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About excentric

I love sci-fi, music, reading, gardening. I am ill, but I am not my illness. Life is good. BTW, have I mentioned that I am a fan girl. Because I Am A FanGirl. Torchwood!

>Oh, well

>
Obviously no one reads this but me, but that’s okay. Today I am kind of unhappy with myself. After four days of sleeping most of the time, one day out shopping with a friend, today I had hoped to actually get something done. So here I sit at the computer. I haven’t read my email for six days, but I’m not even going there yet.

I’m just overwhelmed by the mess, I think. The house isn’t dirty, but it’s cluttered beyond my ability to cope with it. I need to move a bookshelf, but first I have to remove what’s on it, and put it where? Before I can do that, I have to fold the clothes on the chair in front of it and put them away, but there is more stuff in front of the closet door. Before I can move that, I have to……………and on and on. It’s not that I have so much more stuff, it’s just that my organization went out the window the whole first of the year when I was so ill with the fibro, and as I’ve slowly gotten better, just keeping up with the dishes and the normal tidying up is pretty much all I can manage. So things just sit where they are.

I’m not happy about it, and I know I need help, but who will help me? There really isn’t anyone, so I know I have to do it myself. I just can’t. Not now, anyway. But I will, eventually. I hope.

>Climate Change

>
MY climate has certainly changed. Went to bed in warm weather, woke up to fall. Finally. It’s downright chilly in here. I was beginning to wonder if it was going to cool off at all, and then it did overnight. It is almost November. A lot of trees haven’t even turned yet, partly because of the drought, I think, but also because it’s been more like summer than autumn. So I’m off to close the window, cause I’m freezing here.

>Weather

>
It is mid-October, I believe. Windows are open, humidity is high, and it’s raining off and on. Not hard, but wet. Windows open all night, too. Guess I’ll be happy it’s not snow, but I have had enough of sticky for this year.

Didn’t do much at all today. Messed around on computer, that’s about it. Washed a few things in the sink, did a few dishes, tossed an old magazine. I’m really working on my pile of magazines. I don’t HAVE to read them, but hey, I want to. So they are getting decluttered very slowly, but decluttered none-the-less.

My friend gets back from vacation tonight. Hope she had a good time and a safe trip hope.

>I’m Cooking

>
I don’t cook much anymore, because I get nervous and shaky and make a mess of things, but today I am being slow and careful and am baking turkey pie, and about to finish mixing up a Torta (bread pud). Having a rest break. Then later, there will be dishes. Worst part of cooking is the clean-up. But I will have good, homemade food to eat for a few days, so that’s a good thing.

>It’s Been Awhile

>
It really has been a while since I last posted. Life has been just moving right along in the meantime. I have been trying to get my place in order, but it is of course very slow with more tired or pain days than not, but my biggest hurdle has been my homemaker service. It’s been really terrible, with so many no-shows that I’ve been lucky to have someone come in once a month over the summer. I can’t vacuum, and laundry is difficult due to carrying it to laundry room and back, and there are other issues. I’ve been working on doing something every day, like washing a few things by hand, but I am sooooooo far behind with everything.

I really hate being dependant on someone else, but you gotta do what you gotta do, I guess. At least I have a friend who takes me shopping occasionally, so I don’t run out of food.

I’m trying to declutter. I have too much stuff for this tiny apartment. Besides just the regular dross, there is an extra table, a loveseat that’s not really extra but I hate, and some kitchen stuff I never use. Baby steps, as Flylady says. But my steps are still in the crawling stage. 🙂

The weather has finally turned to autumn temperatures over the past few days. Down in the 40’s at night. The colors arent’ good this year due to the drought we’ve been having, and the trees across the street aren’t even turning yet. But cooler is better than sticky, any day. The sky is lovely, with puffy white clouds floating across from west to east. A good sign. It’s that darn south wind that brings the stickies.

I’m wishing for a good rain soon. We really need it, and I do like rain.

