Having a chronic, debilitating one is so fun. Fortunately for me, I do not have every single one of these.  The illness manifests differently in everyone, just like meds work/don’t work differently in everyone.  Every morning I am feeling like trucks, actual huge semi’s, have run over me. My brain is in a fog, my body aches all over, my back hurts, and I sit here at the desk reading on the laptop until something actually decides to work as it should. Some days this never happens. I’d like to wake up feeling raring to go. That would be nice. It’s all I can do some days to remember to brush my teeth before wandering dazedly to the kitchen to make the coffee. Which is so much easier and safer with my electric kettle. How I love that thing already. I was steaming broccoli and then beets day before yesterday and realized I may not have put enough water in the pot. Boiled some up in the kettle in about two minutes, and poured it in. No waiting for it to come back up to temp, which would have happened if I’d just added tap water to the pot.

Signed up for bloglovin’. They apparently send you emails with posts from blogs of their choosing??? First email  had a sponsored post from Dunkin Donuts. Live bold. All I could think of was, ‘Live bold. Eat donuts.’ Not sure if that was their intention, but I guess it does work. Eating donuts can be a bold move, because you might as well just eat sugar out of the bowl, and we all know how unhealthy that would be. If I’m going to eat a donut, which I almost never do, it’s going to be from Honey Dew, anyway. They make good donuts, which don’t all taste exactly like every other donut like Dunkin’s do.

We used to watch Briscoe County, Jr. with Bruce Campbell. Every week they’d have a little in-joke. One week he was sitting on a bench and a boy came up and handed him a bag. Brief convo, and as boy is leaving, Briscoe says, “Thanks for the donuts, Duncan.” I still laugh at that sometimes. Yes, I know. My sense of humor is weird.

It’s a beautiful day again, Severalth in a row.  I didn’t count how many.  I want to go outside, but just getting dressed seems like a monumental task.  So here I sit.  At least there’s tons to read.  Blogs, FB, Tumblr.  I read a variety of blogs.  I like tech blogs a lot, because I’m always learning something new, whether a new app, a new trick, a new browser to try, how to fix something.  I have learned a lot from reading tech blogs.  The more you know, the less you panic when things go screwy.  It’s a good thing.

Oh, I discovered I can email a fan fiction link to myself, and then read the fic on my phone.  How cool is that?  I usually covert them to text and send them to my Kindle, but the multi-page app that converted all open tabs into a pdf, which I could then covert to text, was taken down by the creator.  Why?  I used that thing all the time.  Otherwise, you have to save each page as text, then cut and paste them all into a notepad page and save that and send it to Kindle.  Very time-consuming, but Kindle does not do webpages or pdf’s well at all.

I need to pay my bills today.  I need to bake that cute little buttercup squash I bought.  I need to, I need to, I need to.  I want to make this apple pie bread pudding I made a week or two ago.  Simplified the recipe, because I am all about the easy, and omg was it ever delicious.  Okay, went to look, can’t find recipe.  Just shoot me now.  This is my life.
I need to go lie down now.  And here’s Gertrude.  Needs some food. I don’t even want to feed her, because she just keeps upchucking all the time, but I can’t starve her, either.  Poor baby.  I don’t know what do to, because vet was NOT helpful and very, very expensive.  Oh, well.

was a gorgeous, clear blue sky, low dewpoint, fantastic autumn day.  Went shopping with my friend Tess, first to Cartridge World for, you know, cartridges.  Refilled ones, not brand new.  Four cartridges cost 33 dollars.  I remember paying that much for just one at Staples or wherever.  Then we went to a grocery store that is quite a hike, but so worth the trip.  Store brand is better than local store brand, and better than name-brands as well.  Produce was fantastic.  I bought, cooked, and ate the freshest, tastiest broccoli I think I’ve ever had.  The end was not even slightly hardened over, it was like I had just cut it myself.  Made broccoli salad.  I love broccoli salad.  Steam broccoli, meanwhile mix equal parts plain yogurt or sour cream, mayo, and grated parm.  Keep adding parm til it’s to your taste.  More is better. When broccoli is just crisp-tender, dump it into the mayo mix and stir gently.  Eat hot or cold, delicious either way.  That was my dinner.  It was a small head of broccoli. 🙂

Today I am having recovery day, but that’s okay.  Still getting things done.  Sit, pop up, do something, sit, rinse, repeat.  I do my best work this way and am so happy to be able to do this again.  Except for that time in June, it’s been quite a long time.

