I’ve posted this picture before, but it sort of goes with the season, yes? It’s the John Greenleaf Whittier house in Amesbury, Massachusetts.

Well, after sleeping most of the day (hey, I must have been tired, right?) I am running the dishwasher, eating a rebaked potato, balancing my checkbook with pen and paper since my calculator can’t seem to agree on any numbers, listening to AWOL Nation, my new favorite group, and reading my Twitter feed. It’s all good. Seriously. Feeling good. The usual pain, but no misery. Nice weather, too. I don’t tweet much, usually just when I sign a petition from Move On or The Daily Kos, or some such. If you think this blog is boring, can you imagine what my tweets would be like? “On the couch. Still on the couch. More couching.” Naah. Think I’ll just leave that alone. LOL Although, I’m not actually on the couch right now. I’m at the desk. Multi-tasking. I am good at multi-tasking. So I believe. Others may dispute that claim.

Seriously. I made fish chowder. Only took me about five times as long as bi (before I got this crappy illness) but it was soooo worth it. I make the best fish chowder ever, and I didn’t even have the wine to add in. It started as my friend Beth’s corn chowder, but I thought it would be much better with fish instead of corn, and I was right. I haven’t made it in several years, and I forgot how good it is.

Had a fun day with my homemaker, and not too much pain, which surprised me after the stairs yesterday, But it’s coming along now. I’ve done just about all my before bed items, fed the cat, etc, because I was up and down making the chowder, and everytime, I got stiffer and painier. Going to watch some tv on Amazon now, and then I probably will barely be able to make it to bed. It’s all good. Riiiight. But I had a good day, so it was worth it.

We had a fire alarm. No idea what set it off, but of course we all have to evacuate. Gertrude runs and hides at any noise, not just a fire alarm, so the chances of me getting hold of her and carrying her downstairs are less than none. So I grab my cell phone and head on out.

My neighbor is out at the same time. We start down the stairs (I do NOT do stairs), and halfway down she remembers that the door at the bottom is blocked off for no apparent reason. So back up we go, down the hall, down the back stairs, which for an inexplicable reason have more stairs than the front. I am going down one slow step at a time, leaning on the cane, people passing by. One person asked if I needed help. That was nice. Made it out. Stood there, decided to walk around to the front door. No stairs to get to the elevator, which you can use AFTER the fire department clears it. Look at my cell phone thinking I will call Tess, notice that it seems to have morphed into my wireless mouse. Hmmm. They are both the same color.

I will not be able to walk tomorrow. The pain will be back, too. Oh, joy. At least there wasn’t an actual fire. Been a few years since we’ve had an alarm, and only once has it ever been an actual fire. Very small mostly smoke fire, at that. It of course was winter and freezing and pouring rain and we had to wait forever while they made sure there was no fire in the wall, and brought in huge fans to blow the smoke out. That was fun. I was holding Simon the entire time, and he was not loving me for it. So how exciting was that? Not very, I guess.

It’s vanished. I’ve had the a/c on since Saturday, after suffering through the stickies for several days. Last week I had the electric fireplace going for a bit. I love New England weather. This relates to illness in that it’s been hot and humid for several days and I have been in a lot, and for ‘a lot’ read ‘a LOT’ of pain until today. Is it humidity related? I haven’t really noticed a definite connection before, so it could be coincidental. How can you ever be sure of something like that? I suppose I could write down the weather and the pain levels every day, but I would get bored with that by day 2, or else I would just plain forget to do it. I’m very mercurial. *giggling*

I was getting pretty discouraged by yesterday. Every movement, however tiny, caused more pain, and I realized I had lost the ability to really focus on anything I was doing. Pain is very demanding. It wants all of your attention. So I was very happy when I got up at 3:30 pm, after being up all night and getting to sleep around daytime am, to not be in nearly as much pain. I could actually stand up without agony, and walk without needing the cane to hold me up. Usually the cane is just for balance. I tend to walk like I’m drunk without it. Bob and weave. Saw that in a really awful commercial on Hulu. Bob and weave.

