I may have mentioned how well I’ve been doing, so of course, rheumy wants me to cut back Prednisone again. Last Thursday I started alternating 4 and 5 mg.  By Wednesday I was having some all-over ache, and much less energy than I’ve been having.  Yesterday was worse, not enough energy to get up and grab something from the kitchen when I was hungry.  Today I am back to total-body pain.  My toes hurt.  My fingers hurt.  Everything hurts. I have about a quarter of the energy I had last week at this time.  Why, doctors, why do you do this to us?

Prednisone is the bad miracle drug.  It makes you feel so much better, but it has costs.  Bone thinning, glaucoma, cataracts, megalomania if you take too much, among other things.  But there is nothing else that works.  Nothing I’ve ever tried, anyway.  5 mg is a very low dose, I’m already old, so why can’t I just keep taking the amount that gives me a functional life and deal with the side effects as they occur?  I am not going back to that misery.  Last time they took me off Prednisone completely, for six months I did not set foot out of my apartment door except for doctor appointments.  I want to enjoy whatever I have left of life.  I don’t want it to be in pain, on the couch, able to do nothing.  I am not going to give in, or give up. I just have to convince the doctors.

I am in a lot of pain today, but I still went out with my friend Tess to Trader Joe’s.  Now that I have a working freezer, I can stock up on Vegetable Pakoras, Sweet Potato Gnocci, Chile Verde Burritos, all sorts of food I love but cannot prepare, and couldn’t buy while the freezer was crap. I hadn’t seen Tess for a week, and she could tell there was a dramatic difference in me between then and now.  For half a milligram of Prednisone. I am hoping it does not take too long to get back to where I was last week now that I’ve decided five is what I’m taking, get over it, modern medicine.  It seems to take longer every time this happens, but I am always hopeful.  Or stupid.

And another thing. I think I borked my shoulder this morning trying to close a window. I heard and felt a crunching noise, and now I can barely raise my arm a few inches, and of course, it hurts. Iced it. Took Tylenol. Yay. Can’t take any pain meds that actually work since I’m taking an anti inflammatory already. Fun times. Okay, done whinging for today.

1.Do you believe in reincarnation?

No.

2.Have you ever felt that you knew someone the first time you met them?

No, but I’ve clicked with people right off and felt comfortable with them, like old friends.  I think we resonate a certain energy, and sometimes you meet someone who is on the same ‘wave length’, in a sense.

3.Have you ever visited a foreign country or city for the first time and found that you knew exactly where things were?

Never been to a foreign country, except for a brief trip into Canada. A couple of hours brief.

4.Have you ever looked in the mirror and ‘seen’ a different face?

Good grief no. I’d be calling the people in the funny farm to come and get me if that ever happened.

5.Is the belief in UFOs, aliens, physic powers, etc, growing because the belief in religion is dying?

I think it’s more that people have been accustomed to the idea of these things through so much sci-fi in movies and tv that they don’t seem quite so unreasonable.  I think religion is dying because it refuses to adapt to the changes in the world.  We do not live in ancient times anymore, and religion seems to want us to.  If you can’t change and adapt, you die.  It’s true of almost anything.