Trying hard not to get worked up about politics.  Went through an OMG period there, but now I’m trying to go with ‘whatever happens happens, and we’ll go from there’, but I don’t even want to think about what could happen if orange gas-bag man gets in.

Here are some pictures I’ve taken recently.  The trees are from yesterday.  I love that one tree.  It is so perfect.

Just figured out you can caption pictures. Who knew? Not me, obviously.

October First

Just liked the street lights

The tree in spring

October 5

And again

You forgot the ‘spying on our users’ bit in your Mission Statement.

Deleted my account.  You just cannot keep colluding with those who would spy on us, even our own government.  It’s wrong, it’s not the ‘American Way’, although that American Way has gone completely off the rails.  It keeps getting worse, people, and we need to not just stand by and do nothing.  Get out and vote, please.  Please vote Hillary, even if you hate her, because the alternative is unthinkable.  Third party and no-votes will give the majority vote to the orange gas-bag, and this is the scariest thing I’ve come across in my life. Please vote.

Been off it several days now.  Yesterday I was really, really sleepy most of the day, and actually fell asleep about three or four times before actually going to bed.  Only woke up two or three times during the night, though.  Today, I am no longer hyper at all, not typing 90 mistakes a minute, but am feeling in general much better. I am actually sitting here scrolling Tumblr, reading blogs, etc., my usual morning activity while waiting for my brain and body to actually work.  Yes, I know it’s technically afternoon, but the point stands. I just realized I have been popping up every few minutes to actually do something.  Measured out the ingredients for nut butter balls, washed my new bras, rinsed my new bras, did a couple other things I’ve already forgotten.  This was me in that brief period in June where I was pretty much a ‘normal’ person, only without  the physical strength to do some things.  If I could get past the back hurting whenever I stand for more that two (literally, two) minutes, I would be jumping for joy, if I could actually jump.  So whatever is going on, I am pretty pleased with things today.  Just thought I’d throw that out there.  Yay, me.

I know I just had this on here, but I really, really like it.  So there. 

The sun is now so low that the trees across the street are in the shadow of my building.  It’s 10:15, so pretty late in the day for that.  First day I’ve noticed it this season.  My windows face a little East of North, it seems.

I am much clearer-headed since going off the Trazadone, but not sleeping as well.  Trade-off is the name of the game with meds.  And life.  Hoping to be a little more in control of myself, as well.  Buying everything in sight, although I must admit that almost everything I’ve bought has been because it is replacing something so old as to be practically disintegrating.  Some things are because I really need to get on board with needing easier ways and less ‘remember this or that’ in my daily life.  So I bought an electric kettle, for one thing, and am asking myself why I hadn’t done it ages ago.  Been thinking about it for a couple of years.  What a difference.  It heats the water so fast that by the time I’ve got the filter rinsed and in the cup and the coffee in the filter, it’s almost ready, and as soon as it comes to the boil, it shuts itself off.  No more nearly burning out the kettle, as I did once.  Totally forgot, and it boiled dry and oops.  I now have a whistling one, but sometimes the spout cover gets locked in the up position and I don’t always notice.  Morning is not my best time of day.  So no more worries.  It’s stainless steel, too.  I like stainless steel.  No weird tastes in things.

