>
I changed the comment format in hopes that will fix the issue, which I only now became aware of. So if you’ve tried to comment before and couldn’t, please try again to see if this works. If it doesn’t, the help forum says to enable third party cookies and that might fix it. Let me know what works (if you can comment, that is. LOL) Thank you dear readers. I know you’re out there. 🙂
>
Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, regarding Marriage Equality:
“Government should not tell you what to do unless there’s a compelling public purpose.”
>
I used to say, lo these many years ago, “That’s a lotta tea” run together. Thatsalada tea. Then Salada tea came out with a commercial using just that play on words. Hey, it was MY idea.
So now I’ve been saying for years that the Republicans philosophy is “I’ve got mine, so screw you.” Lo and behold, found this today:
Hey, I said it first. No one wrote an article about it then.
On another topic, some people have mentioned to me that they are not able to comment on this blog. If any one out there who can, knows why some can’t, please can you let me know what to do in the comments? Thank you.
>Why yes. I did change the look of my blog. Then I was going to post something, got side-tracked, and completely forgot. The new background is Van Gogh’s ‘The Almond Tree’. I love it.
Gray and rainy day. I love rain. Having a recovery day, since I went out Monday, then my homemaker came yesterday. I don’t seem to have anything to say anymore. Not sure why. I am much better on the new medicine, no brain fog, thinking ahead to things I want to do, something I haven’t done for quite a long time. I did not realize how lethargic and out-to-lunch I was, I just gradually became accustomed to it and stopped noticing. Miracle drug comes along (actually, it’s thyroid med), and my brain has gone into, “I WORK!! Woo Hoo!!!” mode. Unfortunately, my body hasn’t caught up, so I am doing more, but having a lot more pain as a consequence. Everything is a trade-off. I’m just so glad my brain is working again, and I’ve had a lot of pain since I got sick anyway. I can plan, and consider, and evaluate, and think ahead to consequences. You don’t know how much you’ve lost til you suddenly get it back, I guess.
I watched the uncut Jon Stewart on Fox interview, not the Fox cut, since even if I still had cable, I would never watch Fox on purpose. Anyway, here is Jon’s hilarious take on what they actually aired on Fox.
>Slept on my new mattress last night. For the first time since I can’t remember when, I did not wake up needing to move because of pain, I did not wake up in the morning in pain, and I’ve felt really good today. Just the usual illness stuff. It’s incredible. The mattress was made in the USA, too.
You Are a Magazine |
 You are flexible, laid back, and open to the world. You are a total novelty seeker, and you always appreciate new eye candy. You are a natural daydreamer. If you had your way, you would live several lives at once. You are very smart – but in more of a “street smart” than “book smart” sort of way. Your mind just operates on a totally different plane. You are able to take in a lot more information than most people. |
>1. Read the comments, too:
http://front.moveon.org/jobless-in-the-usa-a-tale-of-two-presidents/
2.
>
We had some last night, and more predicted for tonight. Severe thunderstorms. Makes me think ‘tornado’ now, where it never did before. Scary.
It’s been hot and sticky since Tuesday night. Supposed to reach 99 today. Ninety-nine. Degrees. Fahrenheit. This is the second Bad Air Warning day, too. Not that unusual, but 99 degrees is. Three cheers for whoever invented air-c0nditioning.
I’ve unplugged just about everything, not only to avoid lightning damage, but also in hopes of keeping the power going. I know most people just go ahead and run everything, even if it does strain the power grid, but with no a/c, it would be pretty miserable, so I’m doing my (miniscule) part.
Slept all day yesterday due to pain and being up most of the night before. Got up at 6pm, so have been up all night. I read, watched White Collar on Hulu, read some more, took a shower, got dressed, read some more. Yes, I like to read. It doesn’t hurt or exhaust me. It’s a good thing. I downloaded the free Amazon Kindle for PC. There are a lot of free books for it from Amazon and other places, so I have a bunch saved to read. To buy a book doesn’t cost nearly as much as an actual book, either, and no clutter.
Gertrude is hiding, as usual. She was out, but heard some thunder and under the bed she went. My essential calming oil hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m hoping it will help. I’m going to just let her sniff it at first, to see if she has any kind of bad reaction. Cats can be allergic to things, too, so best to be cautious. That’s it for now. BAck to your regular programming.
>
Needed a new look. Not sure I love this one, but will give it a try.
Still gorgeous weather here, except for allergies. No sneezing, but tired and stuffy. Been having a lot of pain recently, also. Okay, that’s it for illness.
I may have mentioned I live in a small apartment. One room has to serve as living, dining, office. So I’m thinking I may get rid of the table and chairs and just get a coffee table or something. I don’t really use the table much except to put stuff on, but I really like it. I’m torn. Once it’s gone, it’s gone, and I wouldn’t be able to get it back if by some happenstance I moved to a place with an eat-in kitchen.
