Well, Here We Are

Just about at the end.  Of the year, but possibly, of us as well.  I’ve lived through times with a lot of things that were appalling, like the Viet Nam war, riots, 9/11, Ronald Reagan, George Bush the Idiot, but I don’t remember ever being faced with the devastation that is being brought about by electing a fascist to the most powerful position in the world. A moronic fascist.  A narciscisstic man-child spoiled brat, frat-boy mentality fascist.  (Not that he ever was a frat-boy, was he?  Does he actually have more than a third-grade education?)  A person who has set out to destroy every bit of progress we have made over the past decades.  A person who is leading us back not only to Nazi-ism, but to the Dark Ages. This was a year of devastating blows, people I admire dying, the resurgence of everything bad about humanity, Brexit, the realization that a good portion of my fellow citizens are hate-filled, undereducated cretins who lack the ability to think for themselves and just believe everything Fox News tells them.  I am struggling to be hopeful for the future.  I am trying to think ahead to how I will survive without the programs I depend on that are looking to be eliminated when orange gas-bag man gets into office.  Be prepared to the best of my ability is my new motto.  The best of my ability is not very good, either, since I am in constant pain and spending most of my time on the couch sleeping, reading, or watching Netflix.  Happy New Year, world.  I can’t even come up with one thing to laugh about right now.  I will work on that.


I don’t do resolutions, but my goal is to try to go outside every day that pain and fatigue allows the whole getting dressed, getting presentable, and not having to go back to bed from the exertion.  We’ll see how that goes. I hate to post when I am feeling so negative, but it helps me to write things down and send them out there.  Sorry about that, readers.  I hope you are all well and happy and have a fantastic 2017.

What Can I Say?

People keep dying. Carrie Fisher died, George Michael died. How many is that? I don’t know any of those who died this year, but I knew their work, and they’ve been part of my life for a long time.

After a month of miserableness, capped by well over a week of super-miserableness, I think (hope) I am slowly coming out of the pain/exhaustion cycle. I hope. Too soon to tell. Going out today, hoping to have enough energy to last. Not been on the computer much, since sitting at the desk for more than half an hour doesn’t seem to be possible. Oh, well, days are getting longer, had the windows open yesterday (DECEMBER, Mother Nature. What the f?)

Guess I’m not back to happy, happy just yet. LOL

The following article is good. Comments, too. I love comments. I used to read all the letters to the editor, back when I read newspapers. Like to know other people’s take on things. I wish I could celebrate those morons who supported Drumpf getting what’s coming to them, except I’ll be getting it, too. Social Security, Medicare, all the protections we have (had) are going to go away, I’m afraid, and the supporters are saying, “What? I didn’t know he was going to do that.” Because clearly all you cared about was getting permission to hate and discriminate overtly, and didn’t pay attention to anything else orange gas-bag man said. So yeah, up yours. Except, as I said, I will suffer along with you. Anyway, here’s the thing:


Here’s another in a similar vein: It’s kind of disturbing to realize what many of my fellow citizen are really like, but there it is.


In the last one, someone said a lot of evangelicals voted for Trump because they believe he will usher in the End Of Days.  Not being religious, this did not occur to me, but I do think this is going to be the end of us..  I was hoping for more progress and enlightenment, not a return to the Dark Ages.  We are so screwed.  I do what I can, which is mostly signing petitions, but we all need to do whatever is possible for us to fight this moron and his hateful band of really poor excuses for human beings.  Stand against them at every opportunity.  If we’re going to go down, we should at least go down fighting.  Right?

Why Do You Read My Blog?

