>It was a good day

>I finally was more pain-free than not, with the help of Excedrin, so I cleared out the frig and cooked some sausage, mashed some avocado with lemon juice for tomorrow, ate a mango, got the kitchen arranged to my liking, had a lovely chat with my friend John, and talked to the cat. So now I’m reading some more Torchwood fan fiction. Why do I keep doing this to myself? It breaks my heart every time. I wish I’d just get over it sometimes. But not all the stories are sad, some are fun and funny and uplifting. I guess that’s why I keep on. I’ve never been as affected by a tv show as I was by Torchwood, and maybe if I hadn’t discovered fan fiction, I would have just let it go. That’s not what’s happened though. Not sure if I’m sorry or not. LOL


>That’s right, bollocks! Funk all gone, btw. Thanks for asking. Back to the bollocks.

Been reading a lot of comments about the unbelievably crass and insulting ‘gift’ that RTD gave to our Jack in the final Doctor Ten. Some people are actually okay with it. Some are not. I am in the latter camp. Russell Davies is an amazing writer, if you just don’t pay attention. If you do, you cannot help but notice all the plot holes, the sudden personality changes, the complete manipulation of characters to suit his own whim of the moment. He said in one con interview, in response to a fan, “MY show.” He can do what he wants and the fans don’t matter. Really? Without fans, can there be a show? He said in another interview, that in “They Keep Killing Suzie” the whole point of the episode was to get the two women in the car, presumably to talk about his idea of the afterlife, or lack of one. Not about the characters, not about the show, but about something he wanted to say to the world. Fine. That’s what authors do. But then he destroyed most of his characters. He killed Suzie, Tosh, Owen, Ianto, and he destroyed Jack, right after completely changing him into an idiot. “Lets go yell at the aliens, Ianto. That will fix things.” Dealing with aliens is Jack’s JOB. I know, I keep saying this, maybe not in this place, but I do. In a sit-com, a situation is conceived, and the characters are put into it. The characters are not changed to fit the situation, or the message the author wants to get across. The characters remain true to themselves. This is where Russell falls down. The characters don’t matter to him. Only the situation and the message. The audience doesn’t matter to him either. See quote above. He did actually say at one point words to the effect that fans don’t matter. Logic and continuity don’t matter either, apparently. Jack was an over-sexed narcissist. Yes, he was. But Jack was also a very, very broken man. He had lost everything and everyone he loved. He was tortured, he was killed countless times, he was condemned by his own brother to be buried for two thousand years, dying and reviving over and over again. It’s a miracle he had any sanity left. But he did. The story led us to believe that he did. The story led us to believe that he let down his walls, however reluctantly, just enough to let Ianto in. He allowed himself to love Ianto. Right up to the moment Russell decided Ianto was expendable to Big Dramatic Effect and Jack could just get over it. Because people, love, feelings are only there to be manipulated and crushed. Doctor Who, if you payed attention, is all about loss and pain and regret. I thought it was a children’s show. Anyway, all this death and loss and horror and killing his own grandson left us with broken, destroyed, dead-inside Jack. Here we are six months later. Russell has such respect for his characters that he completely ignores things he’s written about them in previous eps. Donna will die if she remembers the doctor. Donna remembers and lives. Martha leaves to marry Tom. Oh, wait. Martha is married to Mickey. Then, as the final insult, he turns the Doctor into a pimp who ‘gifts’ Jack with a new boyfriend, mainly because he hearts the actor playing the new boyfriend, and with such respect for his character and audience, has Jack just give his big smirk and leer and Ianto, and Tosh, and Owen, and Suzie, and his grandson are all forgotten. It’s all better now Jack, because you have a new shag. The man (Russell T. Davies)is an unbelievable twat. He makes me so aaarrrrgggggghhhhhhhh. And I didn’t even get into the whole ‘Gwen’ issue. Because then I’d have to shoot my computer. Oh, I feel better now. Thank you.


>Too late. Someone twittered the crazy post. I’m going to put it back, I guess. As soon as I figure out how. Just remember, much better now. Thanks. *smile*

Well, I would have put it back, but I saved it on Evernote, and Evernote has let me down. It’s not there. I was pretty much just feeling really down, and relating it to my obsession with Torchwood. Depression grabs me sometimes, but after a few days, it lets go again. Torchwood made me sad because I was relating to Ianto and I felt he was never really sure he was loved or that he mattered, and I’ve had that in my life. Then I described my feelings about my life since my husband left, even before I got sick. It’s like I’ve fallen through the Rift, and I’m drifting around in this limbo without knowing where I am, where I’ve been, where I’m going, how to get home. But my home, and the life that I had then, no longer exist, so there’s nothing to get back to. Like this is not my real life, and I am just in that limbo waiting. For what, I don’t know. For my life to somehow come back. I feel like nothing I say or think or feel or do, or how I feel with being ill, matters. Nothing has any meaning because I have fallen through the Rift and this is not my life. It’s not as crazy-sounding as it was when I originally posted it, cause I was feeling really, really sad and it definitely came through in the post. I miss Ianto, even though he was never real. Have I mentioned that I’m crazy? *smile*

