I’m Back…

I think.  I’ve wanted to be back for a while now, but was afraid any post would just turn into a big whine, and nobody wants to read that.  But as an update, I will say that I have been in various forms of pain, some completely debilitating, since the end of November.  I spent around two months in bed or on the couch, because I was completely incapacitated by the pain.  I am making a slow recovery, having the odd good moment here and there where I can actually make toast, or take a shower, or some little thing that would not have counted for effort before all this. I’ve only been out of the apartment five times since November 21st.   681317I also had a lovely time with a pain med my FORMER doctor prescribed, which I only took for four days, but during that time I had hallucinations and a complete disconnect from time.  There was a Monday night where I keep falling asleep, waking up thinking I’d slept for hours, only to find it was still dark.  Did I sleep 24 hours?  Is it day?  Is it ever going to be day?  It was quite entertaining.  Well, maybe not.  And still, the jury is out on what is actually the problem.  After fifteen years of being told I have Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it turns out not.  I guess that’s just what they say you have when they haven’t a clue.  Thank you, medicine.

Anyway, seeing a new doctor Wednesday, and am hoping to convince her to ignore what all the previous doctors have said/done, and just start from scratch.  And give me something for the pain.  So I can function.  We’ll see how that goes.  I’ve kind of lost faith in the medical profession.

Meanwhile, I’ve been reading fan fiction, reading blogs, trying to keep connected to the world.  I was crushed to read that Google Reader was being killed, but immediately discovered Feedly, which I so far like even more that I did Greader.  If you don’t know about feed-readers, it means you do not have to check a blog, or any on-line news or magazine,  every day to see if there’s a new post.  They just automatically appear in your reader, saving eons of time and energy.  Could not get by without one.  Feedly seems the easiest to move over to if you already have Google Reader.  It will just transfer all your feeds, and it’s very easy to add new ones.  So far, I recommend it.

I’ve found I’m cutting back more and more on watching tv, even on my Roku, where I have Amazon, Hulu, and Netflix feeds.  Most things are just boring.  Except Castle.  I love Castle.  And Elementary, even though I was sure I would hate it.  Watson is NOT a woman.  But if you look at it as an AU, it’s really a very good show.  It’s just about characters who are called Holmes and Watson, but not THE Holmes and Watson.  If you get what I mean.  LOL  Big Bang Theory, of course.  I love The Big Bang Theory, even though they have upped Sheldon’s part and made him hundreds of times more annoying.

Today I met my neighbor and his little dog, too.  My favorite saying since I saw Jack say it in the first (I think) ep of Will and Grace.  Who knew The Wizard of Oz would have such an impact?  Over The Rainbow is apparently designated as the greatest film song ever, too.  Anyway, I foolishly signed up for the Beer of the Month club last summer.  Which is lovely, and I’ve had some outstanding beers, none of which are Budweiser.  I hate Budweiser.  It is to beer what sewage is to fresh water.  Yes, I have an opinion.  Deal with it.  🙂

My point is, the delivery of said beer sucks.  There is no notification that it’s being/been delivered, and is just dumped in the outer lobby where anyone can walk off with it.  My neighbor, unasked, has taken on the task of bringing it up to me.  He left me a note once, but today he knocked to let me know it was here, so I met him and his unbelievably gorgeous dog.  What a beautiful animal  A big dog, golden and white, with short hair.  Don’t know the breed, but am going to ask, for sure.  Dog barks a lot, and could use some Dog Whisperer magic, but lord, is he beautiful.  And friendly.  Neighbor is pretty nice, too.

It’s good to be back.  I’m pretty sure no one actually reads this who I don’t know personally, since no one seemed to miss me.  So I write for me.  So what?  I like to read.  LOLOL Later.

Starting Once Again

It’s 3am, and I’m up. Not STILL up, just GOT up. Actually woke up around 2, after going to bed at 3pm yesterday, after being up all night, after getting up at 2pm the day before, after not getting to sleep til around 6am that morning. Screwed up sleep schedule, anyone?

So I have decided to give it another go, and made up a new schedule that I don’t have any chance of being able to stick to. Feeling pretty good right now, so am filled with the ‘Yes, I can’ attitude that goes away once the fatigue and/or pain kicks in, which it always does.

Wanted to post while I AM feeling hopeful, anyway. It’s a new day, or will be in a few hours, so a new start. In my head, at least. Life is an adventure, people. My goal is to enjoy the ride as much as I possibly can.

