Seems Charles did not buy tilapia for the soup, but some fish he couldn’t remember.  So maybe I don’t hate tilapia.  But I’m still going for cod next time.

Gorgeous, beautiful day.  85 degrees, but feels much cooler in here, even with windows open.  Was trying to get my housing papers sorted, and am out of magenta ink in the printer, so it won’t print.  Black and white doesn’t use magenta, does it?  Sheesh!  The latest update has messed some things up on here, too. Did I mention that already?  And the whole shebang is much, much slower.

Feeling pretty good today, so hooray!  Got a couple of new followers, too.  Don’t know what changed.  I rarely get new followers.  But welcome, welcome.  Please feel free to comment.

I have a black and blue burger from Market Basket to cook for dinner.  Oh, yum.  Blue cheese mixed in with the burger, and the edges rolled in crushed peppercorns.  Iron skillet, here I come.  They have really good beef at Market Basket.  Wish it was closer, so I could send my homemaker instead of only being able to go when Tess and I go, which is not a regular thing.  But when we do go, it is so much fun.  Shopping isn’t meant to be fun, is it?  But it is here.  Not at any of the other grocery stores around, though. I do like Trader Joe’s but I wouldn’t call it a fun time.  It’s a lot further away, too, so don’t go there very often.  They have some great frozen and premade things, which is good for me.  Cooking is not always possible, so I tend to open box, eat contents.  Sooooo Healthy.  LOL

Really Crap Day

Finally got a good night’s sleep, only to wake up in full-body pain.  Ow.  All-over ow.  I usually wake up saying ow, but it’s generally more localized.  Not today.  Hot shower helps.  I have a shower stool from when I had knee surgery, and I just sit on it and let hot water run over me.  Lovely.  Then I took 3 extra-strength Excedrin at 11.  Still waiting for them to kick in at 12:30.

Well, this blog is supposed to be about fibro, so here’s some fibro reality for you.  Yay.  🙂

Gray again.  Rainy, too, though, and I can always welcome gray if it’s accompanied by rain or snow.  I like rain, and I like snow.

I have Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol stuck in my head.  From an Amazon music playlist.  “If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”  It’s not the words so much, as the music.  So melancholy.  Fits with how I’ve been feeling lately.  Great song, anyway.

Charles the Homemaker comes today, and I am sending him out for the fish, so I can make the darn soup I’ve been trying to make since Friday.  Just googled Nigerian Fish Soup, and Charles seems to left some things out.  Still smells fantastic so far, so will discuss this with him.  Not much else going on, so later.  🙂 Here’s a soup pic from the web.


Sunshine.  Glorious, beautiful sunshine.  Early this morning the leaves across the street were glittering with it, like the ocean sometimes does.  Beautiful.

Slightly less whiny today, thank goodness.  Having a lot of trouble sleeping, which means days are spent napping or being a zombie.  Very frustrating, and being alone makes it worse.

Had a message today that I got a lot of new followers.  Checked.  Nope.  What’s that about?  I’ve been blogging since 2005, I think, and I have 39 followers.  This is not the most popular blog in the blogverse.  Probably because it’s not that kind of blog.  It’s mostly what’s on my mind at the moment.  Sometimes I’m angry at the world, sometimes I’m angry with my life, sometimes I’m having a spectacularly good day.  Sometimes things are bothering me, whether it’s something going on in the world, or just something going on with me, and writing about it helps.  It’s not a ‘make money’ blog, or a ‘how many followers can I amass’ blog, or a ‘my blog is more popular than your blog’ blog.  It’s just me, saying whatever I have to say today.

I try not to be too whiny, but I think I do not succeed with that at all.  But there’s a lot of good in my life, in  life in general, and I do try to remember that and write about it sometimes.  I get down.  This is a hard life, being chronically ill.  It would be different if I had a big family around, and lots of support from friends, but I don’t.  My friend Tess  has another friend who frequently asks for some sort of help.  Shopping, getting to an appointment, etc.  Same things I need.  But if Tess is busy, this friend has a whole list of other people she can call on.  I have Tess.  Poor Tess.  I have turned into a burden instead of a friend.  I hate that.  I really hate that.  It’s very hard to be the needy one in any relationship.  I read about people who have spouses who are there for them, taking care of them, doing what they can to make the ill person’s life manageable for them. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes I feel abandoned.  Sometimes I get angry at the unfairness (Life is fair?  Seriously?) of it all.  Frustrated that I can’t do the things I want/need to do.  Sometimes I just feel sorry for myself.  I’m human, after all,  I don’t want to be that person, but sometimes you just have to give up for a while, and wallow in your misery.  Fighting every moment of every day is very, very tiring.  Fight to get up, fight to get something to eat, fight to get dressed, fight to just not lay down and pull the covers over your head.  You have to fight to do things in spite of constant pain and exhaustion.  This is what chronic illness is.  A constant battle to survive in spite of.  And sometimes you just can’t do it right now.  There a people who are a lot sicker than I am, so you can imagine how hard their lives must be.

