>Thoughts for the Day

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My day, that is. I woke up angry. Yes, I know it’s after 3pm, but I woke up at 3pm because my sleep schedule is so messed up. I’m not sure I have enough energy anymore to spend some of it being angry. But believe me, I really am angry. I am angry at the religious right tea part morons who voted in people, some of whom have more money than god, and who don’t want the taxes on all that money raised, because OMG how will they manage? But who see no problem with cutting off supplemental heating assistance, medical care, rental assistance, and every other service people like me need to survive. People who aren’t richer than god, who weren’t born into wealth, who didn’t acquire their wealth by stepping on and cheating everyone they possibly could. I worked my entire life. Not always in paid jobs, but I worked. I didn’t loll around eating bon-bons, and living off my parents money. I struggled for everything I’ve ever had, and I’ve never had very much. Actually, I’ve never needed or wanted very much, but that’s not the point.

That wonderful president Ronald Reagan (does anyone remember the ‘trickle down’ theory?), who was so great we should put his face on Mount Rushmore according to some, was the one who pushed deregulation, which meant companies buying up other companies until we are reaching the point where a few companies have power over everything we buy, use, need. Monopolies are never a good idea, people. Freedom of choice does not exist under monopoly systems. He also started the whole thing with ‘outpatient’ care for the mentally ill, and emptied out the hospitals where they were cared for. Homeless problem, anyone? Now, they have nowhere to go, but good grief, we don’t want to actually see them, so what to do?

We pay sports and tv and movie people obscene amounts of money, but we resent every dollar those who teach our children receive. We grab for more and more profit, and less and less quality. Virtually everything we buy is made in China. So what are the people who used to produce those things in our own country doing? Well…they are having their homes foreclosed, their medical care taken away, their ability to provide for their families destroyed. But somebody, you know…somebody who ‘matters’, and for somebody who ‘matters’ read ‘somebody who already has enough money for several lifetimes’, because they are the ‘elite’ and better than the rest of us, anyway, those somebodys are getting even richer on the backs of those who used to have jobs that made the products right here in the USA.

I do not understand what has gone wrong. How so many people can be so deluded by greed and avarice and discrimination and homophobia into turning against their own best interests. I do, however, understand those who are manipulating them so adroitly. Oh, yeah. I really, really do.

See, it takes a lot of energy to be this angry. I just don’t have that many spoons on any given day anymore. Anyone with chronic illness should know what ‘spoons’ refers to, but in case you don’t, here’s the link:

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

Thought number two:
I have a memory foam mattress. It seems to make things worse, and I’m wondering if anyone else has one and what their take on it is.

Thought number three: I don’t know what to do about the sleep thing. I really only have to be up and presentable by a specific time on one day a week. I don’t know if I should keep trying to get my sleep schedule normalized (I’ve been trying my entire life, but it’s much harder since I’ve been ill. I am just not a morning person and I never have been.) or just go with the flow except for that one day I can’t. I’ve tried the whole ‘get up at the same time everyday regardless’, but I can’t stay awake or if I can, I am virtually non-functional, i.e. making coffee with no water in the machine, or no coffee, or no carafe to catch it as it comes pouring out. Putting the kettle on to make instant oatmeal, but not actually putting any oatmeal in the bowl, and forgetting the kettle til the bottom turns black. Had to buy a whistling tea-kettle after that. And that’s just breakfast. How do I cope with this? How do I manage? It’s not getting better. Let’s face it. I’m getting older and while I blame all my problems on illness, I’m sure just the natural progression of years comes into play. I am not coping well. Not even a little bit, and I don’t know what to do. Everything thing I’ve tried throughout the almost fourteen years I’ve been ill has failed in the end. One good day in a row. Believe me, it can get you down.

I don’t want sympathy, or pity. I want somebody to fix this, damnit! Fix me. I’m tired of being the needy one. The incapable one. The alone 99 per cent of the time one. I used to have a life. I want it back, please. I want to have a garden again, and be able to garden in it. I want to cook. Okay, I don’t want to clean the toilet, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue. LOL Guess I’m done with The Rant For Today. I’m sure there will be more tomorrow.
Thank you for reading.

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