>Fresh Air

>At last. Last night I turned off the a/c and opened the windows. Bliss, oh bliss. This is, I think, the longest stretch I’ve ever had the a/c on. I kept the a/c on 75 and was comfortable, not chilly. Having lived in the Southwest with dry heat, and now here in New England with humidity, I can say with certainty: It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity. What they say is true. Being sticky and clammy is not my favorite state of being.

>Pain

>After that last entry, I had one good day in a row. A day where I felt normal. Got a lot done, too. But then couldn’t sleep so next day not so good. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a ‘normal’ feeling day. I enjoyed it. Today is lovely. Cool, breezy, lovely. So what am I doing? Sitting here messing about on the laptop. Oh, well.

>My Weekend

>Two hellish days of pain, and a sleep-all-day recovery day. Much better now. Wish I knew what brings those on. I was watching a movie Saturday night when my shoulders started hurting. Woke up Sunday with PAIN. Total body, back-spasming, aching, piercing, shooting pain. Not pleasant. Lasted through yesterday afternoon, eased up, and this evening is finally gone. So far.

When it’s that bad, I just want to give up, thinking that I’ve lost control of my life, can’t take care of myself anymore, can’t get myself together, negative, negative thinking. But then it goes, and I have a renewed since of ‘well, maybe this time I can get myself under control. Manage my life, figure out how to avoid the pain’. We’ll see how that goes.

>Summer

>It’s that uncomfortable summer weather that I don’t love. Hot and sticky. But after two days with the a/c running, I needed some outside air last night, so up went the windows and off went the a/c. It’s supposed to cool off a bit later, so I’m toughing it out until then.

Been hearing about the Republicans breaking ranks with Moron Man, and wonder what will come out of it. Who can know the best course of action, but it does seem that the one we’re taking is not working. A person who gets an idea in their head, like the pres., and then can’t see anything else, also like the pres., is dangerous. You have to be open to other options, step back and study the effect of what you’re doing now, and be willing to change the plan if need be. I really hope the next person who buys his/her way into office will at least have that quality about him/her.

Slightly disillusioned about my country? You could say so. I’m distressed about the way things are, with money the only consideration in most things, although that is not true for everyone, thank goodness. But I think of a man I encountered who thought the solution to the oil problem was for the third world to stop having children and needing food, so that he could keep operating his SUV cheaply and guilt-free.

But the sun is shining, and fluffy white clouds are racing across the blue sky. From the south, unfortunately, but still. Once they start coming from the north, you know things are getting better, weather-wise. It’s summer.

>Just Curious

>Recently I watched a show that talked about the age of this planet. It is much older than previously thought. The narrator mentioned how the earth has recycled itself many times over, and stated that for most of its’ history, there was no life. Then life happened, and ultimately evolved into us and all the other species and forms in existence now. What I want to know is, how can it be stated as fact that there was no life previously? How can we know that life didn’t exist many times and become extinct and all traces plowed back into the magma through plate tectonics? I love science.

>What I did today

>A brief respite from the air-conditioner, but tomorrow 93 is forecast. Oh, well. I finally set up the new table and put the need-to-be-sorted paperwork on it. All seven tons. What is it about paper? It seems to reproduce itself when you’re not looking. I plan to discard everything I possibly can. Maybe I can scan stuff to the pc instead of keeping the piece of paper. I also ran some pc scans. How fun. NOT! But it’s done, and no viruses and not too much spyware to delete.

Looking forward to seeing the new doctor next month. Maybe she can give me something that will work, since generic zoloft doesn’t seem to do much. Maybe she’ll have learned about fibro in med school. All my other doctors were older, and got out of school before fibro was a diagnosis. I’m getting less and less mobile as time goes on, and I don’t want to wind up like some people in the fibro group, who spend most of their time in bed and/or need wheelchairs or scooters to get around. So I’m hopeful.

It’s really a lovely day, and no thunderstorms in sight. Would have been nice to get out somewhere, but Tess was up most of the night and was napping today. LOL Been there, done that.