So I’m up all night again, but actually got a couple of things done. Unload/reload dishwasher, baked something from a box, that sort of thing. Yay, me. So autumn can do a comeback any time, because if that’s really what made me feel better (the cool and dry-er ness from the a/c) I want more of it. Pain wears you down, mentally as well as physically, and when it is relentless for any length of time, it starts to sap your will to keep fighting. And the pain pills are not working as well as they had been. There’s always something, right?

On another subject, I’ve been having pc issues. So what else is new, Microsoft? I suddenly lost sound. Just gone. Messed around, looking for solutions, no luck. So I did the old shut down, unplug, plug in, restart, and there was the sound. But no internet connection. Just gone. Sound familiar? Control paneled everything I could find, googled, somehow got it back. Next time I turned the pc off and then restarted later, no internet connection again. Thought I’d try system restore. Didn’t work, got a blue screen of ‘oh shit, this thing is borked’. Almost called tech support, but decided to do some more diagnostics, disk check, etc. Everything fine. One more diagnostic. Something is unplugged. No it isn’t. Nothing plug, usb, cord of any kind had been touched. So I unplugged the cord from the modem and replugged it in a different port. Nothing. Plugged it back in to the first port, and voila! Internet connection. However, and there is always a however, isn’t there? However, I have not turned the pc off again since, so don’t know what will happen when I do and then restart. I can’t just leave it on forever, because some things demand a restart. I’ll let you know what happens.

So I googled for an image for ‘mercurial’ but all I got was shoes. Oh, well.

dont-ask-dont-tell-officially-ends

After Elton on DADT

Hooray! After doing exceptionally well for several days, including one ‘I could swear I’m a normal person here’ day where I got things done, lots of things, and I was happy, the pain started creeping back, until I spent the last three days barely able to hobble to the kitchen to take pills, and spent most of my time in bed or on the couch. Slightly better today, but still hurt. I liked the getting things done days better. Yes. Yes I did.

Tomorrow is 9/11. I have not plugged the tv in so have no clue what’s being aired about it, and I really don’t want to know. I remember the day, I don’t need follow-up reminders. It was horrible, what else do I need to know? I remember that it was an absolutely beautiful autumn day, and I can still see the images from the television coverage in my mind’s eye. I don’t want to relive it by watching whatever is being shown this weekend. I hope the survivors, those who were there, families of those who died, anyone who was personally affected, have managed to find some peace over these past ten years. I don’t think you ever ‘get over’ something like that. You can only hope something as horrific never happens again. Humanity needs to do better. Much better.

Amazing photography:

Cool bug:

Except for the fact that I am old and decrepit and absolutely terrified of this, oh, man would I love to do this:

And elsewhere. Finally, it is Autumn. In feeling, anyway. Actually, meteorological autumn starts September first, and the weather cooperated. It’s been gorgeous since the hurricane.

My really, really good spell ended with tiredness on Saturday, and pain came back on Sunday, but overall, I am still feeling better and getting things done. How great it is to be able to say ‘getting things done’. Went out with my friend Tess yesterday, and my friend Beth is coming for dinner tonight. We will order in or go out somewhere, cause cooking is NOT on my agenda.

I have some decluttering I want to get done today, more stuff for my homemaker Traci. She has two children and is always glad for any crafty things I can toss her way. She is very creative, too, has lots of small animals and makes housing for them out of all sorts of things. I’d like to get another pet, but not sure if Gertrude could handle it. I of course always want a dog, but I have to come to terms with my limitations on that front. It would be different if I had a yard, but living on the second floor in the middle of downtown means I could only let the dog out if I went out with him/her, and that is not always possible for me. Oh, well. My friend Tess has put A Yard on the list of things she is going to buy for me, but we haven’t got that far down yet. We have to get the buffalo first, although I have no idea why I ever said I wanted a buffalo. LOLOL Also, wouldn’t it be better to rearrange the list and get the yard before the buffalo? Not keeping it indoors, that’s for sure. This gives you some idea of why Tess and I spend a lot of time laughing hysterically.

