>Well, Darn

I was so planning to get to bed early tonight so I could start fresh tomorrow with a PLAN, but here I am still up at 1am. Wanted to get something done tomorrow, after spending the last several days in a funk, still wearing my pajamas all day. My life needs structure. I can’t seem to DO structure. Structure means pressure. Pressure to be up by a certain time, to be in bed by a certain time. I am not good at that. Pressure makes me nervous. Keeps me awake. Causes anxiety, really. Life is so much easier if I just play on the computer and not think about anything. Thinking is pressure. Pressure is not good. Not at all. So I avoid it if at all possible.

I changed the videos. Not just music this time, but still good. I hope.

>The Day After

>This is NOT my house.

Yes, today I am celebrating the day after Thanksgiving. You know, the day when I do NOT go to the malls and fight the crowds and spend too much money on things that will be broken and/or forgotten by January sixth. Is this really what the holiday is about? Originally, it was a Solstice celebration, marking the time the days begin getting longer, the slow return of warmth and growing things. That is what I choose to celebrate, and it doesn’t involve money. Just joy. I bemoan the fact that we have commercialized every possible holiday, and forget what they really represent. So I choose not to participate. Any gifts I give would be to people who already have more of everything than most people on the planet. So I would give to Heifer International in their name. Does this make me a smug, better-than-you person, a too-cheap-and-lazy-to-find-gifts person? Gee, I hope not. Because that’s not what I intend. I just think that if I do have any money to spare, it should go to those who have little or nothing, not to those that do. Of course, I still buy things for myself, like Farscape DVDs, so how does that fit into my view of myself? What do you think, readers? Am I just a poor excuse for a human being, or what?

Today is also the day I always put up the lights and other decorations, back when I still those things. I usually don’t decorate at all anymore, except maybe I will put up my tiny fiber-optic tree with the white lights. It is very cheery in the dark of winter. I like winter, I like lights. It’s all good.

>Happy Thanksgiving

>I am home on my own today, but will be celebrating with friends in a few days. It’s another gray day, but 51 degrees, so while it looks winterish, it doesn’t feel that way. I’ve been remembering past holidays, when I would have gotten up early to start preparing the turkey and the rest of the meal. Thanksgiving is all about the food. Traditional dishes from both families combined in a meal of new traditions. His family always had Waldorf Salad and green chili salsa. Mine always had candied sweet potatoes (NO marshmallows, thank you very much) and my father’s special baked beans baked with bacon strips on top. Yum does not describe it. I made up my own stuffing recipe, with all the things I like in it. Things like celery and walnuts and apples. It was good, and the prep of the dishes was fun. Do I miss it? Sometimes. I miss the family time, the smells of turkey cooking and candles burning.

Before we moved to New England, we always had two holiday dinners every Thanksgiving, and every Christmas. First at my parents’ house for mid-day dinner, then to his parents’ house for a late dinner. His family lived in a very small house, but a lot of extended family came for dinner, so it was always very noisy and crowded and fun.

Being ill takes some of the sting out of being alone, I think. If I was healthy, I would probably be bemoaning my fate, or else I would be having my own Thanksgiving with anyone I could find to come over and share dinner with. Now I really love going to my friends’ house and spending the time with their extended family. Before there were small children to contend with, we used to play games after dinner and get pretty rowdy playing them. Pit comes to mind. Yelling, banging on the table, laughing hysterically. Or Trivial Pursuit. My kind of fun. Now we are more subdued, but still have a great time. I’m fortunate to have good friends who include me in their celebrations.

I think today I will see if there are any marathons on tv, and if not, I have my new DVDs and Babylon Five from Netflix to watch. Or I will just play on here and read fan fic. There is a LOT of fan fic. I also have leftover Chinese food to eat. I hope everyone has a lovely day.

>A Good Day

>This picture is definitely not me, but I am having a good day. Slept well, woke up in a great mood. Doing actual household stuff in between sitting here playing on computer. Rearranging bedroom. Have to do this stuff on a good day, because otherwise it will never get done. So it’s worth it even if it means recovery days will follow. That was it. Just a quick update.

>McGee is The MAN

It was pretty cool. I love shout-outs to the fans, like Nathan, Firefly, Castle. If only RTD cared about his audience as much. We can’t have everything, I guess. But here’s the bit:

Feeling weak and shaky again today. This has happened before, and I just view it as a temporary relapse. I will feel better. Say it fifty times and maybe it will happen. Mind over body. Does that really work?

>Stephen Colbert Clip

A very funny guy. This plays automatically, so be prepared:


On the illness front, spent most of yesterday sleeping off pain. Better today, but in general feel like crap. I was doing well for awhile. It was nice. I will do better again, I always do.


>Not getting into it, but I love this protest.

Been having lots of leg pain since going out the other day. Limping around with the ow! ow! ow! going on. Not sure what to do about the getting less mobile as time goes on. I have tried to do more walking or other exercise at different times, but it only seems to make things worse. It’s the old catch-22. If I don’t exercise, my muscles get weak and thus it is harder to move. If I exercise, my muscles stay weak and I have a lot more pain. How does one fix that? I’d like to try some totally off-the-wall, guaranteed-to-cure-what-ails-you diet, but they all require preparing food for cooking and then cooking it. I don’t have that kind of energy, most days. Is there a catch-99, cause I think I’m in it. If I was rich, I’d hire my own private chef, but since I’m not Oprah, and don’t care to be, I guess that’s not in the cards.

