THIS

Another time, my dad gave 50 bucks to a guy who said he needed to buy medicine for his kids. I told my dad he was probably going to spend the money on alcohol or something, but my dad said that β€œwhether he was lying or not says something about HIS character, but hearing someone in need and choosing not to help when I have the means to says something about mine”.

β€œWHETHER HE WAS LYING OR NOT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER, BUT HEARING SOMEONE IN NEED AND CHOOSING NOT TO HELP WHEN I HAVE THE MEANS TO SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT MINE”

WALMART AND I

Are not having a good relationship. I did an order a couple of weeks(?) ago that was not delivered because lack of drivers. Seriously? Did an order yesterday, confusing screw-up, wound up getting a refund and the order (good customer service, anyway), and I signed up for the free Paramount + you can get with Walmart+, which I have. Went to watch something. None of the videos I selected are available. None. WTF? I guess it’s true you get what you pay for. I paid nothing, and I got nothing. Sheesh, Walmart.

On the other hand, I have ordered twice from Target with their Shipt thing, and got both orders within a couple of hours. There was a problem with one thing I wanted not being available, and had a very nice phone conversation with the shopper who told me exactly what was there to be had (it was a dry erase board) and I picked a replacement.

Walmart needs to seriously up their game, delivery-wise. Their everyday low prices are not really that low, either.

It has gone from hot and sticky to OMG I am freezing. It got down to 41 last night, according to my phone. Blankets. Long sleeves. Hot drinks. Fireplaces. Happy days are here again. LOLOL

Winter cozy hot chocolate in front of window, snow, sweater. Lazy weekend, love, comfort

COLD

Had to close the living room window because cold north wind was blowing straight in. Brrr. Bad day yesterday, better day today. No idea why, but not complaining. Signed up for Paramount + through Walmart + and am picking shows to watch. Scrolling around, suddenly there is Tom Cavanagh, on an old Smithsonian show about the museum. Well, I would watch Tom Cavanagh read the phone book, as they say, so am going to learn about The Smithsonian. Yay, I think.

So I mentioned yesterday was not a great day, and last night I was thinking about my life and it occurred to me that I don’t have a future anymore. Don’t need to buy new things, the old pots and pans are fine, so is the old phone, etc. Kind of hit me where I live. Of course, I was beginning to feel like I am never going to get any better, and this is my life from now on, barely able to shove something in the microwave for dinner, and hobbling around hanging onto my cane with two hands. Then today, here I am, much better. Life is weird.

Have my Caramelldansen channel playing on Pandora, which always helps my mood. Fast music, with a strong beat, lots of Imagine Dragons. It’s all good. So better day, and I think cold weather and sunny days help a lot. Be safe people. I still wear my mask around people every time. I have enough to cope with already, thank you very much. πŸ™‚

Imagine Dragons

WELL, DRAT

Getting worse every day, it seems. Not sure what to do. Call doctor ask for phone consult, make an appointment. Getting places is always an issue. Bah humbug. On the bright side, just discovered my homemaker can shop at Market Basket, which is quite a ways away. It used to be they could only shop at the closet store. This has made me happy.

This is from Bored Panda. America the “great”. Ha.

SEPTEMBER IS HERE

So hoping the hot and stickies will be gone now. We’ll see. I have gone back to 5 mg pred instead of alternative 4/5, in hopes this will help with the pain and exhaustion. It usually takes a week or more to work, but fingers crossed. If it doesn’t help, I will need to see the doctor, because something is going on for sure. But it’s September. Autumn has begun. My favorite season. Apples, winter squash, leaves, cool weather. School supplies. I miss having to buy school supplies.

Ordered some packaged food, the kind you just zap or add water and zap. Cooking is just not happening. I can barely manage to make the coffee or toast an eng muff some days. So over this.

Trees across the street are really hurting. Some dead twigs full of leaves, the rest of the leaves seem to be shriveling up. It has never been this bad in my memory. I read that it may come to doing some sort of in-home rationing, as well as lawns and all. Although how that would be enforced is beyond me. I don’t use a lot of water, especially since showers are getting further and further apart, because too exhausted. Even with a shower seat, it is very exhausting. Not sure why. Laundry goes to the laundromat, but that’s only about twice a month, since I just kind of schlep around in my sleep clothes most of the time. Seersucker pants and a tee shirt. Comfort clothing for the win. Wash the unders by hand, which uses very little water, and don’t have a lot of dishes to be washed, either. I am such a good citizen. Or maybe it’s just that I have no life, so don’t need a lot of resources to get by. πŸ™‚

Hard to see, but all those twigs should not be visible, the tree should be fully covered with green leaves.

