I don’t see anything about consequences for those in DCF who were involved. This hits home for me because not only did I work in a group home, I have had personal experience with DCF in the past. No experience with them was positive. Not one. In any context. I am saddened for this boy and his siblings, and angry that even after twenty years, nothing has really changed. DCF does not do the job. Sometimes, in my experience, they don’t even bother to try. It’s one more disgrace in this ‘great’ country.
I know, know, know I shouldn’t say this, but I think I am getting better. Again. I actually got the kitchen half-cleaned and even scrubbed the sink. Still have the stove to do, but I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. Unloading the dishwasher is difficult, because pain, but loading is easy. Weird. Not sleeping half the day, either.
I am feeling kind of an inner sadness, because I think I am lonely. It’s been more than a year, and I’ve been out with a friend three times in that year, all of them last summer. Very brief interactions through a doorway just aren’t the same. But I’ll manage. I am on a list again for vaccine. Some day. LOL
Took a couple tests online today. One for Asperger’s. I had taken one a few years ago and this one is different. Then a social anxiety test. Was not surprised at the results of that one. Here are the results.
Here’s some things I found messing about on the laptop today.
I should really just stay off the internet altogether.
“Part of the American dream is class mobility – you’re born poor, you work hard, you get rich. It was possible for a worker to get a decent job, buy a home, get a car, have some children, go to school – it’s all collapsed.” Noam Chomsky 2015
Cats are bendy. I like bendy. 🙂 Here’s some funny things from boredpanda.com about cat and dog people.
Ali Kolbert: Isn’t it weird how we have one million dog greeds and everyone is like ‘goldendoodle’ this or ‘chihuahua mix’ that and if you ask someone what type of cat they have it’s just like ‘an orange one’.
Simon Sinek: The difference between dog people and cat people: dog people wish their dogs were people. Cat people wish they were cats.
+++I just said the other day how I envied my cat. No worries about hair, clothes, cooking, cleaning. Just be and someone feeds you. Yeah.+++
bunny girl: someone said cats are a lesson in consent and so many controlling people hate cats because they can’t control them and I haven’t stopped think about it since.
woke drug guy: Dog people are like this dog costs $3000 and is hypoallergenic. Cat people are like I found this cat in an engine.
PAPERBEATSSCISSORS: dog people hate cats and cat people hate people
Elle M.: People are always like CATS R ELITIST DOGS R THE PETS OF THE COMMON MAN but like 95% of cat acquisition stories are ‘I found him in the garbage and took him home’
Soren Bowie: ……..If you want a loyal friend who trusts and loves you implicitly, get a dog. If you want to know where the ghosts in your house are, get a cat.
+++My cats have all spend inordinate amounts of time staring at absolutely nothing I can see+++
jao: Dog people be like this dog was more expensive than my car. Cat people are this cat entered my house and now I belong to him.
+++Most of our pets when I was a kid came to our door, my mom fed them once, and they never left. We had a gorgeous, lovable, black lab that was the best dog ever. A child could fall asleep on him and he would not move til they woke up. He came to the door and was with us his entire life. We advertised, but no one ever claimed him, thank goodness.+++
ella: cat people: I like cats more but dogs are cool. dog people: cats are the DEVIL!!! I had a cat once and it ATE MY GRANDMA Comment on this one:
troufaki13 Yet it is estimated that nearly 25k people are killed by dogs per year. No deaths are recorded by cat
plant daddy: Dog people always act like dogs are so much better than cats but as a cat person just wanna say that you never see cats working with the cops
Lucy Haber: Dog people: My dog is my CHILD. Cat people: my cat is a fully grown adult human being that I invited to live with me and now is somehow in charge of my entire household.
UberFacts: +++There’s Uber Facts? Seriously? Anyway:+++ On average, cat owners tend to be more intelligent than dog owners, according to researchers from Carroll University. (Cat owners all?) Cat people tend to score higher in sensitivity, open-mindedness and are more likely to possess university degrees.
