Saw surgeon today. Liking him. Very nice, very confidence-inspiring. He is very busy, but is going to try to get me in sooner than the scheduled date, which is March 8. March. I know. But in the meantime, Traci will come in for an hour Tues, Wed, and Thurs, in addition to her usual Monday and Friday stints. Just to do washing up, making some food, things I can’t do right now.

Doctor told me to try using a bike. I have a recumbent bike/ellipse machine, so will use that. Wasn’t sure if I should be doing anything or not. The only pain med that will help is Tramadol, and I had hallucinations last time I tried that, so he thinks the biking will help somehow. We’ll see how it goes. I may not even need to go to rehab after, if I do well, and the Visiting Nurse will come every day because lots of physical therapy is required after surgery.

I am looking forward to being mobile again. Got the walker, got a tray for the walker (neat), but actually walking hurts like heck. So want this done, please. I am happy.

Had the window open a bit yesterday. It was a warm and very rainy day. I love rain,but it’ January. Should have been snow. Today it is sunny and freezing cold. I love New England. LOL

My Traci came today, and over and above the things she normally does, she helped me get better sorted for immobility and moving around using a walker. She always does more than required, doing the extra things that really make a difference. She really is a genuinely good person, and we always laugh and have fun as well. Fun is good.

I am very fortunate to have her, and to have my friend Tess, who also does more than required. Driving me to appointments, keeping me company, just being there when I need anything. Unfortunately for her, I don’t have anyone else to share the burden of being friends with a chronically ill person who lives alone, but she is always willing to help, and always cheerful about it.

I don’t think I’m the easiest person, so am doubly grateful for both of these people who seem to like me anyway, and are so willing to help. I hope someday I can repay them, somehow.

So, enough of the sappy-do. I am going to see if I can get someone to come in for an hour a day just to do things I can’t, like maybe heat up some soup, wash up the few dishes, niggly things that are just too painful right now. Just til I have the surgery. We’ll see if it’s possible. I’ve contacted my case worker, but she is out today so left a message. Fingers crossed. It’s always difficult to have a stranger come in and do things that you’re meant to do for yourself, but needs must, as they say. Needy is not a state I am happy being in, but what can you do, right?

I just read on another blog that David Bowie died. David Bowie. It’s like when Freddie Mercury died. One day, I heard he had AIDS, the next day he was dead. It’s very disconcerting to lose your idols. This makes me unbelievably sad. Major Tom, Fashion, so many great songs. He was such a character. Seemed to keep reinventing himself over time. Ziggie Stardust, remember? He did the intro for the movie “The Snowman” from the book by Richard Briggs. I love that movie, and I loved his intro. Well, crap. Bowie is gone and that really sucks. Feeling a bit shocked.

A bright sunshiny one and not too cold. Went to see the ortho’s PA. Usually try to buy lunch for my friend Tess when she gives up her time to drive me places. We were going to do Mexican, but today was the worst pain yet for my knee, and I wasn’t really able to be very mobile. So we opted for Colonel Sanders, eating in the car. I have not eaten KFC for years, and was really looking forward to it. I haven’t had mashed potatoes and gravy for years either, and was REALLY looking forward to that. Well, it turns out the potatoes were instant, the gravy tasted like it came from a packet, and the chicken tasted nothing like KFC used to taste. Even the biscuit was crap. What has happened to food? It was so disappointing.We got popcorn chicken. The mashers barely filled half the bowl, either.

Got to use a wheelchair at the appointment, because major pain. Turns out the knee is so bad, I am going to get it replaced. A new knee. Yay. I think. They were really, really nice, and even though the actual Doctor is very busy, he decided to squeeze me in next week to get started on the getting fixed train. Disruption of life, being in hospital and then rehab, but living on the couch is not really living.

I’m pretty sure my friend Tess (how did I get so lucky?) will come and feed/water Gertrude and clean out the litter box, although I haven’t asked her yet. She’s good like that. I just want this done since I am feeling much better in general now that I’ve got the Prednisone dose correct again. I want to be able to do things, and right now pain rules. Only when I stand and walk, though, thank goodness. Sitting is fine, lying down is fine. I am doing a lot of both. I have my bottled water, and my snacks and my open box eat contents food around me, along with my phone, my Kindles, my laptop. It’s all good. So long as I don’t get up. LOL

Yesterday, I ordered a burger and salad from Papa Gino’s. Talking to delivery guy, I asked about the Fenway Pasta. He said it’s only on during baseball season, and they are currently featuring pulled pork on everything. Oh, well. Baseball season starts in April, so I’m told. I can wait.

