Not Going At All Well

My back is becoming more and more of an issue every day. I am using my cane to hobble around, I am behind on everything. Dishes in the sink, vacuuming in bad need of being done, no cooking happening at all, it’s just all getting to be more and more of a mess. Keeping up with feed/water/litter box, because Miss G is utterly dependent upon me for her well-being, but my own is just not even getting consideration. I can’t. i can’t do this, I can’t do that. It’s very frustrating. I was doing so well, and Mother Nature never seems to like when that happens.

Not as hot or sticky today. Still puzzled by why I am tolerating it so well, as I never have before this year. Not complaining, Mother Nature. Perfectly happy tolerating hot and humid.

Still no new electric kettle. The one from Amazon was never even shipped from the seller, and my friend went to Walmart, and they only had one of the one I wanted, in a very damaged box. So no. I miss my kettle. If I could figure out how to keep the lid closed on my current one, but I have absolutely no ideas on that.

I am getting bread and lunch meat because I can throw together a sandwich. Things that don’t need much/any prep are the order of the day right now. I also have been drinking Polar Seltzer with added orange or pineapple juice. Very refreshing hot weather drink, and not sweet like soda. I am not a fan of sweet drinks, and never add sugar to coffee or tea. It’s also the reason I don’t like Oreos, too sickly sweet. Hydrox are my cookie. They were not available for a long time, but you can order them online now. Yay. They were actually the original chocolate sandwich cookie, but Oreo took over. Sugar is addictive, people. The sweeter it is, the more you want, the more you buy, the bigger the profit for the maker.
Diet soda is worse than regular, too. Do your research on that. Besides, what is funnier than hearing someone order a double cheeseburger with extra bacon, a large fry, and a diet Coke. Like regular Coke would be the problem in this order. Besides, Pepsi is better, anyway. 🙂 Diet Soda Health Issues

Today is the day Verizon FIOS, the worst customer service company in history, is supposed to auto deduct the three months of payment that it failed to deduct when it was supposed to. It’s on them. I have tried and tried and tried to resolve their failings, and now I just don’t care. Deduct, don’t deduct, shut me off. I can always go back to Comcast if they do. Not that Comcast is any better. My town once wanted to start it’s own internet provider, but somehow, it did not work out. Not sure why. We have a really good electric company, and our bills are much lower than any of the surrounding towns, and they would have been great to run an IP, I think. But no.

I cannot do much that involves movement, so rambling is my fall-back activity, it seems. Have a good day, readers, and please stay home, and wear your mask if you must go out. Save your friends, neighbors and loved ones, if you don’t care enough about yourself to take precautions, or if you mistakenly believe the virus is bogus or you are immune or immortal. Only the Highlander and Captain Jack are immortal. Trust me on this. 🙂Wear Your Mask, Please


From Bloomberg Business Week

How Ben & Jerry’s Perfected the Delicate Recipe for Corporate Activism

Remember Walmart way back when? Everything made in America. Made in America signs, US flags, the store made no bones about it. Then Sam Walton died and his heirs were more into greed and profit than supporting American-made products. Find something NOT made in China in Walmart now. Ben & Jerry’s is the only corporate entity I am aware of that has not abandoned the ideals of its founders. Look at Google. ‘Do no Evil’ was its motto. How’s that working out for them, I wonder.

This is why bad laws, bad tech, bad anything is just plain bad. “Well, it has safeguards, they guarantee they will never use my info, they promise to stick to ethics”, right up until someone else is in charge. This applies to government policies. It’s only safe as long as the people who wanted it to be safe are in charge. Then, all bets are off.

Your Government

I have thought that they are hoping we all just die off, those of us who are not ‘them’, the rich, I mean.
From The New York Times
‘FEMA Sends Faulty Protective Gear to Nursing Homes Battling Virus’

If you haven’t quite gotten that something is seriously wrong with this administration, I’m not sure how to help you. But you do need help. Badly.

