Trying something new:  Zzzquil for sleeping.  It actually works.  I get to sleep within about 90 minutes after I drink the disgusting, grape cough syrupy tasting thing.  Taken it twice now.  First night slept almost straight through and last night only woke up due to pain which then kept me awake.  No grogginess, and actually have been able to Get Things Done.  Yesterday I rearranged and cleared out the frig, washed and sliced two pounds of strawberries.  Not all at once, but still.  Today had a headache but then managed to make pizza (frozen dough) and sangria with about half the strawberries and some red wine that is about to go off.  Also not all at once, but all of this is more than I’ve been able to do for some time.  So I am a relatively happy camper.  Doctor tomorrow.  Why?  He’ll just want me to take more meds and have no real answers or coping ideas.  But I’m going anyway.  Glutton for punishment, me.

I have been struggling, I admit it.  Been circling the ‘rabbit hole’ as my friend Tess calls it.  For the first time since I became ill with whatever it is I have, I feel like there is no hope for ever getting better. I’ve never felt this discouraged before.  I no longer have the occasional ‘good’ day, I have the rare ‘good’ moment.  Never pain-free, but sometimes the pain level is low enough that I can actually get something done, like cook something simple.  Something involving little or not prep, and never including the clean-up afterwards.  You can only take so many Excedrin and/or ibuprofen without causing serious side-effects, and they don’t always lessen the pain anyway.  And they never make me pain-free.  Never.  I am in pain before I’ve even moved after waking up.  Sometimes the pain wakes me up.  Sometimes the pain keeps me from getting to sleep in the first place.

Seeing the doctor on Monday, but I have no hope that he can do anything.  So here I am.  Made of misery, but still trying desperately to hang on and not fall into that rabbit hole.   Monday both my homemaker and Tess were here, and there was a lot of fun and laughing, so it is not hopeless.  It just feels like it on those days where it is just me, trying to make it to the kitchen for water to take more pills, oo-ing and ow-ing all the way.  I mean the kitchen is like ten steps from where I am sitting.  Seriously?  This is my life?  Apparently so.  It’s a hard pill to swallow, but you play the hand you’re dealt, and go on.  I am struggling, but I am NOT giving up.  Not yet, anyway.  I hope.

Reduced shifts. Worse hours. No raises. Being fired.

These are just some of the ways Walmart has retaliated against workers who have spoken up for their rights.

Workers like Vanessa Ferriera, who worked at Walmart for 8 years, until she was fired earlier this month — having done nothing wrong beside standing up for herself and her coworkers.

Or workers like Carlton Smith, a Paramount, California, Walmart employee of 17 years, who was just fired for speaking up to make positive change.

So today, Walmart workers across the country are on strike, standing up against Walmart’s retaliation against and attempts to silence those who speak out. They’ll be caravaning to Bentonville, Arkansas — what they’re calling the “Ride for Respect” — to bring their complaints directly to the Walmart shareholder meeting on June 7th.

And the more of us who stand with them right now, the louder their voices will be.

Sign their petition to Walmart today, and it’ll be delivered to Walmart HQ during the shareholder meeting.

Even though Walmart makes more than $16 billion in profits each year, the retailer is creating jobs that keep its associates without enough hours, without healthcare, and struggling to get by on poverty wages.

As a result many employees can’t even support their families without relying on government assistance, while the Walton family, which controls the company, has the wealth of 42 percent of American families combined, and its CEO rakes in more than 1,000 times the salary of the average Walmart worker.

That’s why these workers are calling for Walmart to publicly commit to providing jobs with full-time hours and a minimum salary of $25,000 — and why your support is so important.

Because we know what happens to workers when they speak out — just ask Vanessa or Carlton.

The “Ride for Respect” — to take their concerns directly to the executives and shareholders who could make change happen — will be a huge effort.

And having you with the workers from the start will make a huge difference. Add your name today:

http://action.changewalmart.org/page/s/stand-with-strikers

Thanks so much,
Silvia Fabela
Assistant Field Organizer, Making Change at Walmart

Brownies from a box.  Not so great.  Have been feeling kind of not up-beat for a bit.  Pain is tiring, and depressing, especially when there doesn’t seem to be any connection to anything I do.  It just is there, and then is there only more so, in totally random places, i.e. foot hurts, then hand hurts, then shoulder hurts, etc., and pills don’t work and sleep is impossible and it just sucks.  Plus, the hot and stickies have arrived in spades.  I hate the hot and stickies.  It’s barely June, anyway.