Here’s a quote I like, from this place:

http://www.slate.com/id/2302344/

“Someday, they will stand together in history’s dock. Two groups of willful men who sold out their fellow citizens with their blind avarice and arrogant stupidity: the greedheads on Wall Street and the empty heads (and hearts) of the Tea Party know-nothings.”

Four good days IN A ROW! Got my kitchen drawers organized, made the world’s best pizza, organized my desk, unloaded the dishwasher. I am on a roll. Won’t say I hope it lasts, but I hope it lasts.

DD sent light this am, and I woke up in less pain and feeling better than I have in a long time. DD is a healer. Seriously, I am a skeptic, but it really does seem to help. Here is her site:

As You Wish

We are bracing for Hurricane Irene, which I really don’t think is going to have much effect where I am, but making sure to have water, etc., just in case. Enough meds for a week, also. When we first moved here, way back in the paleolithic era, a hurricane just skirted New England, and I remember the sky went this really eerie greenish color for awhile. Spooky. Never seen anything like it before. We never had a hurricane in Colorado, to my knowledge. Hailstorms, yes, but no hurricanes. 🙂

I hope everyone has taken precautions if they live in a danger zone. Pick up loose items in your yard. Very important. Flying objects can kill people. Be safe, people.

But I am brave, so I will just say it. I am feeling better. This is my THIRD good day in a row. Third! Usually what happens now is I crash and don’t have any more good days for a loooooong time. Just because I opened my big mouth. But hey. Tuesday was homemaker day, then I went out with Tess for some shopping. Much pain after, but I had fun. Yesterday, less pain, felt okay, got things done. Today, even less pain, feeling good, getting things done. Getting things done. Three little words that represent so much. Getting things done in the physical world is major for someone with chronic, debilitating illness. It feels good. It gives me hope. Then, as I said, I usually crash and back to the same old same old. But I enjoy the getting things done phase while it’s here. Yes. Yes I do!

Dear Torchwood: Miracle Day « Letters to Television.

But in the comments is another who says watching is painful, but they’ll keep watching.  Let’s encourage RTD, shall we?

Yes. Yes I am. Somewhat. Actually got things done today. More than one. Yay, me. Stopped the yogurt, and it seems that was killing my stomach, not the meds. Interesting. Cabot Greek Style. I should have stuck with Fage. Costs more, but worth it. It’s very muggy again, but gray and looks like rain. I like rain. Changed the bed, new cover, too. Pretty. It’s not NEW, it’s new to the bed. LOL Okay, better, but still crazy. You lucky readers, you.

I’m just a big ball of whine lately. I hate whine. I can’t sleep again, the antibiotics have caused a big pit of acid in my stomach, my head still feels like it did before I started taking the antibiotic, and no explanatory phone call from my ex-doctor about how they could just abandon me with an infection and no meds. Crap, crap, crap. Also, crap. So skipped the antibiotic last night and stomach is not well, but better today. Got up late after not sleeping much at all, so missed the morning dose as well, but am going to take it late. Any minute now. As soon as I can tear myself away from the computer. I’m a mess, my house (for ‘house’ read ‘teeny tiny apartment’) is a mess, and I not only don’t have enough energy to do anything about it, I barely have enough energy to care. Being sick wears you down, especially when added on to the permanent being sick that is fibro/CFS, which wears you down quite enough on it’s own. So whine, whine, whine. And crap!

I decided to post this before I watched it all, but then came the part that is relevant to my previous post, so two reasons for it being here on my blog.

“The moral test of a society is how that society treats those who are in the dawn of life . . . the children; those who are in the twilight of life . . . the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life . . . the sick, the needy, and the handicapped.”

—Hubert Humphrey

Our society protects the wealthiest, at the expense of the rest of us. My friend Tess and I frequently puzzle over what has happened to people. The ability to think, reason, understand, seems to have transmogrified into mindless belief of whatever they are told, regardless of science, what their eyes can see in front of them, regardless of proof of the opposite. It is rather frightening, when you think about it. We joke that it is cyclamates. Neither of us ever drank soda that contained cyclamates. Cyclamates were banned as being detrimental to health. We have decided that brain health was the biggest victim, thus we are the only two people left who have critical thinking, reasoning abilities. We blame cyclamates for the state of the country. It’s funny, except that it isn’t. But too much thinking about it is just terrifying. When the citizenry has lost the ability to reason and think for themselves, is there any hope left? I’m afraid not, people. Seriously.

