It’s An Anniversary!

WredhousesnowSeven years ago today, I made my first post. Wasn’t sure if I had anything to contribute, and the jury is still out on that. But I enjoy it, and sometimes it helps to just write down my feelings and frustrations with illness, and life, and the moronic things we humans do, think, and believe. I’ve made a couple of good friends, one of whom I’ve since lost touch with again, and have had a few comments here and there. There are some very interesting people out there, who I would not have known about if it weren’t for comments.

I’d like to say I’ve come a long way in those seven years, but I seem to be still in the same place I was when I started, as far as illness goes. Pain, fatigue, sleep issues, frustration. It gets worse and better, worse and better, but it never goes away. I have become much more isolated that I was at the beginning, which has been quite hard, but I have adjusted. I had some difficult and debilitating experiences going out on my own, so sort of just gave it up. I do like going out, but if I get tired, or the pain gets too much, I lose my ability to think well, and do not want to get stuck not being able to figure out how to get back home. That is scary. I have a cell phone now, which I didn’t at the beginning, so that’s a good thing. I could call a friend, or a cab if I needed to. But the damage has been done, and I just got used to not going out.

I realized a couple of days ago, that I have been very angry for awhile, and am not any longer. A friend suggested that it might have been caused by my body’s trying to adjust to the changing doses of Prednisone, thanks for nothing, doctor. Whatever the reason, I did not enjoy being angry, and am glad it’s gone. Doesn’t mean I feel any better about the right-wing idiots and the bigots and the homophobes, and the people who blindly follow them, but I can deal with it better now. I really am mostly happy, in spite of depression creeping in here and there. I’m happy to be off the meds after so many years, too, and don’t seem to be suffering for it. I do try to notice though, so I don’t miss if I start circling the black hole again. Never want to go there again.

The best thing about blogging is that it got me interested in reading other blogs, and I read a lot of them regularly now. The list has changed over the years, but I read tech blogs, political blogs, some personal blogs, anything that catches my interest. There’s a blog on just about any subject you can imagine. I have learned a lot, been exposed to a lot of different points of view, and gotten insights into how people in other countries view my country. I like the internet, and I’ve said this before, but it cuts out all the baggage we bring to interacting with other people. I can’t see what color your skin is, or how you dress, or hear your accent, or be exposed to any of the other things that we use to judge people before we even meet them. On the internet, you can just dive right into what’s important to you, or to them, and get on with the conversation. That is a very good thing, I think. We get to know people for who they are, rather than who our prejudices tell us they are. Subconscious prejudice is still prejudice, and we may not even realize how it colors our views of other people. Eliminating that give us the ability to just get to know someone from a clean slate. I like that.

So if you’re out there, and you’re seeing this, if you’d like to comment, I’d like to read your comments. If not, well, I hope I bring something to the conversation, even if it’s just to say that good can be found in life, no matter the circumstances, if you just give yourself a chance to notice. We can all focus on what’s wrong with the world, with our friends, with our families, with ourselves, or we can take just a moment to see a little something more. Take time to have a laugh every day, it makes a difference. The Big Bang Theory always makes me laugh. Or LOLCats. Or I Can Has Cheezburger. It’s a good thing.

I wish all of you out there a happy, healthy, safe and free-from-fear new year.

My Lovely Computer

And other tech thingies I own. So anyway, there is a discussion on Lifehacker about leaving tabs open. I open things I find onto new tabs that open at the far end of the tab bar, then just read across when I’ve finished the one I’m on. I save them all in a new bookmark if I don’t have time to read them all. A comment in the discussion (not to me) was, “You are a digital hoarder.” LOL I think I am actually an information junkie. I love new things to read and learn about. At one point I had over 7,000 bookmarks, but I think I’ve cut that back some. Thank the goddesses that it is not all info on paper. I would have to rent an extra apartment just to store it.

The IT ClubI know I’ve posted this before, but I love this show. The IT Crowd. Also, I love my electronics. My windows to the world. My life would be so much poorer without them. I have a friend in Finland whom I would not have even known existed without my computer. How great is that? I read blogs written by people all over the world. I comment, they comment back. It’s interactions I would not have without my computer. I see pictures of places and things I was not aware were out there. I read articles about any subject imaginable. I learn new things all the time. If we ever get that EMP from the aliens, or the sun does it for them, IDEK how I will manage. Alone, alone, alone. That is my life, and my computer means it is not absolute. That’s it. Just another rambling-on post. It’s what I do. LOL


I am not doing as well as I was, thanks to my doctor messing with my meds.  I have been pretty depressed lately because of it, and yesterday I was feeling very stressed and on the verge of an anxiety attack. Haven’t had one in quite a long time. I am trying to rally and work at being “normal”.  Ha!  I dropped crumbled bacon bits on the floor right off (very bad if cat eats pork). Made a mess trying to cook a pancake, because I don’t do mornings, and there’s the reason for that.  I usually have coffee for breakfast, and even that rarely goes well.  Messes R Us.

Took a break decide to attempt crocheting something.  I used to make a lot of crocheted items.  Had to cut off my tangle of yarn twice, but opted not to try again after the second time.  Another break, decided to cook something that has been needing it for a bit.  Trying cheese danish with crescent rolls.  Didn’t do too bad, only small mess, but they are baking, so the verdict is not in yet.  Also steamed broccoli that was getting past its goodness date, forgot to lower heat, black pan and semi-blackened broccoli.  Haven’t started to grate the cheese yet.  Probably a bad idea anyway.  Feeling very useless, worthless and frustrated, and if I cried, I’d be doing it now.  Oh, well.  Back to the kitchen.  Don’t seem to have any kind of future, so no going back to it.