AWOL from blogging, I know. I realized, a couple days before Christmas, that I was almost completely shut down. Repressing my feelings about Christmas. Having a hard time acknowledging no family, no friends, no chocolate croissant with morning coffee, no Yorkshire pud. No Christmas. A day like any other. I’ve gotten really good at repressing over the years. Mostly I know I am doing it on some level, but when it runs right smack dab into me, I’m always, “Oh, yeah. Doing that again.” I felt really bad at one point in my life. So bad that the only way I could think of to escape from the abject misery I was feeling was to die. I didn’t, I’m still here, and I’m happy for that, but I never want to feel like that again. So I don’t allow myself to feel. A lot. I don’t allow myself to think about certain things, remember certain things. I suppose this is bad for me. DD1 says it contributes to the fibro/cfs, but I’d still rather not ever feel that bad again.

I cooked. Yay, me. My friend Tess came over for a bit, and then I decided to make myself an actual dinner. Was tiring, and I got shaky, as I usually do when cooking, but it’s in the oven. Casserole. Cook once, eat for a few days. Yep.

It wasn’t a bad non-Christmas. I got a really cute Westie calendar and homemade carrot cake from Tess, a snowman pot with a Christmas cactus in it from my delightful homemaker Traci, and DD2 sent me these marvelous chocolate covered fruits. Oh, man, were they good. The lovely red box had apple slices, strawberries (including the biggest one I’ve ever seen), and chunks of banana, all nestled in stiff cupcake papers. All covered in hard chocolate that broke when you bit into it. Thick hard chocolate. Delicious fruit. Maybe I’ll order some for myself. I could eat that again. Just thinking about it makes me wish I had some right now!

Still no snow. Since that one snow in October, I think we’ve had three or four flakes. Period. Easier for getting out and about, but I miss snow. I’ve also had the windows open off and on, all night two nights ago. It’s December. In New England. Wonder what the rest of winter is going to be like.

I am still walking without the cane. Carefully, but still… Hoping to do whatever it takes to keep from needing the surgery. Looked up exercises, etc. and am doing a few, very gently. We’ll see.

I hope everyone out there is having a good winter/summer, depending on your side of the equator. I still can’t get my mind around Christmas in the summertime. I’m going to attempt to be more regular with blogging, but some feedback would be nice. I know you’re out there, people.

Dear Santa. Snow please? Thank you.

Interesting read about the hypocrisy inherent in the ‘family values’ segment of the ‘my way or the highway’ hypocrites.

ICWUDT

CFS/XMRV Retraction

I guess I can find some. We’re not all greedy selfish cretins, although it certainly seems that way some days. Think I’ve been feeling kind of down about it, and I do NOT watch any news programs/stations. Imagine how those who do must be feeling. So here’s a little article from the Providence Journal, just to give us a glimmer of hope. A glimmer is better than none at all.

A Little Hope

I want to do something different here, and link to a story that is well-written, well-researched, and very timely given the current political climate in the US.  I hope you will all read it, and at least think about the underlying message.  It’s written by someone I don’t know personally, but whom I respect and admire from a distance.  I’d really love some comments as well, to let me know what you think one way or another.  Thank you.  Here’s the link:

Lost In Time

click on “next entry’ just above the story on each page for the next chapter.

So I did not have surgery. I was all ready, even had the iv thingy in my hand and was just waiting to be moved to the O.R. when they came back with results of the last minute blood work and said my potassium levels had gone down instead of up and it was too dangerous to do surgery. My friend Tess had just left a few minutes earlier, and she was just walking in her front door when they called to tell her to come back and get me. Pretty funny. Was going to try for the next week, but decided to just postpone til the potassium gets sorted. Been getting better and can actually walk without the cane for a bit, so have now decided to put it off indefinitely. If whatever happened to my knee happens again, then I will reconsider.

The thing is, I have been completely exhausted ever since, so I can imagine how I would feel if I’d actually had the surgery. No wonder they say recovery takes longer with fibro/cfs. Sheesh.

Had to go for more blood work yesterday, then opted to go shopping with Tess for a bit. Grocery store and Benny’s. A bit painful, but fun. I haven’t really been out except for doctor/hospital stuff since September, I think. It was a gorgeous day, too.

On more of the plus side, the Saturday before the non-surgery, my friend Beth came up and completely reorganized my entire kitchen. Cupboards, drawers, everything. I am so keeping her. Tess, too. She has driven me to every single appointment. How lucky am I to have such great friends? Pretty lucky, I’d say. *smile*

So happy December, everyone. Today was the first day of meteorological winter in New England. I know cause Harvey Leonard told me so, along with lots of other weather info over the years he’s been on Boston tv. It’s all good.

Have to go feed the Gertrude now. She is getting pushy.