Went to check weather on cell phone when I got up, battery ded. Ded. Why? Plugged it into charger. Plugged in computer, which had been behaving horribly yesterday, so just unplugged it yesterday afternoon. Plugged it in this morning, waited half an hour or so, started it up, something like two hours later, I finally got it working. Had the blue screen of death twice, and numerous ‘start, gets so far, freezes, restart, gets to a different point, freezes, rinse, repeat’ over and over and over. Googled blue screen of death message on Nexus and it pretty much said the particular issue either needed a system restore, a bunch of stuff I can’t get at to do, or a reinstall, which I was considering anyway. Anyway, there are no restore points to restore it to. Why???? I just fixed that awhile back. I thought.

Checked all my reinstall info, set out making sure everything everywhere everywhy is backed up. Still backing up one thing to Dropbox, backblaze takes care of most things, but not this, and it is taking years. Years, I tell you. So I have been at this since 9:30 this morning (it’s 9:30 pm now), with brief timeouts for screaming fits and lots of swearing, eating Caprese Salad from Papa Gino’s (I’m ordering so much, the delivery guy was all, “Hi, Jean, how’s it going?” LOL But their Caprese Salad and Fenway Penne Pasta is soooo good, and I can get three or four meals out of it for 18 dollars plus tip), cleared off and rearranged desk and computer table, cleared out my overflowing inbox (the real one, not the email one), discovered that the stapler will only staple if I manually push the staples forward every single time, filmed Gertrude whining at me, and yelled at her because ‘I distinctly remember putting food in your dish, so shut up already please’, go to kitchen a bit later and no, I did not fill her food bowl. That was last night. Duh. Finally crashed, couched and read a bit. Nexus is working, reader is working, unplugged cell phone only to discover it’s not working.

I figure I’ve got at least another day of work before I can get to the actual reinstall. I reinstalled once before, and I don’t remember it being this complicated. It’s been a couple of years, though, so I may just have blocked it out. 🙂 I have no idea what’s wrong with the cell phone. I tried rebooting, but it just showed me mr android with a ‘no command’ message. Then went black. Not off, just black. 😦

Please, somebody, just put me out of my misery, will you? I clearly have angered the universe somehow or other. This was the first day since I last went to physical therapy nine days ago, that I wasn’t exhausted. It was going to be such a good day. HA!

And so do I!

Psychology Gets It Wrong

We really are not the brightest species on the planet, are we? I mean, look at us, fouling our own nest as fast as we possibly can. But this made me think of all those medical studies that were done only on men, and then the resulting drugs and treatments are created for men, and just applied to women almost as an afterthought. Because, well, we obviously don’t matter here.

I particularly like this bit, “It was kind of like biologists suddenly learning they had based their entire science just on the animals living in a single cave in Montana.” NOT the sharpest tacks in the box, humans.

Yesterday, I came across this:

The Smartest People in the Room

Notice how many of these are women. That’s right. One. ONE. Marie Curie was the only woman considered smart enough to include here. How many of those men do you think took credit for some woman’s work? Not that I don’t like men. I do. A lot. But seriously, they need work.

We can’t help how we’ve evolved, but brawn really isn’t the best qualification for anything except beating up those who aren’t quite as brawny.

Look at the men who are running for office as Republicans. Tell me those men have actual, working brains. Yeah, I didn’t think so. I’m not really that confident with a lot of them who are running as Democrats, either, except that they seem to have at least gone to school and learned to think.

Grumpy Jean is grumpy. Can you tell? More pain, more fatigue, more I am so sick of this shit. And people. I am so sick of people. So!

Stupid body. I have been exhausted for an entire week, and so had to skip PT again today. I am soooo disappointed in myself.

Also disappointed in my stupid, stupid computer. I am trying to move some music files to Amazon Music Player, or Google Play Music thingy, or something where I can play them on my laptop without actually having to get them onto my laptop, if you know what I mean. Does anything work? Noooo. Can I figure it out? Hell, no. (Slight screaming and head-banging going on here, people) Why doesn’t shit just work?????

