>It was a pain day

>So I slept through most of it. Finally got up at 4pm, when my body decided pain was all done. Still felt fatigued and wonky, though. Took two Excedrin so now it’s almost midnight and I expect to be awake all night.

Watched the season final eps of Burn Notice and Royal Pains. Not my fav shows, but something to watch that’s not reality or total and complete drek. I am watching Earth2 on Netflix. Have seen some of it before, but not all. Yesterday I watched “The Boy in The Striped Pajamas”. Very good movie, well done, but very upsetting, too. At the end I was swearing at the father. People never cease to amaze me either by their kindness or their complete and utter inhumanity. It scares me to think that the inhumanly behaving ones are people just like me.

I wish I knew how to get this illness, and by extension, my life, under control. You can’t really have control over life, I know that, but I feel so completely out of control because of the sleep issues and really all of the illness issues. Like my life is at the whim of some thing I have no knowledge of. I want to sleep at night and be functional during the day, but my body seems to work the other way round. I want to be more like a regular person, if there is such a thing. I want to go where I want, when I want, and not be at the mercy of random pain and fatigue. Or maybe I just want to whine about it. Who knows? Who cares, really? Bah! Humbug!

>CFS Article

>From the fabulous io9.com


Whatever it’s linked to, I wish they’d find a fix. I am soooo sick of being sick.

Stopped raining, but still cool. Loving it. Actually cooked today. Made pizza with mozzarella, fresh basil, olive oil, and home-grown tomatoes from my friend Ed’s garden. Then I made brownies from a mix and added a cream cheese layer. All very yummy. Yay, me.

>Rain and a real post

>It’s a rainy, windy day, and the temp has risen one degree since last night. It’s 61 degrees Fahrenheit. Blanket, sweater, long sleeves. North wind blowing the curtains and pushing the rain against the window. Oh, yeah. This makes me very happy.

Now for a real post, not one with videos or memes. *smile*

I am troubled. I am still circling the drain here. But it’s like there are two of me. One is the happy, ready for fun, laughing at The Glades me. The one who is happy. Then there is the other me. The one who is circling the black hole. The one who wakes up sad and in pain and who feels like crying all the time. I don’t know how I got here. This is what bothers me. There’s no reason for this, I can’t seem to shake it…it’s always there underneath everything…I keep getting tiny flashback memories where I’m there in the moment and I respond out loud. “I didn’t mean…, Why did you…” then in mid sentence I realize I’m having a non-existent conversation with no one. I talk to myself all the time anyway, but this is different. I am talking to someone who is only there in my head, as if I’m there in that moment. It’s kind of worrying. Okay. Now that I’ve put it out there, I feel better. We’ll see how long that lasts.


Found this on an old post on a blog I’m reading. Of course I changed the answers to my own. Duh!

.1. Do you like bleu cheese?

2. Have you ever shot up heroin?
No way.

3. Do you own a gun?

4. Are you single or taken?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I like them, but I only eat ones made of turkey.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

9. Can you do push ups?

10. Have you ever done drugs?

11. Favorite hobby?
Feeding my Torchwood fan fiction addiction.

12. Secret weapon to get the opposite sex?
Remember, their brains really do work differently than ours.

13. Do you have A.D.D?,

14. What is the best part about the weekend?
Nothing. My weekends are pretty much the same as my weeks.

15. Middle Name?

16. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment..
Shit. Fuck. Damn. Sorry, that’s what popped into my head.

17. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Didn’t buy any thing yesterday.

18. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink
Coffee, decaf coffee, water.

19. Current wonder right now?
I wonder how long this gorgeous cool rainy weather will last. Well, not really. I just enjoy it while it’s here. Don’t think ahead, it’s bad for you.

20. Current hate right now?
Stupidity of people who should know better. Otherwise known as right-wing bigots.

21. Favorite place to be?

22. How did you bring in the New Year?

23.Where would you like to go?
Great Britain, Europe, South Korea.

24. Name three people who will complete this..
Me, myself, and I.

25. Do you own slippers?

26. What shirt are you wearing?
Red pullover.

27. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Not so much.

28. Can you whistle?
Sure can.

29. Favorite color?

30. Would you be a pirate?
Sure, if it was like an Errol Flynn movie.

31. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Dead Summer

32. Favorite girl’s name?
Don’t have one.

33. Favorite boy’s name?
Also don’t have one.

34. Whats in your pocket right now?
Everything I need to get me through the day. Money, keys, phone numbers, small notebook and pen, credit and shopping cards.

