Warning. I may have gone overboard with the images. None of them are by me, either.

So my head has been weird recently. I honestly don’t remember if it started before or after the very loud-buzzing-not-knocking MRI I had last Friday, but something is not right.  My almost non-existent short-term memory exists even less now.  I am clenching my teeth all the time.  I have a mild headache.  I’m off-balance.  I’m even typing like 90 words (mistakes) a minute.  Or it feels like 90, anyway.  500 images in one post.  🙂  Odd things.  Stopped taking the Trazadone, just in case it’s that.  If it doesn’t get better soon, will call my doctor next week. More fun stuff to deal with.

Saw a Wil Wheaton Tumblr post wherein he advocates wearing orange-lensed glasses in the evenings to block blue light, which can keep you from getting to sleep and sleeping well. Had some orange-lensed sunglasses just sitting right next to me, put them on, and wow.  My eyes immediately felt less strained, and I didn’t realize they were feeling strained.  Everything white looks slightly green on the laptop, but it seems very soothing.  Weird stuff.

We’ve had wonderful, beautiful, glorious rain today.  Am wearing two long sleeved shirts and closed the living room window because the wind is blowing straight in from the north, but the  bedroom window is still open.  Freezing is not a good thing, but fresh air definitely is.

The other weird thing is that I’ve also been feeling very out-of-control.  Talking a mile a minute, buying everything I see on Amazon.  Credit card and me, not a good mix right now.  I’m usually much more responsible.  Anyway, bought a Paperwhite on sale.  Why?  I now have four Kindles.  Connected the other three, one at a time, to the laptop and cleaned up what’s on each (different things on different Kindles), then copied everything onto the Paperwhite. And it seems to have the room.  Hope it doesn’t make it slower than slow.  There are over 9600 items. 9600.  That does not seem possible, and I will check for duplicates, although I don’t see how there could be any.  What can I say? I’m a reader.  Weird stuff.

Tomorrow is October.  I like October.  Screw Halloween, I just like the trees and the weather and the sweaters and the hot tea and the fireplace.  October, not weird stuff. 

Not coffee, the vid that’s linked down below.

The music on the vid is great, too.  This is what we are destroying, humans.  It’s their planet, too.

Before the link, a note on the health front. Saw the surgeon yesterday, one more knee checkup in six months, and I’m done.  I’ve done remarkabley well, it seems.  We talked about the torn rotator cuff, too, and I asked what would happen if I opted not to have surgery.  Not a problem, he says, I’ll give you a cortisone shot and you can go to physical therapy and we’ll see how you do.  I’ve never dealt with a surgeon who didn’t just want to cut.  I am so pleased I found this guy.  He’s very nice and friendly and explains the risks and his percentage of bad outcomes, which according to him is very, very low, and I believe him based on my own experience with him.  All those years of crap doctors and I’ve finally worn the lottery, health-carely speaking.  Great dentist, great Primary, great surgeon, great PA at the rheumatologist’s. The Rheumy gets a good, which is still better than what things have been like before.  Okay, I’m done, here’s the vid:

Coral

Oh, god, just shoot me now.

I was reading something about Denzel Washington and followed a link that said he spoke out against something to do with Obama.  So I read it, and it was just him talking about being religious, and I’m looking for Obama even being mentioned, when I discovered, to my complete horror, that I was on a Drumpf news site, which I did not even know existed.  In a small text bit, it said that Obama shows a strong anti-Christian bias (sorry, big fat lie), which is when I noticed it was the Drumpf page.  Morning, well, afternoon now, brain fog is not a good thing.

I really think we are screwed, people.  To think that the opportunity to have the first female President is likely to be lost to a racist, mysogynistic, homophobic, zenophobic, moronic orange gas-bag is too terrible to contemplate, and yet it seems to be a distinct possibility.

I saw a man being interviewed by some comedy program, and he thinks Hillary has AIDS because Bill has AIDS from fooling around with Magic Johnson, and someone was also upset that Obama was off vacationing or something during 9-11 instead of doing his job as President.  The unfathomable amount of ignorance exhibited by some of these people is just mind-blowing.  Is our education system really this bad?  How can people be this uninformed and just plain stupid?

I truly have lost hope, although I have’t given up urging people to vote, and to vote for Hillary, because any other vote will ensure Trump gets in.  Vote-splitting has given us Bush, among other horrors. Republicans just vote for their party’s  candidate, while we more ‘enlightened’ liberals tend to vote for people like Ralph Nader, which would be fine, except then the majority vote goes to the Republican and we screw ourselves royally.  Maybe we’re not so smart, either.  I need to go put a blanket over my head now.