On the other hand, I had a really fun time with my homemaker, in which there was  a lot of conversation and hysterical laughter about a show Animal Planet ran that was supposedly proving there are mermaids, and only belatedly letting it be known that it was a mockumentary, also known as fake, fake, fake.  Too late for the apparently loads of people who were taken in and now believe there are mermaids because they saw it on Animal Planet with real (fake) scientists and everything.  Which station used to be about real animals, and real science, and now is a clone of tabloid tv, like every other used-to-be legit station before they were all bought by the same low-life lowest-common-denominator programming company.  Discovery channel used to be about science, SciFi used to be about science fiction, TLC used to be The Learning Channel.  Now they all fall under the umbrella of drekiest drek of the drek.  Makes me happy I dumped Comcast a few years ago.    Anyway…discussion involved much laughing and myriad other only tangentially related subjects.

Quote from Slate:

“This week, Animal Planet aired two fake documentaries claiming to show scientific evidence of mermaids. I say “fake documentaries” because that’s exactly what The Body Found and The New Evidence are. The “scientists” interviewed in the show are actors, and there’s a brief disclaimer during the end credits. However, the Twitter conversation surrounding the show (#Mermaids) reveals that many viewers are unaware that the show isn’t real. (Sample Tweets: “After watching the documentary #Mermaids the body found … I believe there are mermaids!!!” and “90% of the ocean is unexplored and you’re telling me #mermaids don’t exist”—which has been retweeted more than 800 times.) It is, after all, airing on a network that claims to focus on educating viewers about the natural world. “The Body Found” was rightfully described “the rotting carcass of science television,” and I was shocked to see Animal Planet air a sequel.”

Two articles from the same Google page:

http://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/mermaids.html

U.S. CONFIRMS EXISTENCE OF MERMAIDS

My homemaker said she overheard several people in the grocery store discussing the program and stating how they now believed there really are mermaids, so part of the discussion involved checking other sources, asking questions, not just taking something as truth based on one source of information.  Critical thinking, it’s my pet peeve that it doesn’t seem to be considered part of education any longer.  Think for yourself, it’s harder to be manipulated and conned into doing things that are against your own best interests.  And you’re much less likely to wind up looking like an idiot.  /End of rant.  Sheesh.

I am making brownies, from a box.  A box.  And listening to this:

Have been having constant all-over pain for a while now.  With random acute pain randomly.  Makes life interesting.  And painful.  But I am still keeping up the attitude.  Will NOT give in or give up.  So brownies.  From a box.  Better than no brownies at all, right?

Not every day, not all the time, but gradually improving.  Taking fewer pain meds, doing more things, not many, not big, but more than I was.  Mind over matter, or attitude is everything.  My attitude took a real hit after Thanksgiving, but I am making the effort to be aware and monitor my self-talk.  Seems to be helping.  I am a strong advocate of the ‘life is what you make it, you are what you think’ school of thought.  Some people think a rainy day is miserable, some think, “Rain.  Lovely!”  It’s the same rain, the attitude makes the day good or not.

Also, I have Pandora on my laptop.  Loving my music.  White Stripes. Mumford and Sons, AWOL Nation, among others.  Oh, and The Dropkick Murphys.  Go Boston!  Rusted Root.  Don’t want to forget Rusted Root.

Every single time I watch The Big Bang Theory, I hear the Barenaked Ladies sing, “The artichokes began to cool”.  I KNOW they actually sing, ” the autotrophs began to drool”, but I hear artichokes cool every. single. time.  Why? Anyone?

Quote from the blog I found this on, http://blamebrampton.livejournal.com/ :  “So, years ago, New Zealand introduced Civil Unions for everyone. And yesterday, they decided that GLBTI marriage should be legal and removed all the restrains on gender from its marriage laws.” 

Maurice Williamson: ‘Rainbow across my electorate’ – YouTube.

I am almost still too upset to write about this.  A lovely spring day, school is out, people flocking to view the annual spring rite of Marathon.  Then along come the inhuman shits who set out, for whatever reason, to destroy random lives, murder people they don’t know and who don’t know them, wreak havoc and mayhem.  Yesterday, I was just so, so angry, but today I am more teary and sad.  What possible issue in a life can be so monumental  that it justifies terrorism?  I know it happens all the time, I never understand it, but it’s not as immediate a gut-punch as when it happens 30 miles from where I live.  I might know people who were there.  It’s really too soon to know if I do or not.  My daughter used to live on the marathon route, almost close enough to reach out and touch the runners.  It becomes way too personal.  I am not going to rant about the failures of my species, although I really, really could.  I am just too…what are these emotions?  Can I put a name to them?…to express myself.  I mean it’s Boston.  My Boston.  The joy of walking on the common when we first moved here from Colorado.  Walking the Freedom Trail.  Seeing the history.  And now to always be reminded of the inhumanity of men.  Or women.  Or both.  It’s just too much.