35. Last thing that made you laugh?
Probably Lolcats

36. Have you shaved today?

37. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Pulled something in my back and was in agony for awhile.

38. Do you love where you live?
The region, the town, yes. My apartment, not so much. I miss having an outdoors of my own. I miss my garden.

39. How many TVs do you have in your house?

40. Who is your loudest friend?

41. How many dogs do you have?
None. I have a cat.

42. Does someone have a crush on you?
I seriously doubt it.

43. What is your favorite movie?
Benny and Joon.

44. What brand of shoes are you wearing?
I’m wearing socks, not shoes.

45. Whos the last person to text you?
My youngest daughter.

46. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral?
I’m not having a funeral.

47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Reading fan fiction, of course.

48. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Oh, crap. I’m awake. I might as well get up.

49. Where did if go?
I can’t remember. If I do, I’ll let you know.

50. When is your birthday?

>Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

>Video below. Why have I become so interested in gay rights, I ask myself. I’ve always believed that discrimination is wrong, denial of equal rights is wrong, but I’ve never been outspoken about it. Til Torchwood. Torchwood made me care enough to post the things I’ve posted. Seasons one and two presented a world very different than the one we live in. A world where it didn’t matter to anyone who you loved or who you shagged. (Not being British, ‘shagged’ and variations of the word always make me laugh. Yes, I am sick.) Up until COE, when the homophobia emerged, fueled I think by the self-hatred or hubris of RTD. I’m not sure which. Anyway, it seems to me that people should stand up for what is right. Not what is religiously correct, or what is politically correct, but what is just common-sensibly right. (Hey, did I make up a new word?) The cost to ourselves from our own prejudices is enormous, and unfortunately a lot of us cannot see that. Here’s an example:

>Stand Up and Be Counted for What’s Right!

>Hi, dear readers

The Minneapolis-based retailer Target just gave over $150,000 to buy ads supporting state Rep. Tom Emmer, a far-right Republican candidate for governor. This makes Target one of the very first companies to take advantage of the Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision allowing unlimited corporate cash in elections.

Target must think customers won’t care. They’re wrong: We do care, and we need to let them know that we want Target — and all corporations — out of our elections. Can you join me in sending a message to Target’s CEO at the link below?



>Remember the movie ‘Wall Street’?

>The one where Michael Douglas’s character says, “Greed is good”? Greed brings us to the Gulf oil spill, unbelievably expensive medical care and medicines, and this:


I challenge you to not buy anything made in China. Almost impossible, isn’t it? Even if you think you are buying from an American company, once you read the labels carefully, you’ll find at least part of what you bought was made in China. My new fireplace thingy, for example, comes from a Texas company. You’d think they make their furniture themselves. Nope. The fine print on the papers that came with it say Made in China. So the Texas company is an import company, not a furniture company at all. Stuff like this just makes me cringe. No wonder I circle the black hole. Humanity never ceases to disappoint me. Individually I like people. Really, I do. But my species in general, not so much.

>Mad-Libs and Rambling

>Added a ‘make your own mad-lib’ in the sidebar.

Had a good day yesterday, in spite of being tired, unfocused, and pained. Put away some clean laundry, cleaned the kitchen, helped homemaker put together side bookcase for my new fireplace with the fake fire. It’s pretty. Did some other things, too, but I’ve forgotten already. LOL

It’s a warm and sticky day, but I have the fan on so will leave off the a/c. Too many days have needed it this summer, and I really like having the windows open.

I’ve noticed that I have the underlying depression going on. Every so often, I just feel like crying, even though I don’t cry…almost ever. I feel like life is passing me by. Summer is almost gone, and I’ve been outside only a few days altogether. I know I have control over whether or not I go out, but I always always talk myself out of it. I don’t feel comfortable being out in public by myself, and I have no private outdoors where I live. Even a little balcony with a chair would be great, but I’d have to move, and I’m not sure I’m up for that right now. Woe is me, kinda sorta. But not really. I have a very good life, and I am mostly happy and cheerful. The depression is just there, underneath it all, waiting to pounce and send me spiraling into that black hole again, and that’s a place I NEVER want to go again. Once was terrifying and horrible enough for a lifetime.

Something I’ve noticed about having a blog that people I actually know read…it sort of makes you careful what you say. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, or fix me, or anything. I just need to say things sometimes, and anonymously is good. Then you tell your friends about your blog, they read it, and hmmmmm. Know what I mean, readers? I hate being the ‘needy’ friend, so I try to balance things, I guess. Anyone have any opinions about this? Readers?? I know you’re out there, I see the visitor count. Second opinions and other perspectives are always welcome here.