Unhappy Jean is Unhappy

So I have started having a homemaker come on Fridays to do shopping and take out the trash. Handoffs through the door. She has come twice. Today, she said she was not feeling well. Bye, say I, and shut the door. Seriously? I have self-isolated for four months except for the fire alarm, and they send me an unwell person? WTF? How are we supposed to stay safe if the people in the health care business don’t even monitor their own employees. “She said she was just tired today” I was told when I called the agency about it. That’s not what she said to me, and do you not check? These people go into compromised people’s homes. Elderly people, people with chronic illnesses like me, and they can just expose us without a thought? Not happy. Not at all happy. Called my caseworker, and waiting for a call back. Stay safe, people. It may look like life is normal, but it is not, and is not going to be for a very long time, in spite of what the orange man and his worshipers want you to believe. It is on you to look out for yourself, and more importantly, for your loved ones. You may never get sick, but you can still pass on the virus to those friends and neighbors and family who may already be at risk. You can kill people with your selfishness and your misplaced outrage at being asked to wear a mask. It is to protect every one else, not just your own oh so special self. I do not understand the lack of compassion and sensitivity to other people’s needs that this administration has glorified in a good number of our fellow citizens. Selfish, selfish, selfish. The American Way. You all make me sick. No pun intended.


Not my favorite season when it’s hot and sticky, but I am doing well with just a fan blowing on me and the windows open, which is good because with my back issues right now, opening and closing windows is not on. One must adapt. 🙂 Meanwhile, I am reading, reading, reading. Hoping my Kindle hangs on, cause they only make touch screens now, which is the most stupid thing ever. Really. I am not the only one who hates them, either, judging from comments I’ve read here and there. You don’t get a choice anymore. Some idiot somewhere decides ‘this is better’, and that’s it. If you disagree, you are screwed. Look at the moron who killed Google Reader, because he didn’t like it. What about the rest of us who did? Unimportant.

Nothing good going on in this country. The whole Portland and sending troops into big cities thing is rather scary. I have pretty much started to avoid it all, because there is nothing I can do about any of it, and life is hard enough with chronic illness and pain. Less stress is a good thing. Speaking of which, a cartoon from a newsletter I get:

From a Gizmodo Post

Stupidity is a more dangerous enemy of the good than malice. One may protest against evil; it can be exposed and, if need be, prevented by use of force.

Against stupidity we are defenseless; facts that contradict one’s prejudgment simply need not be believed, and when facts are irrefutable they are just pushed aside as inconsequential, as incidental. For that reason, greater caution is called for when dealing with a stupid person than with a malicious one.

It seems obvious that stupidity is less a psychological than a sociological problem. It is a particular form of the impact of historical circumstances on human beings, a psychological concomitant of certain external conditions.

The fact that the stupid person is often stubborn must not blind us to the fact that he speaks on behalf of an empowered group. In conversation with him, one feels that one is dealing not at all with him as a person, but with slogans and catchwords that have taken possession of him.

The stupid man is under a spell…[And] having become a mindless tool, the stupid person will also be capable of any evil and at the same time incapable of seeing that it is evil.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It Was All For Nothing

Four months of self-isolation.  Today we had a fire alarm.  Down the stairs with lots of other people, none wearing masks including me, cause that was the last thing on my mind.  No distancing as we’re standing outside, although I did manage to move upwind from everybody.  Back up in the elevator with other people, because no way could I climb the stairs in this much pain.  So if anybody is infected, I am screwed.  Gertrude was terrified and hid before I could grab her, so I was freaking out about having to leave her.  Fortunately, it was over quickly, false alarm I guess, but very upsetting.  Mostly about Miss G, but also, all that isolation, and for what? 


Yeuch!  I had to break down and close the windows and turn on the a/c, because just all of a sudden I was melting.  First time all summer.  So now I am shut in.  Seals on the windows are broken,so they are not clear even a little bit, so my view is hazy at best,  I cannot feel the breeze or hear the traffic and people, and it’s only been maybe half an hour and I am already feeling claustrophobic.  Or something.  Do not like.  DO NOT LIKE.  I can bear this with the windows open, because there is still some sense of connection with the world, but shut in is another story.  and there is the teeniest, cutest dog across the street.  On a leash.  But tinier than Miss G.  I swear it looks maybe 8 inches tall if that.  Puppy?  Anyway, crazy Jean is now going officially crazier.  Stay tuned.


