I have a sinus infection. Called doctor yesterday, will not prescribe antibiotic without seeing me first. But is fully booked, so can’t see me, and I didn’t have any way to get there yesterday anyway. Suggested allergy pill or nasal spray. A few hours later, someone else called and said they spoke to the backup doctor who said I should go to urgent care, which I did today. Got the meds. Yay. Hurt absolutely everywhere. Is this from the infection or just a really bad fibro day or what?
Had fun at urgent care. My friend was playing a word game on her phone and we were cracking up laughing. People probably thought we were a bit crazy, which we both are. Crazy is fun. Nice people at Urgent Care which is in the same place my old doctor was. Am going to try to get a new doctor there, because so not happy with the new place I am going to. I can probably get a doctor, but none of them are taking appointments for new patients til November. Meanwhile, I can go to Urgent Care if I need to. Liking this.
Nice day, more leaves are popping out, but blooms are still gorgeous. Cloudy up. Rain? I like rain. Be safe, people.
There’s an article in the New York Times asking if antidepressants are effective. Having experience with that, I have a couple of thoughts.
I had clinical depression, which is very different from situational depression. Clinical depression is when your body chemistry gets screwed up, from what I understand. Situational depression is when you are in an untenable situation and once the situation is repaired or whatever, the depression no longer exists. There is no reason.
So I had clinical depression. It was later compounded by situational depression, so I had a double whammy. I was put on Zoloft, which aside from a mild headache the first few days, had no noticeable side effects. What it did was make me feel like myself. It was incredible. Like, ‘Oh, here I am. Glad to be back.” As it turned out, I was on it for whatever reasons for quite a long time. What I realized when I got off of it, was that while it is a life saver in the moment, and while you are still clinically depressed, after awhile it just kind of masks the problems of the situation depression. Problems not resolved, emotions not dealt with, whatever. It is like being hidden under a blanket and when it is removed, oh, look, you’re still there, with all your problems that you now have to finally figure out how to resolve. I recommend a good therapist. NOT one affiliated with any religion, however. I have friends who went that direction and it did not help them at all. Sorry, religious people.
So just thought I would throw that out there for anyone interested. When you are in the black hole, get help, get the meds, and then get the therapy. It can save your life. And yes, it is unbelievably hard to reach out for help when you are in the black hole, and I was lucky that my youngest recognized I was in serious trouble and took action. I have great kids. 🙂 But make the effort, however hard and fruitless it seems, do it anyway. Reach out to somebody, Anybody. But reach out. You are worth it. Seriously, you are.
I am 78 years old. How cool is that? Gorgeous day again, almost 60. Less pain today, but exhausted. Feels like all the energy i my body has drained out my toes, and just holding my head up is a chore. Fun times, people, fun times. So no cooking (or anything else for that matter) today. Yesterday I had a Healthy Choice meal. It was virtually inedible. Rubber chicken that tasted old and slightly spoiled, so dumped it and had Pork Shumai from Trader Joe’s instead. Will not be getting Healthy Choice again. I don’t normally buy them or Lean Cuisine or anything anyway, cause seriously, is any of that real food and low calorie at the expense of everything else that makes food good is not my idea of anything I ever want in my house. If it’s high calorie, just eat a bit less, and don’t eat it every single day. How hard is that? Calorie fanatics have ruined food. Especially frozen dinners. Some used to be quite tasty, and almost like you’d made it yourself. Tyson had one that was really good. Then the ‘OMG calories!’ people gained ground and bye bye tasty frozen dinners. Okay, enough whining about that for one day. LOL
Was talking to my children yesterday, as I mentioned, and it’s kind of disheartening how we are all so stressed about what is happening in the world. Even if we are doing our best to avoid the news and the negativity, you cannot not know what is happening. It’s like everything is going to hell all at the same time, and the worst thing about that is that humanity, instead of pulling together and working to find and actually enact solutions, instead immediately looks for someone else to hate and blame and persecute. It is who we are, it seems. We all agreed that quite frequently, we are ashamed to be members of our own species. How sad. It is such a beautiful world, and we just abuse it and certainly don’t appreciate what we have with it. As we do with each other and every other living species on the planet. Can’t fix it, try not to think too much about it, but it really is disturbing to the max.
