Where Have I Been?

Struggling, that’s where. Not doing at all well, and starting yesterday, a bit of vertigo. Always fun. Not so bad I can’t read or watch tv, thank goodness, but it’s kind of fun when you look at a plant and it is slowing heading off to the right. Why the right? Why not the left? IDEK. Anyway. Been kind of in a slump. PT helped my back, but the rest of me is really struggling with energy and physical stability, and I cannot do anything that needs doing. Tried to vacuum the other day. Tried. Did not succeed even a teeny bit. Fill the sink with hot soapy water. Need to go lie down. Cold, no longer sudsy water. Ick. Buying ingredients, thinking I can use them. Ha! My brain thinks I am this person, but my body thinks I am someone else altogether. At least it is not hot and sticky. Sticky, yes, but hot, no. It is 72, the warmest it’s been in a week maybe? I can deal with that. My lovely blanket, that I finally broke down and had washed, is shedding fuzz like you would not believe. My tee shirt is covered in it. How do I fix that? It never shedded before. It is now in serious competition with Second Gertrude, who has clumps of fur fall off five minutes after I have seriously brushed her. WTF, Gertrude? She is cute enough and sweet enough and fun enough that it an tolerate the shedding. Not too sure about the blanket.

And, I have decided I should take up drinking. Drinking is in my blood. My family is rife with alcoholics, so why not? I am having a hard time coping right now, preferring to sleep and read over being in the real world, so it sounds like another alternative. I just had two shots of Dewar’s White Label and am feeling no pain. Yay I almost literally never drink hard spirits, using them in cooking and stuff, so I have a lot on hand. l am over being in pain, being exhausted, being alone, being lonely. I have 72 unread emails, cause I haven’t fired up the old laptop in a couple of days, and none of those 72 are from actual people I know. I check every morning, but mostly people don’t even reply to me emailing them, let alone email me first. I do try not to care, and to just accept things as they are, but maybe being crocked will help with that.because it does kind of hurt to see how unimportant I am to every body I know. 🙂

Just to demonstrate the booze thing, I have had two shots of scotch, and am very tipsy. It tends to affect you more when you almost never do it. 🙂

Also, I am bingeing Leverage, because the new series is out and I want to watch the old one first. Elliot!!!!! Hardison!!!! Parker!!! Nate and Sofie! LOLOL I have read that the new one is great, but I am going to miss Timothy Hutton. And Noah Wyle looks so old in the bits I’ve seen. I am also bingeing Tenko, an amazing series we watched on A&E back when A&E was something, on Daily Motion. A couple so far have had no sound, but there is a book that gives you an idea of what is going on.

Remembering Tenko: A Celebration of the Classic TV Drama Series Andy Priestner

This was amazingly good back in the day, and has lost nothing in the years in between. Based on real people’s experiences, too. Wish they would have it on Prime or Netflix. Hint, hint.

So that is my story for today. Trying not to fall into the black hole, and semi-succeeding, today anyway. Stay safe. Get vaccinated. Later.