Sad Jean Was Sad Today

Something happened today.  Not sure I even want to blog about it, but here goes anyway.  I have a friend who has been my friend for a very long time.  She always kind of treated me very casually, though.  I often felt like an afterthought, like I didn’t really matter to her.  An example:  we would agree to meet for lunch or whatever, and she would always be late.  Sometimes she did not turn up at all.  There was  never a call to let me know she would be late, or not come.  It made me feel like I had no value to her, like I didn’t matter at all.

I have another friend, who did the same thing today.  She did call, two hours later than I was expecting, and it really bothered me.  That she didn’t call earlier to let me know she would be late. She has a cell phone…that I gave her.  She could have used it.  But she didn’t.  It really made me feel that same, ‘Wow, I really don’t matter.’ thing.  I spoke up about it, and then let it go, but it bothered me a lot.  My friend has gradually backed off from me, like my other one has done since I became ill, and this almost just felt like the nail in the coffin.  Her reasons for backing off seem to be a bit different though.  She didn’t know me when I wasn’t ill, it’s just that she’s made new friends and is engaged in doing new things and there is less time for me.  She doesn’t really need me anymore.  I get that, and I always expect it to happen.  It still hurts, though, whatever the reason.  It hurts to think that you don’t matter as much to someone as they do to you.  It hurts to feel like you are not important enough to be polite and courteous to.  I would not leave someone hanging if it was at all possible to let them know what was going on, but it’s okay when others leave me hanging, because what?  I just don’t matter?  I don’t like feeling like this, but I will process and assimilate it, and it will become one more part of my idea of who I am and what place I have in the world.

On the bright side, I did not need a recovery day after all.  I am so much better on ten mg prednisone, am going to call doctor tomorrow and try to negotiate staying on it.  I know down the line there are bad side effects, but for right now, a sort-of decent quality of life is pretty darn inviting.  Let me keep it for awhile, please.  Being able to function, to do things I want, when I want, I think if you’re not sick, you don’t really appreciate that.  Fingers crossed.

8 thoughts on “Sad Jean Was Sad Today

  1. I hate that sad Jean is sad – here’s a gentle internet {{{hug}}} all the way from England. You have enough to deal with without these shallow, disrespectful people taking you for granted. I can only hope karma has something appropriate lined up for them in the future.
    Encouraging news about the medication – sometimes living (well) for the day is just what we need xxx

    • Hello, and thank you. Both friends are good friends in a lot of ways, but sometimes it seems it’s ‘Oh, it’s just Jean. She’ll get over it.’ and I find I kind of resent that. Like anything, there are good and not-so-good sides.

      I agree about the meds. ‘Down the line, this bad thing and/or that bad thing will happen, so we need you to miserable now to prevent that.’ Yeah, no. If the bad things happen, I will deal with them then, but right now I’d really like to be a realitively functioning person, thank you. Called doctor, who of course is not in today, so I took 9 mg instead of ten, cause I am going to run out soon. So bah. Also, humbug.

      Thanks for commenting. Sometimes I wonder if there’s actually anyone beside Heidi out there. 🙂

      • I’m a dreadful lurker but very fond of certain peeps who don’t even know I exist! I always read but usually feel too inadequate to reply, but when I read about your friends I was so angry. Your resentment is completely justified – their actions imply that they believe their time is more valuable than yours when, let’s be frank, the opposite is more accurate as you might be wasting one of your good days waiting for them. Grrrrrrrrrr! xxx

        • Had not thought of it that way. Wasting a rare good day waiting around for someone who couldn’t be bothered to tell me they would be late or not show at all.
          Replies, short, long, lame, brilliant. They are all welcome, because as you see, I don’t get very many of them and usually feel like this is just writing to myself. So happy you spoke up. Thank you.

    • I try to be considerate to my friends, it would be nice to get some of that back. Basically, they are really good friends overall, but still. Way to make a person feel worthless, and I already have issues. 🙂 BTW, you haven’t posted to your blog in a long time, unless I’m missing something. Right?

  2. Wow, that’s about as rude as one can get. So you’re home sick, so calling you isn’t necessary?!

    I hope the doctor listens to you.

  3. She did. I am doing 9 for two weeks, then 8, then so on, but if I get much worse on 9, I am going to renegotiate. 🙂 She is actually the PA, and is much more reasonable than the doctor, who left the practice. New one coming in is a woman. Women doctors are so much better than men. Sorry, but I’ve seen a LOT of doctors in the past 20 years, so I know whereof I speak. 🙂

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