Was a pretty good day. More pain than I’d like, but saw my doctor and it went very well. She really wants me to take metformin, and I really don’t want to, but her reasoning is that since the predisone is causing the diabetes and it is going to take several months before I finally get off it, if I’m even able to finally get off it, I need to be taking the diabetes med in the interim. But I am already having some issues with the celebrex, so I think I will have to not take it except on days I am going to be pretty active, like going out shopping or whatever, and just go back to being miserable the rest of the time. Everything medical is a trade-off. Frustrating.

I keep asking myself, if Trump is the slimy bastard we all know he is, and he is a criminal to boot, why is he still in the running for returning to office, and why oh why oh why does he keep getting so much publicity? ‘Trump did this, Trump said that, blah, blah, blah’. Why is the media keeping him in the forefront. Shouldn’t we let disgraceful, disgusting excuses for humanity just fade away? No, we can make money off this. Let’s keep covering every single thing he ever says or does. There is nothing that is not about making profit. Nothing. Journalists used to have integrity, or we thought so anyway. They used to report the news, not create it. Tell you what happened, not tell you what to think about what happened. News as entertainment. Big mistake. I honestly don’t see how we are going to survive as a country when every thing has broken down and become only about the profit. It does seem like there is no organization of any kind that you can trust any more. Not very many people, either. So glad I do not have young children or teenagers. What kind of world are they going to be living in, thanks to us?

I know, I know, I just saw one article too many today about the orange disgrace. Bah!

Until I had three days or so of being a real person, followed by one day where I skipped the celebrex, I did not realize how truly miserable I was. I got used to it, so I didn’t realize how really awful my life was. Yesterday I was not interested in eating, playing with the cat, doing anything at all except feeding her and scooping the litter box. I just felt like total and complete miserableness. Amazing what you get used to. Before I got these lovely illnesses, if I had one day where I felt as bad as I have been feeling every day for a very long time, I would have been off the to ER, thinking something was seriously wrong. Wow.

Could not have done this yesterday. That is not me, btw, just in case you have never watched television. 🙂

5 Ways to Practice Slow Living. Ha! If I lived any slower I’d be going backwards. LOL

Discovered it does not go well to skip a dose of Celebrex. Oh, well. I got so much done yesterday. Well, for me anyway. And today it’s just all pain all the time. Trade off between killing my stomach, possibly causing a bleed, and being able to actually function. I am going to go for function for now, I think. Yesterday my homemaker said I even looked different. In a good way. Not being in constant pain really does have an all-body effect, I guess.

Been a tough month. Really struggling with pain and so so tired all the time. Had an interesting experience with Zoloft, which my doctor prescribed because she said I am under severe stress. Being in pain and always very tired makes it very difficult to do anything, which yes, is very stressful. I love my doctor. My daughter says she is Ayurvedic. I am going to ask at next appointment. Treats the person, not one specific thing. Anyway, the third day after starting the Z, I completely lost all motivation. Not depressed or anything, just no desire to do anything at all. I ate maybe once a day. After four days on the couch, doing absolutely nothing but feed the cat and read on my Kindle, I decided maybe it wasn’t a good idea to keep taking it. Got better right away. Weird. I had taken it before, starting in the 90’s, and for a good long time without weird side effects. My body chemistry is so messed up. But anyway, saw the rheumatologist, who started me on Celebrex and three hours after taking the first one, no more pain. Well, not completely pain free, but so little pain as to be easily tolerated. I can now hold a pen the normal way and write without pain. I was barely able to write before, and had to hold the pen in a very awkward way. I can now stand up to do dishes or cook something without severe back pain. Happy me is very, very happy. Picture is some Ayurvedic spices.

Of course, there are side effects. Especially if you take Celebrex while you’re on Prednisone, which I am. Can cause bleeding among other things, and since I had a bleed last June and was hospitalized for three days, I am a bit wary, but risking it because PAIN is barely there anymore. So far.