Have an appointment tomorrow about the knee, which is much worse today. My friend Tess came over, and coincidentally, the Peapod order I put in yesterday was delivered early, while she was here, and she put everything away for me. Very grateful. I will never be able to repay her for all she does for me, not the least of which is making me laugh a lot. Good friends are good. Keep them.

I bought ingredients for my ‘even in pain, I can make this’ soup. Bring chicken broth to a boil, add stuff, cook til done. Eat for a few meals. I started with just chicken and prosciutto tortellini, which I love, then branched out by adding a package of fresh cauliflower, broccoli florets and baby carrots. So good and easy. Nothing to chop, peel, or anything else. Open package, dump into pot. Almost as easy as ‘open box, eat contents’ which is what I do a lot of when pain is ruling my life. This time I am doing the broth and tortellini, and am going to use cubed butternut squash and a small bag of collard greens. Bet I could add a can of beans, too. Thinking about it. No end to already prepped things you could add. Wish I had thought of this years ago. Real food, that tastes delicious, is easy, variable, and gives me several meals. What’s not to love?

Now I am listening to Songs From The Wood, by Jethro Tull. I love Jethro Tull. Not everything, but this one especially. Good times.

Yay!! I shouldn’t be this excited, but there was no snow in the forecast yesterday, and when I woke up…snow. There’s a thin covering on the ground. Don’t know if it will last, but snow. I do like snow. Just watched The Snowman a couple of days ago. I feel like the little boy in it, except I won’t be running out to make a snowman. I love that movie. I have a couple of figures of The Snowman.
And it stopped snowing.

Hopping, kept me hopping. Not hoping. Grrrr.

Checking my folder for cat pics, I realized I must have ten times more pics of Gertrude than of Simon, but I only had an actual camera when he was alive. Now I use my cell phone which is always handy, so Gertrude gets the gold as far as picture-taking goes. She’s cute, too, but so was he. 🙂

It’s getting to me, the not being able to do much of anything. I’m feeling relatively good otherwise, and being forced into inactivity when I want to do things is very frustrating. Going to call Rheumy tomorrow and hopefully get MRI and get this sorted soon. It’s been three weeks of doing nothing that isn’t reading or using laptop, and taking pain meds. Fun stuff. The more inactive you are, the harder it becomes to be active. Learned that after the whole pleurisy thing. I’ve never really recovered from that forced inactivity debacle.

Thank the universe for the internet. At least I have a connection to the world. I read a variety of blogs, and comment sometimes, and sometimes people even comment back to me. So I don’t feel completely isolated. I don’t know why only one person ever comments here. I have followers and lots of hits, but no comments. Am I just too dull and boring, or what? The blogs I read have loads of comments. I could get a complex here, people.

As I mentioned, my friend Tess took me to lunch the other day, and then for a ride, since I couldn’t walk much at all and that was very painful, even after taking six, yes six, pain pills. Three ibuprofen, and then three Tylenol a couple hours later when it became evident that the ibu was not helping. Neither did the combo, really, although I can’t imagine the pain level without them. Oh, I just want my life back. I’ve been ill for so long, and gradually getting worse, mainly due to the inactivity caused by the miserableness of fibromyalgia.

Oh, when DD was here last weekend, we were discussing this, and Prednisone and all, and in the course of googling some things, discovered another frustrating thing. Rheumy told me, when I got better after starting Prednisone, that Pred does not affect fibro, so maybe I don’t have it after all. But googling several medical sites, like Mayo Clinic, WebMD, etc, we found other articles saying that it does help. Some were yes, some were no. Nobody knows for sure, I guess. I still think fibro is the diagnosis they give you when they don’t have a clue what is wrong. That way they can give you pills and send you on your way and not feel like failures. I guess. Yes, really not happy with modern medicine and the really horrific health-care system that HMOs and lobbyists have created for us here in the US. I can’t fix it, though. Until enough people get brains and vote the morons in Congress and the Senate out of office, nothing can change anyway.

Gertrude is snoring next to me. LOL She is such a cute cat, and good company when she is not hiding somewhere. She’ll never be as in-your-face as my Simon was, but she’s still a great cat.

This is my Simon. I still miss him. I think I always will. He was my first ‘just mine’ animal, and was such a good companion. Kept me hoping, and owned me. My DD came up with my ‘slave to simon’ email because I really was.

Sorry about the having to correct things after I’ve posted. My brain is on vacation, or just totally fed up with the whole thing.

