About excentric

I love sci-fi, music, reading, gardening. I am ill, but I am not my illness. Life is good. BTW, have I mentioned that I am a fan girl. Because I Am A FanGirl. Torchwood!

A BOOK I READ

years ago and just found here: https://bookriot.com/books-about-hackers/. This is a fantastic book, he was just so clever figuring out what was going on, and I still think about it sometimes. Check it out.

“The Cuckoo’s Egg: Tracking A Spy Through The Maze Of Computer Espionage by Cliff Stoll

This book is a bona fide classic that kicked off the sub-genre of books about hackers. It follows Stoll as he realizes the threat presented by a rogue coder named Hunter, figures out how to track him, and gets down to stopping the bad guy.”

LITTLE UPDATE

Just resting. Weird cat is weird.

Still very tired and weak. Some days I think I am getting better, other days I know I am not. It’s going to be a long, slow process, I think. Not looking good for getting any other services besides my two-hour weekly homemaker, but still hoping. Now taking iron supplements and yesterday just started potassium supplements, so I am hoping they will make a difference, and soon. I don’t know if it’s just the blood loss, or if it’s that anything that happens seems to exacerbate the fibromyalgia and it’s a combination of both. Whatever, I just want to feel better and be able to function again. Yesterday, walking to the door from the couch and back when my homemaker came was totally exhausting.

Yes, it’s a mess, but there’s the door

Got my new phone a few days ago. Been playing around with it, but have not changed the sim card over yet. Last new phone had glitches and I returned it, so happy that I had not changed the card right off the bat. Make sure everything works first. This one is a Moto Stylus, which is weird in one way, but kind of cool in another. The stylus slides up the right side of the phone and is very, very thin. My old phone is having some issues, and I really needed a replacement. Moto phones are pretty inexpensive, but they do what I want and generally work really well till I have worn them out. LOL I still miss my Nokia flip phone which was my first phone. DD2 gave it to me way back when. I loved that little phone. Of course, it wasn’t ‘smart’ but the phone part was the important bit back then. How quickly we become dependent on these little wonders. I have a reminder with alarm, voice recorder, note pad, google keep, One Note, a sticky note widget, weather apps, Kindle (Which was so handy for reading my books in the hospital. Put it on battery saver and it does not disturb anyone else with light shining, and is so easy to swipe to next page. Love it.). I have a scanner, a couple of games, and Dropbox as well. Everything I need, something that was definitely proved to me while I was in hospital.

Anyway, hoping hoping hoping to get better sometime in the near future. We’ll see how that goes. Trying to do what’s needed, eating salad after salad after salad, two bananas a day for the potassium, oatmeal, lots of water. It’s hard to eat so much food, though, I will say. Oh, and berries. Berries are apparently really good for you. I like raspberries and blackberries. In my mind blueberries are for cooking, but I’m sure I will be eating them raw as well. It’s almost blueberry season here in Mass. We used to pick them in the woods. Free blueberries. It’s a good thing.

Things I’m Supposed To Eat

Be safe, people.

Little Update

It’s been an interesting week. Weak. I have been extremely weak and tired, and am now gradually getting a bit better. Wasn’t eating enough at first, because I was too weak to do much getting things to eat, but my friend got me some ready-made salads and things and that helped. Wednesday was meant to have the blood work to check my hemoglobin levels but there was a screw-up with the order so had to have that done Friday. Did get to see my new doctor though, and really like her. It was a total fiasco of a day; the blood work order screw up, their computers were down, they were way behind, she was late for something important that she’d already had to reschedule twice, and yet she took the time to talk to me, ask questions, answer mine and kind of just chat a bit as well. My last few doctors have been more ‘here’s a pill, I’m busy, bye’ but she was the total opposite. We were there for three and a half hours altogether, though, so that was fun.

I finally got hold of my caseworker, who had not gotten any of my messages due to a new phone system filled with glitches, apparently, but she is getting me a LifeLine thingy that is being installed today and is trying to see what other services she can get me. Then Tufts, my Medicaid insurance, called and is doing even more. I may not qualify for anything, but at least they are trying. Nice to know someone knows I am here and need more assistance than I am getting, and is trying to do something about it. Sometimes I feel like it’s just me out here on my own. I know that’s not really the case, but it does sometimes seem like it is.

