(in several ways) not to post:

The University of Virginia swim team

I don’t want to despair. I don’t want to have to be aware that in 1997, working in the group home, I made 7.50 an hour, minimum wage. I could not have survived if that was my only source of funding, and I only had myself to provide for. What’s the minimum wage today? Is it commensurate with the price of food, or rent, or fuel, or medical care? It wasn’t then, so I don’t think it is now, either. This so-called by the people who are in power ‘Christian nation’ is about as unChristian as it is possible to be. Anyway, here’s a good article about Bill Maher commenting on things we all should care about:

Bill Maher on the Disappearing Middle Class

Somewhere (in the comments?) I read someone’s thought that if you can’t feed two children on your income, you should not have had two children. Back when the Taliban was destroying statues and wreaking havoc on their own people, as well as everyone else, I was in a Yahoo group where a proud member postulated that ‘people in those countries should stop having children so that he could buy cheap fuel for his SUV without having to feel guilty’. Because, yes, it is all about us here in America. It is all about those of us who have what we need, and could not muster an iota of empathy, sympathy, or good-will, or charity for those not as fortunate. Wait. what was it that that Christ fellow, who started all of this Christian stuff, said? Wasn’t it something like this:

Matthew 25:34-36 Then the king will say to those at his right hand, “Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.”

Yeah, like that’s going to happen in today’s United States of America. Just a teensy bit fed up today, readers. Just a teensy bit.

I thought this up today. Yay, me.

“Words. Gotta love ’em, or be illiterate” – Me

Should have stuck this on yesterday’s post:

Wow. I had so much energy when I got up. Major departure from my normal life. I had a lot of energy before I went to bed last night, too. I have done a lot of small pottering things, changing power strips, involving pulling the couch out from the wall a bit, something I normally could not do, organizing around my desk, things I’ve already forgotten I did. LOL don’t know what has changed, but I am not complaining. I did up my Vit D dose yesterday, and also upped my magnesium dose and actually took it, which usually I forget. Can’t have worked that fast, though, can it?

I was going to post this yesterday, then I couldn’t find it. I did now. Duh! My god, this woman defies description. I don’t even have words for the mind-boggling things she is saying. Oh, the stupidity. This is what religion can do to you, people. I always used to have my own little prayer, “Please God, don’t let me get religion.” Prayer answered so far. Being an atheist makes it pretty unlikely that I would ‘get’ religion anyway, but still… You know, I get that not every religious person is represented by this woman, or is dumb or ignorant, so please don’t be offended. It’s just her type of religion is so…what’s a good word here, cause I can’t think of one. Bizarre? UnChristian? Moronic? Here is Anderson Cooper and the dumbest woman on the planet. Seriously.

Or it was this morning, anyway. Figured out the second mac issue. It was me. Enough about that.

I am having a good day. Sorting papers, making lists, Getting Things Done. Not moving things, because moving hurts, but sitting and doing works fine for now. I feel like I am accomplishing something.

So, I was reading Daily Kos, and came across this “We’re Not No 1!” article. Interesting statistics. For example:

“the United States excels in access to advanced education but ranks 70th in health, 69th in ecosystem sustainability, 39th in basic education, 34th in access to water and sanitation and 31st in personal safety. Even in access to cellphones and the Internet, the United States ranks a disappointing 23rd, partly because one American in five lacks Internet access.”

And especially this:

“Many who back proposed Republican cuts in Medicaid, food stamps and public services believe that such trims would boost America’s competitiveness. Looking at this report, it seems that the opposite is true.”

Let’s starve people and deny them health care and a place to live and everything else needed to survive, and that will make them more competitive? No, it will make them homeless and then probably dead. I cannot fathom the thought-processes behind the Republican agenda. I just can’t.

Also, there was a story somewhere about one of the southern states. A girl wants to make the dinosaur a state symbol, but the state government wants to first find a way to credit God while doing it. IDEK, people. Seriously.

Also, have you heard the expression, “Just can’t win”? Well, I can’t. Turned off mac. Turned on mac. Can’t log in. It hates every password, even when I changed it on the pc. Inside there is a lot of screaming going on. Outside, I am just waiting for Elementary to start.

