A Really Bad Day

Okay, so I had a really, really bad day yesterday. So exhausted when I showered I was nauseous, got dizzy every time I stood up, felt like a train wreck, walking is painful, standing is worse. House is getting completely out-of-hand, I bought groceries, but am I going to be able to actually cook them? I even picked really easy things to make. I was doing very well, then the whole cut-down-the-Prednisone thing, and even though I’ve gone back to five, I am not getting much better. It gets harder and harder to cope every time I get worse again, whatever the reason, and sometimes I just feel like giving up. I am alone. Three hours a week my homemaker comes and shops and does laundry across the street and vacuums and cleans the bathroom. I get next to no phone calls or emails from actual people I know. It’s because I have no life, and can’t get out and be the fun person, or entertain, or whatever it is people to do maintain connections. So I am just here with the cat. It gets hard. I do try. Sometimes, I just quit caring. That’s where I am right now. Can’t do anything about anything, so not caring is all that’s left. Well, I’m marginally better today. Yay, me.

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