Back

is marginally better.  Can stand a few minutes, still with pain, but no, “OMG I have to sit down”, right off.

Here’s a picture of that steak and stout pie I bought the other day, before baking. I baked a giant sweet potato along side.  Pie is pretty tasty.  I love sweet potatoes, too.  🙂

Took a couple of tests from here: https://psychology-tools.com/

Not the place I took the original Asperger’s test from.  That was some Asperger’s site I have lost.  Anyway, results.

Autism Spectrum Quotient:  28 out of possible 50.  Scores in 26-32 indicate some Autistic traits (Asperger’s Syndrome).

That’s what it says.

Empathy Quotient: 18 out of possible 80.  Scores of 30 or less indicate a lack of empathy common in people with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome.

Interesting.  I know I’ve said this before but I’ve spent my life not having a clue what was going on.  Why are you angry at what I said?  What was wrong with it?  Things like that.  Nobody ever tells you, either.  At least there is an actual reason for having absolutely no social skills, and no ability to read people’s feelings, or get when they are saying things just to make me look foolish when I don’t understand the joke, which happens more than you’d think.  People can be cruel.  I used to think I was scatter-brained, or just stupid, but I’m not.  Yay, me.  I look nothing like this woman, either, just so you know.

im-not-perfect-but-im-not-fake-either

OMG

It’s almost 60 degrees out.  I would open the windows, but they are hard and I’ve already damaged my rotater cuffs opening them before.  Crap.

I am having a pretty good day, for me, and I am already starting to dread the night, because I will have to go to bed and then start all over tomorrow, and today’s good day will most likely only be a memory, and the pain and fog and fatigue will be right there front and center.  I frequently start to get anxious once it gets late in the day, just for this reason.  Then I’m even less likely to sleep well.

Been messing about on here, adding some apps to the start menu, seeing what’s available, reminding myself of what I had before I did the clean install. I like clean installs, so long as you’ve backed stuff up, you just start fresh and realize, ‘Why did I have all that crap on here anyway?’.  Did not restore all my backups.  They are safe on sticks and I can just plug them in as needed.  I like sticks.  If you get screwed with a virus or something, they are not affected, so long as you’re absolutely sure the computer is clean before you connect one.  I bought bitdefender after the install, because it was on sale, really, but I scan everything.  I even scan my sticks when I insert them, and again before removal.  My friends got that FBI ransomware a few years ago, so you can’t be too careful.  I was able to fix it for them, but it would have been better not to get it in the first place.

2015-12-29-15-47-44-2Gertrude spent the day in her box, and just now came out to eat her two pill treats and her spoon of food.  She must have been starving, but why not come out and eat?  I don’t know what’s going on with her, but at least she has stopped throwing up.  So far. Actually, I need to look to make sure she ate the food.  Well, that was a big no.  She’s not required to get small spoonfuls today, but I’m liking doing it that way.  I put out a bit of the new food, and a bit of the Elegant Medleys.  I know which one she’ll eat.  Next time I’ll stir them together, maybe.

Listening to my music on Pandora.  Right now it’s First Aid Kit.  I have it on shuffle.  I have Abney Park,  Rusted Root, some Phish,  AWOL Nation, Morphine, Dropkick Murphies, and more.  Good music.  It’s a good day.

Found this on Twitter, or Facebook, or Tumblr, or somewhere:

‘what doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor. ‘    So true.  🙂

And this is just here because it makes me happy:tumblr_m0a3feolzs1r743vso2_400

So I Was Thinking

Yesterday, I signed a petition to repeal that horrific Citizens United thing that let our government be openly bought.  So during the night, when I couldn’t sleep, I was thinking about how to do it differently.  Besides keeping out all contributions, I thought confining the actual campaigning to a month or so before the election would be helpful.  People wouldn’t be sick of it all years before it happens.  It seems to be a continuous campaign season now.  And the coverage should be free and limited.  Say each legitimate candidate, and not sure how to determine that, would have a couple of hours one day a week on air, with the broadcasts recorded and online for those who can’t watch live.  Anyway, one day could be to state their position.  Here’s how I stand on this or that issue.  The next week, an actual accounting of how they voted, who they supported, where they have stood in the past, with time for them to explain themselves and why we should vote for them.  The next week could be for questions; prepared, well-thought out, on point questions from the press and other institutions who have relevant concerns.  The last week could be for questions from the public.  Then the vote.  So no one is getting bought, no one is having billions from the Koch Brothers funding them, it would just be straightforward.  I have no idea if this is a good idea or not, but the way it’s working now is a farce.  Our government is not OUR government, it belongs to rich old white men, and does their bidding.  We are a disgrace.  This democracy has failed dramatically, and capitalism has proven to be the horrific idea it seemed to be. </political rant>

