I Just Don’t Know

First, healthcare became a business, all about profit rather than health. Now it is a political weapon. If you worship the orange man, you are against masks; if you are a normal human with a working brain, you wear a mask. How did we get to this point of gross stupidity? Trump says this that or the other, and people die for believing him. People have drunk bleach, because he said to. They refuse to believe science and instead believe a real estate failure/tv personality. Have I stepped into an alternate universe? People dancing down the aisles of Target, shouting ‘no masks’. Personally, I don’t care if they all die, which I think is the real Republican goal, but what about the innocents around them who will also die. A wedding in Maine is killing people who were not even there. Because once you are exposed, you expose everyone around you This is what I don’t get. The utter self-centered selfishness of Republicans. I am not saying Democrats or any other party do not have issues as well, I am saying that these particular Republican issues kill people. And no one gets it, or seems to care.

I should not be surprised. If you look at history, humans have never been the most sensible, compassionate, caring species. We do horrid things to one another, and every revolution, every stand meant to make things better, in the end winds up the same, because to quote Jon Kabat-Zinn, wherever you go, there you are. No matter how many try, the basic human traits wind up winning. Over and over and over. Greed, selfishness, hate, we torture each other, murder each other in horrific ways. Disillusioned human here. Seriously disillusioned. A good many people fought and a lot died so the world would not be ruled by Nazis. What is happening now? Nazis are taking over again, and how many of us are complicit, how many actually welcome this? I don’t understand my species, and I wish those good and caring and unselfish and wonderful people were the ones who were in the forefront, but it always seem to be the bad, uncaring, selfish ones who are on top.

I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know that it is fixable. I just want to curl up in a cave somewhere and pretend I am not a member of the human race. Being ‘Christian’, quoting Jesus and referencing God frequently, does not seem to have any meaning at all as far as how we behave. How we treat each other. Christianity is, I thought, about what Jesus taught. Jesus. You know. Christ. After whom Christianity is named. How many Christians do you know who even have an awareness of what Jesus taught. They use his name, but I can call myself anything I choose. It doesn’t mean I believe or live the tenets of whatever I am calling myself. It’s just a name. I do not want to feel like this anymore. I want to be happy and hopeful and feel good about my fellow humans. Maybe I should take up drinking, or drugs? Mental oblivion. It’s a good thing? IDEK.

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