If it’s for fibro/illness related posts, here’s one.  I feel like shit.  In spades.  On the bright side, since I  quit the omeprazole (prilosec), my back is hurting much less.  It’s one of the side effects, back pain.  On the other hand, I have heartburn every time I eat anything, and a pill got stuck in my esophagus the other day (oh, painful is an understatement), which has never happened in all the zillions of pills I’ve taken.  Turns out, getting OFF the omeprazole is as bad or worse than being on it, because your stomach now has no defense against too much acid on its own.  So they give you meds that destroy a necessary part of your digestion, in order to keep you from having too much acid. Does this make sense?  ‘You take a lot of meds that are hard on the stomach.  Here, take this to help with that.  Oh, you can never get off it, because now everything you ever ingest will cause too much acid and you have no defense.  Or something.  The meloxicam side effects, aside from stomach bleeding, are bloating (your stomach keeps expanding and is hard as a rock)  and bad breathing, like you can’t take in enough air in a breath.  Among other things.  These are bad drugs, and they are still finding out just how bad, according to my pharmacist.  I seem to have forgotten the rule, somewhere along the line.  The rule is ‘never take anything that has not been out for at least ten years, because it takes that long for all the side effects to show up’.  And maybe even not all of them show up in the ten years, either.  Medicine is a profit-driven industry, it is not about the patient’s health and well-being.  Not anymore.

I wish you’d comment, people out there, because sometimes I feel like I may as well address the wall, but I keep typing anyway.  Oh, well.

God, I feel awful.  Really, really awful.  Weak, tired, in pain, heartburn, exhaustion.  I’m supposed to go out for dinner tonight with a friend I don’t see often, and I really don’t know if I’m going to be able to when the time comes.  Merry Christmas, Jean.  Yeah, right.Exhausted


Barely.  Been a tough week of pain and exhaustion, mainly sleeping, reading, watching stuf on my Amazon Firestick.  Love that thing.  So much better than Roku ever was.  Anyway, I think my body was adjusting to not taking those two meds, and is slowly adapting.  Did not take any pain meds today at all…yet.  Will probably take some when I settle in for the night.  Helps me sleep better anytime, not just now.  Rechecked the side effects of the meds I quit (omeprazole and meloxicam), and opted to deal with the pain for a while in hopes it would get better, and it seems to be.  I hope.

Snowed last night and this morning.  Lovely snow.  Slushy mess, but I don’t have to go out in it.  🙂Snowmanglobe

Have binge-watched some things.  Dicte, which is a Danish show.  First season of Bosch.  Getting ready to do season 2.  Started The Last Ship, but really, the plot was kind of stupid, and another ‘everybody tries to kill everybody, and oh, yeah, there’s a spy on board’ which seems to be the only ideas they can come up with for disaster scenarios, unless it’s the one where weirdly dressed and tatooed motorcyclists run rampage.  Really, come up with something else, will you?  Maybe people could attempt to work together to find a solution, or to make new lives or whatever, but noooooo.  Gets really old, even though it’s probably accurate as far as how humanity will act in such situations.  Depressed enough, thank you. Two main characters in Dicte.  She is Dicte, he is a cop.dicte

Oh, typing hurts.  Typing.  Back to the couch soon, I think.

christian-kaneSo more tv:  Kind of binge-watched The Librarians, which was kind of lame, but has people I like in the cast.  Christian Kane, for example, who I alternated watching here and on Leverage.  Leverage.  Read a thing that said the writers had to tone down their research for subjects, since real life was so much worse than they could depict on the show.  How surprised am I?  Not at all.  Greed and corruption are the rule in today’s world.  Or ‘you can’t trust anybody’. Really.

Just started ‘Homeland’, which is riveting.  Claire Danes and Damian Lewis are so intense, such good actors.  I like him from ‘Life’, which was another quirky show I loved, but quirky doesn’t play well with viewers, it seems.  All the ones I like get cancelled.  Terriers, anyone? Or Backstrom?  Never seen them, right?  Well I did, and I liked them.  So there.

Watching Rizzoli and Isles, which I’ve seen already, but it’s kind of like easy reading, only with pictures.  Man, are those ladies unprofessional, crying over corpses in the morgue, among other things.  No other pathologist cries over corpses, at least not in any shows I’ve seen.  Seeing it more often than once a week makes me realize how annoying Maura is, too, and kind of idiotic, as well.  Liked the actress better on NCIS.