I remember reading, before I got this myself, about a woman who wanted that Dr. Kevorkian to help her die, because she just didn’t want to live with the pain of this illness any more.  That’s ridiculous, said I, before I understood what it’s like.  But I don’t want to end it.  Never give up, never surrender.  I have always been a fighter, and I always will be.  Today, the leaves were glittering from the sunshine.  I wouldn’t want to have missed that.

Feeling Kind of Down Today

Little update:  Today would have been my anniversary, if my husband hadn’t left me and then died eight years later.

Gray, gray, gray.  We had a gorgeous gray carpet that you just sunk into.  It was heaven.  I hated it.  I just felt so depressed all the time, we finally gave it to a friend.  Gray and I are not compatible, Mother Nature.  Come on!

I don’t do well just being alone.  Except for my homemaker three hours a week, and Tess taking me to the Stop & Shop on Friday, I have been alone since last week some time.  A good week or more  i know it’s all in my head, but I have a hard time fighting it.  I keep checking my phone to see if any one I actually know has emailed me, and except for Tess almost every day, there is no one.  No one calls or emails to see if I’m okay, even.  My family.  No one.  Makes one feel quite alone and unloved and isolated, and even though I am an introvert who needs some alone time, too much is just bad news.  Don’t know how to fix it. “Go out”  Where?  How?  Even if I could walk any distance, there’s no place to go.  My life has gotten very small in the time I’ve lived here, and keeps getting smaller all the time.  Just have to live with it, and not give in. Never Give Up, Never
Surrender.  I’m trying.  Seriously, I am.

Sad Jean Is sad.

Another Cool and Gray Day

I am making Charles’s soup base. No fish yet, so will do the second part when I get fish, probably tomorrow. Lord, does it smell good. Plum tomatoes, red pepper, onion, jalapeno. That’s it. No water, no salt and pepper, nothing. After it Cooks a bit, you add oil, cook it a bit more, then add the fish. I’ll start with the oil part when I get the fish, although I am sorely tempted to just throw in a can of tuna. I make a tuna soup with V-8, potatoes, and tuna, but this smells so much better.

Laptop is doing the dreaded big update. You know, the one that everything I’ve read says to avoid. Right, like Windows would ever let that happen. Most everything is backed up on sticks, so hopefully, if it all goes wrong I won’t lose much.

I just ate, and yet the Call of the Soup is getting to me. Hope it turns out as delish as it smells.

Typing this on my phone, so no picture.

Good Morning

Up early, for a change.  Yesterday was my one good day in a row, apparently.  Today I am foggy again, aching all over, and tired.  Yay.  It’s cool and windy and this  mornings overcast seems to be slowly giving way to sun.  Very slowly.

What do I hope to accomplish today? Well, had a shower, and am now hoping to get enough energy to get dressed.  Been sitting here at the laptop for a couple of hours now.  Typical day.  Sitting at the laptop doesn’t make more pain, so I tend to spend a lot of time at it.  Or reading.  Which only causes my hands to cramp sometimes.  Cheerful today, aren’t I?

What am I looking forward to?  New summer shirts I ordered are meant to be delivered today, and Charles, my homemaker, is going to buy the ingredients and then make his fish soup for me.  It has jalapenos in it.  I like spicy food, just hope it’s not going to be smoke-from-my-ears hot.  I asked him for the recipe and he offered to cook it for me.  Yay, Charles.

This is from my birthday present from my friend Beth.  It’s Jacqui Lawson’s garden program.  I added the rain.