My friends Tess and Ed have really stepped up, too. Helping in any and every way they can. I worry that it will get to be too much, but Tess says no, they are happy to be there for me. My friends Beth and John are great at stepping up as well when they can. I am truly fortunate with my friends. I only wish I could somehow reciprocate, but there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do back. I hope being grateful is enough for now. 🙂

It is a gorgeous, gorgeous day. My bit of the country seems to be in a good weather pocket and all the heat and miserableness give us a pass. Hope it stays that way. DD1 lives in Albuquerque, and it has been horrid there. She said every growing thing is dying because of absolutely NO moisture anywhere, and then it rained night before last. She said it rained for quite a long time, too. Not enough to fix everything, but better than nothing. I was getting pretty worried about her. I do not do well in heat, and I’m pretty sure no one else does either when it gets above a certain temperature. I try not to get angry about it, but they have been telling us for decades that this was all going to happen if we didn’t start doing things differently, and no one cared so long as it didn’t directly affect them at the moment, or worse, they were rolling in the dough as if money would matter when you are dying of thirst or whatever. God, humans are stupid. Sorry, but we really, really are.

Anyway, I seem to be on the med, most of my blood work came back good, except for the actual blood, which I am very, very anemic and am getting iron supplements today, and need to eat more meat and Iron-rich foods. Actually, there’s a whole list of foods I should be eating for the diverticulosis, too. Loads of fresh fruits and berries and veg, for example. I am trying, but I need ready-to-eat things like the salads, and those are mainly iceberg or romaine with a few toppings.

Trader Joe’s and Market Basket have some good ones, but they are both too far away for my homemaker to shop at. I am on the mend, is the main thing, so happy days, I guess. 🙂 Stay safe. Wear your masks.

So Something Happened

I would advise you if you are squeamish to just skip this post. It involves blood and rectums.

Athol Home Gardens, Athol, MA. Helios 44M-4 58mm f/2.0 lens on Sony A7

Wasn’t sure about posting this, but it’s part of my life, so. The first picture is Gertrude watching me get ready to take a shower this morning. Either because she was glad I’m back and wanted to make sure I didn’t disappear again, or curious to see if I was going to wind up on the floor again. The second one is spacer for the squeamish.

So I had to pee about an hour after dinner Tuesday. Oh, my, diarrhea. Surely I did not eat THAT much. Suddenly got very weak and dizzy, but seemed to be done so stood up. Not diarrhea. Blood. Lots and lots of blood, with bonus clots. Leaned on sink, woke up on floor. Too weak to stand, crawled to living room to get cell to call ambulance. Funny aside here, as I was crawling, Gertrude was walking along side and kept looking at me as if to say, “Why are you on the floor? What is happening here? I am confused.”

Called ambulance and just lay there, too weak move. EMT’s come, cannot move, had to pick me up to put me in the transport chair. Too weak to move because I was still bleeding. Fortunately, rug was spared. Oh, was sick while waiting but again fortunately had dragged wastebasket with me cause I was thinking some kind of food poisoning. Sick in ambulance, too, where they gave me antinausea meds and poked me full of holes for iv’s.

Get to Er where I am given a diaper and de-clothed and gowned. More poking and iv’s and blood draws and painful exam. Doctor suggests rectal bleed is caused by diverticulosis, which usually causes pain but rarely just bleeds. Except for the treatments, I was pain free, thank goodness. Anyway, after a very long time I was admitted and moved upstairs. Still bleeding some next morning and more clots, but getting better. Had to have help for any and everything because I was so weak. Lots of blood tests to determine if my hemoglobin was going down still in case of internal bleeding. But bleeding stopped, and by Friday my hemoglobin count was going back up, so I am home. Gertrude was happier to see Ed, her favorite person, than she was me. Thanks for nothing, Gertrude. And I wa so worried about her but Tess checked in with her every day. Tess and Ed brought me home, too. I am so lucky to have amazing friends.

There is nothing to be done for diverticulosis, it seems, but I have been advised to get more exercise (right. Fibro exhaustion, people.) Eat lots of fresh fruit and veg, whole grains, chicken and fish are okay, beans are good. So was very anxious last night after everyone left. DD 2 had come down, which I did not want her to do but was so happy she did. But anxious, I turned on Hulu and watched Castle and The Orville and a few other things to take my mind off it. Was hungry but nervous about eating. Wound up with peanut butter on toast. Extremely weak today after shower. Can barely walk with cane, just hobbling along in very short trips. Was much better yesterday. Too much excitement, though. Tess came over for a bit today, too, and that was really great not to be alone. Also, I had the best nurse on the planet and a really great doctor, too. Sturdy rules! So that’s it. Be safe. Wear your masks and help keep your friends and neighbors alive.

HOW COOL IS THIS?

