Are there any? I have to admit, I have been feeling abandoned. Not by any readers out there, but by just everyone in general. Depression. It lives. Partly because the last Prednisone decrease brought back all the pain and un-mobility, and it is taking some time to overcome it, even though I went back to the previous dose two weeks ago. But also, because generally speaking, I really am somewhat better and not in such a fog and miasma of pain and misery, and that just makes me realize that while I was really, really non-functional, my life disappeared. I have virtually no one left who even cares if I’m dead or alive. Not totally, but mostly, everyone has just forgotten me. Or just written me off as a – lost, too much bother, not worth the effort – used to be. Feeling sorry for myself? No one else does, so who else is there? LOL Life is really, really hard sometimes, when you are sick and live alone and really have no one who sort of HAS to be there for you. You know how they say, “Home is where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in”? I have no home in that respect. At the very worst, when no one even calls to even see if I’m still alive, (One person, does. I do have one person, thank the gods for that, but not family, not friends I’ve had forever), I start to think of ways to just let it stop. Not make it stop. I don’t think I could ever go that far, but maybe just stop doing this or that that keeps me going. You know? Maybe it’s just that I’m dying of loneliness. I kind of manage to repress that most of the time, but every few years, it just hits me in the face that I am well and truly alone. I am generally very good at repressing. I am a fighter. I hate to give in, so I have learned over time to just bury all the feelings. Lately, I keep remembering something someone once said, “Oh, let’s all feel sorry for (me, it was me they were referring to)”. And now it hurts. It hurt then, but now it is in the forefront of my thoughts, for some reason. I have been dropped as a friend for being ‘too needy’, so I avoid reaching out at all costs. Avoid asking for help unless there is just no other alternative. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, I am not pitiful. I am just alone. Virtually all of the time. I have three hours a week of a homemaker, and one friend who comes over now and then. That’s my life. I know, this is just Jean being whiny again. No need to bother. But it does help to write it down, even with a keyboard. Sorry, readers. Go back to whatever else you were doing. It’s all fine.