My kitchen before Second Gertrude, and well before me being so not really functional. Not much on the frig or the wall now, thank you Miss G.

Am hoping to get this teensy kitchen better organized so I can possibly cook something now and then besides scrambled eggs. It is a mess right now with NO free counter space.

Oh, and my beloved toaster oven bit the dust, so I got a new toaster oven/air fryer from Wally World (I know, but Target didn’t have the plain toaster oven I wanted to get), and oh my goodness. My DD kept telling me I would love an air fryer, and I do.

And another thing. My friend Tess brought me some already prepped brussels sprouts, cut in half. I heated my iron skillet in the stove oven as I heated the oven to 400. Added a bit of oil, lay the sprouts cut side down, roasted for about 20 minutes, flipped, roasted about 15 more minutes. OMG. Best thing I’ve ever eaten, besides tiramisu. They looked burnt, very dark brown and the outer leaves got a bit crispy, which I loved, and they were so good. I ate them all. Seriously, you would not believe how good these are, and how completely different a veg it is than when you steam or boil the sprouts. Give it a try. These are not mine. Mine were even darker and I have no idea what the liquid is.

Hoping that now I am relatively pain free and not so tired because of it, that my brain will start working again and I can blog and think and all that good stuff. Fingers crossed. It’s a beautiful day, but the north wind was blowing straight in the window (I can’t close it by myself) and about 4am I had to turn on the heater fan so Miss G and I did not get frostbite. LOL It was COLD. Warmed up some once the sun came up, but still pretty chilly in here. Foot thick brick walls really keep in whatever temp it is. Okay, done. Have a good day, everyone.

This is the fourth time I have done a delivery order and it has been messed up. I asked it to be brought to my door, I choose ‘sign for it’ and still, it was left in the outer lobby where anyone could just walk off with it. Very annoying. Complained..again. Had to call some friends to come and bring it upstairs for me as I am not physically capable of doing that, because there is bottled water and other heavy things. Walmart was the only place that would deliver today, and I need the water because I cannot open one side of my filter holder to change the filter and my friend Ed couldn’t open it either. Bah! Humbug!

Have been doing really poorly recently, and I did just figure out that part of the problem was the zoloft my doctor prescribed. Lowest dose, but every day I have been so tired I can barely feed the cat let alone do anything else but lay on the couch and read. Ignoring email, not watching my streaming shows, just reading and sleeping. Much better today after not taking the zoloft last night. Instant results. The zoloft is because she said I am under severe stress, and boy Walmart did not help with that at all. With all their money, you’d think they could hire delivery people instead of what seems like random people who come in and ask if they have any delivery work. Actually, I don’t know how that works except the Walmart does not employ the delivery people it uses. Twice I did not get my order at all because they could not find anyone to deliver it. Frustrating.

Doctor wants me to take two new meds and I am now diabetic thanks to the prednisone, but I am very, very reluctant. Am going to attempt to get the numbers down by eating loads of veg and a bit of protein and drinking green tea. Fingers crossed. I see her again June 1, so hoping things are better by then.

Spring has sprung, it is now in the 70’s and has been really nice out. Windows open. Yay. Spring has sprung. I like spring.

I moved in here April of 2000. Every year, the flowering pear trees across the street have made for a beautiful spring. Up until about three years ago, every year the petals would fall all over the street and sidewalk, and then the leaves would appear. The past three years, no petals have fallen. They just weren’t there anymore. Puzzling. Very puzzling. Then there is this year. No flowers. Well, I think I may have seen one or two, but it could have been the sun glinting off a leaf. Here are some pictures from various years. The last are taken today. Is it because it has been so dry? What could cause failure to bloom? Anyone? I find this very worrisome. Is it a harbinger of things to come? I know a lot of people choose to deny climate change. It is a pretty scary concept, and pretending to yourself it isn’t happening is a bit of a comforting option, even though in the back of your mind you have to know you are lying to yourself. But no bloom. No bloom. This can’t be good.

