Gertrude is doing very well so far.  Off one of her meds and still no upchucking.  Looking better, seems to be putting on a teeny bit of weight, even her fur feels softer.  I am happy.

Called an endocrinologist today, after reading that they do Prednisone withdrawal treatment.  They’ve called back three times with questions, and I am still waiting to hear if she’ll take me on as a patient.  Nothing wrong with my rheumatologist, but we are just never on the same page.  I want to have a life, he wants me off Prednisone, even a small dose, which supposedly has no side-effects.  So hoping to get some help managing it with someone who isn’t just focused on getting me off it completely.  They tell you you have to balance the bad side-effects with the benefits of drugs they give you, so why doesn’t that apply here?  I know there are side effects.  Get me on a low enough dose that I can function and not have those side effects, and then leave me alone. But no.  Does not happen.  Frustration.

Days are getting much brighter.  It is almost March.  Spring will spring, be sprung, whatever.  So long as it’s not hot and sticky, I’m good with it.

Too tired to really make much sense here, so that’s all, folks. 

From here:

News and Guts

From Susan Keller:

Is there a silver lining? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it looks like America is getting great again. Just look at the progress made since the election:

Found here:

New Yorker Magazine

“….I want to go for a day without thinking about my body.”

Not bloody likely, unfortunately.  I am worse today than I was yesterday, with more all-over pain.  Sleeping well is the key, and it just doesn’t happen.  Oh, well.

Nice chill winter’s day again.  Milky sky.  Still winter, even after yesterday’s high temps.

Gertrude is barely eating anything.  She again today has not even come out for her treats.  The ones that have the meds in them.  Oh, wait she just showed herself.  She looks so thin.  Vet called to see how she is, and she’s fine, except for the barely eating anything bit.  I am preparing myself mentally for the worst, but remaining hopeful that this will turn around, or the ultrasound will find an easily fixable problem, or something.Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.  What else can you do?

is marginally better.  Can stand a few minutes, still with pain, but no, “OMG I have to sit down”, right off.

Here’s a picture of that steak and stout pie I bought the other day, before baking. I baked a giant sweet potato along side.  Pie is pretty tasty.  I love sweet potatoes, too.  🙂

Took a couple of tests from here: https://psychology-tools.com/

Not the place I took the original Asperger’s test from.  That was some Asperger’s site I have lost.  Anyway, results.

Autism Spectrum Quotient:  28 out of possible 50.  Scores in 26-32 indicate some Autistic traits (Asperger’s Syndrome).

That’s what it says.

Empathy Quotient: 18 out of possible 80.  Scores of 30 or less indicate a lack of empathy common in people with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome.

Interesting.  I know I’ve said this before but I’ve spent my life not having a clue what was going on.  Why are you angry at what I said?  What was wrong with it?  Things like that.  Nobody ever tells you, either.  At least there is an actual reason for having absolutely no social skills, and no ability to read people’s feelings, or get when they are saying things just to make me look foolish when I don’t understand the joke, which happens more than you’d think.  People can be cruel.  I used to think I was scatter-brained, or just stupid, but I’m not.  Yay, me.  I look nothing like this woman, either, just so you know.

It’s almost 60 degrees out.  I would open the windows, but they are hard and I’ve already damaged my rotater cuffs opening them before.  Crap.

I am having a pretty good day, for me, and I am already starting to dread the night, because I will have to go to bed and then start all over tomorrow, and today’s good day will most likely only be a memory, and the pain and fog and fatigue will be right there front and center.  I frequently start to get anxious once it gets late in the day, just for this reason.  Then I’m even less likely to sleep well.

Been messing about on here, adding some apps to the start menu, seeing what’s available, reminding myself of what I had before I did the clean install. I like clean installs, so long as you’ve backed stuff up, you just start fresh and realize, ‘Why did I have all that crap on here anyway?’.  Did not restore all my backups.  They are safe on sticks and I can just plug them in as needed.  I like sticks.  If you get screwed with a virus or something, they are not affected, so long as you’re absolutely sure the computer is clean before you connect one.  I bought bitdefender after the install, because it was on sale, really, but I scan everything.  I even scan my sticks when I insert them, and again before removal.  My friends got that FBI ransomware a few years ago, so you can’t be too careful.  I was able to fix it for them, but it would have been better not to get it in the first place.

Gertrude spent the day in her box, and just now came out to eat her two pill treats and her spoon of food.  She must have been starving, but why not come out and eat?  I don’t know what’s going on with her, but at least she has stopped throwing up.  So far. Actually, I need to look to make sure she ate the food.  Well, that was a big no.  She’s not required to get small spoonfuls today, but I’m liking doing it that way.  I put out a bit of the new food, and a bit of the Elegant Medleys.  I know which one she’ll eat.  Next time I’ll stir them together, maybe.

Listening to my music on Pandora.  Right now it’s First Aid Kit.  I have it on shuffle.  I have Abney Park,  Rusted Root, some Phish,  AWOL Nation, Morphine, Dropkick Murphies, and more.  Good music.  It’s a good day.