I like words. They are so…everywhere. And good. Came across this on The New Republic. The video on it is a bit long, but very clever, and it’s Stephen Fry. Who doesn’t love Stephen Fry? It’s all about Grammar Nazis (I need a punctuation nazi, myself), of which I am one on occasion. I recently read something on-line, where the hero had been knocked out, and then slowly regained conscientiousness. Also, I hate, hate, hate when someone uses span instead of spun. I don’t know why, but it makes me crazy. Anyway, here’s the thing:

Grammar Nazis

BTW, I am typing this on my now-working Mac. Yay! It is hard on my eyes, as everything seems so small, and I can’t figure out how to make things bigger. Not text, but everything else. Oh, well. As Gilda Radner said, “There’s always something”.

So I just stole this off tumblr:

do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed?
closed

do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Only been in a hotel once, didn’t take anything.
where is your next vacation?

who do you think reads these?
I do not have a clue.

do you have a calendar in your room?
In the kitchen, living room, bedroom. I still never know what day it is.

what’s your plan for the day?
I don’t make plans.

are you reading any books right now?
I am immersed in the world of Torchwood fan fiction for the decade, or even longer.

do you ever count your steps when you walk?
sometimes

do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
I suck at dancing. So no.

do you chew your pens and pencils?
not since grade school

what is your “song of the week”?
Zombie Jamboree by Rockapella. It makes me happy. Hey, one time it was the ‘give me back that filet of fish’ song from some commercial. That was awful. LOL

is it okay for guys to wear pink?
Guys can wear whatever color they want. Just like I can. Duh!

do you still watch cartoons?
no

what do you drink with dinner?
whatever is handy, but a good dark beer or a lovely red wine are my prefs.

what do you dip chicken nuggets in?
I don’t do chicken nuggets

what is your favourite food/cuisine?
Only one? Steak. Tiramisu. I love good Chinese or Indian food.

when was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
years ago.

can you change the oil on a car?
Don’t have a car

what is your usual bedtime?
4 am or so

are you lazy?
probably

afraid of heights?
no

occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
test pilot. I wanted to be like Chuck Yeager

hot tea or cold tea:
hot

tea or coffee?
both

favourite kind of cookie?
Anything with frosting. Maybe I just like frosting.

can you swim well?
No. Can’t swim badly, either. Can’t swim. Period.

can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Well, yeah. Who can’t?

who do you want to see right now?
I’m good right now. Don’t want to see anybody in particular.

You have to love science. Why Zebras Have Stripes

On another front, went to the genius bar yesterday. The whole trip to Providence Place Mall was quite an adventure. Pain pills did not work well, breathing was horrible (It’s the glue from the renovation, I know it. You can still smell it in the hallways.) I had used both inhalers, too. After being away from home for a couple of hours, it was fine, just confirming my theory that while pretty hallways are nice, killing off the tenants to get them is not your best idea.

So, Genius Bar. Very nice, lots of people, short wait. It’s set up like a bar, with bars and bar stools. No booze though. That would really make it fun, and then I wouldn’t be a bit ‘excuse me?’ at the genius who helped me. He felt the need to explain DOS and Windows and the evolution to something so marvy (Apple), and how every hard drive has the potential to fail even when it’s as young as two weeks. I’m sorry. I’ve had Microsoft products for ten years, had two laptops that went through all sorts of jostling and moving and being lugged around, and never had a hard drive die. This one died from an update, which involved pushing a couple of keys. Duh! Anyway, they had to wipe it and install a new hard drive. Took an hour. Yeah. Pretty cool.

My friend Tess and I went to P.F.Chang’s for lunch while we waited. I’ve had their frozen dinner things before which were very nice, but now I don’t know if the chicken has been to China and back, so won’t buy it again til I do. Anyway, kind of expensive for what we got, but it was very good. I had sweet and sour pork, which did NOT come with that hideous pink, sweet, sticky gunk you get with take out. Great waiter, too. In Colorado, we had Cantonese Chinese restaurants, so I have had decent sweet and sour pork and chicken. I’ve even made it myself. Come to New England, and they eat pink corn syrup chicken, with no sour involved. ICK. I am rambling. Yes. Yes I am. So back to Apple, pick up laptop, walk the five miles back to the elevator, get off, can’t find car. Go to another level. No car. Go to the correct level. Car. Idiots. Both of us. Then we get totally imprisoned by the stupid parking garage which has exit signs leading to concrete walls. Finally had to ask another driver how to get the hell out of here. Whew. God, we laughed so hard.

