Saw the rheumatologist yesterday. Started shots to build bones. Reluctantly, but I was really tired and not up for resisting. Third day in a row with an appointment and other things going on. I never do anything three days in a row except veg. Ever. Exhaustion. I just lay on the couch, too tired to hold my kindle and read, even. Not sleepy, just worn out. Anyway, during the discussion, we talked about how much better I am after the knee shots (which were suggested and given by his PA, not by him), and much less pain, and he said something to the effect that they were working ‘for now’. He said something else equally as negatively foreshadowing, and I couldn’t help but think that the last thing you want from your doctor is a downer attitude. Hi, doctor. That cast you put on helped heal my broken leg a treat. “For now.” The eye doctor, on the other hand, tells you the risks of whatever, but in a reasonable, rational way that doesn’t make you feel like the hand of doom is just getting ready to drop on your little head. I like the eye doctor and the rheumy’s PA much better than the rheumatologist himself.

My risk of breaking a bone is 20% over the next ten years. Not horrible, I said. I could get hit by a truck in the next ten years, too. We could get hit by a meteor in the next ten years. There are a lot of risks in life. You can’t protect yourself against all of them. Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t live it and enjoy it everyday anyway. Like the new WHO ‘everything everywhere causes cancer’ announcement. Sheesh! Sunshine causes cancer. No matter what you do, you are not going to live forever. Sorry, that’s just the facts. Anyway, he goes on to explain how only 1 in 100,000 or whatever has side-effects from the shots. I reminded him that he said that about Tramadol, and how I was that one that had the hallucinations and other side-effects. I think I am now on some sort of Doctor’s Black List. blacklist

Yes, I have been reading the blogs today. WHO, rheumy, ‘healthy’ candy (seriously?), ‘guilt-free’ whatever. If it makes you feel guilty, don’t eat it. Or don’t eat five pounds of it. Duh! If I’m going to eat something that’s processed or calorific or loaded with sugar, I’m going to enjoy every bite and then not eat it again for some time. I’m not going to feel guilty. I used to know someone who was always saying, ‘Bad(her name)’ every time she ate something she felt she should not have eaten. Excuse me? Okay, done ranting for today, people. 🙂Helmet

HMO says fine

Eye Surgery

So yesterday I had the cataract surgery. Was there about two hours, but the actual surgery took less than ten minutes. They give you lovely warm blankets before and after, and afterwards they gave me really good toast and really good coffee. Surprise! Good coffee in a hospital. I really like our local hospital. I’ve been there a few times, usually for mammograms or such, and once all day when I had pleurisy and it took them all day to rule out everything else, and once overnight when something was off but it turned out there was nothing wrong at all, relief, relief. This was my first-ever surgery.

Amazing how sharp my vision is out of that eye now. May have the other one done soon since it has a very small cataract, but I now see how not sharp and clear vision is out of it. Overall, it was a very pleasant experience, and no after problems. The only bad part was I had to be up at 6am to be there for 7am. Me and mornings…NO! 🙂 Of course, I had to be up at 7 today for an 8:15 follow-up appointment with the surgeon, and tomorrow I have the rheumatologist, but that’s in the afternoon. Hooray! That’s three days in a row doing stuff, which never happens. I am so much better than I was, or it would not be happening.

Next will be the colon surgery, and while I am hoping for a positive outcome, I am prepared if it’s not. I think, anyway. That’s going to be next month, I think.

It’s gotten cold, especially at night, but what would have been an okay but coolish temp in the summer, now needs a jacket. My apartment has really thick walls, too, (it’s an old brick building) and it warms and cools like the ocean. Way later than the ambient outside air temperature. I think ‘ambient’ is the word I want.

It’s autumn. I love autumn best of all the seasons we get here in Massachusetts. ‘Look at those gorgeous trees. Let’s shuffle through the fallen leaves. Smells so good.’, ‘I Hope It Snows. I Like Snow.’, ‘Mud Season-Self-explanatory’, ‘Oh Wow, Flowery Trees’, and ‘Hot and Sticky. Ew.’. Autumn is the best. Of course, in New Hampshire, there was also ‘Mayfly Season’ which was NOT fun.

This is the Mohawk Trail, in the Berkshires in Massachusetts. Not my photo. Mohawk Trail

This Just Makes Me So Angry

Because it’s true. My rheumatologist has a sign in his office that says no one should have to suffer pain needlessly. It doesn’t apply to me, however. Apparently I’m not even up there with no one. Thanks, doc. His PA is much, much more willing to listen, but then she is a female. Sometimes, I really don’t like men. In general. Yes, I know there are good men who care and are not rapists and don’t denigrate women or catcall or whatever the latest Tumblr thing is. But that doesn’t really make me feel any better when no one listens.  Duh!  Forgot the link.

Doctors treat men’s pain differently


What Ho

Fernando? LOL I am only on my second glass of chardonnay and well, you can see the results, kind of. Woo Hoo! Also, watching Sense8. Up to episode 8. Started watching it before, didn’t care for the violence, but decided to try again. Weird show, but grabs you. Hope it doesn’t turn out like LOST, which ended up a pile of crap. I remember a friend and I discussing, when we saw the polar bear, that we hoped they knew where they were going with it, but clearly, they did not have a clue. That and Battlestar Galactic had the most disappointing endings of any shows I’ve ever seen, I think.

So doing very well, considering. Actually keeping up with dishes without using the dishwasher, cooking a bit here and there, it’s all good, relatively speaking. Would like to get out more, but I always talk myself out of it. Not looking forward to surgery, because a. don’t want to have to do the whole ‘clean yourself out with this really delish drink (NOT) and hours on the toilet’ thing, cause that really sucked, and b. the possibility of death, if surgery can’t fix it. Death is not a good thing. Being positive, however. Have decided that dying is just not going to happen.

Realized, in conjuction, how truly alone I am. I really have no one. I don’t even have anyone to be my healthcare proxy. Just in case, you know. However, I am one strong bitch. Really. I am. I can deal, all by my lonesome, because that’s what I do, and that’s what I’ve always done. It’s a good thing, being strong. Having resolve. Being pragmatic. It is what it is, and whatever it is, I can handle. I mean, I’ve survived major clinical depression, years of pain and inability to function, losing pretty much everyone I’ve ever cared about, whether through death, or just somehow being removed from my life, or just not wanting to know me anymore, or whatever. I always survive. I am strong. Surprised me all to hell when someone told me, long ago, that I was the strongest person they’d ever met, because I never saw myself like that. I know better now. I fight. It’s what I do. I have my moments, and then something inside says,
‘No. We do not give up. We do not surrender’ I like that about me.

So check out Sense8, if you haven’t already. It will blow your mind.

I really should not have more than one glass of wine, people. Really. Do I look like I care? Didn’t think so.

This is so me. Pockets are crucial. 🙂 dressdesignftw