Found this on Twitter, or Facebook, or Tumblr, or somewhere:

‘what doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor. ‘    So true.  🙂

And this is just here because it makes me happy:

Yesterday, I signed a petition to repeal that horrific Citizens United thing that let our government be openly bought.  So during the night, when I couldn’t sleep, I was thinking about how to do it differently.  Besides keeping out all contributions, I thought confining the actual campaigning to a month or so before the election would be helpful.  People wouldn’t be sick of it all years before it happens.  It seems to be a continuous campaign season now.  And the coverage should be free and limited.  Say each legitimate candidate, and not sure how to determine that, would have a couple of hours one day a week on air, with the broadcasts recorded and online for those who can’t watch live.  Anyway, one day could be to state their position.  Here’s how I stand on this or that issue.  The next week, an actual accounting of how they voted, who they supported, where they have stood in the past, with time for them to explain themselves and why we should vote for them.  The next week could be for questions; prepared, well-thought out, on point questions from the press and other institutions who have relevant concerns.  The last week could be for questions from the public.  Then the vote.  So no one is getting bought, no one is having billions from the Koch Brothers funding them, it would just be straightforward.  I have no idea if this is a good idea or not, but the way it’s working now is a farce.  Our government is not OUR government, it belongs to rich old white men, and does their bidding.  We are a disgrace.  This democracy has failed dramatically, and capitalism has proven to be the horrific idea it seemed to be. </political rant>

Gertrude, although I have not seen her yet today, was fine last night, eating her teaspoon of food every two hours with no upchucking.  Today she is having pills in little pill pockets that I know she likes, so hope she shows herself soon and actually eats them.  I want her to be well, not only so the cleaning up after her ends, but so she is not in pain or suffering in any way.  The vet said she could have irritable bowel syndrome, or pancreatitis.  Good grief.  Poor baby.

When you spent a lot of time with an animal, you can really see the individual personalities and quirks and all.  Every one is different, just like children.

Simon was in-your-face gregarious, loved everybody, want to go everywhere and see everything, and wanted what he wanted NOW.  You could tell he was a guy even if you had no idea.

Gertrude is timid and sweet and affectionate to me, afraid of everyone and everything else.  She is a dainty lady, does not make messes, jump up on tables or counters, or eat everything in site.  She is the poster girl for picky eaters.

I am still slowly getting better, thinking clearer, able to actually DO things around the house, able to THINK about what I want/need to do around the house.  The pain and fatigue can overwhelm everything in your life, and all you can do is wait for it to get better.  Functioning normally becomes impossible.  So I am really happy to be improving .

It has turned into a real winter finally, with the snow we had, and cold, clear blue sky days.  Really cold.  It’s fantastic.  I love winter.  I wouldn’t want it to be winter all the time, but for a few  months, it’s great, and really makes you appreciate and look forward to spring towards the end.  I don’t think I could live somewhere without definite seasons.  I get bored easily.  🙂

Pain is back.  Trying to do a bit of cooking and have to keep sitting down. Oh, well.

Took Gertrude to the vet at 8:30 this morning, the middle of my night, usually.  Had to stay up all night to be up that early with a brain that works.  So they gave her some stomach-soothing injections and I have to give her stomach-soothing pills starting tomorrow.  That will be fun.  She can’t eat til 8pm, which is still two hours away, and then only a tiny bite, with a two-hour wait for the next one.  Same thing tomorrow.  She has an appt for an ultrasound of her stomach and all, and for her heart, since she has a murmur, and they need to see what’s going on because some meds they might give her can cause heart failure with a murmur.  Poor baby.  You apparently get a two-ultrasounds discount, cause individually they are nearly 400 dollars each, but both at the same time is about 550 dollars.  Expensive, but seriously, if you have a pet, it’s your responsibility to give them the care they need, just like you would a child.  You have total control over their lives, and need to do the right thing for them.   I think if you really can’t pay, some vets will at least give you a discount, but I’m not positive about that.  I am getting so in debt from these things, and the dentist, and other things.  Thank god for credit cards, but I will still be paying it off twenty years after I’m dead, at this rate.

I am making turkey meatloaf.  It has celery and apple and onion and oats and pumpkin pie spice and fresh sage and other things.  Sound really good.  Turkey is pretty bland, so you need to spice it up.  I make a Fritos casserole that I used to do with ground beef, and you really can’t tell much difference between it and turkey, because it has Fritos and chili powder and cumin and other good things.  Yum.  I made that last week, actually. Yay, me.

Did brunch with my friend Tess after the vet.  She drives me everywhere, crazy woman, so we always do lunch and maybe some shopping or something on appointment days.  On no-appointment days, too.  Lots of laughing ensues.  Laughing is good.  I hae a Western omelet.  I love Western omelets.  If you put it between two slices of bread, it becomes a Denver sandwich.  I love Denver sandwiches.  The place we go makes a really delicious Western omelet, with hash browns and toast.  And orange juice.  I always get orange juice.