I also bought one of those juicing things that Martha uses:

I have a small one, but it’s barely big enough for a large lime.  It is so easy to use, though.  I was amazed at how little pressure it takes to squeeze all the juice out of something.  I love it.  Also stainless steel.  No getting groady like aluminum does.

Don’t lemons always cheer you up?  They do me.  I love yellow, because it’s sunshine and joy and happy.  ‘Happy, happy, joy, joy, happy, happy, joy.’  That’s from a jingle for something I forget.  LOL

It has occurred to me this morning, while reading blogs, that I cannot see or hear the word ‘risotto’ without , “Oh, risotto, risotto, risotto” and David Tennant running across my mind.  Here’s why:

I’m sorry, but it just cracks me up every single time.

So overall, I am feeling much better than I have been.  If I could only get this mess taken care of, life would be much better and simpler.  Clutter really messes with your mind, and I have been physcially unable to deal with for so long, that I have become mentally unable to deal with it.  Help!  Someone!  Anyone???  Right now, part of it is some boxes that I am hoping to use to get rid of it.  You can’t deal with clutter without first having more clutter, it seems.

Hope my readers, (I know you’re out there) are having a wonderful autumn day (or spring. I have a reader in Tasmania which makes me very happy for some weird reason.).  It’s a good one here in New England.

Warning. I may have gone overboard with the images. None of them are by me, either.

So my head has been weird recently. I honestly don’t remember if it started before or after the very loud-buzzing-not-knocking MRI I had last Friday, but something is not right.  My almost non-existent short-term memory exists even less now.  I am clenching my teeth all the time.  I have a mild headache.  I’m off-balance.  I’m even typing like 90 words (mistakes) a minute.  Or it feels like 90, anyway.  500 images in one post.  🙂  Odd things.  Stopped taking the Trazadone, just in case it’s that.  If it doesn’t get better soon, will call my doctor next week. More fun stuff to deal with.

Saw a Wil Wheaton Tumblr post wherein he advocates wearing orange-lensed glasses in the evenings to block blue light, which can keep you from getting to sleep and sleeping well. Had some orange-lensed sunglasses just sitting right next to me, put them on, and wow.  My eyes immediately felt less strained, and I didn’t realize they were feeling strained.  Everything white looks slightly green on the laptop, but it seems very soothing.  Weird stuff.

We’ve had wonderful, beautiful, glorious rain today.  Am wearing two long sleeved shirts and closed the living room window because the wind is blowing straight in from the north, but the  bedroom window is still open.  Freezing is not a good thing, but fresh air definitely is.

The other weird thing is that I’ve also been feeling very out-of-control.  Talking a mile a minute, buying everything I see on Amazon.  Credit card and me, not a good mix right now.  I’m usually much more responsible.  Anyway, bought a Paperwhite on sale.  Why?  I now have four Kindles.  Connected the other three, one at a time, to the laptop and cleaned up what’s on each (different things on different Kindles), then copied everything onto the Paperwhite. And it seems to have the room.  Hope it doesn’t make it slower than slow.  There are over 9600 items. 9600.  That does not seem possible, and I will check for duplicates, although I don’t see how there could be any.  What can I say? I’m a reader.  Weird stuff.

Tomorrow is October.  I like October.  Screw Halloween, I just like the trees and the weather and the sweaters and the hot tea and the fireplace.  October, not weird stuff. 

Not coffee, the vid that’s linked down below.

The music on the vid is great, too.  This is what we are destroying, humans.  It’s their planet, too.

Before the link, a note on the health front. Saw the surgeon yesterday, one more knee checkup in six months, and I’m done.  I’ve done remarkabley well, it seems.  We talked about the torn rotator cuff, too, and I asked what would happen if I opted not to have surgery.  Not a problem, he says, I’ll give you a cortisone shot and you can go to physical therapy and we’ll see how you do.  I’ve never dealt with a surgeon who didn’t just want to cut.  I am so pleased I found this guy.  He’s very nice and friendly and explains the risks and his percentage of bad outcomes, which according to him is very, very low, and I believe him based on my own experience with him.  All those years of crap doctors and I’ve finally worn the lottery, health-carely speaking.  Great dentist, great Primary, great surgeon, great PA at the rheumatologist’s. The Rheumy gets a good, which is still better than what things have been like before.  Okay, I’m done, here’s the vid:

Coral

Oh, god, just shoot me now.

