About excentric

I love sci-fi, music, reading, gardening. I am ill, but I am not my illness. Life is good. BTW, have I mentioned that I am a fan girl. Because I Am A FanGirl. Torchwood!

Well, Drat

I seem to be spiraling downwards, yet again. My friends are out going places and doing things, and seem to feel safe while doing them, and here I sit, barely able to walk, have not been outside (except briefly when we had the fire alarm) for five months. I feel like I have no life. It wasn’t so bad when I could actually do things, like clean and cook, but now it’s mainly reading, sleeping, the occasional streaming watch. And I find myself already dreading winter. The days are already much shorter on the evening end, and by the winter solstice, the day will be around nine hours long. It’s around 15 hours long on the summer solstice. Depression is not fun, and add to this the whole ‘my country is being deliberately destroyed and no one is doing a damn thing to stop it’ thing, and the rise of all sorts of bad things happening that aren’t even pandemice or orange man-related, and I can see that black hole just sitting there waiting for me to spiral right on in. Been there, done that, was really hard to climb back out and do not want to ever go there again. But I am at a loss as to what to do to change things in my own life, let alone anything else. I had clinical depression once, but that’s a different issue. It’s caused by a screw-up in your brain chemistry, I believe, and you really need drugs to help you through it. I have situational depression. Have had it off and on since I first came down with this lovely illesss. You feel helpless, hopeless, unable to function, alone, abandoned, all the bad things you can think of, and then something happens to change things a bit, and suddenly you are better. I just can’t think of anything that might change, anything I can change. I will. Never give up, never surrender, right? All I have to do is get through this.

Oh, Shit

My eldest DD thinks her family may have been exposed to the virus, and today, my chances just went up. You know how when you are stressed, exhausted and in pain because of a chronic, debilitating illness, a bunch of morons running your government, and back pain, among other things; your brain kind of goes on sabatical? Well, today, my temp homemaker came back from the shopping with her mask on her chin. I did not even notice, til she remembered and pulled it up. I was wearing mine, cause I always do when I’m at the door, thanks to youngest DD who insisted that I keep one on the doorknob. No idea about the health of the homemaker, but she does not work anywhere else, like my other one did, but just the idea that I am not paying attention to things I need to pay attention to is not comforting. Most days I feel like I am barely hanging on by my fingernails, I cannot get done what needs doing, I keep falling asleep at random intervals, it is hot and muggy and I can’t use the a/c because I cannot close and then reopen the windows when it cools off, so they are just staying open. Usually bearable, but we are having some serious heat alerts going on the past few days. Bah! Also, humbug! I need to get my act together, but I don’t really seem able to right now. Going to the kitchen to fill my water bottle usually results in such exhaustion that I have to lie down on the couch for awhile to recover. Sometimes I fall asleep, though. Too many obstacles in life right now. I just want to be ‘normal’ and get things done and have fun and maybe, some day, go outside again. I am a firm believer in just playing the hand you are dealt to the best of your ability, but sometimes, I wish for a magic wand that would just fix everything. Anybody?

You know how hard it is to find a ‘it’s not going well’ picture? Found this instead: Me as a teenager.

Selfish, Thoughtless, American

Partial quote from a NYT article on a motorcycle rally in South Dakota:

“If I die from the virus, it was just meant to be.”

No concern whatever for the people he might infect, the people he might kill. It’s not just about you, asshole. God. People just make me sick. Someone in my own town, on a newsboard, referred to the orange man as a ‘strong, American-loving president’. He must live in an alternate universe, and his post somehow crossed over through a rift in time and space. Yes, I do watch too much sci fi. But OMG, OMG, OMG. Found a lot of neat quotes looking for something to illustrate this post.

Misreading The Headlines

You all know about Beirut by now. Was scrolling through an email and glanced at this: ‘Lebanon’s information minister resigned on Sunday.’ and read it as ‘Lebanon’s misinformation minister resigned…..’ Made me laugh, anyway.

My back is slightly better today and I actually got a few, a very few but better than nothing, things done. Hot and icky, but staying in front of the fan as much as possible.

Hope you are all staying safe and wearing your masks. Don’t be morons, please. Other people’s lives are at stake, not just your own. Thank you.

More Put-downs of Poor People

There is a thing on Tumblr about how real food is actually cheaper than fast food, with examples. They show the cost of a serving of milk, for example, as opposed to how much you actually have to pay for a carton of milk in order to get that serving. The cost of a chicken, but not the time, effort, physical ability, stove, utensils, pots and pans and gas or electricity required to cook that chicken. I have included the illustration. Where can you buy ONLY three slices of bacon that is not a fancy butcher shop, which we all know there are just loads of those in poor neighborhoods, right? Where can you buy four slices of bread, or a couple of tablespoons of oil or whatever is in that little bowl? It reminds me of magazine diets, where you have 1 slice of cantaloupe for breakfast, but the rest of the cantaloupe never shows up in the menu. Can you buy one thin slice of cantaloupe, and if so, would it not be at a premium? If you’ve never been poor, or ill, or homeless, you have absolutely no idea of what life is like for those who are. Real food by serving may be cheaper by money cost, but nowhere does it take into consideration every cost involved, not only monetary, in getting that one serving. Some people literally have no idea what real life is like. It also seems that people seem to have the attitude of ‘You’re poor, you should be spending your money on “whatever the richer person approves of here”, because, obviously, poor people do not deserve to have fun or treats or any of the things that make life more than just struggle, struggle, struggle.


