Well, Drat

I seem to be spiraling downwards, yet again. My friends are out going places and doing things, and seem to feel safe while doing them, and here I sit, barely able to walk, have not been outside (except briefly when we had the fire alarm) for five months. I feel like I have no life. It wasn’t so bad when I could actually do things, like clean and cook, but now it’s mainly reading, sleeping, the occasional streaming watch. And I find myself already dreading winter. The days are already much shorter on the evening end, and by the winter solstice, the day will be around nine hours long. It’s around 15 hours long on the summer solstice. Depression is not fun, and add to this the whole ‘my country is being deliberately destroyed and no one is doing a damn thing to stop it’ thing, and the rise of all sorts of bad things happening that aren’t even pandemice or orange man-related, and I can see that black hole just sitting there waiting for me to spiral right on in. Been there, done that, was really hard to climb back out and do not want to ever go there again. But I am at a loss as to what to do to change things in my own life, let alone anything else. I had clinical depression once, but that’s a different issue. It’s caused by a screw-up in your brain chemistry, I believe, and you really need drugs to help you through it. I have situational depression. Have had it off and on since I first came down with this lovely illesss. You feel helpless, hopeless, unable to function, alone, abandoned, all the bad things you can think of, and then something happens to change things a bit, and suddenly you are better. I just can’t think of anything that might change, anything I can change. I will. Never give up, never surrender, right? All I have to do is get through this.

5 thoughts on “Well, Drat

  1. And I don’t even watch actual tv news. Writing things down ways makes me feel better, something I never remember til it happens. 🙂

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