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Hot and sticky and I’ve had the ac on since last night, but it’s still GRAY! This is worse than February in New Hampshire, which normally was the grayest month up there. Down here May is meant to be spring. Sunny. Nice. Not gray day after day after day after day.

It’s the holiday, and here I sit by myself as I have for nearly every holiday for the eleven years I’ve lived here. Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually the only holidays I have someplace to go. Not complaining, just saying. I barely remember what it was like to have a life, where I went places and did things and worked and wasn’t alone all the time.

Sometimes I wonder if my life would be different if I had responsibilities. A family to take care of. But then I know that when I have days like yesterday when I was in so much pain I just slept all day that I am fortunate to only have me and Gertrude to worry about. All she wants is food, water, and a clean litter box, and some cuddles, and that’s all easily done. Even if I’m having a really bad day and don’t get the food out on time, she doesn’t seem to mind. Which reminds me. I ordered this calming essential oil mix to try, since she is so timid and jumpy. So I bought her a collar to dab it on when it gets here.

She’s never had a collar, and I was expecting the worst, but she stood stock still while I put it on here, then she hid for a bit, came back and stared at me for a bit, and then up on the lap and all is forgiven. She doesn’t seem to even know that it’s there. Weird. Simon would have had it off in the first five minutes. Cats really do have their own quirks and likes and dislikes.

I know I haven’t had much to say lately, but I hope I still have some readers out there. I am trying again to have some goals and a plan, but anyone who has this illness knows that you can plan all you want, but your body decides if you can follow through or not.

I have noticed a pattern going on recently. Well, probably longer than that, but I wasn’t really paying that much attention. But I sleep okay (for me) for a night or two, then I am awake all night for a few days and sleep during the day. Doesn’t matter if I take the knock-out pill or not.

I’m lucky that I don’t have as much pain as some people do with this, and I can’t imagine, cause it’s hard enough just the way things are for me. Sometimes I admit that I just want to throw in the towel and stop trying, but I am a fighter by nature, and I hate to let things beat me. A little sunshine, low humidity, and temps in the upper 60s F would do me. But…it is a gray May day. And fun to say.

I know the picture has nothing in common with this post, but I like it. So.