Gertrude, although I have not seen her yet today, was fine last night, eating her teaspoon of food every two hours with no upchucking.  Today she is having pills in little pill pockets that I know she likes, so hope she shows herself soon and actually eats them.  I want her to be well, not only so the cleaning up after her ends, but so she is not in pain or suffering in any way.  The vet said she could have irritable bowel syndrome, or pancreatitis.  Good grief.  Poor baby.

When you spent a lot of time with an animal, you can really see the individual personalities and quirks and all.  Every one is different, just like children.

Simon was in-your-face gregarious, loved everybody, want to go everywhere and see everything, and wanted what he wanted NOW.  You could tell he was a guy even if you had no idea.

Gertrude is timid and sweet and affectionate to me, afraid of everyone and everything else.  She is a dainty lady, does not make messes, jump up on tables or counters, or eat everything in site.  She is the poster girl for picky eaters.

I am still slowly getting better, thinking clearer, able to actually DO things around the house, able to THINK about what I want/need to do around the house.  The pain and fatigue can overwhelm everything in your life, and all you can do is wait for it to get better.  Functioning normally becomes impossible.  So I am really happy to be improving .

It has turned into a real winter finally, with the snow we had, and cold, clear blue sky days.  Really cold.  It’s fantastic.  I love winter.  I wouldn’t want it to be winter all the time, but for a few  months, it’s great, and really makes you appreciate and look forward to spring towards the end.  I don’t think I could live somewhere without definite seasons.  I get bored easily.  🙂

 

 

Pain and Gertrude

Pain is back.  Trying to do a bit of cooking and have to keep sitting down. Oh, well.

Took Gertrude to the vet at 8:30 this morning, the middle of my night, usually.  Had to stay up all night to be up that early with a brain that works.  So they gave her some stomach-soothing injections and I have to give her stomach-soothing pills starting tomorrow.  That will be fun.  She can’t eat til 8pm, which is still two hours away, and then only a tiny bite, with a two-hour wait for the next one.  Same thing tomorrow.  She has an appt for an ultrasound of her stomach and all, and for her heart, since she has a murmur, and they need to see what’s going on because some meds they might give her can cause heart failure with a murmur.  Poor baby.  You apparently get a two-ultrasounds discount, cause individually they are nearly 400 dollars each, but both at the same time is about 550 dollars.  Expensive, but seriously, if you have a pet, it’s your responsibility to give them the care they need, just like you would a child.  You have total control over their lives, and need to do the right thing for them.   I think if you really can’t pay, some vets will at least give you a discount, but I’m not positive about that.  I am getting so in debt from these things, and the dentist, and other things.  Thank god for credit cards, but I will still be paying it off twenty years after I’m dead, at this rate.

I am making turkey meatloaf.  It has celery and apple and onion and oats and pumpkin pie spice and fresh sage and other things.  Sound really good.  Turkey is pretty bland, so you need to spice it up.  I make a Fritos casserole that I used to do with ground beef, and you really can’t tell much difference between it and turkey, because it has Fritos and chili powder and cumin and other good things.  Yum.  I made that last week, actually. Yay, me.

Did brunch with my friend Tess after the vet.  She drives me everywhere, crazy woman, so we always do lunch and maybe some shopping or something on appointment days.  On no-appointment days, too.  Lots of laughing ensues.  Laughing is good.  I hae a Western omelet.  I love Western omelets.  If you put it between two slices of bread, it becomes a Denver sandwich.  I love Denver sandwiches.  The place we go makes a really delicious Western omelet, with hash browns and toast.  And orange juice.  I always get orange juice.