Falling Down On The Job

But much better today, finally.  Little update:  Just noticed the last good day I had was May 9th.  I used to be lucky to have one a month, so I guess I have improved.  🙂

Has gotten a bit humid.  Don’t love humid. Also gray, gray, gray.  Had our first thunderstorm of the season a few days ago.  Spectacular.  Wind, rain, thunder, lightning.  My lights went off/on just that quick at the same time the lights across the street went out. I had unplugged everything just in case.  I always do if there’s a bad storm coming.  I had friends who had every single electric item, including all their computers, fried during a storm they were not at home for.  Frig, tv, you name it.  All fried.  He was in IT, too, so knew to have surge protectors and all, but they did not help.  Caution is a good thing if you ARE home.

Brain fog has finally lifted.  Was looking for those housing papers yesterday, going through every single piece of paper I have, for the third time.  Nothing.  Looked again today, and the first thing I saw was one of the papers I need.  Brain fog is not fun.

Physically, not as much pain either, but I did take two Aleve and a melatonin last night.  Aleve seems to work more than the twelve hours its advertised as.  I try not to take it too often, because it can cause serious stomach issues.

Looking forward to the Sense8 movie.  Did you watch this show on Netflix?  I really loved it, so of course it got cancelled.  At least there’s a finish-up movie.  Almost did not watch the show, because it was very violent at first, but kept reading about it and decided to try again.  Hooked, hooked, hooked.  LOL

Going to go make some lunch.

Brain Fog, Brain Fog, Brain Fog

I am going around in a daze most of the time lately.  Not fun.  Trying to sort out my housing application, and cannot find two pieces of paper that are required.  Where are they?  I have looked through everything I can think of, but no luck.  Papers are due Friday.  Going to go over there and throw myself on their mercy, if I can ever get myself together enough to actually go outside. Housing is only half a block away.  I mean, really, Jean.  Get a grip

Am considering hiring someone to come in and organize the kitchen and bedroom for me, since my friend who said she would help has apparently forgotten I exist, and I am just not physically (or mentally, right now) able to do it.  You need to think to organize, and you need to move things  Not happening.  I need my kitchen more usable, so you don’t have to move things to get at the thing you need to cook the food you bought that is just moldering away in the frig.  Like that.  I need someone to make it easy for me, since I can’t seem to get it right, ever.  I’ve lost track of where things are, too, because I’ve had so many different people put dishes away and they just put them in random places, apparently.  God, I miss my Traci. She was my homemaker for so long, she just knew where things went, what needed doing, you name it.  Okay, done whining, and it’s not clearing up my brain, anyway.  I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone, or something.  A pea-soup fog in my  head.

I did buy a new coffee maker.  Put the grounds and water in, remember to put the mug on the plate thingy, and in the morning I just push a little button, and coffee.  I am much better at remembering to put the coffee, water, and mug in the right places at night than in the morning.  It makes one mug of HOT coffee, which is just right for me.

Weather has been cool, which has been lovely.  Mostly sunny.  Days start out gray, but then the sun sort of half wins out.

How am I feeling?  Think I explained that already.

What do I hope to accomplish?  Not walking into walls and things for today, at least.

I forget the rest.  Illness is so fun.  Oh, yeah. It can’t be good when you spend more time going back and correcting your nonsensical sentences and typing errors than writing the post in the first place, can it?  🙂

And Reality Sets In Yet Again

What’s the weather like? Another beautiful day.  68 degrees, sunny, although it was pretty chill and foggy earlier.

How am I feeling today?
Physically? Today is Recovery Day.  I always forget about recovery day. I think it’s my mind’s way of coping.  Who wants to spend their really good days dreading the fact that tomorrow will be back to the illness.  Pain, tired, foggy, slept badly again in spite of taking the melatonin, which was helping and now isn’t.  Maybe I’ll take two tonight.

Mentally? Foggy, wishing I felt as good as I did yesterday.

What do I hope to accomplish today? Still hoping to get something done, but I am probably going to just spend the rest of the day couching, as Tess calls it, with my Kindle.

What am I looking forward to? A good night’s sleep, but I am not holding my breath.

