Feeling Kind of Down Today

Little update:  Today would have been my anniversary, if my husband hadn’t left me and then died eight years later.

Gray, gray, gray.  We had a gorgeous gray carpet that you just sunk into.  It was heaven.  I hated it.  I just felt so depressed all the time, we finally gave it to a friend.  Gray and I are not compatible, Mother Nature.  Come on!

I don’t do well just being alone.  Except for my homemaker three hours a week, and Tess taking me to the Stop & Shop on Friday, I have been alone since last week some time.  A good week or more  i know it’s all in my head, but I have a hard time fighting it.  I keep checking my phone to see if any one I actually know has emailed me, and except for Tess almost every day, there is no one.  No one calls or emails to see if I’m okay, even.  My family.  No one.  Makes one feel quite alone and unloved and isolated, and even though I am an introvert who needs some alone time, too much is just bad news.  Don’t know how to fix it. “Go out”  Where?  How?  Even if I could walk any distance, there’s no place to go.  My life has gotten very small in the time I’ve lived here, and keeps getting smaller all the time.  Just have to live with it, and not give in. Never Give Up, Never
Surrender.  I’m trying.  Seriously, I am.

Sad Jean Is sad.

9 thoughts on “Feeling Kind of Down Today

  1. Bummer. I get cabin fever sometimes. It’s different for you though, when it’s so hard to go out. I was going to go into town today but feel like I’m coming down with something. Don’t really want to spread germs, so I’ll stay home. My last guests stayed on a really windy night and sent a message today to say they really loved it but did I know that the door has a high pitched whistle when the wind gusts. Yes, but I thought I’d fixed it… apparently the ghost is back. Guess I have to go investigate and then sleep down there and hope it’s windy. Surely it has to be possible to stop that darn door from shrieking at my poor guiests, who knows how many never said anything and just vowed never to return?

    Maybe you could get another cat… poor old Cuddles was always a comfort to me. I had hom through some bad times. You just need a friendly, placid, lazy kind of kitty, not a crazy one. Mind you, Cuddles was very shy when I first got him and easily startled. PTSD for sure. Never ever aggressive, though.

  2. Crazy Cat, avoid at all costs. LOL
    The shrieking door is funny, although not sure I’d think so if it started up in the middle of the night. What causes that? How do you fix it?
    I agree with the no spreading germs. People like me, who are already mostly miserable, don’t need to be made sick on top of it. I always tell my homemakers not to come if they even think they’re coming down with something.
    I got a message today that I have a bunch of new followers. What? Going to see if I can check stats or whatever. Weird.

  3. The date crossed my mind too. What is it with some dates? I still remember my anniversary one from Rugrat’s dad, and that was ages ago!

    I’m sorry you feel alone. I get feeling the same, and then I just don’t want to talk to anyone or even write because it will just be depressing.

    • It seems.to help me to write about it, even though I am a bit wary of blogging it, because, you know, people I actually know and/or am related to might read it. 🙂

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