Oh, binge-watched Shut Eye on Hulu.  Almost didn’t watch it, but Jeffrey Donovan.  He was so good in Burn Notice, which I am revisiting as well, and is just as good in this show.  Yes, it’s fortune tellers and tarot cards, but much more.  It’s really good.jeffrey-donovan

Tried to watch Greatest American Hero.  Loved it when it was on tv, back in the Dark Ages (which we may be revisiting for real starting in January) but it is just sooooo corny now, had to give up.  Did DCI Banks, New Tricks, which was sort of like comfort food, Elementary, all that were available, am doing Midsomer Murders for the second time, more comfort food and beautiful scenery, The Detectorists, which was just lovely and calm and lovely.  There’s tons more, that I’ve been watching for the past however long, not just this week, really, there aren’t enough hours for all those things I’ve mentioned and the ones I didn’t.  Noteven if I watch 24 hours a day, every day. These are The Detectorists.  I guess you’d call this another quirky show.  I loved it.the-detectorists

Going to check out The OA and Department Q on Netflix.

I have rambled, but this is the longest I’ve been able to sit at the desk in a week.  Oh, there was another update last night.  Second one that killed the laptop.  Had to unplug, unbattery, let sit, before it would go any further than a black screen.  Do they mess things up on purpose at Microsoft?  Would not surprise me.

Listening to Abney Park’s free Christmas album.  I love Abney Park and it’s great that they’d put out an album for free, but I’m sorry to say they all sound kind of off key.  Maybe they’re smashed.  They’ve recorded while drunk before.  But the off-key?  Is it just me?  It’s here:

Abney Park

christmas-dinnerGuess you’re all gearing up for Christmas.  I’ll be spending mine here, alone, again.  Although my new homemaker invited me to her parent’s house.  Not going to happen, but nice to be asked.  Probably won’t even get a Christmas-type dinner.  I didn’t get a Thanksgiving one.  Poor me.  LOL   There will be no peas in my Christmas dinner, should I get to have one.  I do not love peas.  Green chili relish, yes.  Peas, no.  My late Father-in-Law always took pictures of the Christmas dinner.  I thought he was weird, but he was just ahead of his time, it turns out.  🙂 Happy, happy, everyone.


Not taking the meloxicam has helped my breathing and my stomach is not rock hard, but….pain. Had the MRI yesterday, was a general all-over pain day, but doable. Then today I am just a mass of pain. Everything that can hurt, does hurt, it seems. Fun times. Seeing rheumatologist tomorrow, hoping they have something else that will work. If the idiots in the government would realize that the War on Drugs mostly hurts people who are in pain, maybe there would be something I could take that worked without killing me as a side-effect. But no. Puritanic ‘punish the victim’ attitudes always seem to win out. A bit peeved today. Pain tends to do that.

It got cold. It was 15 degrees F around midnight last night. Been cold for several days, and it was only bit ago I had the windows open all night. I love New England. Really, I do. Variety is what makes life interesting, I think.

Got my itty-bitty Christmas tree up Friday, so yeah. Some years I don’t even have enough whatever I need to get it out of the closet.  It’s on the dining table.

Just so you know, I suck at cinematography.  Besides, I was in pain and lying on the couch with the cat, who was NOT helping. The colors never seem to show up well, but it’s my phone, so maybe I expect too much. Can you imagine?  You can take videos with your phone. Your phone.  Technology is amazing.  I think you have to double-click on it to make it run.  Oops, no single click works.  My brain is drain when I am in pain.  Oh, I made a rhyme.  Not going well here, people.  Not going well at all.  LOL

My Life

Looking for my birth certificate, came across a journal I started in 2002.  Amazing how nothing has changed.  In 2008, I had been ill for eleven years.  Here’s what I wrote:  “It’s always the same hopelessness, the same lethargy, the same fatigue, mental and physical.  I’d like to have energy, I’d like to do things, but I don’t. am still, after eleven years of being sick, just trying to get through each day.  JIust get through today.  Get up, survive, go to bed, can’t sleep, can’t wake up, drag myself out of bed and start all over again struggling to get through today.”  Not much has changed in these past eight years.  Every day is still a struggle with pain and fatigue and wanting and not being able to do things.  I have more ‘good’ days than I did for awhile there, but they are still few and far between.  One thing that has changed, I guess, is that I was constantly blaming myself, calling myself lazy, useless, etc.  Then I read something about the illness, and the degrees, and realized that it’s not just me, and I have a rather severe form anyway.  Life is hard, made harder by illness or disability.  I think it’s a bit harder when it’s an invisible illness, because not only do you continually feel like you have to explain or make excuses, people tend to look at you like you’re just literally making excuses for being a lazy good-for-nothing slob.  I hate that explaining, so people don’t think that about me, but I’m never sure if they believe me or not anyway.  It’s just a really difficult mess to be in, and yes, I know, a lot of people have it a lot worse, but that does not invalidate my struggle.  Comparison-shaming is just no.  So done whining, I guess.  Wanted to get out my little tree and put it up, want to have some Christmas vibe going on, but the best I can do is Christmas music videos.  Yay.  Living alone when you’re ill is hard.  Now I’m really done whining.  🙂