So today, fired up the mac, with its new hard drive and Mountain Lion. Try the voice-over it says. Oh, I can tell it stuff? No. It tells YOU stuff, up until the point that you can’t get to the next page you need. Turn it off. Google. Easy fix, which I haven’t tried yet, because now that I’m on the machine that works, well….. So we’ll see. All in all, it was a really fun day. I am not one of those panic-y ‘omg the car has been stolen’ ‘omg we are never getting out of this garage’ ‘omg, I can hardly breathe and am going to die in the Providence Place Mall’ kind of people. Thank goodness. Neither is my friend when she’s with me. When she’s not, I think it’s a whole ‘nother story. LOL

Another thing. We tried out the massage chairs they have placed around the mall. Three minutes for a dollar. Now THAT was interesting. We joked that they shipped the order from the Happy Ending Massage Parlor to the mall by mistake. It was an experience.

So black hole has receded again, I need to get outside, people. Seriously. I need to move out of this death trap, which also, my across the hall neighbor told me, is no longer a safe building as she’s been broken into several times. Loud woman neighbor mentioned being broken into a while back, but I disregarded it, because she wasn’t actually sober when she told me. So not good news. I’ve always felt safe here, but….

Anyway, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Much better to feel much better. Also, I found a video of one of my favorite things I had on videotape and is almost worn out. Zombie Jamboree by rockapella. It’s a clip from a Spike Lee special from the 80’s I think. You can’t be depressed when you have music like that. The music starts about 2:08. Gosh, it feels good to feel good again.

Don’t know if any of you check this site, but it has some amazing science stuff along with the sci-fi, etc. Here’s an example:

hidden-movements-of-sea-life

Somewhat. My wonderful homemaker came and completely redid the bedroom by herself. In about half an hour. I used to be able to do that. Not part of her job description, either. I did not realize how much it being such a mess was messing with my head. Also, sometimes just writing about it when things feel like they’re going south can really help. When you get things out, through talking or writing, they lose power over you. Learned that in therapy. Therapy was good, mainly because I eventually found a really good therapist, who actually helped. Just cause they have a degree doesn’t mean they have a clue, apparently. Some don’t even have degrees, but are social workers or affiliated with one religion or another. I avoid the latter like the plague, because going to their church isn’t going to fix my life. Sorry, it’s just not. And social workers. I know there are dedicated, caring social workers, but having dealt with more than one in my personal life and my job in the group home, I can tell you that some of them are not qualified to be dog-catchers, let alone deal with people’s lives.

So better, but still having some anger issues, it seems. This is a ‘tell it like it is today’ blog, it seems. Course it may be different tomorrow. But that’s life. It’s an adventure. It’s a good thing. I know I stole that from Martha, but I like it. You can probably tell, since I use it all the time. 🙂

Going to the Genius Bar tomorrow. They sent me a confirmation email for my appointment, which included a suggestion to update. Excuse me? Updating is what did it in. Updating borked it. It’s still under warranty, so they’d better darn well fix it. You can’t call yourself geniuses if your product borks itself doing an update. How many Microsoft updates have I done over the years, and none of them killed the machine. I am so disappointed with Apple. I won’t be buying anything in their store, for sure.

I am a verbal person. I work things out in my head by talking about them. It seems to sort my thoughts better, and brings up insights into things I am puzzling over, or brings up things I didn’t even know where hiding in there. But there is really no one to talk to anymore. Everyone I know has their own issues to deal with. Maybe I need therapy again. Anyway, what I’m getting at is I am trying to figure out what is going on right now. I have had several crap days in a row, and I really don’t know why. I wake up every day not wanting to be awake. Not wanting to face my life. Not wanting to be alone yet again. Not wanting to have to accept that I can’t. ‘Can’t’ whatever it is I want to ‘can’. Not buy food only to have it sit there because I can’t prepare it. Not have the bedroom be a total disaster because I can’t get it organized and put things where I want them and try yet again to make the bed something I can actually sleep on.