Hope this autumn goes better for us all than the last several have. Please vote. I know it’s hard, I had to google the people running in my area, cause I only knew anything about those running for higher offices. All offices matter, cause that’s how the fanatics got in. Get elected as dog catcher, work your way up, next thing you know, we have fanatical morons running our country. It matters that you vote, and it really matters who you vote for. Most of us know how to do a web search. It doesn’t take that long to get info on each candidate and where they stand on the issues that matter to you. I use Duck Duck Go, not Google, but it’s easier to say google. LOL Happy Autumn, all of you. Be safe.

Plymouth Harbor, Mass. in September. Constantine Gregory

IT RAINED

Not enough to do any good, but some is better than none, I guess. Bad night, couldn’t sleep, bad day, lots of pain and slept some this morning and again this afternoon. Had plans, things I wanted to get done. I should know better than to ever make plans, because my body always steps up and says, ‘Nope. Not happening.’ Stupid body.

Just finished another good book. Mrs. Saint and the Defectives, by Julie Lawson Timmer. Right before that one was The Storied Life of A.J.Fikry, by Gabrielle Zevin. Not your usual run-of-the-mill books, but interesting and quirky and really good, both of them. One of the Amazon downloads I mentioned a while back was really, really good, too. About a gay Muslim man and his struggles with his life and his family, but not in a negative depressing way. I liked it a lot and couldn’t put it down. It is This Way Out, by Tufayel Ahmed. I found all three of these to be very good reads.

Anastasia Neibauer

Reading helps a lot when you are not feeling great, taking your mind off your moanie-groanies. I’ll try to remember to post books I’ve read and like more often. πŸ™‚

WELL THIS IS DISTURBING

Some of the leaves on the trees across the street are dying. The trees have looked a bit wonky for a week or so, and yesterday there was one yellow leaf on one tree, and today there are quite a few leaves on both that are just done. We are in a severe drought here in Mass., and we have had droughts in New England before, but I never remember anything like leaves just up and dying from lack of moisture. I took a couple of pictures, but they seem to have vanished. Weird.

HERE’S HOW IT’S GOING

So well. After that relatively okay day, it was just pain every day. Body pain, not fibro pain. No idea what the problem is. It’s been great weather though, but still no rain. Anyway, here’s today so far. It is about 6:30 pm. Up at 9, took a shower, fed cat, was going to make coffee but needed to sit a bit first. Sat til noon or 1pm, ate some crackers and peanut butter during that time, since they are here on the coffee table from last night. Then I had a nap. Til 4pm. Messed about on laptop, got dressed, am now cooking some corn dogs (I love corn dogs with mustard) in the toaster oven and drinking a root beer with some half and half in it. Taste like a float, but no need for ice cream. πŸ™‚ So now I’m awake, not in too much pain, and have a bit of energy. Now. In a couple of months it will be pitch dark at this time of day. Do I really want this to be my morning? No. How do I change this? I have tried everything I’ve ever come across and nothing works. I’d just like to have a ‘normal’ day where I can do what’s needed, and some of just what I want to do as well. But noooo. Thanks for nothing, Mother Nature.

FINALLY

I have made a connection between weather and how I feel. It is 30 degrees cooler today, and I am feeling much less pain and more energy. Nothing has changed but the temp/humidity levels. Maybe I will get something done. Hey, it could happen. Possibly maybe. There is some food prep I need to do for some things I want to make. Tuna burgers. I need to chop celery and cube cheddar, and chop some onion I think. Then there is this Jiffy cornbread mix thing I make with cubed deli ham, crushed pineapple, whole kernel corn, and a mix of melted butter, mustard and brown sugar in the bottom of the baking dish. Very tasty.

My garbage disposal has given up on me. No idea why, but there is just no power when I flip the switch. Kitchen lights haven’t worked for years, and the filters have not been change nor the ducts cleaned in an even longer time. So no air conditioner all summer. I do like the foot-thick walls, and the trees outside my windows, but it would be nice if we had actual maintenance again, and a landlord who did his landlord job, which is NOT just collecting money from us, in spite of what he may think.

Signed up for a free trial of PBS Living, and last night I watched the first ever episode of The French Chef. Made me laugh. She talked about how it’s okay to use a towel for something since we have electric washing machines now, and she mentioned the ‘icebox’, which is what we all used to call it back when. We had an actual ice box when I was a kid in Colorado. And an iceman that we used to chase after for ice chips, just like in the old movies. God, I am old. But I learned a lot from that show way back when we first moved here.