Called Lisa but got her voicemail. Hope she is okay. I still am outraged that they sent her home less than 48 hours after major abdominal surgery. I am NEVER moving to Florida. What a joke for healthcare they have there. Maybe they figure most people are old there, so if they die, it was to be expected anyway. I don’t know, but I am really upset about this. She lives ALONE. And they knew this when they sent her home. Unbelievable.

>Cooler is better

>Finally, the heat wave broke and it is cool and cloudy and the tiniest bit breezy. I got a new cleaner who seems good, but they all do the first time out, then they gradually do less and less. So we’ll see. Feeling better again, thank goodness. Really, really tired of being sick, but I can live with it. Like there’s a choice. Disjointed thoughts today, so enough of this post.

>VideoJug – Life Explained. On Film.

>Here’s a cool site I just came across on DumbLittleMan.com.

VideoJug – Life Explained. On Film.

>June

>It”s the sixth of June, 61 degrees, breezy and gorgeous. 61 degrees in June! Not being a hot, sticky weather lover, I am happy. The weather is certainly getting interesting as we get deeper into the global warming phenomenon. We are fortunate here not to have really bad storms as are happening in other areas close to us.

It’s done. The house is sold. Now the guilt that I didn’t get a better price, fear that I’m going to wind up owing, rather than inheriting, money. Wishing I could have been there for my mom, sorry that the family’s only asset is gone. Nothing is ever easy, is it? But it’s done. Relief.

I am cleaning (slowly) the messes from the week I was the most ill, and the lousy homemaker didn’t bother with. Otherwise good. Feeling much better, and pacing myself so I don’t relapse. Simon is resting on the desk next to the keyboard, Gertrude is under the bed as usual, Tess will be here soon (Coolatta’s?), life is good.

>Shopping

>Had another good day today. Went to Walmart with Tess and got a bunch of things I’ve been needing: a new drain board, a paring knife, a catnip toy for Simon and Gertrude, and two pillows for the sofa so it is actually comfortable to sit/lie on. And they rang up at 25% less than the tag price. I love/hate Walmart. Then Coolattas and play with Tess’s puppy, who loves me. She is sooooo cute and fun. Then exhaustion, but a good day overall.

>Home-made Soup

>Yay, me. Today I made soup. My first pretty good day in awhile, so I chopped veg and added some chicken and made a nice soup. Great with Romano grated in. I put leeks, carrots, onion, garlic, parsnips, celery, rosemary and other herbs, bay leaf, and a can of chicken broth with the water. Sauteed the veg in olive oil, then added liquid and herbs. Now I have decent meals for the next day or two. Home-made. Life is good.

>Opera and Gremlins

>I downloaded Opera 9, since the McAfee Site Advisor update has an annoying glitch. But I can’t post to this blog from Opera. Why? Because the little computer gremlin doesn’t want me to, that’s why. He lives in the computer, and decides which things will/will not work, and when. Totally arbitrarily. What works today, doesn’t tomorrow. What didn’t work an hour ago now works fine. He is a capricious little devil, my gremlin. Maybe his name is Simon, too.

>April

>In a few seconds, it will be April. Spring. We had our first real spring day a few days ago. Cool, not cold, sunny, you could smell the earth. What an experience. Sometimes I think it would be great to live where it was 65 degees and sunny all year, but days like the afore mentioned make me appreciate the seasons so much. Having something to look forward to, having new experiences with the weather all the time. It’s a great planet. Been watching Planet Earth on tv. There is some amazing stuff on this world, and a lot I was completely unaware of. Things like this make me glad to be alive in a time when I can see things on my tv from anywhere and everywhere.

>Life sucks, then you die

>I was thinking about Richard Jeni today.

The reason they call severe, clinical depression ‘the black hole’ is because when you’re in it, there seems to be no escape, no way out. It is excruciating, unbearable, hopeless pain, and you think the only way to make it stop is the welcome oblivion of death. So he killed himself. How sad.

There is help, but it has to be the equivalent of intensive care for accident victims. Round the clock care. I guess he didn’t get that. Life sucks, then you die. I’m sorry.