Did a long bread rant comment on a Tumblr post yesterday.  Think I will put it here as well, just because I can.  🙂

Now I want to make bread. I used to make a loaf a day. Lots of different kinds. No leftovers in a family of four. Before the internet, before google, before bread machines, before ovens even, people made bread. And everything else they ate. The food industry makes fake food and convinces us that making the real thing ourselves is just too, too hard and all those artificial ingredients are what makes it good. Wrong. Mix some yeast, some water, a little flour and a pinch of sugar in a large bowl, cover with a towel and let sit overnight. Add more flour, a bit of salt the next day, knead, rise, punch down, knead again, shape or throw into a bread pan, rise again, bake. When you poke it with a finger and it doesn’t spring back, it’s risen enough. ‘Oh god, I have to KNEAD it?’ Well, you can do it in the food processor, but kneading bread is mesmerizing. It’s like free therapy. Fold towards you, push it into itself, turn, repeat until you remember that you’re meant to be doing something, not contemplating the universe. Lots of breads don’t require kneading at all as was mentioned, but it helps the texture to develop. The long, slow overnight start develops the flavor. If you don’t make the starter, just let each rise be slow. You don’t need a warm spot. Let it take it’s time. Bread dough should develop little blisters on the surface when it’s kneaded enough. When you think it’s baked long enough, turn it out of the pan and tap the bottom. It should sound hollow. If it doesn’t, put it back into the oven without the pan and bake a few more minutes. You can add all sorts of things, including herbs, you can replace part of the flour with other grains. You can rub the hot crust with butter if you want it to be soft. You can bake bread on a pizza stone. Bread dough is very versatile, and the worst that can happen is it turns out like a hockey puck, but it will still taste fantastic. If you can stir and push dough around, bread making requires very little skill and not a lot of actual work time. It’s mostly rising, while you’re off making your own apple butter to smear on it hot from the oven. You can also wrap a bit around a piece of chocolate and bake it. This is really good. I used to do it for Christmas breakfast. You can stick the chocolate in the freshly baked bread, too, but I like it the other way. Just seal it well. You can shape it into hamburger or hot dog buns, or braids, or bake it around a greased bowl. You can press or roll it out thin and smear it with butter and add a butt load of brown sugar and cinnamon, roll it up, slice it, and bake it in a greased baking dish. Like the store-bought cinnamon rolls, except yours will taste like food, not cardboard. You can smear on a little cream cheese frosting, too. Or a nice glaze.

When I was imagining this post in my head, I had a lot more to say, but brain fog wins again.


A Good Day

Update:  At Lowe’s we saw a 2000 dollar washing machine with so many buttons that I think you could send it into outer space.  Two thousand dollars to wash your clothes.  A frig with a computer on the front.  A toilet with a remote control.  Maybe it’s just me, but humanity has seriously lost the plot, people.  What kind of clothes do you buy that need 50 different wash cycles?  I don’t cook at the frig, either.  I cook at the stove.  With my recipe pinned to the hood with a magnetic clip.  We laughed about losing the toilet remote, because do you have to use the neighbor’s in that case?  We do things because we can, not because they make sense.  Sorry, but my mind was boggled.  🙂

What’s the weather like?  Beautiful day.  Warm, lovely, flowers bursting out everywhere.

How am I feeling today?
Physically? I think the prednisone is finally kicking in, I am in much less pain today, in spite of being awake all night and only sleeping a couple of hours this morning.

Mentally? Fantastic.  Feeling like myself again.  Went out with my friend Tess to do a bit of shopping at Lowe’s and a couple other places.  Laughing, singing (me, songs I don’t know all the words to)  bouncing around, having a great time. I know it’s the prednisone mood elevation, but I feel like myself again.  I love it.  I am a person who is full of joie de vivre, when life (or dull people) doesn’t get in the way.  I’m pretty funny, too.  🙂

What did I do yesterday?  Yesterday I had a bit of vertigo, need to go to the walk in clinic soon.  Was pretty funny because it wasn’t bad enough to cause nausea.  Walking around like a drunk when homemaker was here.  Finally took an allergy pill and it pretty much cleared up, although I was a bit wobbly today.  Tried to show Tess some balance exercises.  Did not go well, but highly amusing.  LOL

What do I hope to accomplish today?  Well, it’s 4pm, so it’s kind of late for that, although I may cook something later. Maybe.

What am I looking forward to?  More days like this one.

Tess brought me homemade chocolate chip cookies with pecans.  Oh, yum.  I feel like I can think again, and look ahead, and make plans for things I want to get done.  This never lasts, but I try to take full advantage of it in the meantime.