If’s cold, and going to get much colder, if the weather people are correct. Came across this post in a favorite blog just now, speaking about the possible effects on plants of the record warm December we had (and wasn’t that a terrible sentence?):

Growing With Plants

The house and gardens are in Worcester, about 40 miles Northwest of me. Anyway, it reminded me that Thursday, when my friend Tess took me to lunch, I had noticed that the trees were looking ‘spring-ish’. They sort of look fuller. Hard to describe, so took a couple pics just now. Not sure if you can see what I mean, though. Since my Nexus died, I only have my cell phone camera, which isn’t bad, but not as good as the Nexus was. Stupid Nexus.

This one was taken New Year’s Eve. There was quite a bit of fog, and it was swirling beautifully under the light. Doesn’t show well here, but you maybe get the idea.

Last night, I saw a few snowflakes under that same light. I don’t like the light, it makes it too bright in here at night unless I close the curtains, but I can see the weather very well in it. There’s a plus to most things, it seems. Even the irritating ones.

And here’s Gertrude, just because.

Hope you all have the best year yet.

Less than a week ago, it was nearly 70 degrees out.  Today it is 25.  Twenty-five degrees.  Ice is out there.  It was just summery weather and now ice.  Freezing am I.  Weather is getting weirder and weirder.  At least we are not having tornadoes and floods and all, like some of the planet.  But is is cold.  You need to work up to cold.  This is like suddenly having a 25 degree day in the middle of summer.

I’m watching Martha make smashed potatoes.  They look really good.  Think she’ll come and cook some for me?  No, I didn’t either.  How cool would it be for someone like me, who has difficulty with cooking and managing food, to have someone who cooked for you.  You have to be rich for that, and I am definitely not rich.

I have to wait til next week to make sure the cortisone shot did not work for my knee.  If not, MRI and referral.  Meanwhile, hobbling around when I am forced to, otherwise it’s me and the couch.  Boring.  I try to keep my spirits up, but sometimes it is difficult.  I always say I was born with the ‘happy’ gene, and it’s a good thing, because otherwise, I would be in the depths of despair a lot of the time.  Fortunately, I think a lot of things are funny, and that helps.  Laughing is good.

may be happening.
I love that dip. It makes me think of Idaho, for some reason. Red is temp. Green is dew point.

Went to Longhorn Steak House yesterday with my daughter. I love Longhorn. Or I did. The menu has completely changed, and everything is so pricey. Fourteen dollars for a burger and fries. Fancy fries, granted, but still fries. And the burger was not half as good as Papa Gino’s Mushroom Swiss Burger, which is half the price, but with no fries. Who needs fries? Anyway, DD and I each had an appetizer, three drinks between us (I had a beer), my burger, her something on rice dish, and it was 75 dollars. 90 dollars with tip. I had a burger and fries. Sheesh! Won’t be going back there anytime soon.

Have to wait til after the first to see if cortisone shot really doesn’t help, if not, MRI then possible referral to surgeon. Torn cartilage hurts, if that’s what it is. If that’s not what it is, something else hurts. Really a lot. Fun times, people. Fun times. Hobbling around R Us.

and it’s 65 degrees where I am. 65 degrees Fahrenheit. I spelled Fahrenheit correct on the first try. Yay, me. Anyway, I hope all of my readers and their friends and families have the best Christmas yet, or holiday season, or whatever thing you celebrate at this time of year. The solstice is big for me. Yay, longer days. Happy, happy, merry, merry. It’s 65 degrees. Oi!

I think they may have finally done themselves in as far as I am concerned. New update yesterday, laptop has slowed to ‘molasses in January’ velocity. Switched to Chrome and zip-a-dee-doo-dah, so to speak. My extensions. My closing the last open tab without closing the browser. Not existant on Chrome, but not waiting one minute for an email to load, assuming gmail actually loaded in the first place…

The more they mess with Firefox, the worse it gets. Are they TRYING to drive users away?

My Traci (my homemaker) gave me presents today, since she won’t be back til next week. Only she would give me the things she does, because she gets that I am crazy, and they delight me.

A bottle of wine in a santa bag, complete with hat. Sorry, took the bottle out, so no photo. Will put it back when it’s empty, and take a picture then, cause it’s really cute.

The light makes him swing.

Penguins

A bag of sweeties. Yes, I’ve been reading too much Torchwood fanfiction. Or Doctor Who. Sweeties is a very English thing, I think.