2005

2010

Not sure of the date on this one.

Today, just a few minutes ago.

Also today.

On a nothing to do with trees note, I have been really struggling. Lots of pain, walking is difficult, standing is very painful. See my doctor tomorrow. Hoping she can help. I did make a salad last evening. Chopped cucumber, chopped avocado, chopped scallions, mayo, lime juice, salt, and tobasco. Lovely. I like salad, so long as it’s not lettuce salad. Nooooo. Today I am going to make mango caprese, which is exactly like the tomato one, but with mango instead of tomato. I love mango and decided to try this once and yep. It’s a good one.

It was my birthday Thursday. My friend Tess usually brings a small cake for us to share, but had an appointment for a treatment, so brought a small cheesecake Tuesday. Yum. Spent the actual day alone and feeling like crap, but had a lovely chat with number one daughter which perked me right up, then Friday went to Westport to spend a couple days with my friends. Oh, my. Such a good time. We had tacos and steak on the grill, sat on the deck and talked and laughed, sat at the table, in the kitchen, in the living room and talked and laughed and just had a fantastic time.I did have to watch Shark Tank, which was pretty ick. I only have streaming, not regular tv, so had not seen this before. And hope to never see it again, either. Saturday was gray and cool, but we took a drive to the ocean which is just a ways down the street. Stayed in the car and just watched the waves. The dog started barking and when I looked there was a seagull on a poll who looked like he was just daring the dog to to something. Ha! Could not sleep at all Friday night, so when I got home Saturday night, I fell asleep around nine pm and slept 14 hours. Up a couple of hours. slept a few more. Guess I was tired. I am so fortunate to have good friends. These two, and the two who live near me. Lucky Jean is happy to have good friends. I had not been there since August of 2019, just before the pandemic. Was so good to be back.

From a Tumblr post

” “In four years of medical school, three years of residency training, and nearly 30 years in practice as a family physician I have never been asked “what is the definition of a woman?”

Seems obvious that one could just look at the genitalia. You’re either a boy or a girl, right? Well, not always. Although it’s rare, many people are born with ambiguous genitalia. The OB/GYN and the pediatrician are simply unable to determine the sex. Historically, in consultation with the family, a sex would be assigned. Turns out that often as not the child would ultimately identify with the sex they were not assigned.

So it must be the chromosomes. The 23rd pair in humans is designated XX in females and XY in males. The Y chromosome determines male characteristics, so you are either a boy or a girl, right? Well, not always.

In embryology the default setting is female. The Y chromosome normally triggers male development. Ever heard of testicular feminization syndrome, now more properly referred to as androgen insensitivity syndrome? Sometimes an XY baby is born with essentially normal female external genitalia. The body simply does not respond to androgens associated with the Y chromosome. As the child grows and enters puberty there will be normal female breast development and other feminine characteristics. Unless genetic testing has been done at some point, the abnormality is not discovered until the teenage daughter presents to the doctor with concerns that menstruation has not started. Examination will reveal that the vagina ends in a blind pouch, no uterus, and undescended testes. They are often very feminine – cheerleaders, beauty pageant contestants, etc.

Nearly everybody is a “normal” XX or XY, has anatomy to match, and is perfectly at peace with themselves. But not everybody. Several studies have identified how the sexual diversity between men and women does not exclusively involve the genitals, but also the development of different brain areas. And just as genitals can be ambiguous, or not match what XY would predict,so can the brain in some instances develop in a different direction than the genitals. Animal studies suggest this is likely due to atypical levels of sex hormones in the womb.

One of several such structures studied in the human brain have involved an area of the limbic system known as the nucleus of the terminal stria. The volume of this area appears to be influenced by the stimulation of sex hormones during brain development, and in men the volume of this area is greater than in women. Scans of this area in transgender women (genetic/anatomic men who identify as females) resemble that of non transgender females. In this matter gender identity develops from the complex interactions between sex hormones and brain during its development; moreover, this appears to be genetically predetermined and is not influenced by hormonal stimuli during the adult phase. It is important to understand that at this point it is not known for certain what causes gender dysphoria or incongruence, just as we don’t know for certain what makes someone gay or for that matter, left handed.