It Snowed Again

MouseBear

More than the other day, but still not much. Some of it is still hanging around at 2:30pm. More forecast for Saturday. Strange winter, I think, but I’m going to see if I can find out how unusual it is, if it is.

Went out yesterday, lunch with a friend and a bit of shopping, leftover homemade pizza for dinner. Almost gave in to that ‘I want a dog’ yearning, but cooler heads prevailed. Seriously, how would I manage a dog. I can barely manage me. Gertrude is so easy; clean the litter box, put out fresh food and water, and rub her tummy. How hard is that? Besides, she’d hate having another animal here. She’s afraid of everything as it is. I just feel like I need more in my life. A reason to go out. It wouldn’t surprise me if I gave in some day and found myself a dog owner, but I’m wondering if they can be litter box trained. LOL

Icon has nothing to do with this post, but I think it’s cute.

    UPDATE

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve talked about something, or thought about something, only to have a related item suddenly appear in my Firefox browser. I do love the internet. Was going to look into the snow thing, and this was in my email:

I had a pingback from a blog I was unaware of, so checked it out, and here is someone who is worth a look:

JeffOakes

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year

Today is the fifth anniversary of this blog. I started on Blogger.com, and moved to WordPress after having issue after issue with Blogger. When I started, I wasn’t sure if I had anything to say, but apparently I do. It’s been a difficult five years, but also happy and interesting, with lots of fun. I’ve gotten more and more discouraged and worried about the state of my country. Things are going downhill fast, and I see no way out of the mire that certain factions have gotten us into. We are losing more of what made us ‘land of the free’ every day, and not enough people seem to care. Giving up your freedom does not make you safer, it just makes you more vulnerable to those who would abuse their power over you. It’s scary.

But I am doing okay personally. Still sick, still isolated, still alone most of the time, but I count myself as happy and having a good life over all. I have good friends who care about me, great (if strange) children, who take after me as far as strangely peculiar goes. We all have our quirks, but that’s what makes us who we are. I like us just fine, just the way we are. I hope all of you out there can say the same about yourselves and your loved ones. I wish you all the best year yet, with lots of love, lots of laughter, and much happiness. Happy 2012.

>Agree or Disagree?

>


Your Blog Should Be Yellow


You’re a cheerful, upbeat blogger who tends to make everyone laugh.

You are a great storyteller, and the first to post the latest funny link.

You’re also friendly and welcoming to everyone who comments on your blog.

I had a good day today. Did some work in the bedroom, remade the bed, made the lemon curd with the Meyer lemons. Not as much pain, and still no brain fog or just feeling crappy in general. Yesterday was all pain, all the time, so I enjoyed today.

It snowed again, and there are icicles hanging off the big light across the street. Don’t recall seeing that before.

It’s really great to be feeling so much better. I feel like I want to do things. I want to cook. I want to organize, I want to make something crafty. Usually, I’m just trying to get through the day without messing something up. My brain is working, people. It’s a good thing.

>It Snowed

>
It was beautiful. All over now. Bright sunny day. I am feeling good again except for the leg pain, which is quite strong today. Doctor was so not helpful. Big disappointment. After calling three times, I got two emails, one with two sentences about the thyroid test and nothing about everything else they tested me for. The second was one sentence saying I have arthritis in my knee. I KNOW that. I want to know about the pain that goes up and down the entire outside of that leg, starting at the hip and down into the foot. Nothing. What to do about it? Nothing. Time for a change of doctors.

I got an email from these people asking to post this article. They seem legit and even though it’s not about fibro, it’s about gluten-free eating, which is probably relevant to a lot of you. So here it is:

http://www.nursingschools.net/blog/2011/01/100-delectable-recipes-for-your-gluten-free-kid/

For those of you who are into this sort of thing, which I’m not but I know her, there is a healer who has done long-distance work on me, and it has helped at relaxing my muscles and making me feel better. I can’t say it will work for everyone, or that it’s any kind of cure or fix, it just made me feel better at the time. Here’s the link:

http://asyouwishhealing.weebly.com/

Please remember, I am NOT recommending either of these, just putting them out there for anyone who may be interested.

>Oh, Well

>

My life according to Maxine. Woke up in pain with no energy. One day in a row of good days. One is better than none, but it’s disappointing. I’m always hopeful when I have a good day, but only rarely does a second one turn up the very next day.

Still waiting for a call-back from the doctor with my test results. I’ve called three times. They ordered the tests. Not me. So tell me the results, please.