PAULDOcK: Cat people: ‘people who don’t like cats only hate them because they’re scared of their power & fear their superior intelligence. They’re scared of an animal with independence unlike a f—ing servile pathetic dog.’ Cat: *gets tangled in the blind*
Deb Farnworth-Wood: Some may say dog owners are micro-managers whereas cat owners are more willing to stand back and observe.
+++Seriously, micro-managing a cat is not possible. Have you ever tried to get a cat to do anything it did not already want to do? Seriously?+++
Deniz Vitvitskiji comment: Most of the posts boil down to ‘Cat peole are more accepting than dog people’ at this point.
Another day I slept through most of. I may try to just stay awake til tomorrow night, although sometimes I just can’t stay awake. Can’t sleep when I want, can’t stay awake when I want.
Read a post about cycles. “My ability to do chores improved immensely when I stopped thinking of them as things that can be finished and started thinking of them as cycles. It’s no longer “what do I need to do to get the kitchen clean?” but “where am I in the kitchen cycle?” eg dishes go from the cupboard to the table to the dishwasher and back to the cupboard. If your goal is to finish, you’ll always be in a state of failure. If your goal is to keep momentum going, every little step is a success.”
What a great idea. Maybe it will stop me from feeling like I’m failing life when I can’t keep up with the dishes. ‘Hey, I’m just kind of stuck in one piece of the cycle. A good strong kick should fix that.’ I wish.
Second thing. The NYTimes apparently had people write in to say when they knew things had changed. I knew for sure when my homemaker, who only came to the door, not inside, mentioned she was not feeling well and I shut the door in her face. Rude Jean is still alive.
“Dear Dell I have decided to try this means of letting you know how unhappy I am with this purchase. This is my fourth Dell, and the first time I have had any issues. I purchased this laptop (Inspiron 15 5000, Series 5570) on November 18 , 2018, and set it up November 28th. Fine. Early in January I noticed it was making a hissing sound. I was advised by your people to return it for repair, which I did. I turned it into fedex on January 19, 2019, and it was received by you January 23rd. I was notified some time later that the part was on back-order and there would be a delay. Okay. I was notified a while after that the part was still not available, and did I wish a replacement instead, which would be comparable or perhaps an upgrade. Well, fine. That sounds reasonable, although it’s a new laptop, why do you not have parts for it? Anyway, I received the replacement, and the first thing I saw was a ‘refurbished’ sticker. Wait. I sent a new laptop for repair and was returned a used laptop. I then spent 40 minutes speaking to someone in India, who I could only understand about half of what he said. It mostly boiled down to wanting me to buy protection or telling me (my words here) that the year warranty only applies to parts that work. Those that don’t automatically revert to a thirty-day warranty, which I am now well past. Or to tell me that the refurbished one will work just fine, so what is my problem? (Again, my words.) I reiterated several times that sending me a used laptop to replace my NEW one which had an issue was unacceptable, but it seems there was no recourse for me. So I resigned myself to having spent close to 600 dollars for a used laptop. Then I discovered that no, it does not work fine. I tried everything, reset it, ran every scan, called FIOS to come and check their equipment, but to no avail. Pages don’t load, load to a white screen with an address, screen randomly goes black, it takes several minutes from turning it on to get anywhere online. My old laptop. which I was replacing because it had gotten so clunky, works better. My ten year old desktop works better than either laptop. So I am an extremely unhappy customer, and my fourth Dell will be my last. Good customer service is apparently only a fond memory, and Dell’s reputation has suffered greatly in my estimation. Sincerely, xxxxxxxx, Unhappy Customer.”
I now have an HP, which works just fine. So I guess this is just a ‘buyer beware’ kind of post.
One year ago today was the last time I went out under ‘normal’ circumstances. Of course, I didn’t know it was the last time. Went grocery shopping with my friend Tess, and we probably went to Dunkin’s for a frozen coffee, or to McDonald’s for a hot coffee. Our local Micky D’s makes really good coffee. Surprise.
