>It’s been a week, and I’m still feeling tired and miserable. I am so over this. A positive thing though, is that I have spent the week just sleeping or vegging on the couch, only doing what I felt up to doing, which was mainly finding something to eat. The positive thing is that I realize how fortunate I am to be able to do this. My biggest responsibility is taking care of the cat. If the house is messy and there are no regular meals, no one cares but me. So I can indulge myself when I feel this bad. Lots of people still have family to take care of, jobs to go to if they are able, responsibilities to fulfill. If I’m going to feel this bad for this long, how would I manage? I have actually felt this bad and much worse for much longer sometimes, too. About three years ago, I think, I had a six week period where I could barely stay awake for two hours at a time. Sometimes I think how lovely it would be if I had somebody to take care of me. But I was always the caretaker, and now there’s no one around to take care of me. Besides, I’m probably not that easy to live with anyway. *grin*.

>We’ve had several days of gloriously beautiful warm and spring-ish weather. I of course have felt like crap for most of them. Have I done something to offend Mother Nature? Gee, I hope not. I can’t believe we change the clocks this weekend….so early? Why don’t they just leave it changed all year, or just leave time alone. Time change is much harder on people who are ill, especially the spring change. It must be like jet lag…it’s not as bad going east to west as it is west to east, or the other way around. I don’t fly, so I’m not sure which is the correct one. Anyway, I wish they’d just cut it out.

DD the eldest wants to give me a long-distance ‘light’ treatment in the next couple of days. She recently discovered that she seems to have some kind of ability to make someone’s pain better but isn’t sure how it works. Anyway, for my treatment, she will send vibes and I sit and see if I feel anything, seems to be the gist. Normally, I would laugh this off as that crazy stuff some people are into, but I had cranio-sacral therapy once, and it was interesting, to say the least. I had not heard of it before (kind of like I never heard of fibro til I was diagnosed with it) so I had no pre-conceived idea of what was supposed to happen. I was in for my regular physical therapy and the person said she was going to try this. She put one hand under my back, one above my stomach, neither hand touching me. I felt energy passing through me from one hand to the other. She did this a few minutes, then told me to gently sit up, which I did. It almost felt like I was out of body and had to sit til I merged with myself again. It was pleasant, not scary or painful or anything, but really strange. I never had the therapy again, and it had no lasting effect, but it was a kind of eye-opening experience. Things that sound stupid sometimes actually aren’t. I’m not the tarot-card, psychic-visiting, metaphysical type, but it does make you wonder. I’ll post what I get out of the ‘light’ treatment, if anything. I do try to be open-minded and not just dismiss things out of hand, so I’m willing to give it a try. Besides, it can’t hurt, right?

>Last week I was in a funk and completely unmotivated. Then Monday and Tuesday I was on a roll, following my plan successfully. Got up, had orange juice, ellipsed, breakfast, get ready for the day, make coffee and go outside for a bit. Actually, Monday, my friend came over and we went out, so that counted as my outside for the day. Tuesday, I even cooked dinner…a real dinner of fish topped with crumbs and mushrooms, and baked potato. Ran the dishwasher. So much energy. But at the same time, I was exhausted physically. Not sure how to explain how I can have enough energy to chop veg and cook and clean up and at the same time be physically exhausted, but that’s how it is sometimes. Exhaustion causes glitches and brain-fog. Turned on the wrong burner and didn’t realize until the tea kettle was out of water and turning black on the bottom. Flipped a knife onto the couch when I sat down to eat, poorly placed the laptop on the couch to make room on the tray for my dinner and the laptop slid onto the floor right on the side where the power cord connects. Oh, gee, I killed my laptop, after I just started using it again. This is that fibro-fog that causes you to put your glasses in the freezer and the milk in the cupboard. The brain just does not work. When this happens, rest is the only solution. Real rest, lying down with eyes closed. Or a real night’s sleep, the kind that is so rare with fibro/CFS.

So my plan lasted two days in a row. Almost a record for me. One day in a row is usual, but I have had maybe three at some point. By Wednesday, the exhaustion had caught up with me and I was totally useless…barely functional. The rest of the week I have been sleeping way more than usual, or being awake all night. I’d really love it if I could have some semblance of normalcy, normalcy being where I can follow my plan on a regular basis, sleep at night and be awake during the day. But it’s been eleven years since the illness really took hold, so I’m not hoping for normalcy to make a comeback any time soon. I’d really like to get outside every morning, in hope of setting my internal clock to a normal day/night configuration, but boy is that ever hard to accomplish. I’m so foggy in the morning, or whenever I wake up, that usually I get the coffee made and sit in front of the computer. both things that take minimal effort on my part. I’ve also had a headache for the past few days. Does all this count as whining, or just updating my situation? You decide, dear readers. LOL

On the other hand, spring is springing. It’s supposed to be in the fifties the next few days, and sunny. Sunny is good.