I couldn’t think of anything clever for a title.  So I have recovered surprisingly quickly from my melt-down.  I think it has finally sunk in that I don’t actually need to feel guilty when my illness prevents me from doing something someone else wants me to do.  I have issues.  I have explained my issues until they should be engraved on people’s brains, and yet I am still pressured to do, to be, what is expected of me, rather than what I am capable of doing or being.  Finally, I get it.  It’s not about me, it’s about refusing to accept me as I am, rather than the person I am wanted/expected to be.  I feel so much better (up until the point the self-doubt sets in again).  But I realized that I am constantly being judged, and being found wanting, when it is actually beyond my control.  Interesting when you finally get that people aren’t really who you’ve always thought they were, that you have been wearing the proverbial rose-tinted glasses.  So feeling better today.  Thanks for asking.  Wait, did anybody ask?  No?   You know what, I get by just fine on my own, so never mind.  Ooo, maybe I’m feeling just a tiny bit pissy, as well. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. :). Oh, just thought of a title:  Pissy Jean is pissy.  Good, huh?

Einstein said, “Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value.”

That’s from America’s Test Kitchen Radiogram newsletter. Why does a person who rarely cooks need a food-related newsletter, you may ask? Wishful thinking, that’s why.

Having a bit of a depressive episode. Sometimes, things just get to be more than I can handle, and this is one of those times. I’ll get over it. I always do, she says confidently. I would so love to be well and normal and not have issues, and be able to do the things I want, when I want, and go the places I want to go without all the issues crap and the illness getting in the way, but it is what it is, and you just have to get over it.

On the bright side, even though I never get to go outside and actually experience it first hand, it has been the best summer weather-wise that I can remember in all of my years living in New England. I want to see if I can find weather info that might tell me how much of an anomaly this is, because it sure doesn’t seem anywhere near normal. There have been a couple of nights recently where I have actually felt cold. In August. Get a blanket cold. This is so not right. Not that I am complaining, mind. If it was like this most of the time, with a lovely rainstorm here and there, and a month or two of really grand snowstorms, can you imagine? Perfection.