One year ago tomorrow, my homemaker came for the last time. Again, I didn’t know it was the last time. I was becoming concerned about all the virus talk, so discussed with the agency and my caseworker what to do, and I decided to stop the service. You know, while this thing was going on. A month or two. HA! Several months later, I started it up again, but, as I’ve said here, she comes to the door and I give her lists, checks, laundry, trash, she leaves and comes back with groceries, clean laundry, whatever. All done through the doorway. No one has been in here but me for an entire year.
In that year, I have been out of this apartment six times. Two of those were down to the lobby to get packages because nobody delivers to my door anymore.
I have been out of this building four times. Once was a fire alarm, where everyone who was home wound up standing on the sidewalk while the fire department did their thing. It was idiots on the first floor carrying burning food through the hallway to throw it outside. OMG. And I was the only one wearing a mask, and they all stood in a clump outside the door so I walked upwind from them.
When this started, I was still recovering from being very ill in the previous December. Before covid, but what I had involved serious breathing issues. Got better, took about three months to get over the weakness from being ill. Never completely got over it, though. Did okay til June, when everything started to fall apart. Had been doing the cleaning and all myself, slowly and not really well, but still….and then I couldn’t again. Over time I have gotten weaker and more tired and in general just disintegrating, it seems. Lack of sunlight, probably. And no fresh air over the winter.
At least I have not gotten the virus, and not gone totally stir-crazy from being alone all the time. I was kind of used to being alone most of the time, anyway. Some people have been much less fortunate, and I blame the orange bastard for that. And all the propaganda the media has thrown out over the whole debacle. Really. Free speech is one thing, but deliberately putting out false information and inciting people to be stupid and violent and all the other crap that’s gone down? Something needs to change. It is just disgraceful what has and is going on.
I am feeling cautiously hopeful now that we have a new administration which seems to be actually doing positive things to make our lives better, even though I keep reading about how much they are made of fail. But that is the Republican ‘let’s create our own reality and see how many gullible morons fall for it’. Lots of gullible morons out there, as evidenced by the attempted overthrow of the government. I choose to be hopeful, I choose to look ahead to better times. We’ll see how that goes. Stay safe. Wear a mask. Don’t be a dick. Yours is not the only life at risk.
Came to a realization, after sleeping most of the day and NOT wanting to wake up. Part of the sleeping so much is avoiding life. Life is hard right now. I am alone. The only contact I have with other humans is twice a week through the doorway handing off lists and checks and getting groceries. Probably five minutes or less total per week. The house is actually dirty. It is never dirty, cluttered yes, dirty no. It is dirty…because I am physically incapable of doing what is needed to clean it. I have vacuumed a couple of times, but the last time was so long ago I can’t remember. I am behind on the dishes again because unloading the dishwasher is extremely painful and standing to wash by hand is almost as painful, so I tend to put it and everything else off until ‘I feel better’, which used to happen frequently, but almost never does now. My last shower was over a week ago, because there is a serious danger of falling over, even with the shower seat, so again, putting it off until I feel better. My life has never been in this disastrous a mess. Mainly because when I have been really, really bad, I have had a homemaker who came in and did everything.
I am finally going/gone stir-crazy, I think. I am lonely because I hardly ever even get an email from anyone, even my friend who would always call or email has made other friends and I have once again been left behind or forgotten.
So I am having what one of my children once called a ‘Let’s all feel sorry for mom’ day. I will get over it. I always have so far.
On a brighter not, I have finally, finally opened a window. It is 68 degrees. Time to celebrate. I had to put some Dawn down the tracks first or otherwise I would not be able to open it. They are very difficult to open and that is how I ruined my rotater cuff, so am extra cautious. I am having a deli ham salad sandwich, which is nowhere good as the ham salad I make, but food prep is not happening, and Ruffles. Isn’t the point of Ruffles to have a chip that you can dip? So why are they all either very small pieces or crumbs? This is the second bag I’ve had this year, and both the same. Another brighter side, two new eps of Sisyphus are up on Netflix. I am doing just fine without Prime during the boycott. I have a long ‘to watch’ Netflix list, and maybe 500 fan fics on my Kindle. So reading or watching, I am all set.
