Seven years ago today, I made my first post. Wasn’t sure if I had anything to contribute, and the jury is still out on that. But I enjoy it, and sometimes it helps to just write down my feelings and frustrations with illness, and life, and the moronic things we humans do, think, and believe. I’ve made a couple of good friends, one of whom I’ve since lost touch with again, and have had a few comments here and there. There are some very interesting people out there, who I would not have known about if it weren’t for comments.
I’d like to say I’ve come a long way in those seven years, but I seem to be still in the same place I was when I started, as far as illness goes. Pain, fatigue, sleep issues, frustration. It gets worse and better, worse and better, but it never goes away. I have become much more isolated that I was at the beginning, which has been quite hard, but I have adjusted. I had some difficult and debilitating experiences going out on my own, so sort of just gave it up. I do like going out, but if I get tired, or the pain gets too much, I lose my ability to think well, and do not want to get stuck not being able to figure out how to get back home. That is scary. I have a cell phone now, which I didn’t at the beginning, so that’s a good thing. I could call a friend, or a cab if I needed to. But the damage has been done, and I just got used to not going out.
I realized a couple of days ago, that I have been very angry for awhile, and am not any longer. A friend suggested that it might have been caused by my body’s trying to adjust to the changing doses of Prednisone, thanks for nothing, doctor. Whatever the reason, I did not enjoy being angry, and am glad it’s gone. Doesn’t mean I feel any better about the right-wing idiots and the bigots and the homophobes, and the people who blindly follow them, but I can deal with it better now. I really am mostly happy, in spite of depression creeping in here and there. I’m happy to be off the meds after so many years, too, and don’t seem to be suffering for it. I do try to notice though, so I don’t miss if I start circling the black hole again. Never want to go there again.
The best thing about blogging is that it got me interested in reading other blogs, and I read a lot of them regularly now. The list has changed over the years, but I read tech blogs, political blogs, some personal blogs, anything that catches my interest. There’s a blog on just about any subject you can imagine. I have learned a lot, been exposed to a lot of different points of view, and gotten insights into how people in other countries view my country. I like the internet, and I’ve said this before, but it cuts out all the baggage we bring to interacting with other people. I can’t see what color your skin is, or how you dress, or hear your accent, or be exposed to any of the other things that we use to judge people before we even meet them. On the internet, you can just dive right into what’s important to you, or to them, and get on with the conversation. That is a very good thing, I think. We get to know people for who they are, rather than who our prejudices tell us they are. Subconscious prejudice is still prejudice, and we may not even realize how it colors our views of other people. Eliminating that give us the ability to just get to know someone from a clean slate. I like that.
So if you’re out there, and you’re seeing this, if you’d like to comment, I’d like to read your comments. If not, well, I hope I bring something to the conversation, even if it’s just to say that good can be found in life, no matter the circumstances, if you just give yourself a chance to notice. We can all focus on what’s wrong with the world, with our friends, with our families, with ourselves, or we can take just a moment to see a little something more. Take time to have a laugh every day, it makes a difference. The Big Bang Theory always makes me laugh. Or LOLCats. Or I Can Has Cheezburger. It’s a good thing.
I wish all of you out there a happy, healthy, safe and free-from-fear new year.
strangely peculiar 
I was just thinking the same thing about faraway online friends. You get to know people in such a different way. It’s as if we see the real, inside person long before we find out what people look like, sound like or any other outer attribute. Those who think ‘the internet’ only allows interaction on some meaningless, superficial level are wrong – it all depends on how you use it.
P.S. Like you, I’ve got to know people I never would have met through writing and blogging. I’ve only been out there for less than a year and it’s been an amazing experience already. Keep writing and may this year give you some good times!
Same to you. Thanks.
Happy New Year! Where would I be without you, my friend!
Well, I know where I’d be without you. Missing out on a lot of really lovely pictures, and having a really good friend. Glad I’m NOT missing out on either of those, thank you. 🙂
Hi. I got caught up somewhere with a little time on my hands, I couldn’t get to the end of 2009 so I decided to read the posts above. Happy belated blogging anniversary and a brilliant 2014. I’m looking forward to interacting with you more in the coming days, months and years. I still insist, you ramble on very well, that’s why I’ll still go back to 2009 and catch up. By the way, I came across your blog through Heidi, an amazing online friend who contributed to making me believe the internet is not as bad as it’s made out to be, if you choose to meet the right kind of people. I’ve been blogging for all of 8 months but what I’ve learned from and through people like you seems like years worth of learning. Thanks. Later.
Oh,Heidi. Yes! She commented on here which is how I found her. I enjoy her blog, too. I like her. She seems a cheery person. I met my friend in Finland from commenting on his blog several years ago. I love the internet. It is my window to the world. I am alone 99 per cent of the time, just me and the cat, and live would be untenable without my connection. It’s gotten me through some tough times. Just finding things to laugh at helps. I’m kind of a geek, too. I like to see how things work and try just about every new browser and program and app that comes along. Some things are disastrous, but I like figuring out how to get myself out of the mess I got myself into. LOL
I’ve been wondering how the ‘stop’ bit is going, or if you’re sticking with it at all. It’s not easy to remember all the time, I know. I’m really glad you’re enjoying my rambling. I know there is some period later on where I mostly posted videos and rants. I was not doing well with pain and illness, and apparently I can get really angry without even realizing it. I am much better now. Turned a corner somewhere along the line, and am having fun with blogging again. Today, I think I will post about yesterday, which was a good day. Hope all is going well with you.
Aaah, the ‘stop’ thing. Since the depression diagnosis I have made a decision to develop some positive habits and ensure I stick with the process of developing them. Honestly, I have struggled with that. When I remember I do use Stop but half the time I forget. I’m currently working on developing a routine that will ensure that I use time effectively and so far so good. I’m hoping that as this routine becomes routine, certain behaviours like the “Stop” process will become second nature.
It took me some time to make it a habit. I just did it every time I remembered. Anyway, something else may work better for you. That is what worked for me. Having a routine sounds like a very good idea. Something I have had no success with, because I seem to have no control over my life due to this really frustrating illness, not the depression. That was actually easier to deal with in that respect. But days when I am in too much pain to get out of bed, or when I can’t sleep at night and can’t stay awake during the day, well, routines just aren’t happening. Doesn’t stop me from planning them out anyway, though. Never quit trying, seems to be my motto. I have a LOT of mottoes. LOL. Let me know how it’s going. I haven’t really known anyone else with clinical depression, and shared experience can be a good thing, I think. I was diagnosed eighteen years ago, btw. Some times were worse than others, but I’m still here, and still fighting.