>Turned on the a/c last night in the theory that it is easier to maintain lower humidity than to achieve it.

Been foggy and pained lately. Not fun. But I have a plan, and except for today I have been following it to the best of my ability. Each day I have done one more thing on the schedule I’ve set to get me through the day actually accomplishing something. Only I slept very badly last night and was a zombie this morning, then fell asleep for four hours on the couch. Have I mentioned that I love my couch? I love my couch.

Now I am doing my favorite ‘I’m not up for doing anything’ stall, playing on here. Took a Border’s survey, not the highlight of my day, but hey.

I’ve been struggling again with being alone a lot, but too much pain to even try to get out by myself. I haven’t even made it downstairs to get my mail since last Tuesday. Living alone is great, but not all the time, like when you just want a cup of tea you don’t have to make yourself, or some food you don’t have to fix, or your mail you don’t have enough oomph to get yourself. You can order in food, but you have to have cash on hand, which I don’t at the moment.

One thing I’ve found is the need to explain that when I say things like the above, I am not asking for sympathy, or to be felt bad for, or even help of any kind. Just relating an observation about my life. Does anyone else run into this mind-set? Having to explain yourself? I don’t as much as I used to, but still on occasion find it happening.

>Had a muscle spasm in my right hip that started Saturday night as I was getting ready for bed. Could not stand at all for about 12 hours, but then I was able to make it to the kitchen and take some zanaflex and ibuprofen. A bit better today, but have to move very gingerly. I sometimes get back-stiffening spasms before I get out of bed, so I usually take a zanaflex before bed anyway. It also helps me get to sleep. Those don’t really hurt, though, and this hip one was extremely painful. A silly thing I’ve discovered is that if you make noise, even just saying, “Ow, ow, ow” over and over again, it seems to help. Not sure why. Takes the focus off of the pain maybe. Yesterday was not a fun day. Once I was able to move and take the pills, I put myself on the couch and stayed there til this morning. I love my couch. *big grin* The pain, not so much.

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I have been feeling very, very tired for the past week or so. Barely functioning tired. Insomnia for a couple of nights as well. All I can think of that changed is that the cool damp weather has finally gone and it is warmer and sunnier. Is this illness affected by the weather? I am going to start keeping track. I’d really like to know what makes such a difference in how I feel, so I could at least plan for it, if not avoid it. Has anyone noticed if weather affects your illness? If so, how? I’d love to get some comments on this, readers.

>I like rain. I could even say I love rain. But even I am starting to think this is over the top. Has the sun shone in June? One or two days, tops, if I remember correctly. We are dank and water-logged in the Northeast. People are showing signs of winter SAD. It is gray, gray, gray every single day. Oh, I’m a poet. Cute. *giggle*

On the plus side, I have done just about every thing that I wanted to do in reorganizing and decluttering my space. I have some papers to sort through, but that’s it. Finally. It really feels good to have accomplished so much. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my friends, but it is done. Yay, me.

I was glancing through a blog roll on another site and one of them was about how chronic pain can be a blessing rather than a tragedy. I think I agree. A lot of us go through life on auto-pilot, not stopping to notice or consider. Life changing illness forces you to do both. You have to think of new ways to do the things you’ve always taken for granted. You become acutely aware of all the steps it takes to accomplish something you’ve done without thinking before becoming ill. Cooking is my big one, but there are lots of others. Getting going in the morning. Get out of bed, not always easy. Make the bed. Take the shower, which involves getting the towel, robe and slippers handy, doing the actual shower, drying off, tidying up, brushing teeth–with steps of its own–getting your clothing, getting dressed. Each one involves energy that you may not have, or pain that you cannot avoid. In a class I took once, we had to write down the steps to making a peanut butter sandwich for someone who had never done it. It starts with finding the bread. Think about it. There are so many steps–open the jar, find a knife, open the bread package, dip the knive and scoop up some peanut butter, and on and on. Every step uses up a bit of your precious energy, or causes some pain, or both.

Having to be aware on a second-by-second basis really makes you see your life in an entirely new way. It has made me much more appreciative of the things I can do, of the friends who help me, of the assistance provided to me by the elder services. It has made me grateful for my tv, for my pc, for my phone. I am not alone when I can reach out through the internet or a phone call. I am entertained without the major effort of leaving the house. A lot to be thankful for. A lot to consider. It’s a good thing over all, as most things that seem disastrous at first can turn out to be. What does everyone else think?