Gee, people, if you’re going to twitter me, couldn’t you leave a little comment here, as well. Did you twitter because I was fascinating? Because I sound like an idiot? Because I talk about Torchwood? I’d like to know. Sometimes I think I might as well write on iDaily Diary on my laptop, which isn’t connected to the internet. Complain, complain, complain. That’s all I seem to be doing. But I really am better. I’d just really like to hear from someone out there. Oh, well.


>I love Autumn. I do. Day before yesterday was a perfect Autumn day. Clear, cool, blue sky, beautiful. Just perfect.

Update on the fibro life…..after the good day I had last week, I had not-good days up until Tuesday, the perfect Autumn day. I had a very good day Tuesday, then not so much yesterday, and a pretty good day today. I don’t know what makes the difference.

Saturday, even though I wasn’t feeling great, I managed to get it together enough to go to a friend’s house and do some pc fixing and cleaning and just making things less annoying. I got a great free dinner for my trouble, cooked by my friend, who is a great cook, and I didn’t even have to clean up after. Her hubbies helped with that. Which was good, because by then I was totally exhausted. But her pc is working much better, and I got AOL to stop hijacking everything. I hate AOL. I’m sorry, but I do. I am so glad I never got sucked in to downloading it. She spent more time getting it out of her way than using the computer for things she wanted to do.

Hoping to get my Torchwood Season One DVD’s tomorrow. I already have seasons two and three. I plan to watch them one after the other on one of my ‘can’t do anything so may as well watch tv’ days. There are a lot of those with fibro/chronic fatigue, believe me. And tv…..the actual broadcast tv, is really terrible. It’s a lot like AOL…..many, many interruptions so you can’t watch the show you want to watch. Commercials have grown exponentially the past several years, making the whole tv experience one big annoyance. And they wonder why they are losing viewers. Between commercials and those horrible screen-covering popups and logos, why even bother.

Speaking of Torchwood, if they do happen to make a season four, I’m not sure I will watch it. It seems Russell Davies is killing off people just so he can get Jack and Gwen together. I’m expecting Rhys to die if there is a season four. When you watch them without a week between eps, you really get to see what a peach Gwen really is. She lies continually to Rhys and Andy, she uses Andy whenever possible to get what she wants. She is really not a very nice person, I think. And I’m still really, really angry about Ianto. So there!

>Uh Oh

>I have become obsessed with Torchwood, Jack and Ianto, specifically. This is not a new thing. Herein I list my obsessions over the years. First was Lister. Dave Lister, from Red Dwarf. “They’re dead Dave. They’re all dead Dave. Dave, they are all dead. They. are. all. dead. Dave” I love that stuff.

Then there was Johnny Depp in Benny and Joon, my all-time favorite movie.

Next was Crichton, (Ben Browder) from Farscape, the best scifi show ever.

Next was Second Ray (Callum Keith Rennie) from Due South. Love that show. Bought the DVDs.

Wait, there’s more.

I kind of like Wash (Alan Tudyk), from Firefly. DD#1 likes Adam Baldwin, cause she knows him personally. Jealousy alert!

Then there’s this guy, Bae Yong Joon (no relation to Joon of Benny and..)from the Korean soap opera, Winter Sonata. I used to get the Asian channel, and the music from this sucked me right in. Bought the DVDs used off of Amazon.

Okay, who else?
Right. Next is the late great Heath Ledger from Brokeback Mountain. Again with the music sucking me in from the trailer. Stupid boy to be dead. Made me angry.

Can’t forget the Second ever Ninja Warrior champ, Makoto Nagano. I like Ninja Warrior. Those guys are crazy.

Next to last, a couple quick shout-outs to an oldie but a goodie, Clark Johnson from Homicide–Life on The Streets. One of the best non-scifi tv shows ever.


Another to Richard Armitage, the gorgeous soft-spoken actor from Robin Hood and The Vicar of Dibley, the funniest show ever on tv.

And finally———–Jack and Ianto (John Barrowman and Gareth David Lloyd), courtesy of Torchwood, the Doctor Who spin-off. I refrained from posting any R-rated, so my DDs won’t feel quite as much need to put me away somewhere. But I could. Oh yes I could.

That’s our gorgeous men ration for today. Got any of your own? We have comments here, you know. Feel free to point out any I may have let get past me. Obsessing. It’s a good thing.