For Gertrude. A laser pointer, too, but not taking a photo of that. LOL

My knee is a bit better. I am resting it as much as possible, and very, very careful and slow when I move, and it’s even better with ibuprofen. I hope it heals on it’s own, but Prednisone can inhibit healing, it seems, and I need the Prednisone to not be miserable all the time. Oh, well.

It’s almost Christmas. I will be here alone with Gertrude and no Christmas tree or dinner or presents, and yet I am still excited. 🙂

Got in to see rheumatologist’s assistant today. Seems I may have torn my meniscus. Hopefully it will heal on its own. Got a cortisone shot, ultrasound, and x-rays. Was really painful to start out today, and by the time I was getting the x-rays done, I was standing there thinking ‘I’m not going to be able to walk out of here I am in so much pain. They’re going to have to give me some serious pain meds or a wheelchair or something.’ On a scale of 1 to 10, it was 25. I thought I might pass out. OMG did it hurt, then all of a sudden it got better. Fast acting cortisone, I guess. Still hurt a lot, but I could walk and made it to the car and then into the house.

My friend Tess, who drove me there, suggested stopping off for Chinese take-out on the way home, so ready-made dinner. She helped me get set up on the couch before she left. She is a very, very good friend. Always willing to help. Now I am just icing the knee 20 minutes out of every hour or so. I am so over pain. SO over pain. Hoping to better by tomorrow, so I can actual function more than hobbling to the freezer or the bathroom as necessary.

This morning, there was a spider in the bathroom, and I was concerned it could get on Gertrude and bite her, so scooped it up to flush it. I hate killing things, and even flushing is uncomfortable, but self-defense, right? Instead, spider fell into the bucket I keep the toilet brush, etc. in, so tossed all that into the tub so I could dump spider into toilet. Then I dropped some coins out of my pocket. For both things, I decided to wait for my homemaker to come and get the stuff out of the tub and pick up the coins, because pain. She laughed when I told her.

So here I am, still alone, still in pain, but getting by okay tonight. Whew!

The Rollie…can’t stop laughing.

Had a doctor appointment to see what can be done about my screwed-up knee, but they cancelled. My friend Tess came over anyway and we went for coffee and did a bit of grocery shopping, where I bought vegetables. Ready-to-eat vegetables and hummus for dipping. Yay, me. Cedar’s makes avocado hummus. Can’t wait to try it.

It was a gorgeous day. In the fifties, breezy, with clouds zipping across the blue sky. It is kind of windy now. There is an advisory out. I like wind. We had big old cotton trees where I lived as a child, and the wind blowing through them made the best sound. Wind blowing through the pines at my Uncle’s father’s cabin in the mountains made a different, but equally wonderful, sound. I like wind.

It’s hard to walk with a painful knee, but it was so worth the pain. It is Stick Season in New England, a term I stole from a photographer I follow on Tumblr whose name escapes me at the moment. It’s the time after the leaves fall and before it snows. I love the term, and the season. Looked it up. Here

And here are my two new favorite quotes, both from Douglas Adams:

“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

Isn’t language beautiful?

My friend Tess came over and we went out. Getting out is crucial for mental health. Feeling much better, physically as well as mentally. Pain seems to be finally easing off. Yay. Didn’t buy anything, either. Yay, me.

Being alone so much is hard, and it keeps getting harder, and the more alone I am, the less motivated I am to try to do anything about it. When there’s lots of pain and fatigue, doing anything about it is pretty much a wash anyway.

I do try to stay positive and keep my own spirits up, but obviously I do fall down on the job now and then. It’s life, right?

Okay, so I had a really, really bad day yesterday. So exhausted when I showered I was nauseous, got dizzy every time I stood up, felt like a train wreck, walking is painful, standing is worse. House is getting completely out-of-hand, I bought groceries, but am I going to be able to actually cook them? I even picked really easy things to make. I was doing very well, then the whole cut-down-the-Prednisone thing, and even though I’ve gone back to five, I am not getting much better. It gets harder and harder to cope every time I get worse again, whatever the reason, and sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am alone. Three hours a week my homemaker comes and shops and does laundry across the street and vacuums and cleans the bathroom. I get next to no phone calls or emails from actual people I know. It’s because I have no life, and can’t get out and be the fun person, or entertain, or whatever it is people to do maintain connections. So I am just here with the cat. It gets hard. I do try. Sometimes, I just quit caring. That’s where I am right now. Can’t do anything about anything, so not caring is all that’s left. Well, I’m marginally better today. Yay, me.

I think I’m dying. Very, very slowly. But then, aren’t we all?