Then I watched the first episode of Great Performances: Now Hear This, which was about Vivaldi and violins. I love The Four Seasons, but had never really heard it explained what exactly I was hearing. Dogs barking, cuckoos cuckooing. It was amazing and such beautiful music. The host visited several violin makers in Italy, and then played one movement on all four of them. One in particular had such a gorgeous, almost haunting sound to it. If you like classical at all, I highly recommend this program. I plan to watch it again, that’s how much I l liked it.

Another great show is Weekends With Yankee. OMG New England is beautiful. So beautiful. I have never regretted for one second moving here. Some snaps from the second episode. Hope they don’t mind.

Fall in Maine
Fall in New Hampshire

And this is just because yes. Yes I do.

HMMM. IT’S AUGUST

floretflowers.com

I did know that. Almost missed my friend’s anniversary yesterday, because I am very out-to-lunch mentally lately. Once my therapists stopped coming, I fell into a sort of ‘wtf is the point of anything anyway?’ mentality. Stopped doing everything. Stopped caring. But today, I am a bit back to ‘normal’, I think. It always takes a while to get used to being alone all the time. But I do it, eventually.

Having more pain again, too, and still tired all the time. Apparently it can take months to recover from severe blood loss, and already having a chronic illness does not help with that recovery.

I have been watching movies. Signed up for free trials of some streamers and am watching whatever looked good before the trials are over. There are some good movies out there, in spite of all the Marvel and DC dreck taking up so much space. After Yang, Columbus, Summerland are just a few really good ones I watched. Slow, slow, slow movies. Very little action. Took a bit of adjusting expectations and patience, but worth it. Also watched The Conversation with Gene Hackman, another slow movie, and really weird and did not love it. Whenever I see Gene Hackman, I remember seeing him once on some show, talking about being a small boy and watching his father drive away, leaving the family forever. Broke my heart. You never get over trauma like that. I wondered, as I watched the movie, if his father ever saw him being a famous actor, or did he just forget about his son altogether. Very sad.

We are under yet another heat advisory here in Mass. I have been pretty fortunate in that where I live has foot thick walls and the heat so far has not penetrated them. A couple of fans is all I’ve needed. Only two days did I really notice it was hot and sticky in here. Think of all the money I saved not using the a/c, too. Thinking I might call housing to ask if I can have the filters changed and the ducts cleaned and deduct the cost from the rent. Maybe get the kitchen lights fixed, too, if I can do deducting stuff. Probably not, but I can dream.

Bought a ten pound bag of Blue Buffalo Wilderness no grain no chicken for Miss G, since they have discontinued some of the flavors I was getting and I wanted to get something good for her. This one is salmon, venison, halibut. No duck or pheasant or rabbit or any of the other things I used to get. Fish. Oh, well. No grain and no chicken is important, I think.

I have been a bit unfocused, along with everything else. Can’t think what to do next, or what needs doing. Want to do a grocery order, but just looking at all the choices, my brain says it’s time for a rest break. Lots of reading going on. Some weird books out there. There was a free amazon download a while back, and some of those books I would never have chosen, but turned out to be pretty good or at least interesting. Don’t know where I’d be if I couldn’t read. It fills all the time I am in pain or too exhausted to move, so I am not just laying here being miserable. Reading is a very good thing. That’s it for now. Be safe, people. Wear your masks.

IDEK

What happened? I had a good day. I cleared off the table. I rearranged the kitchen and got the cart out of there finally. Of course that means everything is now in the bedroom, but it’s kind of just the box room now, anyway. I sleep on the couch. Tomorrow may be a unable to move kind of day, but I got things done. You cannot imagine how good that feels after so long being barely functional. Pictures. That one of the floor is my homemaker’s idea of clean. She’s really nice, though. πŸ™‚ And I need to get a wall-mount lamp. The overhead lights do not work, and the landlord does not care. πŸ™‚

There was a cart there with the microwave and toaster oven and it was such a pain to move it everytime I needed to open the dishwasher. So gone. Finally. Still a work in progress which is why the stove is a mess.
That’s the flower pot that is corroding or something. It’s going out. Way out.
NOT a clean floor, but I just love the cat dish.