It’s a very cold, bright, sunny day. So that means a big snowstorm is coming tonight. I love snow. I can see it falling at night in the light across the street and it is always so pretty. I like snowy winter much better than sticky summer. Even if it is harder to get around.

Well, back to reading blogs. Me and my couch. We’re quite an item. LOL

>Two Things

>
I cannot remember to tag things. Duh! Here’s a couple of links I came across while eating breakfast:

Some good information here:

http://www.prohealth.com/library/showarticle.cfm?libid=15838

This one. It’s great to spew hate and incite people to violence, but when they follow through…well, that’s another story. I cannot understand Republicans, or why they are so full of hate and venom. Here’s the link:

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2011/1/10/934892/-Palin-aide-claims-crosshairs-werent-gunsights

Sure they weren’t. I believe it. Thousands wouldn’t. These people creep me out. Some of them have even said something similar should happen to our President. Shouldn’t they be arrested for that? I mean I understand free speech and all, but aren’t there issues of treason and such? America, I am so disillusioned with you. Here’s something I’ve said before:

‘ “there’s a huge contrast in the media. Listen to Rachel Maddow or Keith Olbermann, and you’ll hear a lot of caustic remarks and mockery aimed at Republicans, [not] jokes about shooting government officials or beheading a journalist . . . Listen to Glenn Beck or Bill O’Reilly, and you will.” Krugman

(nytimes.com)’

EDIT: Okay, so it’s three things or mucho posts as I sit here. Not using my newfound energy. Anyway, I use and love Dropbox. Came across this, which is without a doubt the best answer EVER:

“Why is Dropbox more popular than other tools with similar functionality? E.g. Windows Live Sync, etc, which are free.

Well, let’s take a step back and think about the sync problem and what the ideal solution for it would do:

* There would be a folder.
* You’d put your stuff in it.
* It would sync.

They built that.”

You could just stop there for the perfect answer, but it goes on:

“Why didn’t anyone else build that? I have no idea.

“But,” you may ask, “so much more you could do! What about task management, calendaring, customized dashboards, virtual white boarding. More than just folders and files!”

No, shut up. People don’t use that crap. They just want a folder. A folder that syncs.

“But,” you may say, “this is valuable data…certainly users will feel more comfortable tying their data to Windows Live, Apple Mobile Me, or a name they already know.

No, shut up. Not a single person on Earth wakes up in the morning worried about deriving more value from their Windows Live login. People already trust folders. And Dropbox looks just like a folder. One that syncs.

“But,” you may say, “folders are so 1995. why not leverage the full power of the web? With HTML 5 you can drag and drop files, you can build intergalactic dashboards of stats showing how much storage you are using, you can publish your files as RSS feeds and tweets, and you can add your company logo!

No, shut up. Most of the world doesn’t sit in front of their browser all day. If they do, it is IE 6 at work that they are not allowed to upgrade. Browsers suck for these kinds of things. Their stuff is already in folders. They just want a folder. That syncs.

That is what it does.”

It’s from here: http://www.quora.com/Dropbox/Why-is-Dropbox-more-popular-than-other-tools-with-similar-functionality

Okay, this post is officially done. Srsly. I’m getting up now to vacuum the kitchen. Honest. Really. Srsly, I am.

>The Doctor

>
Mine, that is. Saw him today. Getting a new med. I really hope it helps. I am so tired of feeling terrible. My thyroid numbers have been borderline for a long time, but when I wanted to pursue it, I was dismissed every time. This time, this doctor agreed that a trial of meds for it might be worth it. If it doesn’t help, at least I will have eliminated one possibility.

I’m also getting my knee x-rayed. He thinks it’s just arthritis, nothing major, but it has been making my whole leg hurt and walking is really problematic. I said maybe I need a cane, but he said no. Fine with me.

I like my doctor a lot. He takes time to listen to me, and to explain things and the reasons for different choices, different meds. It’s a good thing.

After, I had a lovely dinner and playing on laptop sessions at my friend Tess’s. She and her husband are getting over a cold, but I rarely get colds, so I’m not worrying. Besides, it was a really good dinner.

Oh, I canceled my cable and returned the box and remote today. I hate tv. I used to be addicted. Hmmm. That’s all.