I’d love a bigger kitchen, anyway. This one has so little counter space that there’s really not much room to do anything. It has a dishwasher, but for some reason, when dishwashers are included, there is only a single sink. I miss a double sink. It has a lot of uses that a single sink doesn’t accommodate.
I guess I’m just thinking out loud, mulling things over, looking for a way to make things easier and more convenient. You take a lot for granted when you are well, and being ill really makes you realize how much effort is needed to do things. When you have a lot of energy, it doesn’t matter, but when your only have a limited amount, everything becomes something major to deal with. I guess that’s it. Off to take pills and shower and eat and all that jazz.
>
I’ve been up all night except for a snooze on the couch for an hour or so. This sleep thing makes life interesting.
It’s a beautiful, glorious day. The leaves on the pear trees across the street are glittering in the sunlight. It’s cool and dry and quite breezy and wonderful, and all I can think about is that there are four people who were alive yesterday afternoon but didn’t live to see today. It just seems so unfair. There you are, minding your own business, doing whatever you’re doing, when a thunderstorm pops up, turns into a tornado, and you are done. Just like that.
Scary, how fragile life is. I need to appreciate it more. Even being ill, there is so much beauty and joy in the world that is always available to me if I allow myself to notice it.
I try not to let illness get me down. I do not succeed all the time, but I do try to enjoy my life every day, to laugh every day. I am fortunate to have a friend who is as crazy as I am and who calls me every day whereupon we get hysterically laughing over absolutely nothing. We can find humor in just about anything. That’s a very good thing.
I wonder if cats can sense the weather. Gertrude was invisible the entire day yesterday, til well after all the storms had run their course. She didn’t come out of hiding until around 10 pm, which is completely out of character for her. She likes to sit with me and get in the way when I’m using the laptop. It’s her thing. But not yesterday. Interesting.
Her name is actually Snowflake, but I call her Gertrude. Because I can. My mother called all of our pets, dog, cats, male, female, she called them all Sam. Considering that she would call me my sister’s name and vice versa, I guess it was less confusing for her and the animals. Hmmm, I seem to have neglected to get up and take that first pill. Guess I’d better move it.
>There have just been three tornadoes here in Mass in the past couple of hours. I think that is a record for this area. The first one is going by just a bit north of us. Not sure it’s still an actual tornado, may be just a severe storm. It is finally no longer Gray May. Now it’s Gray With Wicked Weather June. I don’t think anyone was seriously hurt, but I have everything but the laptop (on battery) unplugged, so can’t watch the news. I joked with my friend Tess that I would have to move to Canada, cause they don’t have tornadoes there. ‘YET!’ she said. LOL Climate change or not, it’s getting interesting.
Feeling better after several recovery days from going out Saturday. Two days of pain, one night of no sleep, one day of sleeping all day, one night of up very late and up at 10, and last night not sleeping well. Do I have an exciting life, or what?
UPDATE: It’s quarter past nine pm and there are still tornado watches north of me, and severe thunderstorms with hail. We’re having a lot of lightening, but I have the tv on watching the news. They’ve declared a state of emergency, and the Governor just came on to say something. Four people have been killed and it’s not known how many were injured, homes destroyed, trees down. Mother Nature is not happy, it seems. Oops, I think channel 5 just lost power. They were in the midst of a severe storm. Channel 4 is still on, but there not having any coverage except for a ticker. Think I’ll unplug the tv now.
>
Hot and sticky and I’ve had the ac on since last night, but it’s still GRAY! This is worse than February in New Hampshire, which normally was the grayest month up there. Down here May is meant to be spring. Sunny. Nice. Not gray day after day after day after day.
It’s the holiday, and here I sit by myself as I have for nearly every holiday for the eleven years I’ve lived here. Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually the only holidays I have someplace to go. Not complaining, just saying. I barely remember what it was like to have a life, where I went places and did things and worked and wasn’t alone all the time.
Sometimes I wonder if my life would be different if I had responsibilities. A family to take care of. But then I know that when I have days like yesterday when I was in so much pain I just slept all day that I am fortunate to only have me and Gertrude to worry about. All she wants is food, water, and a clean litter box, and some cuddles, and that’s all easily done. Even if I’m having a really bad day and don’t get the food out on time, she doesn’t seem to mind. Which reminds me. I ordered this calming essential oil mix to try, since she is so timid and jumpy. So I bought her a collar to dab it on when it gets here.
She’s never had a collar, and I was expecting the worst, but she stood stock still while I put it on here, then she hid for a bit, came back and stared at me for a bit, and then up on the lap and all is forgiven. She doesn’t seem to even know that it’s there. Weird. Simon would have had it off in the first five minutes. Cats really do have their own quirks and likes and dislikes.