I was reading something about Denzel Washington and followed a link that said he spoke out against something to do with Obama.  So I read it, and it was just him talking about being religious, and I’m looking for Obama even being mentioned, when I discovered, to my complete horror, that I was on a Drumpf news site, which I did not even know existed.  In a small text bit, it said that Obama shows a strong anti-Christian bias (sorry, big fat lie), which is when I noticed it was the Drumpf page.  Morning, well, afternoon now, brain fog is not a good thing.

I really think we are screwed, people.  To think that the opportunity to have the first female President is likely to be lost to a racist, mysogynistic, homophobic, zenophobic, moronic orange gas-bag is too terrible to contemplate, and yet it seems to be a distinct possibility.

I saw a man being interviewed by some comedy program, and he thinks Hillary has AIDS because Bill has AIDS from fooling around with Magic Johnson, and someone was also upset that Obama was off vacationing or something during 9-11 instead of doing his job as President.  The unfathomable amount of ignorance exhibited by some of these people is just mind-blowing.  Is our education system really this bad?  How can people be this uninformed and just plain stupid?

I truly have lost hope, although I have’t given up urging people to vote, and to vote for Hillary, because any other vote will ensure Trump gets in.  Vote-splitting has given us Bush, among other horrors. Republicans just vote for their party’s  candidate, while we more ‘enlightened’ liberals tend to vote for people like Ralph Nader, which would be fine, except then the majority vote goes to the Republican and we screw ourselves royally.  Maybe we’re not so smart, either.  I need to go put a blanket over my head now.

Here’s how to register, in case you haven’t yet:

Register to Vote

Here’s the last date to register in your state:

Last Date To Register by State

Please vote.  It matters that you  vote.  It matters who you vote for.  It matters.  Just to try for a bit of humor, because otherwise I may have to cry, if Trump gets in, it will be ‘the end of the world as we know it-REM’ and if you saw Torchwood, you’ll know that ‘the 21st century is when everything changes’ and Trump as President will not be a good change for any of us. Please vote Hillary.  Even if you hate her, consider the alternative.  Please.

What is the rationale that an “armed and dangerous” ISIS-inspired terrorist gets to live, see his family, and do all the things that a law-abiding father of four will never get to do? F…

Source: Why Police Shootings are State-Sanctioned Violence

Reading a gardening blog with pictures of a tattooed person holding a vegetable, and it occurred to me why I would never get a tattoo.  I get bored really quickly.  When I can, I am always moving the furniture around, reorganizing the cupboards, the drawers, whatever.  My pictures here on the laptop, which completely screws up my blog posts, but I never remember that til after I’ve done it.  So I’d look at that tattoo for awhile, then I’d start to think something like, “You know, I bet I’d like a ???  better than this ???”.  Or, “Why did I pick that?  I don’t even like it.  This would look so much better.  Or maybe it would look better on my ??? rather than here on my ???.  Maybe a different color…”  So never getting a tattoo on purpose.

On the illness side of things, been having a rather major meltdown for the past several days, along with a fuzzy brain which is badly affecting my memory.  Not sure why I’m having either.  Well, I kind of did figure out the meltdown part.  I am having a very hard time adjusting to feeling like crap and being exhausted, because the brief ‘normal’ period was so grand and I want it back.  I’m also having a really hard time adjusting to not having my Traci here twice a week.  It’s like losing my best friend, one I could always count on to show up, and who always made me laugh.  We had some really great discussions, too.  So it occurred to me, before, when I was having a really bad period, I could count on Traci to show up and do what needed doing without question or even direction.  I am still working things out with the new new homemaker, and I guess I was feeling like it was all on me and I just wasn’t physically able and panic, panic, panic.  And the stupid cat keeps throwing up everywhere for no known reason and there’s cleanup every single morning and sometimes during the day as well.  Very frustrating, and it all was just overwhelming me.