In Light of Recent Events – http://wp.me/pl6bP-1KW

This is a really well-written, intelligent, compassionate, and sensible post about the recent Supreme Court decisions.  Well worth the read.  You don’t have to be religious (I’m not) to appreciate what he says.

On the health side, went to physical therapy.  The warm-up guy was ready for me not to be able to do everything, and set things up for me that I could do.  I had not mentioned anything to him last week, so I was surprised and pleased.  The woman who sees me through the machines had adjusted things slightly to decrease the odds of me having a bad pain reaction like last week, and even had me skip a machine that I had some difficulties with last week.  I was still very tired after, unlike last week, and having some pain already.  The only reason they even knew I’d had the pain was because I had to cancel Thursday’s session.  I cancelled the next two Thursday sessions today, just in case I have the same pain reaction.

It occurs to me that I am not actually recovered from last week, and made me wonder about the cumulative effect of not being recovered each week.  Will it get to the point I can’t do this because of the overlap just making me worse and worse.  Not explaining this as well as I’d like. 

I’m really glad I was able to go, though.  Commitments are always iffy til practically the last minute.  I’ve showered, dressed, put on my coat and got my keys, put my hand on the doorknob and realized I had to go back to bed right that minute or collapse.  So no guarantees I’ll ever show up for anything.  I was also really impressed that the staff noticed and took steps to help with my issues.  That doesn’t always happen.  It was another good day, and positive reinforcement that I actually can do some things and work towards getting some small semblance of my old life back.  Hooray!

By Thursday, I could barely move. Literally. Spent the day on the couch, with the occasional practically-crawling trip to get water or bathroom break or whatever. Oh. Stiff and pain, pain, pain. Friday, much better. Actually was able to do things with my homemaker, like redo the stupid futon yet again. I am going to get that thing sleep on-able. I am. Then yesterday and today, back to pain and hobbling, but not as bad as Thursday. Did my exercises yesterday too, with lots of pain. Skipped them today. Tired and the rest. Humidity is rising again, which never helps.

Made up a playlist for my ellipse, and another for counting when I exercise. ‘Hold for 2 million seconds.’ Well, it seems like 2 million at the time. Actually, it’s more like 30. A good beat, like Alpha by Vangelis, helps with that. Tried to find more with a similar bpm. One of my favorite songs, Black Waltz by Blue Gillespie, fits right in. Yay. Most of my music seems to be fast and upbeat. I need upbeat with my life. 🙂

Came across this on the blogs today. It’s from here: Susan Branch She does lovely art work, and her blog is fun and beautiful. Anyway, I have friends like that. I am very lucky.

When the UPS guy calls you ‘dear’. Ewwwwww.

Still functional after pt yesterday, but only slept about 5 1/2 hours, and a bit achy, so no exercises today. Really hoping the pain thing doesn’t start up in the next few days. Hoping to be functional enough to go back for more pt tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes.

Weather finally broke and it is dry and coolish and lovely and breezy today. Good times.

And I am sooooo tired. Did not get nearly enough sleep, but got up and did my exercises anyway. Yay, me. Fuffed around, then had my first physical therapy this afternoon. Oh, good grief. It was so much fun. I belonged to a gym when I got sick, and had to give it up, but I loved it. This had very different machines, all of them fun. I am not in nearly as bad shape as I thought or look, which was a nice surprise. It was me and three men, very small class. It’s the ‘spine’ class at the local hospital. Twice a week for six weeks, assuming that I will still be mobile tomorrow. I am fine now, but sometimes the pain doesn’t kick in until a few days later. I was pleased I was able to do everything, and sometimes had to ask for more weight or resistance, because it was too easy. Only a couple of things were a bit more than I could manage for all the reps required, but that was fine. No pressure or pushing. I had so much fun.