From Bored Panda:

Fun word fact: Zeugma is a Greek word which generically means ‘to join’ (the city is named for a pontoon bridge which links the land across the nearby Euphrates river). Today, ‘zeugma’ is used to describe a word which does double-duty in a sentence by affecting two subjects at once, usually with different definitions of that same word. For example, “The tiles and the archeologists were both floored by these ancient artisans.” Troux

OH, THE EXCITEMENT!!!

I just order the new Barnes and Noble Nook. It is lit, like Kindle Paperwhite, BUT it has side clickers. The reason I hate the Paperwhite and gave away the one I bought way back when. Touch screens are not fun or easy, in my opinion, and I avoid them as much as possible. I could just jump up and down right about now. LOL

Good day yesterday, caseworker came, friend came for a brief visit, did a bit of organizing in the kitchen. Today I got up at noon, and was in a fog for most of the time until about an hour ago.

Gertrude got a bunch of new toys yesterday, which she seems bored with already. How to get that girl to move. I just don’t know. I shut the bedroom door so she at least can’t sleep in there all day, as she has been doing. Think I will just open it at night for a while.

So that’s the excitement for today. Stay safe, everyone. Wear your mask.

JUNE

Is busting out all over. It is 64f, cloudy, and breezy. NOT hot and sticky, so a good day. I have been in such a slump lately, and cannot seem to talk myself out of it. A couple of nights ago, I was on the verge of an anxiety attack, and I haven’t had one in years. Managed to do deep breathing and stopPed it in it’s tracks. I realized that it happened because I have been feeling like my life is spinning out of control. My recent doctors have pretty much ignored me, my new rheumatologist has not, after an entire week and messages left by me, called in the scrip for prednisone that I will be out of in two days and do doctors not know that you cannot just stop taking it without serious things happening. Do they just not care. This is the third doctor I have been trying to get a scrip from. House is messy, cause homemaker did not come last time and I cannot vac, etc. And to top it all off, Blue Buffalo has apparently just stopped making two of the cat food flavors I get for Miss G. So she is getting 1/3 the amount I ordered. She has only had these foods since she moved in at not quite three months old, and she will be three years old this month. She is very, very healthy, according to her vet, so I really don’t want to change her food.

So what did I do to regain some feeling of control? I wiped my iPad and started over. Hey, whatever helps, right?

A

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

I don’t even know. Feeling really bad for awhile, then face pain, thought it was sinus, turns out it was a tooth. Had tooth out. Also had over three weeks of antibiotics, better now. Been in kind of a funk, though. Doctors not going well, reinjured my torn rotator cuff on the right side and was in a lot of pain for a bit. Got a cortisone shot from a ‘couldn’t care less’ doctor, a friend has heart problems and I was left not knowing how he was for three days. Not fun. He’s okay so far, thank goodness. Kind of shut down from the stress, but am slightly better today. now that I found that out.

Gorgeous day. Blue sky, fluffy white clouds, 74 degrees, breezy. Wish all of summer could be this nice, but you know the hot and stickies will be here soon. Bah!

Had dinner at the new Indian restaurant up the street. Oh, my. Expensive, but so worth it. Food was really, really good. Can’t wait to eat there again. Friendly staff, cheery decor, a great new addition to downtown.

Hoping to get back to my normal self soon, but it’s not been the best month ever and I was really struggling there for a bit. Stay safe, everyone.

Vector illustration of Sad girl cartoon sitting alone

WE’RE DOING IT WRONG

There’s a book out called The Premonition by Michael Lewis. From the blurb: “…fills in those blanks by investigating the community of researchers and scientists whose work was ignored by government directives.”

Maybe we should be putting into office actual scientists, and doctors, and accountants, and others who understand the modern world and it’s problems and have some idea of things that can be done to help/fix things, instead of politicians, who only seem to know how to get re-elected and dis their competitors.

IT’S STILL MAY

Surprise! LOL Turns out it wasn’t a sinus infection, but a tooth. On penicillin. Having tooth out Thursday. Felt much better shortly after going on the penicillin. Guess it works better than amoxycillin.

Returning my new Moto G Power, because the camera MX does not work, and when I click the gmail icon to share something, it brings up a chat thing instead of gmail. So bye. glad I hadn’t yet switched the sim card. I must be psychic. LOL

Been beautiful days, but chilly and very, very windy. This is I think the fifth day in a row with the trees just whipping around. I like wind. Wish it was warm enough to have the windows open, but noooo. Hoping this vid isn’t too big. Be safe, people. Wear you mask.

IT’S MAY!

As I’m sure you know by now. 🙂

Weird mix of leaves and blossoms. Blossoms used to drop en masse, but haven’t done that in a couple of years. No idea why. Be a better pic if my windows weren’t so messed up because of broken seals. It’s a beautiful day, 67 degrees, clear blue skies, opened window. Yay.