Now for the bad part.  I involved my poor daughter in the meltdown and made her feel bad and now I feel like a total shit.  I did not move back to Colorado to take care of my mom.  I did not go visit her.  I couldn’t.  I wanted to, but I truly was not capable enough.  This does not make me a bad person. I did the best I could at the time.  Did not stop me from FEELING like a bad person, and that is what I’ve done to my daughter.  You know, the one who came down every single day when I had the knee surgery, rushed around on the early home-coming day to purchase all the aids I would need.  Held my hand in the hospital, because no one ever holds my hand anymore.  That daughter.  So not feeling like the best mother in the world, but am hoping she realizes that she is doing the best she can, and that is enough, and that I love her to bits.  Also, rats.  I suck.

There is some bad stuff on Tumblr today. More black people being murdered by the police, more corporate wrong-doing going unpunished, a lot of really awful shit. How do I survive? It wears me down, all the unbelievably horrible stuff that is going on every day in my country. You know, the one I thought was completely different that it really is. How do you not get beaten down and just give up? How do you stop caring? I like Tumblr. I have a lot of fun and interesting reads on Tumblr. I learn a lot. I can’t just stick my head in the sand and pretend none of the bad stuff is happening. But how do I keep it from breaking me irrevocably? How?

Just wow.

OR: Things I’ve Learned From Eighteen Years of Having A Chronic, Debilitating Illness

You cannot rely on the Medical Community.  You cannot rely on doctors.  Doctors only know what the drug reps tell them. Ask your pharmacist, instead.  It’s their business to KNOW about meds. 

Doctors read studies and go from there, even when their own experience with patients tells them differently.  Just from my experience with Rheumatology and Prednisone, I can confidently say that the patient input is not needed, not wanted, not heard.  It’s my body, this is what happens when you insist I do that, but just go ahead and ignore me.  It’s fine. 

Also, I’m female, which makes the odds of being ignored jump exponentially.  Also choose a female practitoner, if possible.  This is just unconscionable.  How many people have suffered needlessly because of this one particular study?  You have to fight for yourself, and when the doctor is wrong or doesn’t listen, you need to be a pushy broad, because that’s the only thing that will give you a chance of being heard.

Not any more, I won’t.

Here’s the article:

Bad Science and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

From Living in the Autoimmune Disease World on Facebook. My brain actually kicks in around 5pm, regardless of when I get up, and the pain gets slightly better about four hours after I take lovely unhelpful Tylenol.  I miss ibuprofen.  Badly.  But I can’t take it with the anti-inflammartory, and the anti-inflammatory does seem to help. So yay.

In a burst of self-indulgence, because I am having a crap pain day, I got Hostess cupcakes.  Those cute little chocolate things with the white (now brown, unlike the picture for some reason) swirl on top.  OMG, I say again. I have not had a Hostess cupcake for years.  What have they done to food?   Is it even food anymore?  Apparently not.  I googled, and they are made of flour, water, salt, and a lot of stuff no human being ever cooks with in a kitchen.  Ew, Hostess.  Ew.  Those above are the only things on the list that I have ever had in my kitchen.  There is no sugar, no eggs, even the baking powder has other stuff in it.  No vanilla.  I didn’t see chocolate, either. Chocolate liquor, but no chocolate.  Oh, heck.  Here’s the list, but I’d like to see a list from the ones they sold in the 50’s, or even the 60’s maybe.  There is a whole generation or two of humans who do not know what real food tastes like.  Do you cook with these items?  I don’t. Appalled R Us.