I bought some meyer lemons and am going to make lemon curd.  Lots of things you can do with lemon juice, but I love lemon curd in February, it’s like eating sunshine on your toast.  Meyers have a nice, less-tangy taste than regular lemons, and make great curd.  Not making it tonight,though, because my back is hurting a lot.  It makes cooking hard when you can’t stand up for long.  The serious chopping and sauteing and all kind of turns into ‘So what if the tiny dice is huge cubes, I need to sit down.  Oops, overcooked the onions.  Well, the black edges will just add more flavor, right?’  It still looks good, anyway.  And smells fantastic.  Just pop it onto parchment and bake.  Yum.

I am tired.  Slept maybe an hour last night, and on the go most of the day, and now cooking.  I really am better.  I love this gif. This was such a funny show, Will and Grace, and Jack and Karen were the funniest.

Happy-Dance

Pain, or not

friends 2

So after being up for 36 hours, I fell asleep around 9 last night and woke up at 6am with a slight ache in right side of lower back. (Six is normally the middle of my night, so yay, me.) After being up and around a bit, had some actual pain in right side, not as bad as normal, either. Iced it a few minutes and much better. I think from what they told me that it will continue to get better over the next few days. Moving around without back pain. I will be able to stand up for more than a few minutes, and walk without pain. I’m hopeful, and so grateful for my friend Tess, who drives me to all these things, and always, always makes me laugh.

Lovely winter’s day again, sun and blue sky, but lots of clouds. Is it going to rain? Snow? Who knows. So I am happy to be better. Pain is very, very wearing. Makes you tired and keeps you from doing the things you want/need to do. So far, I am really glad I went to the pain clinic.

Pain Clinic

Went this morning.  Was there about an hour and a half, but the actual procedure took ten minutes.  Lots of needles in my back, one after another, but little tweaks, not really any pain.  Was nice to be pain-free from the numbing agent, and now that it’s wearing off, there is still very little pain.  Will see how it is tomorrow.  They said it could be a few days before it works.  Back in a month for another diagnostic, which is what they call this procedure.  Every one was very nice and there was laughing and it was a positive experience.  Laughing is always good.

IMAG000

Was supposed to rest after, but went to lunch at the Olive Garden and then to Trader Joe’s, which is practically right next door to the Olive. Bought a packet of frozen steak and stout pie to try. Yum? Seriously, who doesn’t love pie.

steak-and-stout-pie

What Ho?

Bah!  Humbug!  Well, actually, I am slowly getting a bit better since I’ve upped the Prednisone, and tomorrow I have the pain clinic.  Shots to block nerves in lower back.  I hope it works.  Still  lots of pain, but not as lethargic, and can actually think somewhat clearly.  On the bah humbug side, Gertrude is doing really poorly.  She just upchucks everything she eats, and in the past week or two has gotten extremely thin.  So back to the vet on Friday.  Poor baby, I feel really bad for her, and she has gotten clingy, which she never has been, so that’s not a good sign.

Trying to avoid all the political stuff.  I just can’t deal.  I want to.  I want to do something, but right now I really need all my energy just to get through today.  Every day.  Hope things are going well for all of you, my invisible readers.  🙂

feel-like-crap

Doctors

I have been pretty miserable for a while now.  Saw the rheumatologist, told him I am gradually increasing the Prednisone til I find a level that works.  Oh, okaaay.  Call in two weeks.  If not better, want you to go on Cymbalta.  Google Cymbalta.  Side effects of the not-good variety.  I am confused.  Prednisone works, when I am at the correct dosage.  Everytime I get there, they have me decrease again, and then when I inevitably have to increase again, it takes longer and longer to get back to that doing relatively okay phase.  The side effects at low doses are not bad, and I’ve read that at 5 mg and below, there are no side effects. 5 was working fine for me back several months ago. Then they had me cut back again. Today I increased to ten in hopes of not being in constant pain and sleeping more hours than not.  The thing I am confused about is, given what I just said, why do they want me to get off Prednisone and take something with worse side effects?  Like the meloxicam, which caused bloating, shortness of breath, and severe back pain.  What is the logic behind this?  My doctor just seems laser-focused on ‘get off the Prednisone’ and nothing else even registers with him.  The only other rheumatologists I am aware of in this area share his practice, so changing doctors is kind of iffy.  It’s not bad enough you feel like crap, the doctor just seems to be in another universe or something.  Fed up am I.  Totally.
>Well, barf!