Still feeling horrible. No energy, loads of pain. I will get better. I will.

My new water filter came, but I am not up for the attempt to attach it to the faucet. Need a good day for things like that. I think it will sit on the side of the sink by the frig, so no need to redo my counter again, thank goodness. Will be happy not to have to buy bottled water. So much plastic.

Need to water the plants, fill the pill holders, make some chicken soup. Like any of that is going to happen today. I had a shower and got dressed because it is company day, and was absolutely exhausted just having the shower.

Signed up yesterday for a free month of Hulu and a free week each of Showtime and Cinemax. Already cancelled the Showtime. The two movies that looked good, weren’t, and there was really nothing else that interested me. Have a few movies to watch on Cinemax and then it will be gone, too. Quite a few things of interest on Hulu, which I had cancelled a while back because I realized I wasn’t actually watching anything on it. If I keep it, I will pay for the ad-free version, which I had before, because I refuse to watch ads unless absolutely forced to.

Happy May, everybody. Remember May Baskets? We used to make them in school back in the dark ages. No May Poles, though. Be safe, everyone. Wear your mask.

IT’S THE FRIDAY FIVE

Have not done this in a long time.

The Friday Five for April 29, 2022

1. Do you like other people buying you clothes?

No


2. Have you ever brought a present for someone that they hated/disliked?

Yes. Bought my husband a pair of trousers and Did Not Like.


3. What nicknames do you have/have had?

Jeanie Baby, Mean Jean, Jean the bean.


4. Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

Not that I remember.


5. Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

I would hope I’m a good influence, but you’d have to ask them, I think.

OH LUCKY ME

http://csaimages.com/images/istockprofile/csa_vector_dsp.jpg

I have a sinus infection. Called doctor yesterday, will not prescribe antibiotic without seeing me first. But is fully booked, so can’t see me, and I didn’t have any way to get there yesterday anyway. Suggested allergy pill or nasal spray. A few hours later, someone else called and said they spoke to the backup doctor who said I should go to urgent care, which I did today. Got the meds. Yay. Hurt absolutely everywhere. Is this from the infection or just a really bad fibro day or what?

Had fun at urgent care. My friend was playing a word game on her phone and we were cracking up laughing. People probably thought we were a bit crazy, which we both are. Crazy is fun. Nice people at Urgent Care which is in the same place my old doctor was. Am going to try to get a new doctor there, because so not happy with the new place I am going to. I can probably get a doctor, but none of them are taking appointments for new patients til November. Meanwhile, I can go to Urgent Care if I need to. Liking this.

Nice day, more leaves are popping out, but blooms are still gorgeous. Cloudy up. Rain? I like rain. Be safe, people.

DEPRESSION

There’s an article in the New York Times asking if antidepressants are effective. Having experience with that, I have a couple of thoughts.

I had clinical depression, which is very different from situational depression. Clinical depression is when your body chemistry gets screwed up, from what I understand. Situational depression is when you are in an untenable situation and once the situation is repaired or whatever, the depression no longer exists. There is no reason.

So I had clinical depression. It was later compounded by situational depression, so I had a double whammy. I was put on Zoloft, which aside from a mild headache the first few days, had no noticeable side effects. What it did was make me feel like myself. It was incredible. Like, ‘Oh, here I am. Glad to be back.” As it turned out, I was on it for whatever reasons for quite a long time. What I realized when I got off of it, was that while it is a life saver in the moment, and while you are still clinically depressed, after awhile it just kind of masks the problems of the situation depression. Problems not resolved, emotions not dealt with, whatever. It is like being hidden under a blanket and when it is removed, oh, look, you’re still there, with all your problems that you now have to finally figure out how to resolve. I recommend a good therapist. NOT one affiliated with any religion, however. I have friends who went that direction and it did not help them at all. Sorry, religious people.

So just thought I would throw that out there for anyone interested. When you are in the black hole, get help, get the meds, and then get the therapy. It can save your life. And yes, it is unbelievably hard to reach out for help when you are in the black hole, and I was lucky that my youngest recognized I was in serious trouble and took action. I have great kids. 🙂 But make the effort, however hard and fruitless it seems, do it anyway. Reach out to somebody, Anybody. But reach out. You are worth it. Seriously, you are.

OMG OMG OMG

It’s Official!