On the illness front, I have had to pass up another weekend with friends due to still having this crappy infection and feeling like…well, not feeling great. I’m not even half way through the antibiotics, though, so there is still hope that I will get better. I will be looking for a new doctor this week, however. You can’t go on vacation and leave me with an infection in my head and no meds and expect to keep me as a patient. No, you really can’t.

On the life in general front, is it autumn yet? I am really not in love with humidity, and this has been a particular humid summer. And hot. And icky. I do try to appreciate each season for what it has to offer, but summer is the hardest one for me to love. I do not like being sticky. I don’t like messy food, either. Except mangoes and watermelon. They can be as messy as they want, cause they are just good. Oh, yeah.

I got them. Giant pills for twice a day for two weeks. Of course, I feel even worse today, which always happens with antibiotics. Worse before better. Oh, well.

To me, anyway. I think I’ve had a low-grade infection for some considerable time.
A while back, I had a brief episode of vertigo. Virus, doctor said.
Then in June, I had a sinus infection. Even my palate (roof of mouth) hurt. Five days of super-anitbiotic. Worked.
Then the sinus problem gradually came back. Off to the doctor on Friday. Prescribed two weeks of antibiotics. Computer slow, but he will get it there. Probably won’t be ready for an hour and a half. Out to dinner with mah friends. Three hours later, go to drugstore, no scrip. They call doctor. Doctor gone on vacation. NO SCRIP! Have to wait til Monday when back-up doctor will be available. Drugstore will call him and hope he can get into my records to find what was prescribed and call it in. Time for a new doctor. Went on vacation and left me with an infection and no meds. Meanwhile, had to cancel weekend with other friends because of having a temperature and feeling lousy from infection, and now feeling even worse today.

At least it’s raining. Rain is always nice, so long as it behaves and doesn’t come down in buckets like it’s done in some parts of the country/world.

Why can’t I win? It all just seems to be conspiring against me. I want my life back, please.

What else is good? Let’s see. Ate some bing cherries yesterday that were out-of-this-world perfect and delicious. Have some left to eat today, too. Have ripe mangoes in frig, always a good thing. Also bacon. I have bacon. Everything goes with bacon, right? I just have to cook some, and voila! Happy mouth. Happy tummy. Bacon!! I only buy it once or twice a year, because I love bacon! And it’s supposedly not that good for you. Ha! Like I care at this point. Since nothing I do makes any difference to how I feel or whether or not I sleep, I’ve even started having coffee whenever I darn well feel like it, instead of only once a day when I get up. And the other day, I ate a protein bar, a small bag of kettle chips, and a carton of maple-walnut ice cream. And nothing ese. If you do all (some?) of the right things (for ‘right’ read ‘things that are supposed to make life better), and they don’t make life better, why bother? That’s my new motto. I don’t give a fuck*, I’m doing what I want when I want, cause nothing works anyway. I like it. 🙂 *Yes, my children, yomama swears. A lot, actually. Get over it. LOLOL

I hope all those who voted these people into office are enjoying themselves about now. I know I’m not. ALL of my income comes from Social Security. I have nothing else, and nothing to fall back on. Thank you, Republicans. Click the link to see what I’m on about.

Social Security and ‘our’ government

Am I. Finally. Eye stopped hurting and cleared up. No more blood. Sinuses still need work, however.

It is a beautiful day. Not too humid, not too warm. Summer should always be like this.

Today, what’s left of it, I’m wanting to do a bit of cooking. Yesterday I had hot dogs and later made caprese salad with mango. Very nice. I found a recipe using bing cherries that I want to try, and mango lassi, which is mango with yogurt and ice blended to a drink. Always wanted to try that, usually wind up just eating the mango. I love mangoes. Mangoes, avocado, bananas, watermelon. It’s all good. Off to make coffee.