I stole this from The Big Picture article below, cause I just love the look on this guy’s face. People deserve to be happy and love whomever they chose to love. Thank you, California. Finally.




Oh, hell. These guys look too happy to leave off this post.

How could gay marriage be wrong when it makes someone this happy? These are our brothers, people.

Update: Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, mothers, fathers…all are entitled to the same rights.

>Food as Medicine

>Seriously. People who are ill are always looking for ways to feel/get better. Other people take advantage of that, surprise, surprise. Found an article about food as medicine. Here’s a section from this:


“Even clinical-trial failures can make great marketing copy. POM Wonderful, the privately held Los Angeles maker of pricey pomegranate juice ($5 a pint), has spent $32 million funding scientific studies, including trials in 2,500 patients. “We’ve tried to bring modern science to bear on this ancient fruit,” says POM President Matthew Tupper. “We’re not aware of any other beverage supplement that has the same level of clinical research behind it.”

In fact, there’s not a single definitive result among studies listed on POM’s website. The biggest experiment, with 289 patients, used ultrasound on the neck to test whether drinking pomegranate juice reduced hardening of the arteries in heart patients. It found “no significant difference.” (The authors hypothesized that the juice may have helped sicker patients.) Other trials in prostate cancer and erectile dysfunction are more preliminary.

In February the FDA warned POM it was marketing its juice as an unapproved drug and demanded it tone down its sales pitch. The FDA cited all sorts of glowing testimonials on its site, including how the juice saved the life of a cancer patient, made mysterious lumps disappear and helped treat a heart-valve infection. POM says it’s negotiating with the FDA.

Plant sterols derived from nuts and grains are one of the few food additives with a proved health claim. They can lower cholesterol by up to 10%, human trials have found. Cardiology guidelines recommend them. Brands containing sterols include Promise Activ butter substitute (Unilever), Minute Maid Heart Health Orange Juice (Coca-Cola) and Smart Balance Peanut Butter (GFA Brands).

But sterols have never been proved to avert heart disease. “I don’t think anyone knows if they prevent heart attacks,” says Cleveland Clinic cardiologist Steven Nissen. “There are basic scientists who are worried they don’t.” Some preliminary data suggest that sterols might harm arteries. In 2006 a small Finnish human study published in Atherosclerosis found that sterols keep arteries from relaxing, which indicates worsened blood vessel function. In a 2008 study in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology, mice that were fed plant sterols suffered more-severe strokes. The researchers also found evidence that sterols collected in the blood vessel walls of human patients–just like cholesterol. Douglas Balentine, the head of nutrition at Unilever, says the animals in the studies were given massive doses that aren’t relevant to humans.

In the wake of these studies preventive cardiologists at the University of Wisconsin Hospital stopped recommending foods with sterols, says James Stein, UW’s head of preventive cardiology. “I don’t think a margarine should be considered a health food,” he says. For patients who want a cholesterol-lowering margarine, he says, Johnson & Johnson’s Benecol is a better choice because it contains plant stanols, which also block cholesterol but aren’t absorbed into the body.

Vitamins have been getting great p.r. ever since host Buffalo Bob Smith crowed on the U.S. TV show Howdy Doody, “Wonder Bread builds strong bodies eight ways,” in the 1950s. The latest fad: lacing sugar water with vitamins and positioning it as a health drink. The concept was dreamed up by entrepreneur and health nut Darius Bikoff, who started selling Vitaminwater in 1996 and sold the brand to Coke in 2001 for $4.1 billion. Pepsi and other beverage companies sell competing versions.

Nutritionists declare that there is no benefit to getting more than your recommended daily allowance of vitamins. “If you ingest what you need, that’s fine–and that’s it,” says Hans Verhagen, head of nutrition research at the Netherlands’ National Institute for Public Health & the Environment. Westerners get enough of most vitamins, he says.

Excess vitamins can be dangerous. Supplement guru Gary Null claims he became severely ill after ingesting his own supplement that contained 1,000 times as much vitamin D as it was supposed to. He blames a contract manufacturer and is suing them.

But smaller doses may do harm, too. A 2007 Journal of the American Medical Association study pooled 68 trials of 232,000 patients and observed a 5% higher death rate among people who took high doses of beta-carotene, vitamin E or vitamin A. A 1999 study of 9,500 patients found that taking 400 international units of vitamin E daily raised the risk of heart failure by 13%. Swallowing enough fortified waters, snack bars and breads could edge consumers toward the upper limits for vitamins set by the U.S.’ National Institutes of Health, worries Marion L. Neuhouser, a diet researcher at Seattle’s Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center.