THIS IS MY LIFE
A brief example of life with pain. Night before last I was eating deli potato salad at 3am, again nothing like any homemade potato salad I have ever eaten, but I was eating it so I could take an Aleve without doing more damage to my stomach than the ten zillion pain pills I’ve taken have done, because I was in so much pain I just wanted to cry.
I know I get really pissed at the morons in the world, and it shows in my posts, but I always try to keep the illness ones at least a bit lighter because I never want anyone to feel sorry for me or pity me or whatever. It is what it is, and I live with it, and I still enjoy life every day. But sometimes, sometimes, I just wish I was a ‘normal’ person again and could do what I need to do, do what I want to do, just do, and one whose every single movement did not involve pain. It is never going to happen, so please be patient when I have one of these days, dear readers. I do get over it. Eventually. 🙂
“Each of us has a short ride on this earth and as long as we stay in our lane, and don’t affect someone else’s ride, we should be allowed to drive as we see fit.” Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty, in an article supporting legalization of same-sex marriage.
There’s a Tumblr post about people helping people by paying for their groceries when they are putting things back because of not enough cash, and a discussion about people thinking anyone who does that is a fool and is being duped. And I think I’m cynical. Always opt to help. If it’s a scam, so you got scammed once. That doesn’t mean that every one in need is scamming you, and if you actually believe they are, you are in worse shape than someone with not enough money. This quote came out of that post. Words to live by. ‘Do Good Recklessly.’ Whether it might be a scam or not.
There is a boycott of Amazon from today, March 7, through March 13th, in support of workers attempting to unionize. If you know anything about Amazon’s workplace practices, you must know that unionizing is vital for the employees. I have no problem showing my support by boycotting Amazon for this week. I’d like to boycott them forever, but it just is not possible. 😦
My sleep schedule is so screwed up. Slept til one yesterday afternoon, up all night, and am having toast with butter and honey and a Viking Thaw, at six o’clock in the morning. This is not the least bit frustrating. Not even. Right. LOL
I don’t know how to fix this. I seem to have no control over what my body wants to do or when it wants to do it. Body says ‘sleep’, I sleep. Body says ‘stay wide awake’, here I am. Wide awake. It’s 6 a.m. Did I mention that? 🙂
Spring is sprunging. It was 14 degrees fahrenheit at 7am. 14 degrees.
Took a muscle relaxer last night, since they work like knock-out pills on a good day. Woke up at 7am. In the morning. In pain. Lots of pain. Took three 8-hour Tylenol and am having yogurt. If the pain meds actually work, I am hoping to get the kitchen sorted today. I am so behind on everything that I am able to do on my own, because I haven’t been doing any of it. I don’t even have enough whatever to make coffee every morning. I mean, how easy is coffee? I will be so glad when I can have a homemaker come in again and get things sorted.
Am still rather discouraged by all that’s going on, but am trying not to read too much or think about it too much. It gets really hard to even scroll through Twitter briefly. So much negativity. Lots about all the bad stuff Biden is doing. Where were these people when the orange man was doing his horrible stuff? On the one hand, we have a cult of orange man worshipers, willing to believe any thing that comes out of his mouth, as is wont for cults, and on the other hand, we have people who at least seem to be trying to do the right things. It’s very frustrating.
I am watching a couple of good shows on Netflix. One is ‘Sisyphus’, a sci-fi weird show. I love sci-fi weird shows. The other is ‘My Holo Love’ a Korean sort of romance about a woman and an AI and his creator. Kind of light and fun. With a bit of sci-fi thrown in. Oh, hell. I love sci-fi. LOL Listening to my AWOL Nation station on Pandora. Imagine Dragons ‘Natural’ is playing right now. Good stuff.
Trying to develop a positive attitude, since I am up in the actual morning for a change, and feeling hopeful for accomplishing something today. So right on Jean. I hope. 🙂
strangely peculiar 