Sugar, Wheat Flour Enriched ( Flour, Ferrous Sulfate [ Iron ], Vitamin B [ Niacin Vitamin B3, Thiamine Mononitrate Vitamin B1 { Thiamin Vitamin B1 }, Riboflavin Vitamin B2 { Riboflavin Vitamin B2 }, Folic Acid Vitamin B9 ]), Water, Vegetables, and/or, Animal Shortening, Contains One Or More Of The Following( Soybeans Partially Hydrogenated, Cottonseed, Or, Canola Oil, Beef Fat ), Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup High Fructose, Corn Syrup, , Contains 22% or less, Whey, Corn Starch Modified, Leavening ( Baking Soda, Sodium Acid, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Monocalcium Phosphate, Sodium Phosphate ), Salt, Corn Syrup Solids, Calcium Carbonate, Corn Starch, Calcium Sulphate, Dextrose, Soy Lecithin, Polysorbate 60, Mono and Diglycerides, Cellulose Gum, Calcium Caseinate, Wheat Gluten, Agar, Gelatin, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Caramel Color, Chocolate Liquor, Locust Bean Gum, Potassium Sorbate, and, Sorbic Acid, To Retain Freshness, Flavors Natural & Artificial

I made frosted brownies once.  Oh, yum.  I am trying to work up the oomph to make brownies from scratch.  I don’t know why.  No frosting, though.  Do you know how many steps are involved in making brownies from scratch?  Get the flour cannister, the sugar cannister, find space on the unbelievably cluttered 2 foot square counter, find the pan, get the butter, grease the pan, remember to turn on the oven after checking that there is nothing I’ve shoved in there to get it out of my sight, find the cocoa, the walnuts, the vanilla.   Get out a saucepan and melt the butter with some cocoa, get out the measuring stuff, measure out the dry stuff, don’t forget the eggs stupid, dump everything together, beat the hell out of it, get it into the pan, remember to put the pan in the oven, remember to set the timer so you don’t forget to take the pan back out of the oven, although you may need a note to remind you what the timer is for.  Did not mention the taking a five minute break to sit down every five minutes.  Wind up too exhausted to get up and cut the brownies when they’re cool enough, so no brownies today anyway.  Maybe I don’t want brownies after all.    And none of this gets to the cleanup after part, either. As an aside, I used to put the Tupperware container of cat food in the oven, because Simon could open it.  _I_ had trouble opening it, but the cat, not so much. Anyway, I was heating the oven when I heard it raining.  Upstairs overflowed the tub once and it rained  in here, so I checked, but no.  Took me a bit to realize.  The container had melted enough to have a hole, and the cat food was raining out.  One of my funner memories.  I still laugh at that. It was good.

Found some 1 mg Pred in the box, so back to cutting back 1 mg at a time.  Doing the happy dance (In my head.  Not up for dancing right now.)

that we’re supposed to get from Hermine.  Thought they mispelled Hermione at first, but no.  Who thinks up these names, anyway. Not my picture, found it somewhere.

Cutting back the Prednisone to 7 1/2 mgs today.  Was going to go 1 mg at a time, but realized I don’t have any one mgs to make 9 or 8 or 7 or 6, so bah!  Hoping it goes better that it usually does.  Seeing my primary care this week, and am going to discuss the whole pain med and for crying out loud, fix me, people, thing with her.  We’ll see how that goes.  LOL

Cooled right down once September hit.  Was in the 60’s night before last, and the 50’s last night.  Oh joy oh joy oh joy.  Not hot and sticky is always cause for celebration.

Here’s a vid I took on the 22nd, the post where I said it was breezy.  Forgot out it.  Breezy is good.