Water plus sugar plus questionable doses of vitamins. What’s Coke’s explanation? It says that Vitaminwater has less sugar than soda and that vitamins’ role in health “has been thoroughly documented.” It says the doses it uses are safe.

Web ads for FRS healthy energy boast the steely face of cyclist Lance Armstrong with the caption “Tired of being tired?” The liquid concentrate contains quercetin, a chemical derived from the skins of berries and grapes. The ads claim quercetin is “the only antioxidant clinically proven to boost energy.”

This bold promise is based on science done in animals and cells, along with some small human trials. One study of 11 elite cyclists found that those who took quercetin for six months were able to complete a time trial 3.1% faster than before, though the difference compared with a placebo was not significant.

Some scientists say quercetin holds promise for fighting fatigue and even infection. “The science is far beyond almost all of the other nutritional supplements on the market,” says University of South Carolina professor Mark Davis, who has consulted for the FRS Company.

But last year researchers at the University of Georgia found no benefit from the supplement in 30 healthy volunteers tested on seven different performance measures. (The study was funded by Coca-Cola, which apparently was thinking of launching its own quercetin supplement.) Lead researcher Kirk Cureton has tested 60 more patients since then, with the same null result. He says there is little evidence backing other popular energy additives, including the amino acid taurine in Red Bull. The exception: caffeine.

“It’s the marketing folks within these companies that make these decisions, not scientists,” says Cureton. “When the marketing people decide what they want to say, they go try and find some evidence to back it up.” FRS says the science behind its supplement is “unassailable.”

Emerging basic research suggests that imbalances in good gut bacteria may be involved in obesity, diabetes and other ills. Yogurt companies aren’t waiting for definitive answers. They’re touting all sorts of health benefits to their probiotic yogurts right now.

Danone’s Activia ($2 billion in annual sales) contains special bacteria that concentrate in the intestines and, in some studies, decrease the time it takes for food to move through the digestive system. Danone can’t claim it treats constipation, but it devised ingenious television ads in which actress Jamie Lee Curtis talks about “digestive issues.” “I’ve just discovered a yogurt that can help,” she says in one. An animation–just like the ones in drug ads–shows the good bacteria working in a woman’s belly.

Some human trials of other probiotics show they modestly reduce the incidence or severity of diarrhea in young kids. But it depends on which strain you eat. A 201-patient Israeli study from 2005 showed that two strains, Bifidobacterium lactis and Lactobacillus reuteri, reduced diarrhea in infants. But reuteri was far more effective. “Think about probiotics how you think about antibiotics,” says Michael Cabana, the chief of pediatrics at UC, San Francisco. Probiotics are “not interchangeable.” But food companies aren’t required to say how much of which strains are in their yogurts, and many don’t.

Researchers once blithely assumed that any amount of probiotics was safe. Dutch researchers definitively disproved this in 2008 when they administered massive doses of good bacteria to the intestines of severe pancreatitis sufferers. Patients who got the good bacteria were more likely to die, according to results published in The Lancet.

Everyone knows that omega-3 fatty acids can protect the heart. Less well known: Not all omega-3 fatty acids are created equal.

Most big studies confirming the cardiovascular benefits of omega-3s have tested either docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), an omega-3 found in salmon, sardines and breast milk, or another fish oil called eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA). But many foods that brag about being “an excellent source” of omega-3 fatty acids instead contain alpha-linolenic acid (ala), derived from nuts and flaxseeds. Because only a small percentage of ala is converted into EPA and DHA inside the body, it may not have the same heart benefits, cardiologists say. Kellogg’s GoLean Honey Almond Flax cereal says it contains 500mg of omega-3, but it’s all ala. If you want omega-3s for your heart, read the fine print and look for products with EPA or DHA. Kashi says people don’t get enough omega-3 and that it makes no specific health claims.”

>More ‘Why, yes. I am a liberal’ stuff

>Anne Rice??? I’m not into vampire stuff, but this quote isn’t about that:

Author Anne Rice has quit Christianity, saying “In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of …Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.”

And The Daily Show. If you really need a news fix, the daily show is much better than any actual ‘news’ stations. Plus they make me laugh.


I firmly believe that you cannot be for human rights if you don’t include gay rights in the grouping. But that’s just me.