The Friday Five

importD31) What was your first day of school like?    Exciting.  Scared when I got there, wanted my mom to stay with me.  Then I noticed a child-sized playhouse, went inside, totally forgot about my mom, and that was that.  I loved school, except for naptime.  I was never a sleep-during-the-day person until I got this stupid illness.
2) What was the last day you attended school like?   I don’t actually remember.  I remember graduation, but not the day at school.
3) Have you had a teacher who really influenced you?  Several.  Mrs. Alt, my fifth grade teacher, D.K.Smith in high school, and another in high school whose name I forget who took a sabbatical to teach in Africa.  These three especially inspired you to want to learn and read and learn some more  Great teachers.  I was lucky.
4) What was the first school you attended?   Fountain School, in Pueblo, Colorado
5) To you, is college important?  Maybe in landing a job, but as far as learning, I think you can learn as much or more by being widely read and never losing your curiosity or your thirst for knowledge.  You’re never too old to learn new things.tumblr_ohgfxazlaj1sg22dvo1_540

Email Warning and Pain Clinic

I have yesterday and today gotten emails stating that first, my Netflix account was suspended, and today, my  Apple account was suspended.  These are spam.  Report them, don’t click on anything or call anybody.  Danger, Will Robinson.  Danger, Danger.

Went to pain clinic, got eval, have to go for MRI to be sure what exactly is going on to know what shots I’ll get.  So yay.  Hope something works.  Had blood drawn for other doctor there, too.  Fun times at the hospital.  LOL



No, I AM borked.  My torn rotator cuff did itself a bad while I was sleeping, and I have spent the day doing everything with my left hand, typing with one finger, and going, “Ow, ouch, damn, oh my freaking god” and worse everytime I forget and move it just a tad.  Just when I was finally climbing out of the all-over pain hole I’ve been in recently.  I cannot catch a break.  On the plus side, can’t really do much, so am reading and commenting on my Tumblr feed without feeling like I should be doing something else.  Is fun. I can have fun anytime, anywhere, apparently. 🙂

Found this.  I unfollowed the disturbing political pages to save my sanity, cause I can’t fix anything anyway, but I’m sure someone can use it.

How biased is your FB feed?

December Reigns

decemberAnd rains. It did a lot of that yesterday. I was out in it. It was great and fantastic and I love rain. Been having some serious pain lately, but yesterday I was able to get out, and went to four, yes four, different stores with my friend Tess. It was fun. Got some gorgeous fake flowers from Joanne’s, some shirts from Benny’s, Rite-Aid for scrips, and Market Basket for food, food, food. We are loving Market Basket. Good store brand and great prices. Yes, I have turned into a commercial.

2016-12-01-16-15-04Today is the first day of meterological winter, and it looks like it out there, even though it’s not very cold at all. I have been listening to Christmas music all afternoon from these guys:
Accapella Christmas Music

It’s pretty upbeat music, and very cheery.  I like cheery, helps with the pain.  Pain clinic Monday.  Yay.  Hope they can help.  I get overwhelmed with things need to be done when I can’t do them because of pain and the resultant exhaustion.  This is when it’s good to not live alone, but since I do, there is no one to help out.  My new homemaker is still a work in progress, pertaining to doing the actual necessary work.  Like her, but need stuff done better, or at all.  Will work it out, I hope.

Looking at that picture, doesn’t it look like it could start snowing any minute? It was in the 50’s today, though, so snow not very likely.  🙂  But it’s winter now, so snow will come, unless it’s like that one year we had a huge, tree breaking storm in October, and that was pretty much it for the entire winter.  I like snow.  Anyway,  Happy December everyone.