This is how I feel today.  That’s John Barrowman, not me, btw. 🙂

Day Two

Not sure how this is going to work.  I forgot I am usually in a hazy fog for a few hours after waking up.  Maybe I’ll try for evening, instead.  But here goes anyway.

What’s the weather like?     Cool, milky blue sky.  NOT humid.  Yay.

How am I feeling today?

Physically?  Woke up around 6.  Six!  In the morning. Will probably need a nap later.  Still a bit less pain, but the energy is just not there.  Took a shower, was going to do salute to the sun, then realized the body does not want to do this, so may try ellipse instead, Made coffee and ate some pineapple cottage cheese.

Mentally? Hazy fog, as I mentioned.  This is when I usually screw things up, like forgetting a crucial part of the coffee-making, but so far did okay.  Could just sit and stare at the wall, but am really trying to get the brain to work.

What did I do yesterday?  Started this idea. Payed my online bills.  I have two things I have to write checks for, and everything else I pay online.  So much easier.

What do I hope to accomplish today?   I’d like to load the dishwasher, but may leave it for homemaker.  Want to cook some sausage I bought, something I haven’t had before, but cooking is frequently more mental and physical effort than I can manage.  Would love to go outside, but pretty sure that isn’t going to happen.  I wish, I wish, I wish, I had an outside of my own.  Even a small balcony would do.  And I miss my garden.  Hoping to get homemaker to help me make ellipse accessible, because right now, the bedroom is a disaster.  I need a spare room for things like ellipses.  Ha!

What am I looking forward to?  Feeling better someday, if the prednisone works.  Getting new cushions for my couch, if my friend ever remembers she said she’d take me to the upholstery place near her.  I hate to remind her, or ask, because she’s the one who dropped me for being ‘too needy’ that time, and I only have two friends as it is, so cannot afford to lose one.  I’m usually more cheery later in the day.  🙂

These pictures are not by me.  They were taken May 5th.  There’s a street at the bottom of the first, and I live right across it.  This is looking north.  The second one is looking south, and you can see the top of my building way down just off center.  I live in a beautiful town.  I am fortunate in that.

Thinking About Trying Something New

I have been seriously struggling lately. Since I had to take my cat back to the shelter. Started feeling pointless. No one needs me. What is my purpose? Does not seem to be one. No reason to do anything.  Then there is the pain. I can barely function, and just upped the prednisone to 4mg in hopes it will help. Cannot get organized, physically or mentally. Just giving up. What’s the point of it all, anyway? I hate feeling like that, and usually, after a few days, something in me rallies and I gear up to try again. So here’s me geared up, and I thought maybe I would try to blog every day with certain items on repeat. What’s the weather like? How am I feeling today, physically and mentally? What I did yesterday, if anything. What I hope to accomplish today. What I’m looking forward to, if there’s ever anything to look forward to. That’s all I could come up with right now, but am open to suggestions. I plan to do this in the morning, and it’s now nearly 5pm, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

What’s the weather like?
Upper sixties, a bit hazy, not humid, thank you Mother Nature. Maybe I’ll try for a picture each day. Maybe. This is not this year’s picture here.  This year, the flowers popped out Saturday before last, and by this past Saturday, the leaves had won out.  Still some flowers, but other years they have lasted for weeks before the trees leafed out.  Disappointing, but weather is not like it used to be.  Was cold, cold, cold, warmed up all of a sudden.  Trees are confused, I think.  Me, too. 🙂

How am I feeling today?
Physically? Pain, always with the pain. Very little energy. Made coffee, made tea, made toast.

Mentally? Was foggy earlier, but better now. Trying to buck myself up, sir. (little private joke my kids will get. Maybe.)

What did I do yesterday?
Laid on the couch, read and watched tv. I don’t have cable, just my subscriptions. NO commercials. NO TRUMP! Heaven. I have a ton of subscriptions, though. Netflix, Hulu, the HBO trial on Hulu, Masterpiece, Britbox, Prime, among others. It’s a good thing. Was going to watch Game of Thrones, but as soon as it started, I remembered how bloody the book was, and decided to skip it. Although all that snow was just gorgeous. I love snow.  I did watch all the Harry Potter movies, though.

What do I hope to accomplish today?
Well, I have a long list of things I wanted to get done, so far I have done none of them. I am going to pay my bills after this, though. Yay, me.

