sort of schedule, but it’s not easy. I can never get to sleep when I want to, so getting up at a certain time is always iffy. If I can sleep, I’m going to, even if it means I get up at 2pm, usually because I didn’t get to sleep until 10 am. This is one of the hardest parts of my life. Trying to maintain some normalcy, so I can be up when I need to be. Cannot tell you how many things I missed before I started insisting that I DON’T DO MORNINGS. Sorry, but I”m tired of trying to manage my life according to your schedule. Manage yours according to mine, which does NOT include appointments in the morning. I am the one who’s ill, after all. Yeah. But it’s Autumn, so it’s all good right now. Blue skies, puffy clouds, what’s not to love?

about food and chronic illness and being ‘normal’. Wish I was. Really, really do. Anyway:

balance

I’ve come to realize, after being alone for four days in a row and only speaking on the phone to anybody once during that time, and just reading and not caring about anything, that being alone too much is really unhealthy for me. As soon as I begin anticipating someone actually turning up here, like my homemaker, I am all, ‘Oh, I want to…I can…I could…’. Being alone too much really sucks. I can’t even go outside without getting ‘in public’ presentable, cause my outside is the main street in the middle of down town.

It’s been really hot and icky again for several days. We had an orange alert the other day, first this summer, I think. There’s green, yellow, orange, and red, the latter of which means ‘don’t go out without a gas mask on or you will die’, I think. Yellow means I cough a lot, so orange is definitely a ‘close those windows and turn on the a/c, even if it doesn’t work well cause they won’t change the filter’ kind of day. I think I’m having grammar fail today, but I don’t care. So there.

Also

but it’s 6pm and I don’t want to be up all night. Life is hard.

My friend Beth came over after work, and we went to an orchard store, rode around, got lost, used the map thingy on her 4G iPhone.  Map thingy is sooooo cool.  Then went to dinner.  Lots of fun and laughing.  Low pain day, so I could really enjoy it all.

Earlier, I took the unofficial Meyers Briggs Personality Test, to see if I have one.  No, because everyone on Tumblr keeps identifying themselves by their letters, and I didn’t know what they meant.  Now I kind of but not really do.  Here’s my results. 

I’ve been kind of busy when I haven’t been recovering from being busy. Lots of appointments this fall, and eye surgery in October. Yay. Or not.

My Nexus has frozen and won’t boot past the GOOGLE at the beginning. I had to remove the battery from my new and really slow laptop to get it to start up. I am never going to get the sim card out of my not-a-phone, unless I try to take the actual phone apart. I love it anyway, because it’s like a mini-nexus that fits into my pocket and I can have all my useful-when-I’m-out apps on it. And it has a camera. I put Dropbox on it and have the send-pictures-to-Dropbox enabled so any pics are accessible anywhere I have Dropbox, or can sign into it on someone else’s computer. I do love and highly, highly recommend Dropbox. I’ve been using it practically since it came out. I have the free version which is plenty for me, but at one time, when I was using a pc and a laptop, I had the paid version so I could mess about with more files between them.

I’m missing my cyber-friends who used to email me more, but since typing on this laptop is not my best trick (flat keyboard, ew.), I guess it’s okay. Still miss them though.

Have had the a/c on for a few days again. Yellow air days, which aren’t horrible, but seem to affect my asthma more than they used to. The sky is really yucky-looking today. Grunge-color, I have decided. At least it finally is September, so am hoping to have the windows open soon. I start to feel suffocated after a couple of days with just the a/c on. Fresh air! I need fresh air! If I had my own outdoors, it wouldn’t be so bad, cause I could just step out once in a while, but here I have to be dressed in outside clothes and presentable. No going out in my pj’s with my coffee. Nope.

I have spent years not eating beef, except steak-on-the grill cooked by my friend John once or twice a year if I’m lucky, and I had a burger from Papa Gino’s yesterday. Best burger I have ever had. Oh, my, was it good. I think I have stopped caring about all the things I used to care about. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

Guess that’s all I have to ramble on about today. Not getting into the whole Trump crap, or the idiot stuff that’s going on every day, and the really stupid, stupid people who sometimes turn up on Tumblr. Just going with the flow. It’s a good thing. Yes, I stole that from Martha, and I don’t care. So!

Things I did today while waiting for Backblaze downloads to download:

Cleaned out and organized neatly my messy, messy desk drawer, the one where everything I don’t know where to put goes.

Did some top-of-desk arranging.

Cleaned out and sorted my tool bin in bathroom. You know, screwdrivers, nails, screws, hooks, old tools I’m never going to use in a million years that were my husband’s that he left when he left twenty years ago. I still have these because?