I know I haven’t had much to say lately, but I hope I still have some readers out there. I am trying again to have some goals and a plan, but anyone who has this illness knows that you can plan all you want, but your body decides if you can follow through or not.
I have noticed a pattern going on recently. Well, probably longer than that, but I wasn’t really paying that much attention. But I sleep okay (for me) for a night or two, then I am awake all night for a few days and sleep during the day. Doesn’t matter if I take the knock-out pill or not.
I’m lucky that I don’t have as much pain as some people do with this, and I can’t imagine, cause it’s hard enough just the way things are for me. Sometimes I admit that I just want to throw in the towel and stop trying, but I am a fighter by nature, and I hate to let things beat me. A little sunshine, low humidity, and temps in the upper 60s F would do me. But…it is a gray May day. And fun to say.
I know the picture has nothing in common with this post, but I like it. So.
>
One of my LJ friends just posted about having to put down her beloved cat. Very sad. It put me right back there with my Simon. It’s been three years and I still miss him. So now I’m all teary-eyed and grieving again. I have Gertrude, whom I love, but she is not at all like Simon, who was in-your-face and very, very annoying most of the time. But he was my best friend for a long time when I was just alone and going through all sorts of trials caused by becoming ill and no longer able to work. He was always there when I came home from whatever unpleasant and humiliating thing I had to do to survive. New Hampshire is NOT the place you want to have this kind of disaster. When they say ‘Live Free or Die’, they really mean it. Live free of any help from us, cause we don’t care if you die or are homeless. I love Massachusetts, whose government does care. Anyway, this is about Simon, and missing him, and being sad and teary, and life sucks, then you die. Well, darn!
>I absolutely agree with the messsage, too. This is why my blog is not really about my illness. It’s about my life in general, because I am NOT my illness, and I don’t want it to be the focus of my life or my conversations. The message applies to anything, life in general. And it’s a cheery vid. (hmmm, maybe I should change my header)
>
Here’s that blog from which I posted an article a few days ago.
It was sent to me by a friend and the article just said what I’ve been saying for a long time. I don’t know much about the blog owners, but the blog really does reflect my anger.
But I’m not just angry. I’m also puzzled and saddened. I don’t understand the people referenced in the blog. The right-wing conservatives, Republicans, Tea-Partiers. I don’t get why they are so filled with hate for the rest of us. I don’t understand how they can reconcile their supposed ‘Christianity’ with their NOT wanting to do unto others, NOT wanting to love their neighbors, NOT wanting to help the less-fortunate. Weren’t these the precepts taught by their ‘religion’? I did not think “Greed is good” or “I’ve got mine, so screw you. And by the way, I’m taking yours for myself, too.” was taken from the Bible. I honestly don’t understand what motivates these people. Have they become so distanced from their own humanity that they actually believe they are doing the right thing?
I am saddened that my country has fallen so far from the ideal I was raised to believe it was. I am saddened that I have no idea what to do about it. Signing petitions, posting about things…all well and good. But does any of it really make any kind of difference? I’m not at all sure it does.
I am ashamed and embarrassed by my country’s leaders. The fact that they are so angry and resentful that an actual black person is president that they can’t get out of their own way fast enough to do as much damage as is possible to the presidency. It disgusts me. I scares me. It makes me so disillusioned with them all. The smug look on John Boehner’s (R-OH)face in the picture makes me sick. He looks like he’s thinking, “F*** you, America”, doesn’t he?
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, I’ve lost all hope.
>
Now that I’m (relatively) over myself after yesterday, here’s the headline of an email from my local Freecycle:
OFFER: Misc Children and household items
Miscellaneous children. Hmmmm. Think I’ll have to pass.
>
Up all Monday night. Up all day Tuesday. Slept til 4pm Wednesday, then fell asleep on the couch and slept til 7am today. Woke up in pain, as usual, did some stretching, started to cry. I never cry. I don’t know how to do this anymore. I don’t know how to cope with the screwed up sleep, the pain, the inability to do the things I need to do as well as the things I want to do. The just sitting here, living in my cyber-world, because the real world is something I just cannot manage any more. I don’t know how to do this anymore. How to tough it out. How to keep a positive attitude. How to exist in this world of pain and sadness and loneliness. I’ve done it for eleven years, living here in my little box by myself, alone, alone, alone. Just my cat for company. Only rarely going outside. Outside for me is the public main street of my town. Yes, I’m feeling sorry for myself here people. As much as I try not to do that, sometimes my life just overwhelms me with so much I cannot cope with. I don’t know how to do this anymore.
strangely peculiar 