UPDATE:  The news just mentioned that doctors were finding nails and buckshot in people, and I also heard that the most damage was done at leg height.  Designed to do the most harm with the least effort, it seems.  God, I hate people sometimes.  But isn’t that the problem?  Hate.  Hate for anyone who is not just like you?  Who doesn’t believe exactly what you believe?  Whose skin is a different color, or whose accent is not the same as yours.  It seems we all echo the sentiment in my little picture:  ‘It’s all about me, deal with it.’  Time for a change.

was a disaster.  I went for a physical.  I had exactly fifteen minutes.  No time to ask, answer questions, discuss my issues, or deal with the pain problem.  First I need to do preventive medicine things, like get a mammogram, and go back in a month.  Meanwhile, Pain?  Excuse me?  Going to get the blood work done, but then am NOT going back there.  She kept saying, ‘there isn’t time for this’.  Sorry, why am I here?  Why are you here? On the plus side, it’s really made me step up and recognize that my well-being is up to me, and if there is no fix for the pain, I need to find ways to live with it, because no one else can be bothered to help.  Angry, but determined.  I will not give in.  I will not give up.  I am a fighter, so I will fight.  But, damn, pain gets old fast.  Also, it hurts.

Update:  Here’s an interesting article I came across yesterday.  The author states very well what it’s like to live in constant pain that seems to have no cause and no cure.

http://lifehacker.com/5991778/how-chronic-pain-has-made-me-happier

Again!  Doing the happy dance.  I was kind of worried that the morons would win.  I avoided tv yesterday and most of today in case it was bad news.  Big sigh of relief when the news was OBAMA WON!   Happy, happy.

A bit of info:

 
And this from Tumblr:

IF YOU VOTED FOR ROMNEY THEN YOU DESERVE TO continue with your daily activity and enjoy your day because while i might not agree with your views that doesnt mean its ok for me to wish you would be brutally mudered

We are bracing for it, but I think we are far enough north of landfall to not be in too much trouble.  High winds, mostly.  I am as prepared as I can be, so I just plan to enjoy the weather.  In Rhode Island, people are already being evacuated in anticipation, since tomorrow is a full moon high tide, which will make things much worse for coastal areas.

Last year in October, we had an unusual snowstorm.  Heavy, wet snow that squashed some of the trees across the street like someone was standing on them.  Lots of trees around town had to be cut down after.  Then we had a ‘no winter’ winter.  Global warming.  It lives.

I really hope that everyone in at-risk areas comes through okay.  It’s fun when you’re relatively safe, but when you’re not…    Some shelters don’t take pets, either, so what happens to them?  Remember Katrina?  Guess that’s it for now.  Need to fill up some containers with water, just in case.  Charging everything that needs charging, too.  I have my Kindle, so if power goes out, I can still read.  I have books, too, of course.  Real ones, but I love my Kindle.  🙂

Here’s a brief video note from your President:

And the song isn’t bad, either.  Please watch it.

You Don’t Own Me

I just read this article about Alan Turing, the man who broke the Enigma Code.

Alan Turing

I’d already known about him and his life, but it still made me sad. Sad and angry and puzzled. If Jesus taught ‘love your neighbor as yourself’, why then does modern Christianity seem to preach only hate?. How then are they Christians? Christian implies New Testament. You know, Christians, followers of Christ?  Christianity seems to be all about selective reading of the Old Testament to find the things they can use to persecute people who are not like them. I am despondent, I’ve realized. I’ve seen very little in the local elections that tell me what the candidate stands for, hopes to achieve, wants to work on. I only see how awful the other candidate is. What is wrong with my country? I voted already via absentee ballot, so I am not watching the debates or anything else I can avoid relating to the election. But it’s hard to miss without completely going off the grid. It is really, really depressing, upsetting, frightening.

I know I am somewhat depressed because of the increased pain that decreasing the Prednisone is causing, but I didn’t really recognize how depressed I am over the stinking bag of shit my country has become. Pardon my French, which brings me to the question of why French? Why not pardon my Swedish, or my English, or my Yugoslavian, or even my Klingon? Anybody know?

So something that mildly cheered me follows:

‘Gay Gestapo’

Seriously, is this man just a complete freaking moron? Why yes. Yes he is.

Also, there is this:

Women For Romney?????

Finally: