>It’s a rainy, windy day, and the temp has risen one degree since last night. It’s 61 degrees Fahrenheit. Blanket, sweater, long sleeves. North wind blowing the curtains and pushing the rain against the window. Oh, yeah. This makes me very happy.

Now for a real post, not one with videos or memes. *smile*

I am troubled. I am still circling the drain here. But it’s like there are two of me. One is the happy, ready for fun, laughing at The Glades me. The one who is happy. Then there is the other me. The one who is circling the black hole. The one who wakes up sad and in pain and who feels like crying all the time. I don’t know how I got here. This is what bothers me. There’s no reason for this, I can’t seem to shake it…it’s always there underneath everything…I keep getting tiny flashback memories where I’m there in the moment and I respond out loud. “I didn’t mean…, Why did you…” then in mid sentence I realize I’m having a non-existent conversation with no one. I talk to myself all the time anyway, but this is different. I am talking to someone who is only there in my head, as if I’m there in that moment. It’s kind of worrying. Okay. Now that I’ve put it out there, I feel better. We’ll see how long that lasts.

>
Found this on an old post on a blog I’m reading. Of course I changed the answers to my own. Duh!

.1. Do you like bleu cheese?
Yep..

2. Have you ever shot up heroin?
No way.

3. Do you own a gun?
No

4. Are you single or taken?
Single

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Yep.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I like them, but I only eat ones made of turkey.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee

9. Can you do push ups?
Noooooo.

10. Have you ever done drugs?
Pot.

11. Favorite hobby?
Feeding my Torchwood fan fiction addiction.

12. Secret weapon to get the opposite sex?
Remember, their brains really do work differently than ours.

13. Do you have A.D.D?,
No.

14. What is the best part about the weekend?
Nothing. My weekends are pretty much the same as my weeks.

15. Middle Name?
Jean

16. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment..
Shit. Fuck. Damn. Sorry, that’s what popped into my head.

17. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Didn’t buy any thing yesterday.

18. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink
Coffee, decaf coffee, water.

19. Current wonder right now?
I wonder how long this gorgeous cool rainy weather will last. Well, not really. I just enjoy it while it’s here. Don’t think ahead, it’s bad for you.

20. Current hate right now?
Stupidity of people who should know better. Otherwise known as right-wing bigots.

21. Favorite place to be?
Seashore

22. How did you bring in the New Year?
Reading

23.Where would you like to go?
Great Britain, Europe, South Korea.

24. Name three people who will complete this..
Me, myself, and I.

25. Do you own slippers?
Yep.

26. What shirt are you wearing?
Red pullover.

27. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Not so much.

28. Can you whistle?
Sure can.

29. Favorite color?
Yellow

30. Would you be a pirate?
Sure, if it was like an Errol Flynn movie.

31. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Dead Summer

32. Favorite girl’s name?
Don’t have one.

33. Favorite boy’s name?
Also don’t have one.

34. Whats in your pocket right now?
Everything I need to get me through the day. Money, keys, phone numbers, small notebook and pen, credit and shopping cards.

35. Last thing that made you laugh?
Probably Lolcats

36. Have you shaved today?
No

37. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Pulled something in my back and was in agony for awhile.

38. Do you love where you live?
The region, the town, yes. My apartment, not so much. I miss having an outdoors of my own. I miss my garden.

39. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One

40. Who is your loudest friend?
Peter

41. How many dogs do you have?
None. I have a cat.

42. Does someone have a crush on you?
I seriously doubt it.

43. What is your favorite movie?
Benny and Joon.

44. What brand of shoes are you wearing?
I’m wearing socks, not shoes.

45. Whos the last person to text you?
My youngest daughter.

46. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral?
I’m not having a funeral.

47. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Reading fan fiction, of course.

48. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Oh, crap. I’m awake. I might as well get up.

49. Where did if go?
I can’t remember. If I do, I’ll let you know.

50. When is your birthday?
Springtime.

>Video below. Why have I become so interested in gay rights, I ask myself. I’ve always believed that discrimination is wrong, denial of equal rights is wrong, but I’ve never been outspoken about it. Til Torchwood. Torchwood made me care enough to post the things I’ve posted. Seasons one and two presented a world very different than the one we live in. A world where it didn’t matter to anyone who you loved or who you shagged. (Not being British, ‘shagged’ and variations of the word always make me laugh. Yes, I am sick.) Up until COE, when the homophobia emerged, fueled I think by the self-hatred or hubris of RTD. I’m not sure which. Anyway, it seems to me that people should stand up for what is right. Not what is religiously correct, or what is politically correct, but what is just common-sensibly right. (Hey, did I make up a new word?) The cost to ourselves from our own prejudices is enormous, and unfortunately a lot of us cannot see that. Here’s an example:

>Hi, dear readers

The Minneapolis-based retailer Target just gave over $150,000 to buy ads supporting state Rep. Tom Emmer, a far-right Republican candidate for governor. This makes Target one of the very first companies to take advantage of the Supreme Court’s Citizens United decision allowing unlimited corporate cash in elections.

Target must think customers won’t care. They’re wrong: We do care, and we need to let them know that we want Target — and all corporations — out of our elections. Can you join me in sending a message to Target’s CEO at the link below?

http://pol.moveon.org/state/target/

Thanks!

>if kind of violent, to counteract the recent angst going on in this blog:

>The one where Michael Douglas’s character says, “Greed is good”? Greed brings us to the Gulf oil spill, unbelievably expensive medical care and medicines, and this:

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/johann-hari/johann-hari-and-now-for-some-good-news-2044578.html

I challenge you to not buy anything made in China. Almost impossible, isn’t it? Even if you think you are buying from an American company, once you read the labels carefully, you’ll find at least part of what you bought was made in China. My new fireplace thingy, for example, comes from a Texas company. You’d think they make their furniture themselves. Nope. The fine print on the papers that came with it say Made in China. So the Texas company is an import company, not a furniture company at all. Stuff like this just makes me cringe. No wonder I circle the black hole. Humanity never ceases to disappoint me. Individually I like people. Really, I do. But my species in general, not so much.

>
My computer is still acting up and I cannot figure it out. Getting frustrated. Has anyone ever done a re-install? It’s all pretty backed up on MozyHome and XMarks, so I think I could do it, just not sure if it’s wise. I’d want to update the drivers and then just reinstall stuff I know I will really use. Sheldon just did it on The Big Bang Theory, and it took a very long time. Long enough for him to try to learn the Finnish language. I like The Big Bang Theory. I can get on-line without the desktop, but just not sure if I should attempt this or not.

The second sucky thing is the comments made by two complete and total fuck-ups about the horrific earthquake in Haiti. Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh. Two people I would not ever think of listening to, but they do get themselves onto Keith Olbemann and Rachel Maddow, The Daily Show and the Colbert Report, all of which I do check out. Disgraceful comments by two hate-filled right-wing bigots. They make me ashamed.

The last is that a bad thing happened to someone I love, and I am very upset by it and by the fact that there is really nothing I can do to help or make it better. I can just sit here and think evil thoughts about the person who did it. People can be such complete and utter shits. These three really do suck and it really is sad.

>It’s Veteran’s Day here in the United States. How fortunate we are to have men and women willing to go off and fight and sometimes die to keep us free. Unfortunately, a lot of us use that freedom to discriminate against gays, people of color, people of religions other than the particular one we cling to. They forget that wars are fought and people die so ALL of us can be free, not just the ones who look, act, and believe as we do. Free means we all have the same rights under the law. ALL of us.

Veterans of all wars deserve our utmost respect, and all the benefits and help we can provide when needed. I’ve known some veterans in my life. My father, who came home with a life-long injury, my father-in-law, my brother-in-law who came home a drug addict, my high-school friend who came home from Viet Nam with no legs, my husband’s best friend and best man at our wedding who came home from Nam in a body bag. For them, I choose not to discriminate, not to judge, not to live as though my way were the only way and anyone who doesn’t agree does not deserve to have the same protections of the law that I do. I choose freedom and equal rights for every human. I hope you will, too.