I just saw a headline saying Michelle Obama was suffering from low-grade depression caused by all that is going on right now, especially the incompetence of the government. I ask myself, how can anyone who is paying attention NOT be depressed and angry and frustrated and downright scared? Sometimes, I just want to delete and unsubscribe and completely avoid any and everything that talks about what is going on. But I can’t. As much as I’d just like to hunker down in my bunker with my books and my cat and forget the world altogether, I think it matters that I keep myself informed. But then there does not seem to be anything I can do about anything, nothing I can fix, nothing I can change, so what’s the point? People just seem to be allowing themselves to be brainwashed and so many seem to be just reveling in the hating everyone, and loving being racist, and I don’t know how to cope with this. People are horrible. Nasty, evil, cruel, and how do I live in a world like that without completely being crushed by it? Does anyone know if there have been consequences for any of the police in the videos we were horrified by earlier this year? I have not read anything about consequences. Have they all just gotten away with murder and assault and whatever else? Where is the justice? Where is the outrage? Where is any semblance of decency in this country? How can you not be depressed? How can you not be disgusted and appalled and devastated? I just want to lie on the couch and read and forget the real world exists. All of the progress we seem to have made in the past decades is just being wiped out, erased, and gladly by most people, it seems. Maybe not most, but way too many. Way too many. We beat the Nazis. And now, here we have fascism being openly welcomed by American citizens. Look at Germany. They seem to be doing pretty well at being responsible citizens of the world now. Look at Japan. Hello Kitty. They learned and grew and moved forward and we are running backwards as fast as we can. Why? What has gone wrong with us? How did we get to be so deliberately ignorant and selfish and self-centered. How did we get to think that caring about the well-being of those around you was a political issue and not a decent human being issue? My personal ‘right’ not to wear a mask trumps your right not to be killed by a devastating virus. How did we get to be that kind of people? Anybody knows how to turn things around, now is the time to speak up. Please.


The Spruce has an article about small kitchens. Here’s one of the accompanying pictures. This cracked me up, because the floor space in my kitchen is about the size of the top of that blue counter. Their idea of small is seriously skewed, me thinks.

There’s an article about someone who predicted the last election correctly and his predictions for this one. This seems irresponsible to me, because once people read this and see that he did not predict their candidate, whichever one that is, to win, they will possibly not even bother to vote. You know how people are. Self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone? If you don’t bother to vote, of course your candidate is that much less likely to win. It’s like science, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Why don’t people get this? And another thing, even if you hate Biden with the burning passion of a thousand suns, he is still a better choice than the orange man, who is faster and faster destroying democracy in this country while you all stand around reveling in the permission to hate everyone else that he has given you. Remember, you could be next. I remember reading about people who lost their health coverage due to his actions, who then said, “I didn’t think he meant me.” It’s okay if it’s someone else, but when it’s you, hmmmm. Good ‘Christians’ all.

So far, liking new homemaker. We went over the list to make sure she understood everything and could actually read my writing, which seems to be going haywire lately, and she already called me from the store to check on a possible change of item. So yay. Like everything in life, there are good and not really so good homemakers. I have had some actually horrible ones in the past, and some that I still miss because they were just so great. But it is a sucky job, for extremely low pay, and anyone who can move on to something better, does move on to something better. I don’t blame them in the least. Even if the pay was spectacular, it is still a sucky job, cleaning someone else’s toilet and doing their laundry and shopping and whatever. I am only having the shopping and trash done right now, because nobody ain’t coming in here no way unless it is a dire emergency, like finding my cat if there’a fire and I couldn’t get her out. Like that. 🙂

New homemaker back and is spectacular. Hope I get to keep her and that this wasn’t a one time deal. Will find out tomorrow. Yay.

The New York Times Tech newsletter has an article about your favorite tech. Mine is my original keyboard Kindle that I’ve had nine? years. It still works, and it has been used probably thousands (hundreds?) of hours over that time. They don’t make them anymore, I’m sure I’ve talked about this already, but in my mind, it is the best Kindle they have made and I absolutely hate them for taking away my ability to purchase a replacement for when it finally gives up. I used to love Amazon in general, but things have changed and also the whole Bezos is an evil shit thing has come up in the meantime, too.

I think subscribing to The New York Times has been one of my better decisions. There was a deal that was too good to pass up, or I would not have done it, but I think now I will resub when this one is up. Lots of info, and I do love me some info. I like to learn things. My teeshirt says, ‘It’s what I do. I read books and I know things.’ Yep. Knowing things is good. The better informed you are, the better choices you can make.

