Good Morning

Window open, finally, in bedroom. Heater fan on under desk in living room. Spring.

Been surfing the internet, as usual, and came up with something. From here:
“You know the phrase, ‘Stick a fork in me, I’m done,’ right? Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.” From a comment there:
“at a certain day showering cost me 20 spoons and the next week maybe one.”
And a comment I made about it on another blog.
“I found the spoon theory very helpful getting my friends to understand why I may have to cancel at the last minute, why I say ‘ask me on the day, and even then it’s iffy”. Right now I am self-isolating, which is pretty much my life anyway, except now I have no homemakers to come and clean and do laundry and shop. So I try mightily to keep up with dishes, do minimal cooking, wash things by hand in the bathroom sink, and order groceries to be delivered, or else my friend Tess will pick some things up for me. So fortunate to have such a good friend. General cleaning just does not happen. No one has vacuumed in almost a month, since the last time I had a homemaker. ‘Homemaker’ is what they are called by the agencies they work for. I really like the fork theory, too, because some days the cat acts up, my laptop is slower than slow and oh, so frustrating, the filter pops off the Brita sink attachment and spews water everywhere, there is nothing handy that can just be eaten without prep, and okay, I am stabbed to the point of looking like a pincushion and I just have to go couch and read on my Kindle. Somehow, when you think of life in terms of these theories, it makes it easier to accept your limitations. Sometimes.”

So far, things are going….well, I’m not sure how they’re going. I wake up, usually nine or ten am, take a pill, morning hygiene, sometimes a shower, sometimes change to day clothes, sometimes do neither, get on laptop, which is immediately frustrating because the darn thing just does not want to work and is unbelievably slow, regardless of browser, then an hour after the pill, I have coffee and a Rise Bar and more pills, maybe then, maybe another hour, I am ready to lie down again and sometimes fall asleep. Later, I try to find something for lunch, more pills, maybe lie down again or more laptop fun, and usually much later in the day I actually feel awake and may even have a bit of energy. Nine or ten pm, tired again, usually fall asleep, wake up an hour or so later, awake several hours, sleep and then the whole thing starts all over again. I am just so tired, all the time. Yes, I know I have a chronic debilitating illness of which fatigue (utter and complete exhaustion, without running a marathon)is a major component, along with pain all the time, but I would like to have a day where I could GET THINGS DONES now and then. Because things need doing. Vacuuming. Do something with the empty Amazon boxes that Miss G thinks are toys but are everywhere. Cook something. Clean up something. Dream on, Jean, life is what it is and I usually am pretty okay with it, just sometimes, you know? Sometimes I just want to be a real person again. There is so much that needs doing, so much I would just like to do, but it just cannot happen. Stick a fork in me. I’m done. 🙂 Aaand, the stupid laptop will not let put pictures on here. Sheesh!!!

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