Gender dysphoria often begins in childhood and can lead to severe distress, depression, and suicide. Treatment includes thorough psychological and medical evaluation and psychotherapy. Hormonal treatments in children are designed to delay puberty until decisions about desired gender characteristics can be made. The treatments are not permanent and are REVERSIBLE. Hormone treatments are not given to prepubertal children and in fact are not started until Tanner stage 2 of puberty. Sex change (gender reassignment) operations are not done on children. (Rare exception might be in the case of ambiguous genitalia where surgery may be done to make genital appearance more consistent with the genetic sex).

Unfortunately there are many people who cannot or will not understand that someone different from themselves might really be different for a real reason. I recently watched a video of a Fox News personality guffawing, in an arrogant and grotesque display of not knowing what one does not know, about how “woke liberals” were looking into the science of what makes someone a man or a woman. I hope the information provided here explains why that question is not quite as simple as it sounds.

It is also unfortunate in Texas that people with political power seem to think that trans people just want to get on the girls’ track team

to win a lot of medals or get in the girls’ rest room to watch them pee. Governor Abbott, Lt Gov Patrick, and AG Paxton have shown profound ignorance and cruelty in decreeing treatment for these kids to be child abuse. Even right wing columnist Mona Charen called Abbott’s behavior “malice masquerading as policy making”. They really no different than lunchroom bullies.

The American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Family Physicians, American Medical Association, American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, and the Endocrine Society have expressed outrage that government is inserting itself into a matter that should be left to families, patients, and their doctors. There are well established evidence based procedures that have been in place for decades. This is not a new phenomenon and it is not a fad. Treatment saves lives. Denying treatment is cruel.

I would hope that someone will share this with a conservative friend. For most of us it seems ridiculous that a guy would think he is a woman, or a woman to think she is a man. The human brain and human body are complex and wondrous and get it “right” almost every time, but sometimes they get it different. And different should not be wrong, and different people and their families should not be attacked by their own government.”

– Joe McCreight, MD”

Or maybe four. One, why don’t they make sure food and products are safe BEFORE they are sold, instead of after, when the harm is done? See eyedrops. ‘Oh, we inspected the facilities and they are filthy.’ WHY did you not do that before they were allowed to be sold? I get emails about recalls, and you wonder why we even have food inspection services and the FDA? Do your job, people.

Two. I want to see the Orange Disgrace charged for inciting a government takeover, but maybe it’s like Al Capone. They got him for tax evasion if I remember my history, not for being the murdering gangster he was. Just get him. Keep him away from our government. Keep his cronies away. Do something besides wring your hands. Or is our democracy so weak that one person can wreak havoc? Yep, definitely seems so. Not just him, but several other Republicans seem to have more power than one would think possible based on what we were taught in school about how our government works. Or was that all just lies as well as so much we were taught to believe about our ‘greatest country in the world’. Yeah, that wasn’t true at all, was it? Propaganda. That’s what we got. Propaganda.

Next. The only new Kindle I want is a keyboard, like the original, where it is just a holder for the books I get, not whatever the heck it is now. I don’t want it. I don’t want a tablet, I don’t want a stylus, I don’t want pictures of books I could buy, I just want a new Kindle Keyboard, Amazon. One that works like the one I bought way back in 2014, which I still use every day, and have changed the battery once, but it is slowing, slowing, slowing down and is it possible to get it refurbished or something? I love that thing more than most things I’ve ever bought.

