Edith Holden

Really hope it’s better than August, summer in general, and the whole year up to now, because it has been a really insane country so far. Please wake up, people. See the lies, see the harm, see the hate. And change things.

I called the agency yesterday and am getting someone to come in, because I just cannot get anything done most of the time. She will come tomorrow or Thursday. Hope it will be a weekly thing, but not sure yet. It’s a case of balancing the risk of exposure and living in a rubbish heap. I am going to risk exposure, because the place has never been this messy, even at my lowest, health-wise. This is the longest I’ve been without someone coming in to do what I can’t, and it definitely shows. Took some pain meds first thing, and am ever so slightly more mobile so trying to get a few things done. Very few. But I’m trying. Have not been able to do much of anything at all for some time, even with pain meds. I don’t know why I got so much worse, but I am done with it now and ready to be better again please. It does not seem to be just the regular fibro flare problems. I have never been incapacitated in quite the same way, and the brain fog doesn’t seem like brain fog, but something else altogether. I cannot think clearly a lot of the time, I can’t remember things for more than a few seconds sometimes. It’s like there’s a glitch in my brain or something, and sometimes it works just fine. I am a cat. I read that cats deal with things like pain by just making it part of the new paradigm. I’m like that. ‘Oh, serious pain, can’t move, will just try to work around it and learn to live with it.’ Probably not the best response, but it’s all I can do most times.

Meanwhile, it’s AUTUMN, my favorite time of the year. I love October best, but September is good, too. Meteorological summer officially starts today. It is based on temperature and such, not where the sun is, like the astronomical start to summer, the equinox, is. I prefer the weather-based choice.

I am so hoping things get better for everyone, but not at all confident that’s going to happen. Trying to avoid too much negativity, because it’s hard enough coping with pain and fatigue without adding the stress of a nation gone bonkers and wallowing in hatred at the same time. God, where did we go so wrong?

But again, it is fall. Is it ‘fall’ because the leaves do?