Here’s how to register, in case you haven’t yet:

Register to Vote

Here’s the last date to register in your state:

Last Date To Register by State

Please vote.  It matters that you  vote.  It matters who you vote for.  It matters.  Just to try for a bit of humor, because otherwise I may have to cry, if Trump gets in, it will be ‘the end of the world as we know it-REM’ and if you saw Torchwood, you’ll know that ‘the 21st century is when everything changes’ and Trump as President will not be a good change for any of us. Please vote Hillary.  Even if you hate her, consider the alternative.  Please.

What is the rationale that an “armed and dangerous” ISIS-inspired terrorist gets to live, see his family, and do all the things that a law-abiding father of four will never get to do? F…

Source: Why Police Shootings are State-Sanctioned Violence

Reading a gardening blog with pictures of a tattooed person holding a vegetable, and it occurred to me why I would never get a tattoo.  I get bored really quickly.  When I can, I am always moving the furniture around, reorganizing the cupboards, the drawers, whatever.  My pictures here on the laptop, which completely screws up my blog posts, but I never remember that til after I’ve done it.  So I’d look at that tattoo for awhile, then I’d start to think something like, “You know, I bet I’d like a ???  better than this ???”.  Or, “Why did I pick that?  I don’t even like it.  This would look so much better.  Or maybe it would look better on my ??? rather than here on my ???.  Maybe a different color…”  So never getting a tattoo on purpose.

On the illness side of things, been having a rather major meltdown for the past several days, along with a fuzzy brain which is badly affecting my memory.  Not sure why I’m having either.  Well, I kind of did figure out the meltdown part.  I am having a very hard time adjusting to feeling like crap and being exhausted, because the brief ‘normal’ period was so grand and I want it back.  I’m also having a really hard time adjusting to not having my Traci here twice a week.  It’s like losing my best friend, one I could always count on to show up, and who always made me laugh.  We had some really great discussions, too.  So it occurred to me, before, when I was having a really bad period, I could count on Traci to show up and do what needed doing without question or even direction.  I am still working things out with the new new homemaker, and I guess I was feeling like it was all on me and I just wasn’t physically able and panic, panic, panic.  And the stupid cat keeps throwing up everywhere for no known reason and there’s cleanup every single morning and sometimes during the day as well.  Very frustrating, and it all was just overwhelming me.

Now for the bad part.  I involved my poor daughter in the meltdown and made her feel bad and now I feel like a total shit.  I did not move back to Colorado to take care of my mom.  I did not go visit her.  I couldn’t.  I wanted to, but I truly was not capable enough.  This does not make me a bad person. I did the best I could at the time.  Did not stop me from FEELING like a bad person, and that is what I’ve done to my daughter.  You know, the one who came down every single day when I had the knee surgery, rushed around on the early home-coming day to purchase all the aids I would need.  Held my hand in the hospital, because no one ever holds my hand anymore.  That daughter.  So not feeling like the best mother in the world, but am hoping she realizes that she is doing the best she can, and that is enough, and that I love her to bits.  Also, rats.  I suck.

There is some bad stuff on Tumblr today. More black people being murdered by the police, more corporate wrong-doing going unpunished, a lot of really awful shit. How do I survive? It wears me down, all the unbelievably horrible stuff that is going on every day in my country. You know, the one I thought was completely different that it really is. How do you not get beaten down and just give up? How do you stop caring? I like Tumblr. I have a lot of fun and interesting reads on Tumblr. I learn a lot. I can’t just stick my head in the sand and pretend none of the bad stuff is happening. But how do I keep it from breaking me irrevocably? How?

Just wow.

OR: Things I’ve Learned From Eighteen Years of Having A Chronic, Debilitating Illness

You cannot rely on the Medical Community.  You cannot rely on doctors.  Doctors only know what the drug reps tell them. Ask your pharmacist, instead.  It’s their business to KNOW about meds. 

Doctors read studies and go from there, even when their own experience with patients tells them differently.  Just from my experience with Rheumatology and Prednisone, I can confidently say that the patient input is not needed, not wanted, not heard.  It’s my body, this is what happens when you insist I do that, but just go ahead and ignore me.  It’s fine. 

Also, I’m female, which makes the odds of being ignored jump exponentially.  Also choose a female practitoner, if possible.  This is just unconscionable.  How many people have suffered needlessly because of this one particular study?  You have to fight for yourself, and when the doctor is wrong or doesn’t listen, you need to be a pushy broad, because that’s the only thing that will give you a chance of being heard.

Not any more, I won’t.

Here’s the article:

Bad Science and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

From Living in the Autoimmune Disease World on Facebook. My brain actually kicks in around 5pm, regardless of when I get up, and the pain gets slightly better about four hours after I take lovely unhelpful Tylenol.  I miss ibuprofen.  Badly.  But I can’t take it with the anti-inflammartory, and the anti-inflammatory does seem to help. So yay.