What am I looking forward to?
I’d like to be looking forward to getting my new cat, but I still haven’t totally convinced myself getting one is a good idea. I was pretty thrown by the whole Luna experience, and am not sure I want to go through that again. Part of me feels horribly guilty for reneging on my commitment to her, and part of me is relieved that she’s not around to try putting my eye out. And then there’s the disappointment and, yes, anger, with the shelter over the whole thing. Another consideration is my homemaker, who was brought up surrounded by voodoo, which he says is just evil, evil, evil, and which practice uses cats as weapons. He is afraid of cats, understandably. He was bitten by a dog as a child, and is afraid of dogs, too, but not an issue here. I always wanted to get another dog, but I am not going to be able to walk it, so there’s no point. Oh, well.

So that’s it.  We’ll see how it goes.  I am totally unreliable.  I make plans, but just never seem able to follow through.  Frustrating.  Chronic illness sucks, people.  Seriously.

Some Things I Came Across Today

This vid: There are good, intelligent leaders out there, so why did we elect an orange reality star, who has gone bankrupt several times, had several wives, been implicated in unsavory activities, and clearly is not the sharpest tack in the box? Why, America? Is the bad education we have been getting a factor? I think so. Pay your teachers like you pay your sports figures. Or even a tenth of what you pay sports figures. Oh, wait. Sports is fun, having a child who can function in a confusing world, and maybe figure out how to make things better, well, you can’t sit around and drink beer for that. athough I’m sure some of you try.  Anyway, here’s the vid. It’s short, but good.

French Pres speaks to Congress

I hope I am a person of integrity. I like to think I am, but I could be self-delusional. You never know.

Integrity, as defined by the dictionary, is “the quality of being honest or having strong moral principles.” People with integrity are generally known to be trustworthy, honest, and kind. This is a quality that everyone should strive for.

Additionally, everyone should also strive to surround themselves with people who have true integrity. How can you tell that someone has what is considered true integrity? It isn’t something that can be faked, but there are some ways to tell that someone has real integrity and are not just faking it. Here are the main behaviors that reveal if someone has the kind of integrity you want in a friend or coworker.
Here Are 10 Behaviors That Signify Someone Has True Integrity
1. Taking responsibility for their actions

Integrity is all about having a high level of honesty. When someone takes responsibility for their actions, you know that they are an honest person. It’s not always easy to take responsibility for things that happen, but it is the right thing to do. People with integrity choose to do the right thing, even when it’s hard.

2. Putting others’ needs above their own

In a world that is so focused on individualism, it can be rare to find someone who focuses on what’s good for the collective community. People who put the needs of others above their own needs or desires show true integrity. Of course, they don’t do this simply to get praise and recognition. Someone with true integrity is only interested in doing the right thing.

3. Offering to help others in need

Seth Meyers, Psy.D, says that volunteer work is a great place to find people who have integrity. This is because people with true integrity have no qualms offering their time to help people in need. They want to help those who are less fortunate than themselves. What is more, they do so happily. Whether it’s working with others to build a house in a developing country, or helping out at the local food bank, someone with true integrity will be found helping those in need.

4. Giving others the benefit of the doubt

Seth Meyers also says that someone with integrity doesn’t jump to conclusions. They always give others the chance to explain themselves, and move forward considering those other points of view. Someone with integrity knows that things aren’t always as they seem and that each person has a unique point of view that deserves to be heard. As such, they choose to give the benefit of the doubt instead of doubting.

5. Choosing honesty in all things

Little white lies can be tempting, but someone with true integrity doesn’t give in to this particular impulse. Integrity means being honest, and someone with true integrity will live this quality every day. You can always trust these kinds of people to give you their honest opinion, and it will be a point of view that you can value.

6. Showing respect to everyone

Respect is often considered something that must be earned, but someone with integrity gives respect to everyone they meet. Someone with true integrity knows that everyone deserves respect and deserves to be treated like a human being. People with true integrity will never be caught being rude to waiters or customer service workers.

7. Manifesting humility

A person with integrity will be proud of their accomplishments, but they will at the same time be humble. In other words, they know the difference between confidence and arrogance. A person with true integrity will know their strengths as well as their shortcomings. They recognize their strong points, yet they’re always striving to better themselves in some way.