So I spend the day sleeping, on here, or reading on my Kindle. That world on the kindle is much more interesting than mine. It has people, too. People who care about each other. People who don’t just forget you are alive. I have just totally, completely, crashed, and I don’t know why. I had a good day out, followed by a pain day, and then it’s just been downhill from there.

I will snap myself out of it, sooner or later. I always do. Something inside of me just gets tired of feeling like crap all the time and says, “Enough, already.” Today would be a good day for that. The thing is, around about 11pm, I start to really wake up and have a bit of energy, and want to get up and do stuff, but it’s 11pm, and I don’t want to be noisy, and part of me is saying it’s 11pm, you should be thinking about sleep, not rearranging the bedroom. I’m not even sure I CAN rearrange things. Well, not so much rearrange, as I want to take the mattress off the bed and put the memory foam under it and then replace the mattress, and I don’t know if I can. And it would probably be noisy and disturb my loud-music neighbor, which I don’t want to do.

Wow, this is kind of ‘poor me’ whiny stuff, isn’t it. I do try not to go there, but sometimes you just have to do what you just have to do, right?

What you all are thinking right now:

Probably should have titled this ‘Depression Post’, but I didn’t think of it til now and I’m not going back up to change it. So there. 🙂

I am not having the best day ever, so probably not wise to rant, but what the hey, right?

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” — Gandhi

This:
Hobby Lobby and the Constitution

I am truly puzzled. I remember 9/11. I remember that it was religious fanatics who were behind it. I remember the Taliban, and Jihadists and all that. What I don’t understand is how that gave rise to the exact same fanaticism here in this country. What is with all the religious umbrage going on? Do they not connect themselves and their ‘everyone must behave according to MY beliefs’ agenda, to the same agenda held by people of a different religion, i.e. Islam, that was behind so much tragedy in the world? Can anyone explain this to me, because I really, really do not get it. (By the way, has no one heard of The Inquisition?)

Morality is doing what is right no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told no matter what is right.

I am not religious. From my point of view, religion has caused more death and destruction and persecution than any other factor on the planet. But I don’t tell anyone else that they CAN’T be religious. I don’t force them to stop going to church, or worshiping whomever it is they choose to worship. Even if it’s The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. I don’t lobby to outlaw communion wafers. Believe what you want. I really don’t give a damn. Just do NOT try to force ME to live MY life according to those beliefs. That is not your right. Freedom OF religion is also freedom FROM religion. I keep my atheism out of your life (unless you read my blog), so keep your religion out of mine. Please. Sheesh!

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.

Bishop Desmond Tutu (b. 1931) spiritual leader,activist, writer

Followed my plan today by getting up at 9am. End of plan, but only because I went out with my friend Tess. Since we were going out anyway, she suggested I take my mac to Best Buy, where I bought it, and see if they could help with the no-booting problem. Why, yes, they can. For $279.00 up front. I’m sorry? So called Apple support again when we got home, and after valiantly trying everything and researching more, the guy could not get any further than I did. So have to take it to the Apple store in Providence, or a service shop in Bellingham (I would have to pay, there), so no easy fix for me. ‘It just works’ until it doesn’t. I never had this problem with Windows. I’ve always been able to find something that worked. I am so disappointed with Apple. I thought it was supposed to be better. Oh, well.
Now I have to go ask my neighbor to turn down her freaking music or I am going to call the cops. I am a patient, don’t like to make waves person, but seriously. Plus, she’ll probably be crocked, cause that’s who she is, so I am not looking forward to this. But hey, I followed my plan for one morning in a row. It’s a good thing, right? Whew. She turned it off while I was looking for an image to illustrate this post. Yay.

In the neighborhood.  Wind blew quite hard all night and today.  Hardly any snow, though, and what there was, blew away.  I enjoyed it. 

Another pain and sleep day.  I’m hoping that when I’m finally done with the prednisone, I won’t be in pain all the time again, because that just sucked!  Time will tell. 