Okay, fourth thing. I am so over the awake all night, sleep off and on all day. It really gets in the way of being awake and alert enough to make necessary phone calls, paperwork, whatever. I cannot seem to get past this. I can only take Nyquil one day in a row, and the next night I am back to awake all night. Melatonin does nothing but make me depressed and weird, and still awake, and no prescribed pills I have ever taken have worked more than a week or so. Nothing I have ever tried has worked consistently. I am flummoxed. Neat word, that. I don’t know how people can just say ‘I’m going to take a nap’ or ‘I’m going to bed now’, and actually go to sleep. I sleep when my body says it’s time, and not a second before. I have no say in the matter. How does that even work?

Stay safe, people. There are more and more bad things coming along, from what I read on the Boston Globe, the New York Times, and all the newsletters I get. More viruses, more things to be wary of. Global warming means more funguses, more insects, more a lot of things that used to be farther south’s problems. We have messed with Mother Nature recklessly for way too long, in spite of what people who know what they are talking about have been telling us for decades, and now Mother Nature is exacting her revenge. Kind of seems like that, doesn’t it, but really, we have just messed up the entire ecosystem so badly that it cannot self-correct anymore We did this to ourselves, because Greed Is Good, and profit is the only thing that matters. I am so over people.

On the other hand, I have quite given up. No matter what, or how well I eat, I keep just getting worse, so I have gone over to self-indulgence, i.e. I bought Tasty Kakes, which actually are very, very tasty. Like Hostess cupcakes used to be, way back when. I also bought Marie Callender’s Razzle Dazzle pie, which was not nearly as tasty as everything I’ve read about it would seem to imply. Disappointed. Having Hood Pineapple Cottage Cheese right now. That really IS tasty. 🙂 Over and out.

Yes, I have been really struggling the past couple of days, after having a couple of good ones (not sequential, but still) where I made tuna soup one day, and a couple days later made Nancy’s Casserole, which is cottage pie but I didn’t know that when I got the recipe from my friend Nancy, so it’s always been Nancy’s Casserole. Easy and so good. I was not up for mashing potatoes so had my homemaker person get me some Bob’s Mashed Potatoes and just whacked them on top. Over-whipped, and whipped is not mashed, people, but tasty. Can of creamed corn (you can use any veg you like, I like creamed corn), jar of Heinz gravy, lots of grated cheese on top the last ten minutes. Yum. Probably four meals for me out of one pound ground beef. I have not bought ground beef in literally decades, except for premade black and blue burgers from Market Basket, they have blue cheese in them and are rolled in cracked peppercorns. Oh, yum. But I am trying to eat more beef because I think my body is lacking whatever beef brings to the nutrient table. Iron pills just don’t do it, and I recently learned that beef has extras that you cannot get from supplements. So. Anything in hopes I will have more ‘yes, I can get something done’ days. Anyway.

So much bad, bad, bad the Republicans are doing and no one seems to be doing anything to stop them. There must be something other members of government can do. I do not get how one or two people can just run rampant and change things for everyone in the country with none of the checks and balances our government is supposed to have. It is very concerning and disturbing, and I am angrier and angrier with the mindless drones who just keep voting them in. Get a brain, people. Do some research. Think about consequences for everyone, including yourselves, not just the people that you don’t like or approve of. It affects us all, not just them. How do you not see that? Somehow, somewhere, we have really failed in the education of our citizens. Badly. Very, very badly failed.

Is it Florida that is freaking out about Michelangelo’s David being shown to young people? This is a bad thing, because we all know the human body is to be shamed and hidden, right? It’s okay to show graphic murders on tv, but a bit of the human body that we normally hide behind clothes is horrific to some. We only seem to get crazier as time goes on. Is it something in the water? This is a naked man. What is smutty about that? I have lost all hope in humanity. Seriously. If you’re all about your god, he made people like this. Are you saying your god made smut? What?