Had a really bad weekend, and did not even fire up the laptop for three days.  Realized how nice it was to not have any politics evident.  I don’t watch tv, just netflix and hulu, so I have been out of the loop.  I want to stay out of the loop.  It’s too disgusting and upsetting and overwhelming to see what orange gas-bag man and his supporters are doing, and even though I want to be part of the resisting this shit movement, I am ill, and it’s healthier for me to avoid it.  When I stopped watching tv, it did not take long to notice how much less frustrated and angry I felt, now even more so with avoiding on -line politics.  Let me just read my fan fiction and my crochet and cooking and pretty pictures blogs and let the world take care of itself for awhile.  I’ll get back to it when I’m better.

RESIST

la-hbranson-1485527124-snap-photoSome things I came across today:

“With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably.” Jean-Luc Picard

“Trump violated the first amendment prohibitions against a state religion”  headline from: http://www.dailykos.com/  And nothing is being done about this??????

http://io9.gizmodo.com/stranger-things-star-rallies-freaks-and-outcasts-in-sti-1791775499

study-historythe-1950s

Rambling

Good stuff on Tumblr today.  Lots of pictures of ‘the biggest turn out ever’, showing virtually empty viewing stands and empty streets.  Lots of pictures comparing the Women’s March turnout to the inauguration turnout.  Lots of pictures from the Women’s March.  Stand and be counted.  It’s a good thing.  Meanwhile, I’m still here just signing petitions and reblogging things.  Oh, well.

My oldest friend, who I don’t see very often, may come tomorrow for a visit.  My house is a disaster and I will be humiliated and embarrassed, but I will still get to see my friend.  So I guess I can deal.  At least my fantastic, wonderful, marvelous new homemaker is coming in the a.m., so it won’t be quite as bad as it could be.

Seems like my life lately consists of laying on the couch, or thinking, “OMG, I need to lie down”.  Today I woke up at 9, took a shower, sat on the couch to wait for the hour to be up after my pill so I could have coffee, woke up at 1pm.  No coffee.  Oh, well.

It has been gray day after day after day.  I don’t mind gray winter if there’s snow along with it, but it’s just gray or gray with a bit of rain here and there.  Mother Nature, I am so disappointed, but I know it’s not your fault.  It’s ours.  Global warming is real, in case you didn’t get it.  No need to even reiterate how stupid we are as a species.  I mean, look who we put into the office of the Presidency.  You can’t get much stupider than that, I think.  He actually is making Bush the second look not quite as moronic as we know him to be. “May you live in interesting times” is the old Chinese curse.  I’d rather have had some mundane times, I think.

Here’s a donut, for no discernable reason.  It just looks good right now.

.Dunkin-Donuts-Glazed-150x150

The Friday Five

importD3

  1. How do you like your coffee?  White, no sugar, hot, hot, hot.

2. How do you like your tea?  Same.  I don’t like sweet drinks. Sometimes I prefer lemon in my tea, depending on what kind of tea it is.

3. What’s your favorite late night beverage? Right now it’s hot cocoa, but I’m going to try that ‘Viking Thaw’ someone mentioned.  Tonight.

4. If you could only drink one thing for the next week, what would it be?  Have to be water or juice, something hydrating.  For survival.  It’s a week, I mean.

5. If you were on vacation, what would be the first thing you’d drink to celebrate?  Probably water again, cause you’d need hydration after traveling.

Found Online

Here: http://www.heraldscotland.com/

This:

After a long absence, The Twilight Zone returns with one of the most ambitious, expensive and controversial productions in broadcast history. Sci-fi writers have dabbled often with alternative history stories – among the most common is the “What If The Nazis Had Won The Second World War” setting – but this huge interactive virtual reality project, which will unfold on TV, in the press, and on Twitter over the next four years, sets out to build an ongoing alternative present. The story begins in a nightmarish version of 2017 in which huge sections of the US electorate have somehow been duped into voting to make Donald Trump president. It sounds far-fetched, and it is, but as it goes on it becomes more and more chillingly plausible. Today’s feature-length opener concentrates on the gaudy inauguration of President Trump, and the stirrings of protest and despair surrounding the ceremony, while pundits speculate gravely on what lies ahead. It’s a flawed piece, but a disturbing glimpse of the horrors we could stumble into, if we’re not careful.