I have made a new plan.  I make new plans at least twice a month, but they never come to anything because as soon as I’ve made one, I am up all night and sleep all day, or have more pain and cannot function even more than I already can’t function.  I think my body does not like plans.  I never give up trying, though.  I am the definition of crazy, apparently.  You know, keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.I used to have a plan when I was married.  Monday do this, Tuesday that, so I never even had to think about it or forget something important.

Not having any control over your own body is not fun.  Can’t sleep when I want, or get up when I want, or do what I want when I want. I must be pretty adaptable, though, cause I haven’t run screaming into the night.  Yet.  If I could run.  Which I can’t. I can barely walk some days.  Somehow, writing all this down is very amusing.  ?????? ☺

There was a bad fire in Boston today, and two firefighters were killed.  Very sad. We were lucky that everyone got out when we had the fire in January, because I think it was a close call.  Brave men and women who look out for us.

Tried to zoom and crop and all that jazz, but it didn’t really work. However, on this one, when I cropped it, you can really see that the tree looks kind of bushy, not just bare branches.

Truth, this is the weather radar from a few minutes ago. I don’t live where the mark is, btw. It has started to very lightly snow, but the wind has really picked up. They may get hurricane force winds on the Cape, and are supposed to get a lot of snow there. I love winter. I don’t have to shovel. LOL

Slept during the day, so up all night it is. I have such an interesting life. Having coffee. I like coffee.

Sort of.  Just realized that if I zoom in, the things I wanted to show in the pictures, does.  So will do that later and post.  Here’s one I just took.  Yes, it’s 1:30 am. I am a night owl. Should start snowing soon, too, judging by the radar. 

Today has been a pain day.  No reason that I’m aware of.  There never is really, unless I’ve

actually done something real life-ish the day before.  Didn’t, yesterday.  Feeling kind of down, alone and lonely, I guess, and being unable to do much due to the pain just makes it worse.  That’s my life.  The part of the day I wasn’t sleeping, I called a friend, canceled an appointment, ate twice (leftovers from ordering in last night), and read.  Have some calming new-agey type music on the cable music stations.  Mesmerizing.  I like to listen to it when I read. No actual tune to distract you.  Just lovely sound in the background.  It’s really the only good thing about comcast.  LOL
Tried to capture the sun on the tips of the branches the other day, but need a better camera.  The tips were sort of white, indicating to me that something is changing.  Today the the trees were looking like they are starting to just push out the beginnings of leaves.  I noticed awhile back that some trees were showing color, indicating the sap is starting to rise.  Spring has sprung.  Of course, we are going to be on the edge of a snow nor’easter tomorrow, but still…it’s March. 🐣

Do you know there are people who post to their blogs Every. Single. Day. I am not one of those people. Obviously. Some days, I don’t even turn the computer on. I know. Crazy me.

I had a pretty good day Wednesday, after several not-so-good ones. I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher! Woo Hoo. I think I may have cooked something minor, like a grilled-cheese. I think. Then I wasted most of my good day with trying, for about the fifth time, to get my Mac to boot. Yes, I have a Mac. For about a year. Very steep learning curve after years with Windows, and due to feeling like crap most of the time, I haven’t even turned it on since October. Then I did. UPDATE it says. I do. REBOOT it says. Therein lies the gist of the problem. It will not reboot. I googled. Not just my issue, been a problem for at least a couple of years with people. Tried every single fix I could find. Hold these keys, power on, release keys when such and such shows up. YES! Such and such. Thank you. But nooooo. Such and such wants me to choose something from a blank page. Excuse me? There’s nothing to choose. Try many times. Rinse. Repeat. (I’d like to rinse the damn thing, let me tell you!) Googled, other people have THIS problem as well. Try a different thing. YES! Got to another place. Pick me, pick me. I pick it. This disk is locked, it says. Days of this crap. Call Apple support. YES! er, no. They hang up on me about thirty seconds in, before I get anywhere at all. THEN they send me a lovely ‘thank you for contacting us’ email. WHAT? Whatting the What What? (Stole that)

Someone quoted something that I also said when I first got mine, ‘It just works.’ I said that. Really, I did. Except now it doesn’t. This isn’t WINDOWS. It is supposed to work. Sheesh Louise!

mesothelioma awareness