I doubt it. I have become very, very cynical about my country. Not good. Not good at all. From Bored Panda:

“Back in 2011, Roman Ostriakov, a homeless man from Ukraine living in Genova, was convicted for theft after he stole cheese and sausages amounting to €4 from a supermarket. A customer had seen Ostriakov put two pieces of cheese and a packet of sausages in his pocket and only pay for breadsticks at the cashier. He was subsequently sentenced to six months in jail and a €100 fine in 2015. The case went through three rulings in court before it was rejected in May 2016 in a historic ruling citing that the ‘right to survival prevails over property.’ It cited the importance of maintaining a shared humanity and that no one should be allowed to starve in a civilized society.”

Anton Gudin

Had my eyes checked today. Need new glasses. Surprise. Told my doctor about the ultrasounds for the temporal arteritis. This is the same doctor from whom I learned that I was being jerked around by my rheumatologist and that is why I have been in prednisone hell for over a decade. Anyway, told him I was put on high dose prednisone and then three weeks later had the ultrasound of my neck arteries to see if I have the temporal arteritis. NO! It has to be a week or less after starting prednisone, or the condition is masked and undetectable. BUT even more disturbing is that you don’t do ultrasounds for temporal arterits, it has to be biopsies. I had that when I first became ill in 1997, and it turned out I did not have it then, just the fibromyalgia which can also cause similar issues. Apparently fibro can present as a lot of different illnesses, none of which you may actually have. So I think this means I have to start over, but I’m thinking I may just see how it goes as I eep decreasing the prednisone, very, very slowly, which is how you are supposed to do it. I will be discussing this with my new rheumatologist, who I like and seems to be more up on things than the old one was. We’ll see how it goes.

This has nothing to do with anything, except I love it. Spring.

https://www.reviewgeek.com/148051/hp-blocks-affordable-ink-cartridges-to-make-a-quick-buck/

“We are not ‘born to die’. Yes, we are born with the inevitable fate of death, but that is merely the final act of the play. We are born to love, be joyous, to move, learn, cry, and feel. We are in fact born to live.”

About history:

“It’s a fallen tree covered in new growth.” @english-history-trip

Stonehenge:

Meteorologically speaking, that is. Bright, cold, sunshiny day here in Mass. After the snow. Yes, we had winter. A real snowstorm. It was beautiful. Not all melted now, either. Winter. And now it is spring.

After my really good day, was up all night and yesterday was recovery day and I slept almost all day til 6:30 pm. Up all night again, slept a bit this morning, and yet am sort of functional. Yay. Hoping to cook something later, but we’ll see how that goes.

Happy Spring, everyone in the Northern Hemisphere. Happy Autumn to the rest of you. LOL

Today is the fourth day in a row I have eaten meat. Beef, to bespecific. I made onion burgers the other day, cook the hb, add a can of Campbell’s French Onion Soup, simmer a bit to reduce liquid, serve on toasted buns with chips. Had it two days in a row. Yesterday I made the meatloaf, had some, had some more today. The reason I’m telling you this is because today I am much, much better. I have done several things, in spite of being awake til broad daylight and only sleeping maybe three hours this morning. I am back to jumping up to do something I just though of, which only happens on the very best of days, which are extremely rare. Is it the beef? I know I have always been anemic and am taking iron pills, so maybe I am lacking whatever you get from beef. I have tried going vegetarian several times over the years, but eventually I remember I feel better when I eat meat. And here seems proof. So happy me is happy today to be Getting Things Done. Yes!!

I made meatloaf. It took about three hours, because I had to sit down after scrubbing the carrots (did you know you don’t have to peel carrots if you just scrub them well?) and washing the mushrooms. Then I chopped them in the food processor, had to sit down for a bit, crushed in the crackers, added the onions my friend Tess chopped a big bag of for me a couple of weeks ago, added the seasonings (tons of pepper. I like pepper) and the eggs. sit down again. Add the meat, mix it up, sit down. Put the mix in the pie pan as the pan I had intended to use had been put away not really clean (not by me). It is now in the oven for about 90 min as it’s a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be. But I did it. By myself. Woo Hoo I’d love it to wind up like this one, but not holding my breath.BTW, it is midnight.