I did clean out my Aerogarden today, and ditched the basils, which had sort of gone by the by. I’m trying to salvage a bit of each, but don’t know if they will take root or not. I put a couple of the smallest tomato plants in three of the slots, so maybe they’ll actually grow. They are not doing at all well in the pot, but I left the rest in there anyway. The things that have done the best, probably because I didn’t trim back the others as well as I should have, are the parsley, the thyme, and the mint. I also moved the whole shebang onto the tiny counter by the far side of the stove, and put the new toaster oven in it’s place. Love my toaster oven. It actually makes real toast, not warm bread, or burnt bread. I’ve cooked some bacon in it, too, and it’s fast and does a great job. I’m going to try baking something in it, as soon as I get up the energy to bake something in it. It was 30 dollars in Walmart, and well worth it.

This is the Neilsen book week, started Thursday, and so far I’ve only watched about three hours of tv, one of them On Demand. There’s no place to write On Demand viewing, so I just put it in a regular slot but said it was OD. Will they care? Do I? You can comment in the back, so I said I prefer On Demand or Hulu because I get too annoyed with the incessant commercial breaks to watch regular tv much. I don’t think they’ll care about that, either. Nobody wants to hear my opinions on these things. I do not understand why. No, no I don’t. That’s all, folks.

>Veteran’s Day

>It’s Veteran’s Day here in the United States. How fortunate we are to have men and women willing to go off and fight and sometimes die to keep us free. Unfortunately, a lot of us use that freedom to discriminate against gays, people of color, people of religions other than the particular one we cling to. They forget that wars are fought and people die so ALL of us can be free, not just the ones who look, act, and believe as we do. Free means we all have the same rights under the law. ALL of us.

Veterans of all wars deserve our utmost respect, and all the benefits and help we can provide when needed. I’ve known some veterans in my life. My father, who came home with a life-long injury, my father-in-law, my brother-in-law who came home a drug addict, my high-school friend who came home from Viet Nam with no legs, my husband’s best friend and best man at our wedding who came home from Nam in a body bag. For them, I choose not to discriminate, not to judge, not to live as though my way were the only way and anyone who doesn’t agree does not deserve to have the same protections of the law that I do. I choose freedom and equal rights for every human. I hope you will, too.

>A good day and some cool stuff

Not feeling quite as good as I have been, but not too much more pain. Went out today to do a bit of shopping with a friend, and mostly sat on a bench and enjoyed the lovely fall day while she went off to find a tea-strainer at a kitchen store. It was gray, but had that quality of light that I find indescribable, but which combined with the almost leafless trees and the fall colors just makes me feel very contented. I couldn’t find a good picture, so you’ll just have to use your imagination. Here’s a picture of the Tardis instead. I should start taking my camera with me when I go out. Here are a couple of things from today’s internet:

1. Do you like Legos? I used to play with them as a kid. I don’t think I will take them up again, but I do like seeing what others do with them on this site:


2. Remember the Berlin Wall? More great pictures from Boston.com here:

>Jury Duty/Madmen

>If you don’t watch Madmen, what is wrong with you? Kidding, just kidding. Last night’s season finale was the best episode yet of a show that was already unbelievably well written and acted. Jon Hamm is so good at displaying the dark side, the soft side, the ruthless side, the uncertain side (yes, I know that’s a lot of sides, folks). It is a pleasure to watch him. The rest of the cast are just as amazing. Check out this show if you haven’t seen it before. You won’t be sorry.

On the other issue, I have been called again for jury duty. Now, I would love to do my civic duty and sit on a jury. Unless of course it was a gory murder with pictures. But I think it would be fascinating to see how the justice system really works, as opposed to how we think it works from watching tv. If I were well, I would do this without a second thought. But since I am not well, I need a letter from my doctor. I had one last time I was called, and I thought it was a permanent disqualifying letter, but apparently not. New doctor now, and I’ve only seen him twice, so I hope this doesn’t become a big deal. I get tired. I get stressed. When I am tired and/or stressed, I cannot think well. I cannot remember things. It would be wrong to put me in a position of deciding on someone else’s guilt or innocence if my brain is not working well. I hope my doctor gets this. I need to call him tomorrow and get this sorted out.

I spent my whole life not being called for jury duty, and now I have been called twice since I became ill. What’s that about?

>But They’re Just So Fun


You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times…

You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings

Whether you’re carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

You Are 20% Sociopath

You’re empathetic, loyal, and introspective.

In other words, there’s no way you’re a sociopath… but you can spot one pretty easily!

You Are Very Joyful

You may not be happy all of the time, but you experience frequent moments of joy in your life.

There are moments so perfect that time has stood still and you wish you could freeze it forever.

You are so joyful because you appreciate the small things in life. You know joy is more about who you are than what you have.

You are thankful to be alive, and you know that things could be a lot worse. You are content with your life.

>Too Much Sci-Fi

Yes, I know I watch too much sci-fi, but seriously. Look at these pictures and tell me this creature doesn’t look like something from outer-space. There are a lot of creatures that would make great aliens in sci-fi shows, but are actually inhabitants of planet Earth. That is so cool.


>My Day So Far

>Got up at 10:30. Yay, me. Didn’t stay up til three playing on computer.

Lots of pain from being out yesterday. Hobbled to couch. Turned on tv. Ate three digestive biscuits while surfing and checking grid. Nothing but dreck, dreck, and more dreck on tv. Decide to take a shower.

Take shower, pain still there with addition of fatigue.

Lay down on bed to recover. Get cold. Get under covers. Fall asleep. Wake up at 4:30pm.

Pain better. Go to couch, turn on tv, watch talking heads. Feed cat. Drink milk.

Turn on computer.

My life is almost too exciting to bear. HA!