I bought some meyer lemons and am going to make lemon curd.  Lots of things you can do with lemon juice, but I love lemon curd in February, it’s like eating sunshine on your toast.  Meyers have a nice, less-tangy taste than regular lemons, and make great curd.  Not making it tonight,though, because my back is hurting a lot.  It makes cooking hard when you can’t stand up for long.  The serious chopping and sauteing and all kind of turns into ‘So what if the tiny dice is huge cubes, I need to sit down.  Oops, overcooked the onions.  Well, the black edges will just add more flavor, right?’  It still looks good, anyway.  And smells fantastic.  Just pop it onto parchment and bake.  Yum.

I am tired.  Slept maybe an hour last night, and on the go most of the day, and now cooking.  I really am better.  I love this gif. This was such a funny show, Will and Grace, and Jack and Karen were the funniest.

So after being up for 36 hours, I fell asleep around 9 last night and woke up at 6am with a slight ache in right side of lower back. (Six is normally the middle of my night, so yay, me.) After being up and around a bit, had some actual pain in right side, not as bad as normal, either. Iced it a few minutes and much better. I think from what they told me that it will continue to get better over the next few days. Moving around without back pain. I will be able to stand up for more than a few minutes, and walk without pain. I’m hopeful, and so grateful for my friend Tess, who drives me to all these things, and always, always makes me laugh.

Lovely winter’s day again, sun and blue sky, but lots of clouds. Is it going to rain? Snow? Who knows. So I am happy to be better. Pain is very, very wearing. Makes you tired and keeps you from doing the things you want/need to do. So far, I am really glad I went to the pain clinic.

Went this morning.  Was there about an hour and a half, but the actual procedure took ten minutes.  Lots of needles in my back, one after another, but little tweaks, not really any pain.  Was nice to be pain-free from the numbing agent, and now that it’s wearing off, there is still very little pain.  Will see how it is tomorrow.  They said it could be a few days before it works.  Back in a month for another diagnostic, which is what they call this procedure.  Every one was very nice and there was laughing and it was a positive experience.  Laughing is always good.

Was supposed to rest after, but went to lunch at the Olive Garden and then to Trader Joe’s, which is practically right next door to the Olive. Bought a packet of frozen steak and stout pie to try. Yum? Seriously, who doesn’t love pie.

Bah!  Humbug!  Well, actually, I am slowly getting a bit better since I’ve upped the Prednisone, and tomorrow I have the pain clinic.  Shots to block nerves in lower back.  I hope it works.  Still  lots of pain, but not as lethargic, and can actually think somewhat clearly.  On the bah humbug side, Gertrude is doing really poorly.  She just upchucks everything she eats, and in the past week or two has gotten extremely thin.  So back to the vet on Friday.  Poor baby, I feel really bad for her, and she has gotten clingy, which she never has been, so that’s not a good sign.

Trying to avoid all the political stuff.  I just can’t deal.  I want to.  I want to do something, but right now I really need all my energy just to get through today.  Every day.  Hope things are going well for all of you, my invisible readers.  🙂

I have been pretty miserable for a while now.  Saw the rheumatologist, told him I am gradually increasing the Prednisone til I find a level that works.  Oh, okaaay.  Call in two weeks.  If not better, want you to go on Cymbalta.  Google Cymbalta.  Side effects of the not-good variety.  I am confused.  Prednisone works, when I am at the correct dosage.  Everytime I get there, they have me decrease again, and then when I inevitably have to increase again, it takes longer and longer to get back to that doing relatively okay phase.  The side effects at low doses are not bad, and I’ve read that at 5 mg and below, there are no side effects. 5 was working fine for me back several months ago. Then they had me cut back again. Today I increased to ten in hopes of not being in constant pain and sleeping more hours than not.  The thing I am confused about is, given what I just said, why do they want me to get off Prednisone and take something with worse side effects?  Like the meloxicam, which caused bloating, shortness of breath, and severe back pain.  What is the logic behind this?  My doctor just seems laser-focused on ‘get off the Prednisone’ and nothing else even registers with him.  The only other rheumatologists I am aware of in this area share his practice, so changing doctors is kind of iffy.  It’s not bad enough you feel like crap, the doctor just seems to be in another universe or something.  Fed up am I.  Totally.

Had a really bad weekend, and did not even fire up the laptop for three days.  Realized how nice it was to not have any politics evident.  I don’t watch tv, just netflix and hulu, so I have been out of the loop.  I want to stay out of the loop.  It’s too disgusting and upsetting and overwhelming to see what orange gas-bag man and his supporters are doing, and even though I want to be part of the resisting this shit movement, I am ill, and it’s healthier for me to avoid it.  When I stopped watching tv, it did not take long to notice how much less frustrated and angry I felt, now even more so with avoiding on -line politics.  Let me just read my fan fiction and my crochet and cooking and pretty pictures blogs and let the world take care of itself for awhile.  I’ll get back to it when I’m better.