Rearranged some things in the linen closet for easier access.

Cut apart an old calendar and hung the pictures I like. Rearranged the wall above my desk at the same time.

Made a toasted cheese sandwich.

Refilled the wet wipes container in the bathroom.

Yesterday, while waiting for some backblaze downloads to download:

I sorted and rearranged my meds container and figured out which pain meds to take which days, depending on if I actually want to have less pain or not, like if I’m going somewhere or Traci or Tess is coming over. Ibuprofen for those days, and if I want to sleep the night before, although that’s not guaranteed. Nothing else ever works, Tylenol, Extra Strength Excedrin, Aleve, even the vicodin I have left from the dentist doesn’t work all that well. Anyway, because I take a lot of pain meds, and they don’t want me to just take the one what works too often, I try to alternate. Thanks, modern medicine, for not finding a pain reliever that works without somehow killing you behind the scenes.

Did more desk stuff yesterday, too, and did some decluttering in the bedroom.

Yesterday I was having a lot of pain, but still got stuff done. Last night I could not sleep, so just gave up and got up at 3am and did more downloads and stuff. Crashed on the couch, (Literally. Eyes would not stay open) from 9:30 am to 12:30 pm. Was in a total fog with a headache for a couple of hours, and then started doing one little thing, and the next thing you know, I was on a roll, getting stuff done. I do my best work when I can’t find something, like in a drawer or cupboard, and the next thing you know I’ve completely rearranged the entire kitchen. Well, I used to, now it’s on a much smaller scale of getting things done. But if feels so good just to be able to do one little thing, let alone a lot of little things.

I think I will treat myself to a lobster roll and a caprese salad from Papa Gino’s, because I’m worth it. Or it sounds really good and I”m hungry. Whatever.

Went to order Papa Gino’s online and couldn’t find the caprese salad. Noooo. That’s the best massively over-priced salad ever. So did a phone order instead to make sure they still have it and they do. So why isn’t it on the menu online? Don’t scare me like that, Papa.

First, a few leaves are yellow on one of the trees across the street They were not yellow yesterday. Autumn has begun. Also, it is raining. Woo Hoo!!

Second, I cooked. I made the best chicken I’ve ever had. I had to use the thighs from the freezer, bone-in and with skins, the last anything that isn’t coffee or cheese or flour in there, since it is on its last legs and then what? Landlord no longer required to provide frig, so it’s on me???

Anyway, chicken. Wipe iron skillet with oil, heat on medium, add thighs skin side down, brown well for about twelve minutes, rearranging to make sure all it all gets to the middle of the pan. I cheated and browned the second side a bit, too. I did turn it down to between medium and medium low when it started to spatter. If you have one of those spatter-screens, use it. Oh, salt and pepper liberally, especially pepper. I like pepper. Meanwhile, heat oven to 475. Add pan with skin side down chicken, cook 12 minutes. Flip, cook 5 minutes to 165. Drain on paper towels. Eat the skin if you’re brave, cause it’s really, really good and most of the fat has rendered. Oh, yum is it good chicken. Juicy, tasty, perfect. Salt and pepper. That’s it.

Delicious chicken and rain, rain, rain. It’s a good day.

If you don’t know how to care for an iron skillet, it’s really easy. Wipe it with oil (I’m using sunflower cause it’s what I have) or pour some in, depending on what you’re cooking. Cool it down when done, wash it with paper towels and hot water and maybe a green scrubber thingy if you really have to. Or salt. Salt scrubs it out well. Don’t soak it, and don’t use soap. Set it on burner on medium to dry, and when it is, pour in a bit of oil and rub the entire insides with a paper towel to spread the oil all over. Cool, wipe again. Stick in oven or where ever you keep a thousand pound skillet. Those things are heavy.

This picture is totally irrelevant, just so you know, however, it makes me smile.

Remember on Monday when I said the modem was not working, but I fixed it?
Yesterday. The modem was not working. I did the reset, and the unplug, seven times each during the day. It would say it’s connected but nothing would connect. I could read one email, but not two, on and on all day long. It would be connected, then unconnected or limited connection randomly without me touching anything. I am trying to sync some dropbox stuff and it is taking years because of this, and so I did not turn off either the pc or the laptop. Last night, since nothing was connecting or working, well, tv works. Yay. I don’t watch tv as a general rule, but I decided to watch Netflix on my roku which connects to the tv. Roku was connected, but nothing worked. Unplugged everything except the pc and the modem and the laptop. Same old same old. Did not shoot self, only because I do not own a gun. Same with sledgehammer to skull. Don’t actually have a sledgehammer. Drat! Finally turned off the pc. Laptop worked perfectly. No connection issues at all. PC is working perfectly today except for restarting itself once. Was it the Perseids? They were shooting by unbeknownst to me and screwing with my electronics? I believe the peak was last night, which of course I couldn’t see because Tedeschi’s thinks that light pollution is a requirement, or something. They NEVER turn off their bright lights. You’re closed people. Turn the damn lights off, please! Since I am probably 50 feet from them, it is never dark in here, even with the curtains closed. Anyway. WTF was the week from electronics hell about? I haven’t tried the Nexus, or the Roku or even the laptop today, but I am (kind of, sort of, maybe???) hopeful. Could not find a decent scrambled egg brain image, but I did find this. I apologize. That is so unbelievably disgusting, there are no words. 🙂