front and back, obviously
On the bright side, I ordered a new phone yesterday, supposed to arrive tomorrow. It’s a cheapo moto G power, unlocked so I can keep using T-Mobile. I have bought moto phones since way back when I had to finally give up my Nokia flip-phone that DD 2 gave me. I loved that phone. Moto has worked well for me so why pay a fortune if I don’t have to, and I really, really do not like iPhones based on the ones my friends have. My homemaker has one, too, and it is really crap. Sorry, Apple, but it’s the truth. Personal opinion, but I really do not like. Anyway, am having it delivered to a friend’s house, because I may have mentioned packages are regularly stolen in my building. Relatively new phenomenon, but still very annoying and frustrating. The only plus there is that Amazon is very quick to refund my money. One of the good things Amazon still has going for them. Delivering to my door, like they used to, would eliminate the problem, but apparently one of the richest guys on the planet is too cheap to pay his workers well and give them humane working conditions. I would so dump Amazon if I could. In a heartbeat. But I can’t, because I am not mobile enough to do my own shopping, and even if I was, a lot of things I can only get from Amazon now. What a world. What a world. Thank you Wizard of Oz. LOL
That’s it for today. Have ten bazillion pages of paperwork to fill out for Housing, and have to get a copy of my Social Security Benefits letter. I just want to lie down and read good things on my Kindle. Ah, well. Be safe, people. In spite of what Fox News would like you to believe, the pandemic is NOT over and in some ways is getting worse. If you think you are immortal, remember that not everyone you come in contact with is immortal, too, and your devil-may-care attitude could kill them. ‘It’s not all about you’ is something humanity hasn’t guite gotten yet. We need to work on that.
Was going to go out with my friend, but of course i have gone into a flare. Woke up yesterday with entire body in pain. Took two 8-hour extra strength tylenol, which did nothing, spent the day on the couch. Same today. Took two Aleve at 10, when I got up, and had oatmeal to keep the Aleve from eating holes in y stomach. Fun start to the day. So seriously doubting I am going to be functional enough to do anything, but that’s life with chronic, debilitating, really, really sucky illnesses.
On the bright side, not only is it a beautiful windy cold sunny day, but I am 78 years old today. How cool is that? I mean, look how long I have survived all this crap. Also, I am already seeing some leaves popping out on one of the trees across the street. But blooms are still going strong, too. So pretty to wake up to every morning, even on the gray days.
I could eat a whole box of them. They are mostly air, anyway, and sooooo good. 🙂 I wanted one with my coffee on my way to work one day. Did not know the name, described to the guy, and he said ‘oh, we call those truck tires.’ LOLOL
Got to go out today. Went to two Dollar Stores, Walgreen’s for scrips, DQ for a banana shake, and Trader Joe’s. Oh, how I love Trader Joe’s. I wish it was closer, cause I could do weekly shopping there and just have loads of fresh foods, already prepped. Salads and sandwiches and cut up fruit and so much good stuff. Mandarin Orange Chicken, which is frozen and needs cooking, but is so easy, and soooo tasty. Frozen cubes of grated ginger for hot ginger tea.
Was a lot of fun. Hadn’t seen Tess in a couple of weeks, either, so that was good.
The trees across the street are all flowered up now, too. Very pretty, Gorgeous day out. So nice to be outside. Been some time since I was outside. Wish I had a porch, or a yard. Oh, well. But it was a very good day, so happy Jean is tired but happy. 🙂
Have been for a week or so now. Don’t want to get up, don’t want to do anything, no energy to do anything, no motivation. I hate when this happens.
It is 65 degrees. And two hours ago I took a picture of the first blossom across the street.
In the center, just above the wires.
And now, two hours later, a different tree has dozens of blossoms just opening. Wish I could take a picture through the binoculars, cause you can really see all the teeny buds and the flowers just starting to open. Spring is sprunging. Finally.
Just read an article about ‘helping’, or rather, asking if someone needs help. The gist was, just jump in and do something. If someone is struggling with bags, say something like, ‘Here, let me carry this one for you’, or if they are attempting to move something heavy, grab an end and help push or lift or whatever. When you ask if someone needs help, initial reaction is almost always to say , ‘no thank you’. This is something I have learned through nearly a quarter century of chronic, debilitating illness. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ is NOT going to prompt someone to say, ‘Why yes, could you cook dinner for me?’ or ‘Yes, here’s my grocery list. I shop at (name store)’. That’s not how it works. Drop off a ready-to-heat casserole. Ask for a shopping list when you are going to the store. Not, ‘Do you need me to do some shopping?’, but ‘Let me have your shopping list and I will pick the things up for you.’ ‘Here, let me make the bed,’ ‘I’m just going to do a quick vac before I leave, hope you don’t mind.’ DO, don’t ask what to do. Has anyone ever actually called you when you’ve said, ‘Call me if you need anything?’. No. How about, ‘Here, let me clear up those dishes for you.’, or ‘I’m just going to take the trash on my way out.’ Like that. The person you are helping is NOT put on the spot asking you to do something for them, not made to feel like the needy one. These things matter.
I have a friend who always takes the empties and the trash whenever she leaves. She usually doesn’t even mention it, just does it. I have another friend who shops for me every week when she does her own shopping. She just emails me to say, ‘send me your list’. These are the people you want in your life, even if you are a random stranger in a store and they help you get something off a high shelf, just asking what you are reaching for, not if you want them to get it for you. This is what ‘helping’ means. Not asking, just doing.
It’s April. Cold April, but mostly sunny days. Buds look like they could pop any day now. Second floor means eye level with the treetops across the street. Love it. April is my birth month. It makes me happy. Spring has sprung and all that. Although in New Hampshire, that was never the case. Snow, more like. Some of my favorite things for April:
strangely peculiar 