In a burst of self-indulgence, because I am having a crap pain day, I got Hostess cupcakes.  Those cute little chocolate things with the white (now brown, unlike the picture for some reason) swirl on top.  OMG, I say again. I have not had a Hostess cupcake for years.  What have they done to food?   Is it even food anymore?  Apparently not.  I googled, and they are made of flour, water, salt, and a lot of stuff no human being ever cooks with in a kitchen.  Ew, Hostess.  Ew.  Those above are the only things on the list that I have ever had in my kitchen.  There is no sugar, no eggs, even the baking powder has other stuff in it.  No vanilla.  I didn’t see chocolate, either. Chocolate liquor, but no chocolate.  Oh, heck.  Here’s the list, but I’d like to see a list from the ones they sold in the 50’s, or even the 60’s maybe.  There is a whole generation or two of humans who do not know what real food tastes like.  Do you cook with these items?  I don’t. Appalled R Us.

Sugar, Wheat Flour Enriched ( Flour, Ferrous Sulfate [ Iron ], Vitamin B [ Niacin Vitamin B3, Thiamine Mononitrate Vitamin B1 { Thiamin Vitamin B1 }, Riboflavin Vitamin B2 { Riboflavin Vitamin B2 }, Folic Acid Vitamin B9 ]), Water, Vegetables, and/or, Animal Shortening, Contains One Or More Of The Following( Soybeans Partially Hydrogenated, Cottonseed, Or, Canola Oil, Beef Fat ), Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup High Fructose, Corn Syrup, , Contains 22% or less, Whey, Corn Starch Modified, Leavening ( Baking Soda, Sodium Acid, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Monocalcium Phosphate, Sodium Phosphate ), Salt, Corn Syrup Solids, Calcium Carbonate, Corn Starch, Calcium Sulphate, Dextrose, Soy Lecithin, Polysorbate 60, Mono and Diglycerides, Cellulose Gum, Calcium Caseinate, Wheat Gluten, Agar, Gelatin, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Caramel Color, Chocolate Liquor, Locust Bean Gum, Potassium Sorbate, and, Sorbic Acid, To Retain Freshness, Flavors Natural & Artificial

I made frosted brownies once.  Oh, yum.  I am trying to work up the oomph to make brownies from scratch.  I don’t know why.  No frosting, though.  Do you know how many steps are involved in making brownies from scratch?  Get the flour cannister, the sugar cannister, find space on the unbelievably cluttered 2 foot square counter, find the pan, get the butter, grease the pan, remember to turn on the oven after checking that there is nothing I’ve shoved in there to get it out of my sight, find the cocoa, the walnuts, the vanilla.   Get out a saucepan and melt the butter with some cocoa, get out the measuring stuff, measure out the dry stuff, don’t forget the eggs stupid, dump everything together, beat the hell out of it, get it into the pan, remember to put the pan in the oven, remember to set the timer so you don’t forget to take the pan back out of the oven, although you may need a note to remind you what the timer is for.  Did not mention the taking a five minute break to sit down every five minutes.  Wind up too exhausted to get up and cut the brownies when they’re cool enough, so no brownies today anyway.  Maybe I don’t want brownies after all.    And none of this gets to the cleanup after part, either. As an aside, I used to put the Tupperware container of cat food in the oven, because Simon could open it.  _I_ had trouble opening it, but the cat, not so much. Anyway, I was heating the oven when I heard it raining.  Upstairs overflowed the tub once and it rained  in here, so I checked, but no.  Took me a bit to realize.  The container had melted enough to have a hole, and the cat food was raining out.  One of my funner memories.  I still laugh at that. It was good.

Found some 1 mg Pred in the box, so back to cutting back 1 mg at a time.  Doing the happy dance (In my head.  Not up for dancing right now.)

that we’re supposed to get from Hermine.  Thought they mispelled Hermione at first, but no.  Who thinks up these names, anyway. Not my picture, found it somewhere.

Cutting back the Prednisone to 7 1/2 mgs today.  Was going to go 1 mg at a time, but realized I don’t have any one mgs to make 9 or 8 or 7 or 6, so bah!  Hoping it goes better that it usually does.  Seeing my primary care this week, and am going to discuss the whole pain med and for crying out loud, fix me, people, thing with her.  We’ll see how that goes.  LOL

Cooled right down once September hit.  Was in the 60’s night before last, and the 50’s last night.  Oh joy oh joy oh joy.  Not hot and sticky is always cause for celebration.

Here’s a vid I took on the 22nd, the post where I said it was breezy.  Forgot out it.  Breezy is good.