STILL STRUGGLING

With more than just exhaustion and weakness, though. In many ways, I am better than I was before the hospital. Much less pain, back is better, less brain fog. All good things, but all make me realize how limited my life has become. I want to go to Target and get a couple of bath towels I found on line. I can’t go to Target. How would I get there? Would I have enough energy to get back home after. Taking the bus needs a lot of energy. I have never used Lyft, although my DD encourages me to try it. I am leery of doing things alone, because when I get tired, my brain stops working and I can’t think of how/what/when/why. My friend that I used to do things with has made a lot of new friends and has a whole new life now, one I am no longer really part of. One of the hazards of chronic illness, people drop away, and you are just left behind. I should be used to it. I am used to it. It’s still hard, though. So, as one of my children once said, ‘oh, let’s all feel sorry for mom.’ But don’t. Not looking for pity, just there is no one to talk to and so here I am.

On a much brighter note, the myofascial release my therapist did on my hip actually seems to have completely fixed the problem. No more pain, no keeping me awake cause I can’t get comfortable. It took about five or ten minutes in one spot on my hip, and voila! Miracles happen, it seems.

Today is meant to be the hottest of this run, and tomorrow will start to cool down. According to Wunderground ten-day forecast, anyway. Still okay with windows open and just a fan blowing on me. Yay.

I cooked. Bacon. And baked a potato. Have not cooked in some time. And I think it’s all ready now, so lunch it is. Or late breakfast. Got up at noon, cause I was really, really tired.

Stay safe, wear your masks, and if you’re living in this heat, drink a lot of water. d:)

UPDATE

I am getting better. Finally. Was able to do a few things yesterday, dishes, clean off the stove, move a couple of small things. Better. And today, the Occupational Therapist had some helpful exercises to do to get my body moving more easily first thing, when it is always hardest to walk or stand straight or whatever. She also did some gentle massage on my back, and then I could stand straight and walk easily. Wow! I am impressed. Really hope it lasts, but not going to hold my breath. LOL

It is very hot and icky outside, but I still have the windows open and just a fan blowing on me and am quite comfortable. Amazing. I refuse to use the central air because the filters have not been changed nor the ducts cleaned in several years, and not likely to happen any time soon. Landlords. Not my favorite group of people. Someone pointed out that dirty ducts and filters could be a fire hazard, too. Oh, yay. I’m sure other people in my building probably are using the central air, and their filters and ducts have not been cleaned, either.

My DD and her S.O., and two of my good friends all have covid. They are all vaccinated and I know my DD is super cautious, so be as safe as you possibly can. Wear your mask, even if you think you don’t need to. The life you save could be yours, or it could be someone you love. This is apparently not going away and just keeps mutating, so the idea that it’s over is just not true. Sucks, I know, but it is what it is and we need to learn to live it it I guess.

Wish it would rain. It used to rain for days at a time, but that never happens any more. I like rain. Drat. Oh, well. Be safe, be kind, and have as much fun as you possibly can every single day.

MY NEW FAVORITE QUOTE

β€œWhen the power of love is greater than the love of power, there will be peace.” β€” Jimi Hendrix

So, I have been kind of struggling with the weakness and fatigue, but I do have moments here and there where I feel pretty okay. Finally got the VNA to visit and am going to get in-home physical therapy and possibly occupational therapy, too. The first to help me regain strength, and the second, which I really hope I get, to help me figure out how to do things more efficiently with severe fatigue. Not getting a home health aide, but that’s okay, because I am better than I have been so ca really get by without. Would like more homemaker time. I mean, I have the hours, there just isn’t anyone to fill them. One thing that is NOT helping is that I cannot tolerate the iron pills. They really mess up my stomach, so just have to figure out iron-rich foods that don’t need a lot of prep, and eat them. The nurse said Cream of Wheat has iron. Cream of Wheat. Seriously? LOL

Been ordering from Walmart for grocery delivery. Cannot eat one more salad, so got some frozen meals instead. And cut up fresh fruit. VNA nurse said it’s probably not a good idea to be eating too many salads anyway with diverticulosis, which made me happy. I really do not like salad. At least not ones with cut-up iceberg or romaine lettuce as the main ingredient. Ick.

Still plugging along, anyway. My friend Ed put together my two end tables that had been sitting in their boxes in the bedroom for two years, so that was nice.

Blue drawers is what I was using for an end table. 😦

Nice day. So far it’s been a pretty good summer. There have been hot and sticky days, but it really hasn’t affected me in here, even with the windows open and just a fan blowing on me. Been quite comfy, and Miss G does not seem to be suffering from the weather either. One year I called the house-call vet because I thought something was wrong with Simon, but it was just the heat. Poor baby. I still miss him. He was such a great companion.

My Simon

My DD’s SO just came down with Covid, in spite of them being super-cautious, so wear your masks, people. My mask keeps you safe, your mask keeps me safe. Or so I read the other day. In other words, don’t be a dick. Thank you for those words, Wil Wheaton. πŸ™‚