ruscared

Depression

I seem to be falling into one. Constant, debilitating pain wears you down. Saw my doctor, got an antibiotic for my sinus issues, which means the pain clinic is put off til February. She prescribed a pain patch for me, but Medicare won’t authorize it. It costs 300 dollars, so I can’t pay for it, either. So no pain relief for Jean. House is a complete and utter disaster, as I am virtually useless almost all of the time. Alone and in pain, and burning out the one friend who still wants me in her life. You can only give so much, right? If she gets burned out, I will be left with no one. She’s the only person who actually even emails me on a regular basis. If she gets fed up with me, I will have no one. Big burden to put onto one friend. I know, whine, whine, whine. “Let’s all feel sorry for mom”, as one of my DD’s once said to me. Sarcasm runs in the family. 🙂

On the bright side, I have been reconnected to my old agency, and am getting a new homemaker starting Tuesday. This agency at least hires people who know what they are meant to do. Some of them are even CNA’s, which I don’t need, but it’s good to have someone who has experience with people who have chronic illnesses.

Trying to remain upbeat and hopeful, but it is a struggle, I admit it. I am dreading when I will no longer be able to get the meds I need, or the homemaker, or housing assistance. Thanks to all of you who voted for Trump, or worse, did not vote at all. Didn’t think about people like me at all, did you? This is America, where the motto is “I’ve got mine, so screw you. Oh, and I’ll take whatever scraps you do have, as well.” Yep, it’s the American way.

put-on-a-happy-face

“The bright day is done, and we are for the dark.”

Read this: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society: A Novel
by Annie Barrows. Lovely book about WWII doings on the island of Guernsey. Some horrors of war, too. But a really nice book. There’s a quote from Shakespeare in it that seems very apt, given what’s going on in my country (and the world, really)right now.

“The bright day is done, and we are for the dark.”

theguernseyliteraryandpotatopeelpiesociety_bookcover-portion-864x648

Snow!

januaryi-love-wintertumblr_n6hrvmcQQj1ro6jb7o1_r1_500RedhousesnowSnowmanglobeAt last, we are having a real snowstorm.  Hooray!  I love snow.  I don’t have to shovel it or drive in it, so what’s not to love?  Still in pain, still in a daze, still spending most of my time on the couch.  So looking forward to this phase being over.  It will be over, won’t it?  Please tell me it will be over.  Anyway, WINTER!  Yes!

Yay!

Got a corded mouse today, so back on the laptop.  Posting from a phone is not fun.  Saw rheumatologist’s PA today, and all is well, except need to up the Prednisone again.  Apparently that’s the cause of all my latest problems.  Why they keep having me cut it down everytime I’m doing well is beyond me, because I always get worse a week later and it takes forever to get back to where I was when they have me increase it again.  Just let me take 5mg forever.  5mg is not supposed to cause the side effects, and I feel relatively human on that dose.  Relatively.  🙂

So not a bad day, just really, really tired.  And happy to be using the laptop again.

Oh My

Still in constant pain, still sleeping almost more hours than I’m awake, but I did manage to make chicken soup with a fowl I found in Market Basket.  Love that store.  Haven’t seen a fowl in years.  Why a fowl, you may ask?  Old chicken, tons more flavor, just needs long slow simmering.  Yum.  Chicken soup is easy.  Large pot, chicken, water, onion, celery, carrots, peppercorns, cloves, bay leaf, garlic.  Bring to boil slowly, skimming, then simmer low a couple of hours depending on size of bird.  Set bird aside, strain broth, chill and defat.  Debone bird.  That’s it. I did not debone the bird.  I barely had enough strength left to cover it and put it and the broth in the frig.edit: Parsley.  I forgot Parsley. Fresh, if possible.

  You can use the meat for salad, add it back to broth, sandwiches, whatever.  Add noodles, chopped veg, whatever to the broth for soup.  Or just drink it hot.  Tasty.