I need to go lie down, but once I’m on here, I tend to just stay on until I practically fall off the chair. LOL

Still kind of reeling from the Beirut thing. Today an article mentioned that half the city was damaged. Half the city was damaged. By negligence on the part of officials who, just like ours, think they are too good to do their jobs. God, people suck. They suck so bad in general, that the really good ones kind of get lost in the shuffle. Watched Mary Poppins on Disney yesterday, and one thing I loved was when Mrs. Banks sings this: She is referring to men, but it applies here as well. 🙂

I wish I wasn’t so angry, but there is just so darn much to be angry about in today’s world. Where’s that magic wand when you need it?

Things and Stuff

My homemaker, the one I sent home two weeks ago and did not come last week, is not coming anymore, since it turns out she also works in a nursing home which also now has a case of covid-19. It can take up to two weeks for symptoms to appear, if they appear at all and you’re not just a walking contagion. Glad I sent her away two weeks ago. A different person is coming today to shop and take out trash.

Feeling really awful. Back, of course, and cannot take meds for it because of stomach problems cause by them, am hoping to get a roll-on lidocaine thing if the grocery store has it, otherwise I will have to order it from No-Longer-Amazing. Off balance, and have almost fallen over three times in the last couple of days. No idea why. Allergies effecting my equilibrium? Allergy season is no longer a season, but an all day, every day thing. Yay. Need to get twelve hour allergy pills. Also, the usual all-over fibro pain which has been playing up recently.

House is getting messier and messier, but I am just not capable of doing anything about it. Am struggling to keep up with dishes, and have reverted to ‘open box, eat contents’ meals, because cooking is not happening. God, I hate this. Especially since I was doing so well. Mother Nature hates when I do well, so it seems. Trying to think of ‘open box, eat contents’ things I can get in the shopping today. Fruit cups, yogurt, thinking is not going well at all. LOL

It’s weird about the alnost falling over, because I completely forget about it til it happens again, and then I remember oh yeah this happened yesterday, too. I try to be very aware of movement anyway, because right now I am pretty rickety thanks to the back thing, so watch where and how I step. Gertrude of course makes walking an obstacle course cause she just lies down right where I need to step.

I just wish this pandemic thing was over and I was a ‘normal’ person again, and I could get done what needs doing and why is life so hard sometimes? Yes, whiny Jean is in some pain and very whiny today. Sorry about that.

Just Whatever

Flylady again. I signed up late on the first. Between the first and the second, I received eight emails. Seven emails on the third, and so far today I have received nine. So 24 emails. Four of those were things to do. The rest were selling things or ‘motivational’. I think I am now going to unsubscribe from Flylady. She has a good idea, but check out her website instead of emails, is my advice.

Beirut Explosion Videos

Did you see the videos of the explosion in Beirut? We hear about things, maybe see a bit on the news, but seeing these videos and those done by people on the streets in the aftermath, were just horrific. I cannot imagine how devastating it was for anyone in the radius of the explosion, and it was a pretty big radius. It looks like an accident brought upon by storing volatile items in too close proximity, and not an act of terrorism. I don’t know if realizing it came from neglect and really piss poor safety measures is better than if it was deliberate, but either way, once you’ve seen the various videos of the actual explosion, you will not soon forget it. How sad for all of those affected, and the loss of life is just horrible. I imagine there will be a lot more deaths, because it was massively destructive. What a horrible thing to happen. They were finally having some semblance of normal life in Beirut after so much war. Horrible, horrific, I don’t even have the words to describe this.


So I used to do Flylady, back when I could still do most things for myself. Came across it again yesterday and signed up for the emails. Today I had one email with something to do, and six emails trying to get me to buy things from her. She has a pretty good system, I think, but once she started selling things, it’s all about that, obviously. Flylady dot com if you’re interested.

Trying to muster up energy and pain-tolerance to go downstairs for my packages. Dreading this, I can barely walk right now, thank you bad back, so lifting things into the cart is not going to be fun, but at least I can hang off it as I go downstairs in the elevator and back up in the elevator. With mask and gloves. I wash my keys, after, as well as my hands and whatever else. Caution is the way to go. Right now, I just need to go lie down. Fun times. This is not me lying down, btw. 🙂

Things Garnered From My Email

Lower back pain

Haven’t been on laptop a couple of days, and have only read the really pertinent emails on my phone. First, to let you know, I have been getting calls from ‘Amazon’ asking me to confirm a recent order. Hang up. Just hang up. Do not engage. Do not engage. After the first one, I checked with my credit card first, because did I forget an order? Seems unlikely, and no there is none on the card. Contact Amazon. Tech says Amazon does not make this kind of phone call and they are fishing for my info. Hang up. Just hang up the damn phone, people.

Here’s some things that I came across in my email:

1. I found this one quite interesting, as I’ve wanted to ditch the tech giants as well, but have found how hard it is. I managed to dump Facebook and Instagram, but that’s it.


2. Interesting as well, but not something I’m going to do.


3. This goes with the above.


4. Also disturbing, also about tech giants.


5. This is just disturbing, because it does seem that little or nothing is actually being done. No consequences? Seriously?