I have decided not to have it. After doing some research, I find that there are better treatments, and since the polyps are benign, I can just have more frequent colonoscopies (oh, yay) to monitor. Tried cutting down the Prednisone, and even though I only got back to 4 1/2 mgs, from the 5mg I have been on for some time, all the pain and fatigue and miserable non-functioning was back. Yesterday I was a vegetable on the couch, and slept around twelve hours last night. Twelve. So not doing that, either.

Quality of life NOW is my priority, not prevention of something that may or may not happen down the line. My quality of life has been pretty awful for quite a long time, and the small increment of better is worth fighting for, even if it means I have to have bone shots and take extra drugs and all. Being a virtually non-functioning person is not a great way to live, because really, you don’t have much of a life, just an existence. Can’t do what you want, when you want, can’t do what needs doing, can’t cook, can’t clean, can’t go out much at all. Just here alone with the cat, in pain, and exhausted all of the time. Sucks. I actually still manage to find things to enjoy about my day when it’s that bad, usually laughing at something on line, but it is so much better when I’M better and can actually do a little cooking or sorting or whatever on occasion. So not doing the surgery, not cutting the Prednisone. It may be the wrong choice, but it feels right to me.

Everything I do has ramifications. If I bang my hand on the edge of the desk, it doesn’t hurt and I barely notice. Then days later, when my hand hurts and is bruised, I am at a loss as to why that is happening. If I am able to go out with a friend, I am in more pain and more tired for days afterwards. I cannot imagine the ramifications of having major surgery. A month recovery is usual, doctor said, but when you have fibromyalgia, everything is exacerbated, so how long would recovery be then? And I live alone, with no one to look after me during that recovery. If I am even more non-functional than I have been, the cat will starve if I can’t put out food and water for her. How would I survive? No one is going to come and take care of me, and since the surgery is preventative, why would I put myself through this? So I’m not going to.

Really, thinking out loud (typing out loud? LOL). Talking is how I work things out in my head, and since I’m always alone and the cat is a lousy conversationalist, this is what I’ve got to work with. A blog that virtually no one reads or comments on. But it helps me figure things out, so…. Not having surgery. Big sigh of relief.