Got home, spent an hour trying to order online from Papa Gino’s, but stupid computer kept freezing and needing a hard shutdown. I don’t know if it’s the tower or the os, but I am going for the 10 upgrade and that should tell me what I need to know. Anyway, tried the Papa Gino’s app on my phone, but it wouldn’t work properly. Fortunately, I had actual cash money, so wound up ordering over the phone. They have a really good Fenway Pasta dish that is enough for at least two meals, and really inexpensive. Tasty. I just started ordering from then. Haven’t eaten there in years. Their pizza sucks though, like everyone else’s these days. What went wrong in pizzaland?

So tired, but happy camper today, people. Oh, also had a long and very nice exchange with another Live Journaler. It was a day. A good one. Gorgeous sunset. Tried to take a picture, but did not show up at all well. Drat. Clouds were really nice on the way home from pt, and as the sun set, the north sky was really lovely. Here’s something from PBS Digital Studios Tumblr instead.

Again, from BillMullinsTechBlog

“Man once surrendering his reason, has no remaining guard against absurdities the most monstrous, and like a ship without rudder, is the sport of every wind. With such persons, gullibility, which they call faith, takes the helm from the hand of reason, and the mind becomes a wreck”.

– Thomas Jefferson

Last night, the humidity finally broke, and it was kind of chilly in here. Gorgeous, gorgeous day today. Cool and clear and lovely. Of course, I could not sleep last night, so slept through a good part of today, but that’s my life. LOL

Had a good day yesterday. Doctor’s appointment to discuss things, then lunch at Bertucci’s, which was really, really good, and bought sneakers at Payless Shoes for tomorrow’s physical therapy. And there were cookies, made by my friend Tess. Yum.

Have not bought new shoes in so many years it’s not even funny. I never wear shoes inside, and since I don’t go out a lot, I don’t wear my shoes out in a hurry, and I am not a shoe-fashion follower. I’m not a fashion follower, period. If it’s comfortable, and I don’t feel like an idiot wearing it, AND it has pockets, I’m good to go.

I found here: billmullinstechblog

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

– Steve Jobs

Opened the windows last night. It is warm and the dew point is high, but it is actually not too bad with just a fan on. My electric bill is going to be…don’t want to think about it.

Having a nice, relaxing day. Messing about on the computer, reading fan fiction. Oh, I just read the ‘Wandering Pines’ trilogy. Oy. Good read, but the content was quite gory and disturbing. Makes me wonder what kind of mind thinks up these things. I cannot envision it as a series tv show. Maybe a movie or even a mini-series, but whatever, not something I would want to watch, I’m certain.

Saw a couple of good movies this past week, “I’ll Follow You Down”, about time travel and it’s consequences, but not really sci-fi-ish. Good movie. Rufus Sewell, Gillain Anderson, Victor Garber, and the grownup kid from “The Sixth Sense”. Also watched “Traveling Salesman” which I almost ditched because it started really slow, but it just kept getting better. Basically a few men talking around a table, but so much more. I recommend it if you’re not just into action movies, but something that will make you think.

Also, Ascension was a pretty good mini-series, although it had the usual tropes of the upper class and lower class battling it out, and stupid people being stupid and evil mad scientists, etc. I found the class thing very disappointing because it did not seem a long enough time frame for it to develop as it had, but then I read an article about an experiment with two groups of boy scouts who devolved into the usual warfare in a very short time. We are just programmed for it genetically, it seems. Humanity kind of sucks as a species. The premise of the movie was excellent, though. Again, lots to think about.

Thinking is good. You should try it if you haven’t. Yes, I know. I’ve been spending too much time on Tumblr, where thinking seems to be an abandoned skill.

while surfing on the pc. Sad irons are heavy. Which is related to the feeling you have when you are sad. Who knew? Somebody who isn’t me, that’s who. Reading the King Arthur cake question page, which I did not know existed until now, and I never make cakes anyway, so…. Learned about over-creaming, which is not a good thing, and if your recipe calls for an inordinate amount of time beating the batter, it was probably from a time before they used baking powder and you don’t have to beat it forever any more. Yay.

