HA! Been having lots of body pain, and the pleurisy pain has not gone away, just kept under control by the vicodin, which is all gone, and fake excedrin really doesn’t do the trick. Too much pain and too fatigued to function, really, so dishes are piling up, food isn’t getting prepared, things are going to hell, as they tend to do when you’re ill. I remember how lovely it was those two days I was ordered to rest and take the vicodin. No pressure. No need to struggle every moment to cope. So about three days ago, I decided to revisit that (without the vicodin, unfortunately) and just give up. Quit trying. Quit struggling. Just accept that I can’t cope and let it go.
However, I am apparently too pigheaded to just give up, so I spent the past two and a half days trying to convince myself to call my youngest DD and ask it she would come look after me for a few days til I see the new doctor Wednesday. Asking for help is really, really hard for me because I didn’t/couldn’t go help my mother when she need it, and so I feel like I don’t deserve to have help for myself. I know I could not have gone there and been of any use, because the trip and the stress of being in the place where I grew up in hell would have completely fried my being. But still…..guilt is guilt.
Then today, I had this lovely comment on my Sleep post from a few days ago, and it made me feel so much better, I picked up the phone and called my kid and she is coming down tomorrow. Oh, happy day. Wasn’t sure if she would want to, but she kind of gave me a hard time for not calling sooner. How lucky am I? I have great kids. Really, I do. They never fail to surprise me and make me proud, even when I know I don’t deserve anything from them at all.
Out of steam, but thank you to the commenter who made the difference. You never know, right? And thanks to my great kids.