It’s An Anniversary!

WredhousesnowSeven years ago today, I made my first post. Wasn’t sure if I had anything to contribute, and the jury is still out on that. But I enjoy it, and sometimes it helps to just write down my feelings and frustrations with illness, and life, and the moronic things we humans do, think, and believe. I’ve made a couple of good friends, one of whom I’ve since lost touch with again, and have had a few comments here and there. There are some very interesting people out there, who I would not have known about if it weren’t for comments.

I’d like to say I’ve come a long way in those seven years, but I seem to be still in the same place I was when I started, as far as illness goes. Pain, fatigue, sleep issues, frustration. It gets worse and better, worse and better, but it never goes away. I have become much more isolated that I was at the beginning, which has been quite hard, but I have adjusted. I had some difficult and debilitating experiences going out on my own, so sort of just gave it up. I do like going out, but if I get tired, or the pain gets too much, I lose my ability to think well, and do not want to get stuck not being able to figure out how to get back home. That is scary. I have a cell phone now, which I didn’t at the beginning, so that’s a good thing. I could call a friend, or a cab if I needed to. But the damage has been done, and I just got used to not going out.

I realized a couple of days ago, that I have been very angry for awhile, and am not any longer. A friend suggested that it might have been caused by my body’s trying to adjust to the changing doses of Prednisone, thanks for nothing, doctor. Whatever the reason, I did not enjoy being angry, and am glad it’s gone. Doesn’t mean I feel any better about the right-wing idiots and the bigots and the homophobes, and the people who blindly follow them, but I can deal with it better now. I really am mostly happy, in spite of depression creeping in here and there. I’m happy to be off the meds after so many years, too, and don’t seem to be suffering for it. I do try to notice though, so I don’t miss if I start circling the black hole again. Never want to go there again.

The best thing about blogging is that it got me interested in reading other blogs, and I read a lot of them regularly now. The list has changed over the years, but I read tech blogs, political blogs, some personal blogs, anything that catches my interest. There’s a blog on just about any subject you can imagine. I have learned a lot, been exposed to a lot of different points of view, and gotten insights into how people in other countries view my country. I like the internet, and I’ve said this before, but it cuts out all the baggage we bring to interacting with other people. I can’t see what color your skin is, or how you dress, or hear your accent, or be exposed to any of the other things that we use to judge people before we even meet them. On the internet, you can just dive right into what’s important to you, or to them, and get on with the conversation. That is a very good thing, I think. We get to know people for who they are, rather than who our prejudices tell us they are. Subconscious prejudice is still prejudice, and we may not even realize how it colors our views of other people. Eliminating that give us the ability to just get to know someone from a clean slate. I like that.

So if you’re out there, and you’re seeing this, if you’d like to comment, I’d like to read your comments. If not, well, I hope I bring something to the conversation, even if it’s just to say that good can be found in life, no matter the circumstances, if you just give yourself a chance to notice. We can all focus on what’s wrong with the world, with our friends, with our families, with ourselves, or we can take just a moment to see a little something more. Take time to have a laugh every day, it makes a difference. The Big Bang Theory always makes me laugh. Or LOLCats. Or I Can Has Cheezburger. It’s a good thing.

I wish all of you out there a happy, healthy, safe and free-from-fear new year.