It occurred to me that cooking is a lot like gardening. You never really know what you’re going to get, and half the fun is in trying, seeing results, and then tweaking to suit. I love that about gardening. With cooking, I’ve almost always made a recipe as written, then tried to figure out how I could make it better, or more to my tastes, or whatever. Don’t use this spice, use that one, etc. That’s the fun part. Or this plant will look great by that one. Next year, I’m thinking, “oops, I think it will look better by that other plant”. I rearrange my furniture a lot, too. Or at least I did before avoiding pain became the driving motivation behind everything I do. I get bored easily, it seems. LOL

Had a very good day yesterday. Out to lunch with my friend Tess, talked to waitress and owner who were really nice, about take-out I had from there several months ago which was literally inedible. Went for mammogram, bought ingredients for peach ice cream. I had prepped the peaches earlier so they had time to macerate, which prevents the pieces from freezing into ice blocks. Made the ice cream, played Big Kahuna on the pc. I love Big Kahuna, so long as it’s not just me playing, because I can only come up with three and four letter words. We had a fourteen letter word the other day. Woo Hoo. It does weird things with letters, so you’re never sure what word you’re going to get. I like surprises. My freezer does not get cold enough, (and no, they won’t even change the central air filter, so I’m never getting a new frig from this landlord) so my portion of the ice cream never really got hard, and didn’t even get hard enough while churning, because the insert only gets as cold as my freezer, which isn’t cold enough. Did I mention that already? 🙂 Haven’t checked yet today to see if it ever really froze. All in all, it was a good day, which have been few and far between in recent times. So yay, me.

to come back and say much better now. Somehow, just putting stuff out there helps, but I also am very fortunate to have a good, supportive, encouraging friend.

Did you know there is something called The Simple Woman’s Daybook? Begs the question, is there a Complicated Woman’s Daybook? Cause I think I need that one.

I have had the windows closed since early Monday morning. Oi. Or is it ‘oy’? It’s breezy out, but the dewpoint is hovering around 60 and that is tooooooo sticky for comfort. I keep my central air on 75 all the time, so it stays pretty comfortable in here, even though the filters haven’t been changed in forever, and calls and letters to landlord have yielded no results. They used to just do this. I need to move. I want to move. The idea of moving is overwhelming, not to mention the cost of moving. Oh, well. It will be autumn soon, right?

Is there ever an okay time to just say you’re feeling miserable, and not coping or managing well, and just want to curl up and hide under a rock for the next several eons, or do you always have to put on a positive spin to every bit of life. Cause I’m finding that really hard right now. It’s been twenty years since my life went to hell (not the getting sick thing, the other thing), and I do not want to remember how I felt then, and I do not want to think about it at all, and yet it seems to be there in the back of my mind anyway. It was a horrible, horrible time, and I don’t want to even be aware of it, so I think my subconscious and my body are working together to give me pain and sleepiness to focus on instead. It all sucks. I just want my life back and to not be spending virtually every minute of it by myself. Pretend there’s a semi-cheery smart-ass comment here, cause I’m coming up empty.

I don’t think so. I’ve probably said before that quite often when I’m talking or emailing or posting about something, it very soon turns up somewhere on line. Example: earlier today I posted a picture of my homemaker in her mallard pants. I just came across this on Tumblr:

PARK CITY, UT – JANUARY 20: Matthew Gray Gubler attends the Columbia Lounge at The Village At The Lift Day4 on January 20, 2014 in Park City, Utah. (Photo by John Parra/Getty Images for Colombia)

This is an article about the atomic clock, leap seconds, and google adding a millisecond every so often.

WTF???

All I could think of was, who on earth figured out how to add a millisecond to anything, anywhere, anytime? Those google guys are geniuses. Let’s don’t mess up the servers when the atomic clock people add a leap-second to time, let’s throw in a millisecond here and there to compensate instead. What???? Seriously, WHAT?????

Following through on the quote meme, here is one that seems apt for this post, by my homemaker Traci, about me:

“Your book of knowledge is a different book.”

Here she is. Don’t think she wants her face plastered all over the internet, so cropped picture it is. Those are her world-famous mallard pants.

Just came across this one, and it kind of represents my attitude towards life and worry.