>Happy New Year

>
To all of my readers, and all of their readers, and just everyone. I hope this is the year. The year all your dreams come true, they find a cure for your illnesses, and mine. The government finally gets a brain and starts working for the people instead of for their own interests and those of their rich cronies. I hope the economy rebounds, and this time we really learn from our mistakes. I hope the tea-party-ers regain their sanity. I hope equal rights for everyone really means it. I hope no one gets bullied. I’d also like to have fresh pie every day, and really good coffee, and my own personal chef. Happy New Year, everyone.

>Findrxonline

>Checked it out after reading comment on last post. Here’s what I found:

http://www.check-affiliate-program.com/latest-affiliate-news/Findrxonline.com.html

This explains affiliate programs:

http://money.howstuffworks.com/affiliate-program1.htm

These are the kinds of sites I avoid. You have to be really careful on the internet.

>It Was A Cold and Windy Day

>
Now it’s heading into a cold and windy night, as well. Last night a blizzard, tonight just cold but still the wind is over 20 miles an hour with higher gusts. Lovely. Of course, I don’t have to be out in it.

I am still having some pain, but in general feeling better. I think I was having a bit of Christmas depression. This year I wasn’t invited to my friends house for either holiday. Thanksgiving they were in turmoil with the new house, so that’s fine. No one is obligated to invite me to anything, anytime, but when you always do and then don’t with no call or word til Christmas Eve just to say hi and let’s get together soon, I think it kind of hurt my feelings a bit. Even though, and this is why I’m just so lame to be even a bit upset, I would have had to say no since I have been having so much pain and feeling like crap all over. I spent Christmas alone with the cat, on the couch, reading fan fiction, with a frozen dinner, Indian vegetarian. Tasty. I guess it just all got me down, the whole build up and then the day. It was really no Christmas at all for me. And I didn’t get one single Christmas cookie. What’s that about?

Usually I take things in my stride, I don’t know why this year was hard. I’ve missed out on the celebrations before due to the stupid illness, and it didn’t bother me that much. Feeling alone and lonely, maybe. I miss my husband. Sometimes life just gets hard to cope with. It’s the pain. I think that’s the problem. I’ve been in almost constant pain for a few weeks now, and it wears down your spirits as well as your energy.

So…get over myself and all will be well. I see my doctor next week and plan to have a discussion about my meds and what else can I do that doesn’t involve more pills. I’ve turned Workrave back on, so I will be reminded to get up and DO SOMETHING once an hour. That really does help motivate me. I can do something for fifteen minutes. Well, some part of fifteen minutes anyway, before the pain gets too much or I just run out of energy. Today I am cleaning the stove. One bit at a time.

And another thing. My computer has decided I now live in London. ?????? I wish, but hasn’t happened. I’m still here in good old New England.

>HELLO

>

Okay, I love the map with the pretty sparklies on it. So I made it bigger. Actually, you can choose it on the main page.

Feeling better. Actually think my leg may be improving slightly. The rest of me isn’t doing too badly, either. If I could just break my addiction to this laptop and get up and do something, I’d probably be even better than that. Got up at 1:30 after being up very late (5am?) due to caffeine yesterday afternoon. Been sitting here ever since. God, I am a slug. But there is so much to read and learn on the computer, and it doesn’t take all my energy, and it doesn’t hurt. So there.

Speaking of learning, here is Google’s newest really neat thing:

http://ngrams.googlelabs.com/

Put in your words and see what happens. I love Google. I use a lot of their services, so I’m really hoping that they’re NOT evil after all, but it’s not looking good.

Off to find some food. I forget to eat quite often, you’d think I’d be thin. You’d be wrong.

>It Was A Cold And Sunny Day

>
Still is, actually. It’s 19 degrees F. It’s only 9 am. Up all night yet again. So the doctor gave me a new med, since I now have high blood pressure to go along with the other fun things. I googled the medicine, and apparently I’m not supposed to take it with Zoloft, my knock-out pill, or most of the pain-meds I use. So what am I supposed to do? Called doctor, waited all day, office person called and said to have my potassium levels rechecked. My levels were fine last week. What I wanted to know was what to do about the med interactions. Do people not listen when you talk? Do they use selective hearing?

I am also in a lot of pain from my ‘broken’ leg, which pain has of course referred itself to the entire rest of my body. Leg is only broken in the sense that I can’t really walk on it, and have been hobbling around for a week. Gee, maybe I should see a doctor. Okay, yes. I’m tired, cranky, in pain, and just fed up with the whole body not working right thing. FED UP!!

I do try. Really, I do. It is what it is. All I have to do is live with it as best I can. That works. Then, like every medicine I’ve ever taken for this, it doesn’t. I have found that just putting it down in black and white on this blog helps with my frame of mind, if not my symptoms. So whine, whine, whine. Okay. I’m done.