I am 78 years old. How cool is that? Gorgeous day again, almost 60. Less pain today, but exhausted. Feels like all the energy i my body has drained out my toes, and just holding my head up is a chore. Fun times, people, fun times. So no cooking (or anything else for that matter) today. Yesterday I had a Healthy Choice meal. It was virtually inedible. Rubber chicken that tasted old and slightly spoiled, so dumped it and had Pork Shumai from Trader Joe’s instead. Will not be getting Healthy Choice again. I don’t normally buy them or Lean Cuisine or anything anyway, cause seriously, is any of that real food and low calorie at the expense of everything else that makes food good is not my idea of anything I ever want in my house. If it’s high calorie, just eat a bit less, and don’t eat it every single day. How hard is that? Calorie fanatics have ruined food. Especially frozen dinners. Some used to be quite tasty, and almost like you’d made it yourself. Tyson had one that was really good. Then the ‘OMG calories!’ people gained ground and bye bye tasty frozen dinners. Okay, enough whining about that for one day. LOL

Was talking to my children yesterday, as I mentioned, and it’s kind of disheartening how we are all so stressed about what is happening in the world. Even if we are doing our best to avoid the news and the negativity, you cannot not know what is happening. It’s like everything is going to hell all at the same time, and the worst thing about that is that humanity, instead of pulling together and working to find and actually enact solutions, instead immediately looks for someone else to hate and blame and persecute. It is who we are, it seems. We all agreed that quite frequently, we are ashamed to be members of our own species. How sad. It is such a beautiful world, and we just abuse it and certainly don’t appreciate what we have with it. As we do with each other and every other living species on the planet. Can’t fix it, try not to think too much about it, but it really is disturbing to the max.

front and back, obviously

On the bright side, I ordered a new phone yesterday, supposed to arrive tomorrow. It’s a cheapo moto G power, unlocked so I can keep using T-Mobile. I have bought moto phones since way back when I had to finally give up my Nokia flip-phone that DD 2 gave me. I loved that phone. Moto has worked well for me so why pay a fortune if I don’t have to, and I really, really do not like iPhones based on the ones my friends have. My homemaker has one, too, and it is really crap. Sorry, Apple, but it’s the truth. Personal opinion, but I really do not like. Anyway, am having it delivered to a friend’s house, because I may have mentioned packages are regularly stolen in my building. Relatively new phenomenon, but still very annoying and frustrating. The only plus there is that Amazon is very quick to refund my money. One of the good things Amazon still has going for them. Delivering to my door, like they used to, would eliminate the problem, but apparently one of the richest guys on the planet is too cheap to pay his workers well and give them humane working conditions. I would so dump Amazon if I could. In a heartbeat. But I can’t, because I am not mobile enough to do my own shopping, and even if I was, a lot of things I can only get from Amazon now. What a world. What a world. Thank you Wizard of Oz. LOL

That’s it for today. Have ten bazillion pages of paperwork to fill out for Housing, and have to get a copy of my Social Security Benefits letter. I just want to lie down and read good things on my Kindle. Ah, well. Be safe, people. In spite of what Fox News would like you to believe, the pandemic is NOT over and in some ways is getting worse. If you think you are immortal, remember that not everyone you come in contact with is immortal, too, and your devil-may-care attitude could kill them. ‘It’s not all about you’ is something humanity hasn’t guite gotten yet. We need to work on that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Was going to go out with my friend, but of course i have gone into a flare. Woke up yesterday with entire body in pain. Took two 8-hour extra strength tylenol, which did nothing, spent the day on the couch. Same today. Took two Aleve at 10, when I got up, and had oatmeal to keep the Aleve from eating holes in y stomach. Fun start to the day. So seriously doubting I am going to be functional enough to do anything, but that’s life with chronic, debilitating, really, really sucky illnesses.

On the bright side, not only is it a beautiful windy cold sunny day, but I am 78 years old today. How cool is that? I mean, look how long I have survived all this crap. Also, I am already seeing some leaves popping out on one of the trees across the street. But blooms are still going strong, too. So pretty to wake up to every morning, even on the gray days.

WOO HOO

Got to go out today. Went to two Dollar Stores, Walgreen’s for scrips, DQ for a banana shake, and Trader Joe’s. Oh, how I love Trader Joe’s. I wish it was closer, cause I could do weekly shopping there and just have loads of fresh foods, already prepped. Salads and sandwiches and cut up fruit and so much good stuff. Mandarin Orange Chicken, which is frozen and needs cooking, but is so easy, and soooo tasty. Frozen cubes of grated ginger for hot ginger tea.

Was a lot of fun. Hadn’t seen Tess in a couple of weeks, either, so that was good.

The trees across the street are all flowered up now, too. Very pretty, Gorgeous day out. So nice to be outside. Been some time since I was outside. Wish I had a porch, or a yard. Oh, well. But it was a very good day, so happy Jean is tired but happy. 🙂