“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does” – Rubeus Hagrid

As an added bonus, here’s another incredible picture from my friend JT. Isn’t it amazing, and amazingly beautiful?

Enlightenment is a very ordinary thing.
It is nothing extraordinary, it is nothing special – because the special
is the search of the ego.
There is no demand, no hankering for anything, no clinging.
Simply you are, and you are happy – happy without any cause.

Osho

by my friend JT. Here’s one of my favorite pictures by him:

Here’s his blog for you: arctic melancholy

Here’s the challenge:

RULES of 3 Day, 3 Quotes Challenge:

1. Post your favorite quotes or your own quotes for 3 days in a row.
2. Thank the person who nominated you.
3. Pass it on to 3 other bloggers.

Thanks, JT.
I would like to challenge

Little Tin Bird

The English Kitchen

Garden Walk Garden Talk

I didn’t pick anyone controversial. I know. This is so not me, but these are lovely, lovely blogs.

Quote for today:

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the
land. They said, ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them
we had the Bible and they had the land.

Bishop Desmond Tutu (b. 1931) spiritual leader,activist, writer

Marriage Equality

On another note, been having some computer issues, so if I’ve missed anything, or haven’t commented back yet, that’s why. Sorting it out…I hope.

Just found this:

equality

Picture has nothing to do with this post. But I like it. 🙂

Saw my rheumy yesterday, and it went very well this time. He listened and answered my questions well. I to stay on this dose of Prednisone for six more months, and then rethink it.
Meanwhile, I’ve been reading up on it and on adrenal fatigue, which it causes (body stops making cortisol), since after talking with him I understand better what is going on.

Kind of wish I’d never gotten on it in the first place now. It’s not just the bone thing. It causes diabetes, high blood pressure, weight gain, and weight redistribution. Without gaining any weight right now, my clothes keep getting tighter. This is so fun. Also, losing weight, regardless of not eating a lot, seems just not to happen. I was doing really well with that before the pleurisy and the Prednisone. I’ve had a lot of meds over the years that cause weight gain but none seemed to completely prevent weight loss after going off them til Prednisone. Oh, he read out the list of meds I’ve taken that didn’t work. There were a lot. Probably because they’ve been medicating me for something I don’t actually have, but since no one seems to actually know what I have, I am an experiment in what will work or not work. Nothing works, people. Nothing, except the Prednisone, it seems, which isn’t supposed to work for what they thought I had. Isn’t medicine fun?

Anyway, getting off it can be extremely difficult, which I’ve found. Most info seems to say that as you taper, your body will adjust and start making cortisol on its own gradually, and I think the problem last time I got off after the pleurisy was he had me taper too quickly. I’m remembering just never getting better though, for six long months, til I went back on it, so body never adjusted?

I am conflicted about what to do about it. Not looking for a fix, just putting it out there helps with my brain processing things, I guess, but if anybody has any info to share my email is in the upper right, it’s upper right, or you can just comment here. Yes, there is left/right dyslexia, and I haz it.

I’ve read to try taking the prednisone every other day, but I would talk to doctor before trying it. I really am not thrilled with the changes going on with my body, but I also don’t want to go back to being a non-functioning blob of pain and misery spending my life on the couch.

Right now, I am doing very, very well for me. The biggest problem is the pain from arthritis, which greatly effects my mobility. Doctor is considering cortisone shots for that. It would be great if I could walk more than a few feet or stand more than a couple of minutes without severe back pain. I could walk to the library. That would definitely be a good thing. 🙂 Doctor asked me what I do for that (the pain on walking or standing). Sit down, I said. Oh, he said. LOLOL Pain stops as soon as I sit down, though.

I hate not knowing what to do. I just want my life back, you know? I have been ill eighteen years in September, with the last three or four being filled with being barely functional most of the time, and lots and lots of pain and miserableness. I’d like to get better. Really, I would.

Also, twenty years ago the day after Father’s Day, my husband left. I am hoping not to have any psychological issues because of the anniversary. I mean, my life is much better now anyway, except for being ill.
It appears to be a rambling day. Done now.