>Tags

>Sunshiny Ianto

I finally got all the posts tagged, except for two inconsequential ones. Believe me, it is much easier to tag as you go on Blogger. It reverts to the first page every time you tag something on a different page, and you have to work your way back. Annoying.

I think nobody ever comments, but I have 321 over the entire blog. Of course some of them are me replying to comments, but still.

I have to call the doctor about my meds and find something to eat. I have something to cook, but my painful leg makes standing difficult. But I’m hungry. Ate breakfast at 6am, I think it was, since I was up all night again.

And it’s gray again. Have I mentioned it’s gray? Gray with rain or snow=good. Gray alone=not as good. I have my full-spectrum overhead lights on, so that does help a lot. If you’re not paying attention, you don’t even notice night has fallen when they’re on. I recommend them. Yes. Yes, I do.

>It’s All About Me

>
Still feeling not so great, and moderate amounts of pain.

Here are the mostly positive things I’ve learned about myself from the memes I’ve posted on this blog:

You perceive the world with particular attention to nature. You focus on what’s in front of you (the foreground) and how that is affected by the details of life. You are also particularly drawn towards the colors around you. Because of the value you place on nature, you tend to find comfort in more subdued settings and find energy in solitude. You like to deal directly with whatever comes your way without dealing with speculating possibilities or outcomes you can’t control. You are highly focused on specific goals or tasks and find meaning in life by pursuing those goals. You are a down-to-earth person who enjoys going with the flow.

You have a playful, eccentric sense of humor.

You are creative. You see the world in bold colors.

You are a dabbler. You love to experiment.

You aren’t an expert in anything, but you know a little about everything.

You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you’re probably an intellectual, but don’t take that to mean pretentious. You realize ‘dumb’ can be witty–after all isn’t that the Simpsons’ philosophy?–but rudeness for its own sake, ‘gross-out’ humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer.

Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it’s also the best, in my opinion.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart – Woody Allen – Ricky Gervais

You are more QUIRKY than NORMAL.

You are more LIBERAL than TRADITIONAL.

You are more DOMINANT than PASSIVE.

You may not be happy all of the time, but you experience frequent moments of joy in your life.

There are moments so perfect that time has stood still and you wish you could freeze it forever.

You are so joyful because you appreciate the small things in life. You know joy is more about who you are than what you have.

You are thankful to be alive, and you know that things could be a lot worse. You are content with your life.

For the not so positive things, you’ll just have to read the blog.

Here’s one of my favorite funny things:

Gibbs: Are you superstitious?

Vance: I’m a little stitious.

>A little shopping

>
Went out with my friend today. We had coffee and then got a few groceries, came back here and played Big Kahuna on the laptop til she had to leave to fix dinner for her hubbies. Just one husband. I had a friend once who called her husband ‘hubbies’ and it kind of stuck. Anyway, it really looked like winter today, but wasn’t that cold. This was my second good day in a row, so I was very happy. More energy, less pain. No idea why, but I never know why I’m better or worse. It just happens. I enjoy every second when I’m better, and try to have as much fun as I can when I’m worse, usually reading LOLcats, or watching funny movies. Laughing is always good, and always makes me feel better, even when I feel miserable. It’s a good thing.

>Happy Thanksgiving

>
Yes, it’s Thanksgiving here in the US. Hope everyone has a lovely day. Except of course the Native Americans, who probably aren’t celebrating too much. Little did they know what they were in for from those Pilgrims and their descendants.

>Kennedy

>
I remember that day. I was washing dishes when my mom called to tell me. Turned on the tv, and life seemed to just stop for the next three days. Walter Cronkite and the other news anchors telling us the horrific news that he was gone, Lee Harvey Oswald, JFK Jr saluting, the riderless horse, the long walk to the cemetery. It was like nothing else existed. I still remember, every time I hear the Presidential intro music. I forget what it’s called. It was like all hope died. All the promise of the future just stopped, right there in that moment. It’s something you never forget, and never really get over.

I remember that Jackie conducted herself with such grace, such concern for protocol, such strength at probably the worst time in her life. She had only recently lost a baby who had been born prematurely. She was a role model for all of us then.

Unfortunately, the future did just keep getting worse from then on, until now here we are with morons and religious fanatics holding back any progress we could be making towards equal rights and living wages, and taking care of those less fortunate. It’s a sad day, in more ways than one.