Monthly Archives: December 2010

>Happy New Year

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To all of my readers, and all of their readers, and just everyone. I hope this is the year. The year all your dreams come true, they find a cure for your illnesses, and mine. The government finally gets a brain and starts working for the people instead of for their own interests and those of their rich cronies. I hope the economy rebounds, and this time we really learn from our mistakes. I hope the tea-party-ers regain their sanity. I hope equal rights for everyone really means it. I hope no one gets bullied. I’d also like to have fresh pie every day, and really good coffee, and my own personal chef. Happy New Year, everyone.

>Findrxonline

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>Checked it out after reading comment on last post. Here’s what I found:

http://www.check-affiliate-program.com/latest-affiliate-news/Findrxonline.com.html

This explains affiliate programs:

http://money.howstuffworks.com/affiliate-program1.htm

These are the kinds of sites I avoid. You have to be really careful on the internet.

>It Was A Cold and Windy Day

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Now it’s heading into a cold and windy night, as well. Last night a blizzard, tonight just cold but still the wind is over 20 miles an hour with higher gusts. Lovely. Of course, I don’t have to be out in it.

I am still having some pain, but in general feeling better. I think I was having a bit of Christmas depression. This year I wasn’t invited to my friends house for either holiday. Thanksgiving they were in turmoil with the new house, so that’s fine. No one is obligated to invite me to anything, anytime, but when you always do and then don’t with no call or word til Christmas Eve just to say hi and let’s get together soon, I think it kind of hurt my feelings a bit. Even though, and this is why I’m just so lame to be even a bit upset, I would have had to say no since I have been having so much pain and feeling like crap all over. I spent Christmas alone with the cat, on the couch, reading fan fiction, with a frozen dinner, Indian vegetarian. Tasty. I guess it just all got me down, the whole build up and then the day. It was really no Christmas at all for me. And I didn’t get one single Christmas cookie. What’s that about?

Usually I take things in my stride, I don’t know why this year was hard. I’ve missed out on the celebrations before due to the stupid illness, and it didn’t bother me that much. Feeling alone and lonely, maybe. I miss my husband. Sometimes life just gets hard to cope with. It’s the pain. I think that’s the problem. I’ve been in almost constant pain for a few weeks now, and it wears down your spirits as well as your energy.

So…get over myself and all will be well. I see my doctor next week and plan to have a discussion about my meds and what else can I do that doesn’t involve more pills. I’ve turned Workrave back on, so I will be reminded to get up and DO SOMETHING once an hour. That really does help motivate me. I can do something for fifteen minutes. Well, some part of fifteen minutes anyway, before the pain gets too much or I just run out of energy. Today I am cleaning the stove. One bit at a time.

And another thing. My computer has decided I now live in London. ?????? I wish, but hasn’t happened. I’m still here in good old New England.

>An Interesting Read

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>Can’t vouch for its accuracy, but I’ve seen some of what it talks about for myself, and experienced some of it as well. I’ve said before, this is not the American I was raised to believe it was. I do believe Obama is trying to do right by us, but the Religious Right has co-opted our government for themselves and their own highly specific interests. The older white people mentioned here…I’m an older white person, and I think the tea-party-ers have lost their minds. Read this and see if anything speaks to you.

http://www.alternet.org/module/printversion/149324

>Three Things

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Woo Hoo. He signed. The START Treaty was ratified. Food Safety. There’s more. Our elected reps did the right thing. My Republican Senator crossed party lines and did the right thing, much to my surprise. I seriously underestimated him. It seems that personal conscience trumped party lines. That is such a great thing, especially since the Republican party line is so negative and so detrimental to the 99% of the country who are NOT their wealthy cronies. Sometimes I feel like they are trying to wipe the rest of us out of existence, so the fact the so many of them did the right thing for the country really makes me proud. I still won’t vote for them, but…..

ITEM 2: Here’s a link to another blog roll from the same folks who presented the top 50 Fibro blogs:

http://www.mastersinhealthcare.com/blog/2010/20-incredibly-educational-alternative-medicine-blogs/

Okay, little update here. Apparently a filibuster is NOT what we saw in Mr. Deeds Goes To Washington. Senators don’t actually have to stay there and talk to maintain a filibuster. This is just wrong. If it’s important enough to block, it should be important enough to stand there and tell us why for as long as you are blocking it. So here’s a petition to change that:

http://campaigns.dailykos.com/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=17

>An Interesting Article

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>This is about the overlapping illnesses that make up fibro/cfs, etc. No wonder it’s so hard to get a definitive diagnosis.

http://chronicfatigue.about.com/od/whyfmscfsarelinked/a/overlapping.htm

It’s cold and snowing today. I am still having allergy issues. It’s cold and snowing. WHY am I still having allergy issues? Ah, well.

>Two Things

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>DADT has been repealed. Finally. Even our own Republican Senator voted for repeal. Yay, Scott Brown. Doing the right thing. Every step towards equal rights for all seems to take ages. Women getting the vote, Civil Rights, and now this. In spite of all the hate and rancor, most of our elected officials did the right thing. Can you imagine having to live your life pretending to be someone else. Denying and/or hiding your true self? I am so pleased this has finally been dealt with.

Second thing is just funny. NSFW???

>HELLO

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Okay, I love the map with the pretty sparklies on it. So I made it bigger. Actually, you can choose it on the main page.

Feeling better. Actually think my leg may be improving slightly. The rest of me isn’t doing too badly, either. If I could just break my addiction to this laptop and get up and do something, I’d probably be even better than that. Got up at 1:30 after being up very late (5am?) due to caffeine yesterday afternoon. Been sitting here ever since. God, I am a slug. But there is so much to read and learn on the computer, and it doesn’t take all my energy, and it doesn’t hurt. So there.

Speaking of learning, here is Google’s newest really neat thing:

http://ngrams.googlelabs.com/

Put in your words and see what happens. I love Google. I use a lot of their services, so I’m really hoping that they’re NOT evil after all, but it’s not looking good.

Off to find some food. I forget to eat quite often, you’d think I’d be thin. You’d be wrong.

>It Was A Cold And Sunny Day

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Still is, actually. It’s 19 degrees F. It’s only 9 am. Up all night yet again. So the doctor gave me a new med, since I now have high blood pressure to go along with the other fun things. I googled the medicine, and apparently I’m not supposed to take it with Zoloft, my knock-out pill, or most of the pain-meds I use. So what am I supposed to do? Called doctor, waited all day, office person called and said to have my potassium levels rechecked. My levels were fine last week. What I wanted to know was what to do about the med interactions. Do people not listen when you talk? Do they use selective hearing?

I am also in a lot of pain from my ‘broken’ leg, which pain has of course referred itself to the entire rest of my body. Leg is only broken in the sense that I can’t really walk on it, and have been hobbling around for a week. Gee, maybe I should see a doctor. Okay, yes. I’m tired, cranky, in pain, and just fed up with the whole body not working right thing. FED UP!!

I do try. Really, I do. It is what it is. All I have to do is live with it as best I can. That works. Then, like every medicine I’ve ever taken for this, it doesn’t. I have found that just putting it down in black and white on this blog helps with my frame of mind, if not my symptoms. So whine, whine, whine. Okay. I’m done.

>Tags

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>Sunshiny Ianto

I finally got all the posts tagged, except for two inconsequential ones. Believe me, it is much easier to tag as you go on Blogger. It reverts to the first page every time you tag something on a different page, and you have to work your way back. Annoying.

I think nobody ever comments, but I have 321 over the entire blog. Of course some of them are me replying to comments, but still.

I have to call the doctor about my meds and find something to eat. I have something to cook, but my painful leg makes standing difficult. But I’m hungry. Ate breakfast at 6am, I think it was, since I was up all night again.

And it’s gray again. Have I mentioned it’s gray? Gray with rain or snow=good. Gray alone=not as good. I have my full-spectrum overhead lights on, so that does help a lot. If you’re not paying attention, you don’t even notice night has fallen when they’re on. I recommend them. Yes. Yes, I do.

>It Was A Dark and Stormy Night….

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>And day. But that was yesterday. Today is just gray. Very, very gray. I have been feeling really awful since the doctor’s last week, and on Wednesday I managed to damage my leg somehow and have been hobbling in pain ever since. It’s times like these that I just want to crawl into bed and never come out again. I get so tired of feeling lousy. Sometimes it takes everything I have to keep a positive attitude and sense of humor. But if I didn’t, if I couldn’t, I would be lost. I don’t know that I could come back from the black hole one more time. So I am very aware of it all the time, because I have to be able to recognize the spiral before I reach my Rubicon.

Rubicon. I loved that show. They talked about Rubicon during the show, but I didn’t really understand it until I looked it up. Point of no return, is basically what it means. You’ve gone too far to ever get back, and the only way left is forward. When it’s forward into the black hole, you NEVER want to reach that Rubicon. Never.

How many people have been lost because they did, and there was no way back for them? That point where you absolutely believe that the only way to end the pain is to end yourself. I’ve been there. It wasn’t anyplace I ever want to be ever again. I was lucky I was saved. A lot of people aren’t.

It scares me, I admit it. I never want to feel that way again. It was worse than the worst thing I could imagine. Like I was being ripped apart by pain. Not physical pain. Emotional pain. Physical pain is different. I think it can reach a point where the only way to end it is to end yourself, but there are lots of pain interventions, and someone usually is aware you are suffering. Not so much with psychic pain. It’s much easier to keep it hidden. To put on the ‘good’ face. I’m fine, everything is fine, it’s all fine. I’ll tell a joke and make you laugh and you’ll believe it’s fine, too.

Life can be very hard. It’s harder for some than for others, and it’s really sad that so many people aren’t saved. Don’t get a rescue, an intervention of life-saving caring. Serious depression needs all-out emergency-room trauma-center type care, but I’m not sure that’s really available in the same way it is for physical trauma. No one will call the ambulance when they can’t see that you are dying emotionally. You have to be either very lucky and have someone be there and understand at the exact right moment, or somehow find the ability and strength within yourself to call your own ambulance, metaphorically speaking. Not really that likely when you are surrounded by the darkness. Life can be very hard. Very. I try to keep on my toes about it.

>Dizzy

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>I’ve been having a lot of allergy problems recently, sneezing, stuffy nose, runny nose. Then today I got….VERTIGO. Oh, that was fun. Had to get a friend to take me to the doctor’s and walk me through the whole thing. Fortunately, it didn’t last long, and I’m not actually sick, but it was something I’d never had before. It was quite interesting and fun, but if it had lasted for any length of time, it would have been miserable, I think.

Why is it allergy season? Isn’t it freezing cold? Shouldn’t all the pollen and whatever else I’m allergic to be on vacation or something? Hadn’t been to the doctor in a couple of years, cause I haven’t been sick. He wasn’t happy about that. Hey, send me a reminder. Everything I do is a major hassle with this illness, so if I don’t have to go, I’m not going. Right? Yes, right. I do like my doctor, though. He actually takes the time to talk to me, not rush me through.

Oh, it’s really hard to find clip art of a dizzy woman, apparently, so just imagine me walking like I had a few too many while hanging onto the arm of my friend. It was pretty funny. LOL

>Well Hello

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I have been added to this:

http://www.mastersinhealthcare.com/blog/2010/50-great-blogs-for-fibromyalgia-support/

I am surprised. Kind of pleased, kind of nervous. This is the second spot to recognize my blog. Here’s the first:

http://www.myfibro.com

Does not mean I am going to change anything. I write what I write. It’s not all about illness, because I am not all about being ill. I am about life. Living it, loving it, getting the most out of it that I can with my limitations. Taking each day as it comes, dealing with what that day brings, moving on to the next day. It’s how I survive being mostly alone, being fatigues, being in pain. Deal with what’s there and never anticipate tomorrow. Works for me.

So thanks to those acknowledging my blog and seeing something of value there. Sometimes I think I’m only blogging for myself, but I know people read it, they just don’t comment. Or maybe Blogger won’t let them. Whatever. I just hope somebody gets something out of it, whether it be a laugh, some insight, whatever. It’s a good thing.

Guess that means I have to update my tags now.

>It’s All About Me

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Still feeling not so great, and moderate amounts of pain.

Here are the mostly positive things I’ve learned about myself from the memes I’ve posted on this blog:

You perceive the world with particular attention to nature. You focus on what’s in front of you (the foreground) and how that is affected by the details of life. You are also particularly drawn towards the colors around you. Because of the value you place on nature, you tend to find comfort in more subdued settings and find energy in solitude. You like to deal directly with whatever comes your way without dealing with speculating possibilities or outcomes you can’t control. You are highly focused on specific goals or tasks and find meaning in life by pursuing those goals. You are a down-to-earth person who enjoys going with the flow.

You have a playful, eccentric sense of humor.

You are creative. You see the world in bold colors.

You are a dabbler. You love to experiment.

You aren’t an expert in anything, but you know a little about everything.

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you’re probably an intellectual, but don’t take that to mean pretentious. You realize ‘dumb’ can be witty–after all isn’t that the Simpsons’ philosophy?–but rudeness for its own sake, ‘gross-out’ humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it’s also the best, in my opinion.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart – Woody Allen – Ricky Gervais

You are more QUIRKY than NORMAL.

You are more LIBERAL than TRADITIONAL.

You are more DOMINANT than PASSIVE.

You may not be happy all of the time, but you experience frequent moments of joy in your life.

There are moments so perfect that time has stood still and you wish you could freeze it forever.

You are so joyful because you appreciate the small things in life. You know joy is more about who you are than what you have.

You are thankful to be alive, and you know that things could be a lot worse. You are content with your life.

For the not so positive things, you’ll just have to read the blog.

Here’s one of my favorite funny things:

Gibbs: Are you superstitious?

Vance: I’m a little stitious.

>An Experiment

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Having a lot of leg pain today. I am trying to not just pop pain pills all the time, and when I do, I try to do a different one each day. Extra-Strength Excedrin works well, but keeps me awake. Ibuprofen works well but is bad for you???? Advil doesn’t work well and destroys my stomach. What to do? So tired and pained, I decide to try exercise. Briefly. Very briefly. I ellipsed for about five minutes, and believe it or not…..less pain. I am interested to see what happens later in the day, however, because usually when I do something like ellipse or shop or whatever, the pain doesn’t set in until later or even the next day or so. I’ll keep you posted.

>A little shopping

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Went out with my friend today. We had coffee and then got a few groceries, came back here and played Big Kahuna on the laptop til she had to leave to fix dinner for her hubbies. Just one husband. I had a friend once who called her husband ‘hubbies’ and it kind of stuck. Anyway, it really looked like winter today, but wasn’t that cold. This was my second good day in a row, so I was very happy. More energy, less pain. No idea why, but I never know why I’m better or worse. It just happens. I enjoy every second when I’m better, and try to have as much fun as I can when I’m worse, usually reading LOLcats, or watching funny movies. Laughing is always good, and always makes me feel better, even when I feel miserable. It’s a good thing.