Here’s a Headline for You

“‘A self-centered publicity stunt’ / Just how serious is Kanye West’s presidential bid? ”

How incredibly sad and disturbing it is to even think that this is being taken seriously? What does this say about us that this could even be a real thing that people are considering? Another celebirty with absolutely no experience in anything involved in running a country, looking after it’s citizens with intelligence and compassion, understanding the issues, anything? But hey, I’ve seen him on tv a zillion times, so it’s almost like I know him. Right? Wrong!

Where on earth have the thinking, reasoning, working-brains here, Americans gone? What happened here? Too much mindless, contestant-driven tv? Not everything is meant to have a winner and a loser, or stupid tricks and lies and manipulations to stay on the island. This is real life, and real lives are being lost or destroyed due to the actions of this person so many seem to be worshiping.

Did you think a man who has gone bankrupt many times, is noted for his immoral behavior, has had several wives, is clearly not the sharpest tack in the box, who is ALL about the greed, you really thought he would be a good choice to lead the free world, let alone us? Where are you? In some form of la-la land, obviously, where nothing is real and it will all be fixed by the next commercial. Only there are no commercials in real life, and people die when you don’t have the least idea how to manage during a pandemic. You do know he shut down most of the agencies that would be dealing with this and keeping your ass alive, before the pandemic even started.

Every day, I am more and more stunned by the things I see and read, and the absolute dereliction of any form of intelligence my country has exhibited. Willful ignorance. ‘I want this to be over and everything to be normal, the orange man says it is, so I choose to believe him rather than my own eyes.’

I truly am at a loss to understand what is happening here. How did people become enthralled to the orange man, and so willingly join his cult and abandon all reason in the process? This is scarier than an virus.


Had a little, not exactly melt down, but crisis of confidence, maybe? Felt like I was crashing, became obsessively worried about my friend no longer wanting to be friends because she and her husband shop for me and take out the trash every other week, and it’s a burden on them, even though they say they are happy to do it, and a friend dropped me from her life not long after I got fibro, because she said I was ‘too needy’, not that I had asked her for anything, but god does shit stick with me forever. Better today.

Anybody have any ideas how to let go of the fear? That friend and I are still friends, because we talked about what happened, and she has been a great friend since, but always, always in the back of my mind is the idea that if I ask for just one thing too many, or even give the appearance of needing any kind of help, I will be left abandoned and have no one. Difficult childhood. What can I say?

Actually About Living With Fibromyalgia

For a change.  I commented on a blog, and thought I’d share what I said.  Probably said it before but hey.

“I first became ill in September, 1997 and was diagnosed February 1998. It has been a difficult and soul-destroying journey since then, I had to give up my beloved job in a group home, but I am doing pretty well right now. Yay, me. The most important thing I have learned over these years is to listen to my body. If I am tired, I lay down and read on my Kindle. If I am in a lot of pain, same thing, except sometimes, if I’m really lucky, I can sleep through the really bad pain. It’s important to do fun things, because if I’m going to be in pain anyway, why not?
There are only three food items that I can definitely tie to symptoms. First is meat, I feel better if I eat meat. I still don’t eat it a lot, certainly not every day, but when I do, I feel better. Second is sugar. Sugar is BAD NEWS. Next day is always exponentially more pain-filled. Third is artificial sweeteners (except for maltitol) which act the same as sugar. Pain, pain, pain. Maltitol is in Think Thin Bars, and does not efffect me when I eat one of those. One good thing (because I firmly believe that good comes out of everything if you let yourself see it) is that I was already mostly living in isolation, so this pandemic has not really had much effect on me at all. Except I had to give up my homemakers and I only see a friend as we do handoffs through the door when she shops a bit for me. But isolation has not been difficult, because it’s been my life for nearly twenty years. Get through today as best I can, do what I can when I can, and don’t beat myself up when I can’t. Works for me.”

The snowglobe is just to remind me that it isn’t always hot and sticky, thank goodness.  🙂

If It Was Me

who was being impeached or on trial, would I be able to specify ‘no witnesses’, or harass someone who spoke?  Guess I don’t understand 1. how impeachment works, and/or why some people seem to get a pass no matter what they do.

From the NYTimes:

Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, a decorated Iraq war veteran who was a prominent witness in the Trump impeachment inquiry, said he would retire from the Army after the White House objected to his promotion.

We are on such a powerful road to ruin in this country, and no one with any kind of power seems to be actually doing anything to change that.  Puzzled R Us.