8. Being able to admit they’re wrong

Who likes to admit they have been wrong? It isn’t fun, and it can be a humbling experience. But a person with true integrity has no problem admitting when they’re wrong, or when they made a mistake. You will find they are always the first to stop, admit their mistakes, and apologize if need be.

9. Showing regular reliability_compassion for mental illness

A person with true integrity will always show up to an obligation. When they say you can count on them for something, you know they will keep their word. Integrity is all about being the best person you can be, and reliability is part of that. People with true integrity will never flake on you if they can help it. You can confidently rely on them.

10. Conveying true kindness

Above all, people with integrity are kind. They’re not the type of person to say something they don’t mean. They won’t say something nice to your face and something cruel to your back. A person with true integrity knows that there is strength in being unrelentingly kind.
Final thoughts

“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” – Oprah Winfrey

Integrity is a trait that everyone should strive for. These traits and behaviors will help anyone move towards becoming a person with true integrity. Of course, people with true integrity do these things because it’s the right thing – not to be praised for their integrity! That is part of the beauty of someone who lives a life of integrity.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

What Ho, Fernando?

Well, it’s been over a month since I posted, and only my oldest kid even noticed.  Oh, well.

Missing a cat.  Really hard to just be alone with no other living thing around.  I don’t count plants, even though they are alive.  Something in the animal kingdon.  Went to the shelter last week to see if I clicked with any.  Did not.  Was surprised and upset to see that Luna is still there, and up for adoption.  Her card says ‘feisty’.  Wrong, I said to the director.  Dangerous. Unpredictably vicious is not feisty. ‘We don’t tell people that on the card, we talk to them about it.’  Like they did me.  The previous adopters brought her back after two weeks because she doesn’t like to be picked up.  That’s what they told me when I was interested in adopting her.  I’m sorry, but if someone loses an eye, or a child is badly injured, I hope they have repercussions.  Serious ones, because this is just wrong.  I stressed to them and explained in detail exactly what the problem with her is on more than one occasion, and did they think I was making it up, or what?  I am pretty angry about this, but I have no idea what to do about it.  Think I will check out another shelter in the next town instead of going back to them.

On the illness front, I have been in some serious pain for awhile.  I had gotten down to 1 and 1/2 mg prednisone, and have gone up to 3 mg to see if it helps.  So far, no. But I can’t live like that, virtually non-functional.  I ate cheerios for about a week.  Cheerios and milk.  And those little Keebler crackeru with cheese or peanut better in them.   I really wish someone would figure this out and come up with a fix, cause this really, really sucks.

It’s harder with the being alone all the time.  I don’t hold it against people, although I was pretty angry with one friend for quite a long time, but everyone moves on, finds new friends and activities, because who wants to be around the person who can barely move?  Fun times?  I don’t think so.  I will figure this out someday, if I live that long.  🙂  I am 74 now.  Older than dirt, but only on the outside.  One thing they don’t tell you about aging is it’s the body that gets old, not the mind, although, in high school, I knew kids who were already old in their heads.  In my head, I am still what?  Twelve?  In my head, I can still do everything.  Last week, my friend Tess mentioned a class she signed up for to exercise for endurance and strength.  Oh, can I go, too?  It’s free. Sure. Neither one of us thought that since it took me awhile to stand up and then be able to walk her to the door, that exercise class might not be among my better ideas.  Exercise class, Jean?  Really?  Pretty funny, actually.

Spring has finally sprung.  It has warmed up considerably, (please no hot and sticky, Mother Nature), and the trees across the street look like they want to flower but I think the leaves are going to win.  A bad year for flowers maybe.  It’s been so cold and gray for so long, the trees are confused, maybe?

Listening to my CaramellDansen station on Pandora.  I love that song.  Makes me want to jump around, if I could.  There’s a group on there I had not heard of, called OMFG.  Lots of catchy music.  It’s a good thing.  I also love my Abney Park station.  I love, love, love Abney Park.  I first heard of them in a Torchwood fan fiction, interestingly.  To me, anyway.   A Torchwood fan fic. Yum.   Turns out they are a real group, and I checked them out, and that’s it.  Hooked forever.  Steampunk. I love steampunk.  And Captain Robert.  Later.abney park groupshot


So we took her back this morning. It was hard, but they were really nice and not at all surprised. They knew she had issues. Shelter director said they knew someone with an indoor/outdoor facility they could place her at. She is not a good people cat, and I think she will thrive with being able to be outside and run around. Going to miss her, though, but I need my eyes. Oh, well. Did a lot of swearing. 🙂


