Pain, oh, pain, oh pain. I’m not sure why the Rheumatologist opted to NOT give me a cortisone shot, but I am paying the price.  Happy Jean is not happy today.  It’s worse at night, for some reason, and trying to sleep with really bad pain is an exercise in futility.  If I’d injured myself, I could look forward to it healing, but I have no idea what’s going on, and the xrays last time didn’t really show much.  I really feel like I cannot get a break.  One thing gets better, something else starts to hurt.  My life is just pain, all the time.  I can manage, usually, but god it would be so nice sometimes to have someone to look after me.  Or maybe just shoot me and get it over with.  Seriously, I’d seriously consider opting for that some days. Too much pain, especially this one which restricts movement of my arms, makes getting things done virtually impossible.  I can barely lift the kettle to pour water into my cup for tea.  I can barely manage to get water into the kettle in the first place. And the ways to get anywhere, like a doctor, are, well, let’s see.  To get to my doctor, it’s almost 20.00 one way in a taxi, the bus doesn’t go anywhere near there, and the dial-a-ride requires booking the morning of the day before, so no I need to see a doctor NOW, and they are notoriously unreliable, so that leaves my friend who drives me everywhere already, and how long can you take advantage of someone like that before they just get fed up with you?  I can’t provide anything she needs in return, so it’s a one-sided, I take and she gives situation.  I hate that.  I mean I can buy her lunch, but she can just as easily buy her own lunch.  She doesn’t NEED me to buy lunch, if that makes sense. The rheumatologist is in another town altogether, and the only way to get there is my friend or the dial-a-ride which only goes a couple times a month.  This is when you really need to be part of a family, so your spouse or partner or kid can do this stuff.  Living alone has its advantages, but not when you’re ill.  Okay, that’s it for today’s whine.  Sorry about that. I’m just really, really frustrated.

On a positive note, my new new homemaker (as opposed to my old new homemaker, who was a disaster) is fantastic, really nice, and we are already talking like we’ve known each other for years, about any and everything.  We share the same politcal views pretty much, too, and she’s knowledgable and you can just have a good conversation about things.  I miss real discussions about things that matter to me.  Not everyone wants to talk about politics and religion or whatever, and I sometimes forget that and then try to do a quick change of subject when I remember, and not everyone shares my views, so you kind of have to walk cautiously there.  So I’m hopeful that this will work out.  She does a good job of work, too, and has already offered to help me with ‘not really in the job description’ things, like Traci did.  Traci helped me put together my electric fireplace, which came in a flat pack.  She was always willing and volunteering, which was really nice.  And fun. She was fun.  I miss her a lot, a really lot.

My fireplace

No, that’s not my fireplace.  THIS is my fireplace

I took this with the Paper Camera app.  Neat. See, feeling better already. It really helps just to write things down. Except OW!