After a few miserable days spent wishing I had someone to HELP, I rallied and determined to do it myself.  Unloaded dishwasher, spent some recovery time with laptop, reloaded dishwasher, repeat laptop time, cleared a counter, laptop, moved toaster oven, laptop…Then my mouse died.  Not the battery, the mouse.  Found a corded one in my stash, but it only clicks, won’t move the cursor.  So need a new mouse.  Thus typing this one-fingered on my phone while laying on the couch with Gertrude sitting on me.  Fun times.  Well, okay times, anyway. 

It’s 2017.  Let’s hope this year is better than last 

Here’s Gertrude.  Just pretend you don’t see the disaster my flat is right now.  Thank you.

Well, Here We Are

Just about at the end.  Of the year, but possibly, of us as well.  I’ve lived through times with a lot of things that were appalling, like the Viet Nam war, riots, 9/11, Ronald Reagan, George Bush the Idiot, but I don’t remember ever being faced with the devastation that is being brought about by electing a fascist to the most powerful position in the world. A moronic fascist.  A narciscisstic man-child spoiled brat, frat-boy mentality fascist.  (Not that he ever was a frat-boy, was he?  Does he actually have more than a third-grade education?)  A person who has set out to destroy every bit of progress we have made over the past decades.  A person who is leading us back not only to Nazi-ism, but to the Dark Ages. This was a year of devastating blows, people I admire dying, the resurgence of everything bad about humanity, Brexit, the realization that a good portion of my fellow citizens are hate-filled, undereducated cretins who lack the ability to think for themselves and just believe everything Fox News tells them.  I am struggling to be hopeful for the future.  I am trying to think ahead to how I will survive without the programs I depend on that are looking to be eliminated when orange gas-bag man gets into office.  Be prepared to the best of my ability is my new motto.  The best of my ability is not very good, either, since I am in constant pain and spending most of my time on the couch sleeping, reading, or watching Netflix.  Happy New Year, world.  I can’t even come up with one thing to laugh about right now.  I will work on that.

orangepickup

I don’t do resolutions, but my goal is to try to go outside every day that pain and fatigue allows the whole getting dressed, getting presentable, and not having to go back to bed from the exertion.  We’ll see how that goes. I hate to post when I am feeling so negative, but it helps me to write things down and send them out there.  Sorry about that, readers.  I hope you are all well and happy and have a fantastic 2017.

What Can I Say?

People keep dying. Carrie Fisher died, George Michael died. How many is that? I don’t know any of those who died this year, but I knew their work, and they’ve been part of my life for a long time.

After a month of miserableness, capped by well over a week of super-miserableness, I think (hope) I am slowly coming out of the pain/exhaustion cycle. I hope. Too soon to tell. Going out today, hoping to have enough energy to last. Not been on the computer much, since sitting at the desk for more than half an hour doesn’t seem to be possible. Oh, well, days are getting longer, had the windows open yesterday (DECEMBER, Mother Nature. What the f?)

Guess I’m not back to happy, happy just yet. LOL

The following article is good. Comments, too. I love comments. I used to read all the letters to the editor, back when I read newspapers. Like to know other people’s take on things. I wish I could celebrate those morons who supported Drumpf getting what’s coming to them, except I’ll be getting it, too. Social Security, Medicare, all the protections we have (had) are going to go away, I’m afraid, and the supporters are saying, “What? I didn’t know he was going to do that.” Because clearly all you cared about was getting permission to hate and discriminate overtly, and didn’t pay attention to anything else orange gas-bag man said. So yeah, up yours. Except, as I said, I will suffer along with you. Anyway, here’s the thing:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/12/27/1614776/-Message-to-my-Trump-supporting-Facebook-friends

Here’s another in a similar vein: It’s kind of disturbing to realize what many of my fellow citizen are really like, but there it is.

http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/12/25/1614376/-Why-Trump-voters-are-not-welcome-in-my-house-this-holiday

In the last one, someone said a lot of evangelicals voted for Trump because they believe he will usher in the End Of Days.  Not being religious, this did not occur to me, but I do think this is going to be the end of us..  I was hoping for more progress and enlightenment, not a return to the Dark Ages.  We are so screwed.  I do what I can, which is mostly signing petitions, but we all need to do whatever is possible for us to fight this moron and his hateful band of really poor excuses for human beings.  Stand against them at every opportunity.  If we’re going to go down, we should at least go down fighting.  Right?