I have decided to take her back to the shelter. She keeps slapping me for no reason I can determine, and has just missed my eye four times. Tonight was the fourth, and she caught me hard on the side of my nose just below my eye. It hurt, and bled a lot. I do not want to lose an eye, and since I can’t figure out what her problem is, I have to look out for myself. This is very hard, because I’m really attached to her, she is so cute and affectionate most of the time, but I want to keep both my eyes. Life sucks sometimes. What will happen to her? She is dangerous and unpredictable. Who would take her, knowing that, and I will impress the dangerous factor on them at the shelter. Rats.

Snowstorm Not

Got some snow, most didn’t even stick.  Pretty cold and windy, though.  Saw the dentist, he filled the tooth instead of removing it.  Yay.  I was soooo tired all day, too.  Had to have blood drawn at my doctor’s after the dentist.  Then to the store for soft food and yogurt.  Came home, ate and took pain meds, changed, read email, clunked on the couch. Was in so much all over pain and so exhausted, I could barely walk.  Kept falling alseep off and on the rest of the day, then slept pretty well last night.  Better today.  I think part of it was the infection, the getting up at 7:30 am, and the going down to 2mg prednisone.  This is the lowest I’ve been on in years.  Hope my body kicks in and does what it’s supposed to when you’re NOT on prednisone.  I plan to stay on 2mg for a month, then 1mg for a month, then I have a couple of halves to finish off with.  I want to be done with this.  The things it does to your body are not good.  On the good side of it all, the lower the dose, the more weight I am losing.  Hooray.

I’m puzzled.  How do you ask for help when everyone else has their own issues to deal with, and not wanting to be too needy.  I was dumped by a friend once for being ‘too needy’ when the situation that caused this was brought on by the friend, not me, so I am very wary of asking for anything from anybody.  My wonderful friend Tess, who drives me everywhere, thinks this is silly, but I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  For her to get sick of having to be the giver all the time.  I can’t and would not ever ask her to do more than she already does, anyway.  So what do you do when you can’t manage things and there is no one to help.  Hire people?  Do I look like Ms Gotrocks?  My bedroom is unusable, because thinks have been dumped in there by me and various homemakers, and everything is out of the closet because of the water heater, and I do not have energy to organize it.  I need help with that, and there is no one to help.  So what do you do?  Any ideas?  Anyone?  Please?

2a (3)

I have decided to call the cat CeeCee, for Crazy Cat, since she so is that.  Poor thing.  Her shelter name is Luna, which I just could not wrap my head around calling her that.  So it was’ Lunatic’, and ‘Gertrude, I mean Luna’, and then just ‘Gertrude’.  But she’s NOT Gertrude.  I still miss Gertrude.  She was so sweet.  CeeCee I can do, so hope she isn’t too confused.  She still slaps me now and then, but hasn’t really bitten or scratched me in a while.  She does grab my ankle as I walk by sometimes, and I finally realized that she want to play when she does that.  She loves the laser light thingy, and gallops around after it, sounding like an elephant. She is so darn cute.

Oh, well,  Tired again.  Hoping to Get Something Done today, but we’ll see how that goes.  Gave all the veggies I was going to use in soup, etc., to Tess, because cooking is just not on right now.  There are some pretty good frozen dinner things in the stores, much better than the tv dinners of old.  Yesterday I had butternut squash and sage ravioli, organic, and very, very tasty.  That’s enough for today, I think. 

Another Storm

tomorrow.  Sunny early, clouded up in prep for tomorrow.  Not sure how bad it’s going to be this time.   I have the dentist at NINE. A. M.  9am.  I don’t get to sleep til 4 or 5am.  It was the only opening they had, though.  Have to take the cracked tooth out,  maybe surgically.  Good thing I am not afraid of the dentist, and this guy is really great.  I had the dentist from hell when I was a small child, and nothing else has ever been that bad.  So no fear.

Saw an article about a new service where they condense non-fiction books so they can be read in fifteen minutes.  Apparently, the pleasures of reading are losing to our need to be constantly on the go.  Also, being on line greatly reduces your attention span anyway.

Here’s Crazy Cat earlier.  Who needs expensive toys, right?