First, stupid computer is stupid. It can’t even update itself, and keeps ‘failing’ or freezing in the middle. It is so going in the closet when the laptop gets here. Where is it, btw? It’s supposed to get here today. I want it now!

UPS came to pick up the phone I am returning. Half an hour later I remembered that I had not removed the sim card. Yes, I am an idiot, but hey, I’ve had a stressful week, people. Anyway, called my carrier, got someone not exactly fluent in English, spent some time, got transferred to someone with a southern accent. Spent an hour and 3/4 having the best and funniest conversation with her, talking about life and jerk husbands and my old job, and everything under the sun. It was so much fun. And I’m getting a new sim card that will fit any phone and the old one is cancelled. Yay.

Also, it is raining. Could this day BE any better? Thank you, Chandler Bing. LOL

Chatted with Motorola, can’t be fixed only exchanged, for a fee. Computer shut itself off in the middle, but miracle of miracles, I was able to reconnect where I left off with the same person.

Chatted with Amazon, they are sending UPS to pick up the phone for a refund, so there, Motorola. I love Amazon. They have never once failed me, even when an order was stolen from the lobby thank you FedEx.

So no lovely new phone.

And did I mention that something bit me several times while I was sleeping? This is the third August in a row that something has bitten me while I was sleeping on the sofa. Just the one incident, but every year. And you thought life isn’t weird. HA!

The modem quit working. Got it back, but still. I mean, I get that electronics are iffy, but seriously, everything at once? And the stapler? It doesn’t plug in to anything and is certainly not wireless. WTF, universe?

Notes on the health front, since this blog is about ‘living with chronic illness’. Right. I think I am going to give up physical therapy. I really wanted to do this, and wanted it to work, but that’s not how it’s going, so I am throwing in the towel. I had a bit of a minor mishap Thursday, and thought nothing of it. Saturday morning I had a really bad cramp in my calf just as I woke up. Both legs then hurt all day, and going out was not as fun as it might have been, in spite of three Extra-Strength Excedrins, which don’t work, don’t work, don’t work. Calf muscle hurt like hell for awhile when I went to bed, then there was another cramp. Yesterday, I had full body pain and just lay on the couch reading all day. Better today. Anyway, last night I was bemoaning the fact that I seem to always have pain for no reason. Then it occurred to me that it was the delayed pain caused by the mishap. I have a delayed pain thing as part of this stupid illness, and sometimes I’ll do something, like accidentally hit my hand on the corner of the desk or something, but because it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t really register. Then, two or three days later, when my hand does hurt, I have no idea why, because I have no recollection of the hitting it on the desk thing. Makes like interesting. Yes, interesting. That’s what we’ll call it. LOL In the end, I am hobbling around and my legs still hurt, less but still, and I just can’t put myself through the after effects of physical therapy again. Life is hard enough already.

On the bright side, it is yet another gorgeous day. This is the best August ever, so far. Bright, sunny, breezy, NOT humid days. How can you not love that?

IDEK. I really don’t.

But I ordered a new laptop from Dell. It has 8, and of course can be upgraded to 10. I have had no experience with 8, so we’ll see how that goes.

Went to (oh, god, I am a horrible person) Walmart to check out laptops there, and found one I liked, which they did not have in stock. Came home, pc actually worked, so looked on Amazon and they had the same laptop, but then went to Dell and found one I liked better, for about the same price. So. I am nothing if not impulsive, people, and I have a credit card. So there! This isn’t it, but this is soooo purty!

I was too pleased with it.  The universe hates me, I know that, and yet I keep tempting it.  Stupid pc froze twice, once in safe mode, and now appeared the really lovely blue screen of ‘freaking what the hell is wrong with this stupid piece of shit?’.

It’s a gorgeous day, and I am going out to do errands with my friend Tess, so screw you, computer.

Oooh, the anger.  LOL.  😬. 😠. 😤. 😣