Pain, oh, pain, oh pain. I’m not sure why the Rheumatologist opted to NOT give me a cortisone shot, but I am paying the price.  Happy Jean is not happy today.  It’s worse at night, for some reason, and trying to sleep with really bad pain is an exercise in futility.  If I’d injured myself, I could look forward to it healing, but I have no idea what’s going on, and the xrays last time didn’t really show much.  I really feel like I cannot get a break.  One thing gets better, something else starts to hurt.  My life is just pain, all the time.  I can manage, usually, but god it would be so nice sometimes to have someone to look after me.  Or maybe just shoot me and get it over with.  Seriously, I’d seriously consider opting for that some days. Too much pain, especially this one which restricts movement of my arms, makes getting things done virtually impossible.  I can barely lift the kettle to pour water into my cup for tea.  I can barely manage to get water into the kettle in the first place. And the ways to get anywhere, like a doctor, are, well, let’s see.  To get to my doctor, it’s almost 20.00 one way in a taxi, the bus doesn’t go anywhere near there, and the dial-a-ride requires booking the morning of the day before, so no I need to see a doctor NOW, and they are notoriously unreliable, so that leaves my friend who drives me everywhere already, and how long can you take advantage of someone like that before they just get fed up with you?  I can’t provide anything she needs in return, so it’s a one-sided, I take and she gives situation.  I hate that.  I mean I can buy her lunch, but she can just as easily buy her own lunch.  She doesn’t NEED me to buy lunch, if that makes sense. The rheumatologist is in another town altogether, and the only way to get there is my friend or the dial-a-ride which only goes a couple times a month.  This is when you really need to be part of a family, so your spouse or partner or kid can do this stuff.  Living alone has its advantages, but not when you’re ill.  Okay, that’s it for today’s whine.  Sorry about that. I’m just really, really frustrated.

On a positive note, my new new homemaker (as opposed to my old new homemaker, who was a disaster) is fantastic, really nice, and we are already talking like we’ve known each other for years, about any and everything.  We share the same politcal views pretty much, too, and she’s knowledgable and you can just have a good conversation about things.  I miss real discussions about things that matter to me.  Not everyone wants to talk about politics and religion or whatever, and I sometimes forget that and then try to do a quick change of subject when I remember, and not everyone shares my views, so you kind of have to walk cautiously there.  So I’m hopeful that this will work out.  She does a good job of work, too, and has already offered to help me with ‘not really in the job description’ things, like Traci did.  Traci helped me put together my electric fireplace, which came in a flat pack.  She was always willing and volunteering, which was really nice.  And fun. She was fun.  I miss her a lot, a really lot.

My fireplace

No, that’s not my fireplace.  THIS is my fireplace

I took this with the Paper Camera app.  Neat. See, feeling better already. It really helps just to write things down. Except OW!

After a discussion with the rheumatologist’s nurse today, in which I pretty much said, “Yes, I am in fucking pain you twats.  DO something.”  the doctor has magnanimously decided to up my Prednisone to 10 mg for a week, then 7.5 for a week, then back to the 5 mg that made me a functioning human being again.  Hope it gets me back to where I was, but it seems to take longer every time they do this to me.  But this is the first time they’ve increased it beyond the five and then gone from there, so I am hopeful and excited at the thought of maybe being pain-free again.  I am ALWAYS in pain.  All day every day, and sometimes it wakes me up at night as well.  That brief respite was like being in heaven and I want it back, damn it.

My friend Tess and I went to Market Basket and I bought actual ‘yes, you can heat and eat and it’s real food’ food, unlike the drek you get in the regular grocery store, like frozen dinners that aren’t made of actual food.  I’m not sure what they use, but the whole ‘keeping the calorie count down’ craze means that real food can’t happen.   Anyway, I’m having pork pie for dinner.  I used to make pork pie, but haven’t had it in ages, and you can just buy it to heat up in the toaster oven.  How great is that?

And a brief aside, could somebody please come and make this for me?

chili rellenos.  I love chili rellenos.

The reason I ask is this:

That’s all for today, dear readers.  Thanks for reading.  I know you’re out there.  My stats show it.  🙂