Stole, Borrowed, Absconded With

this from Tumblr. The answers are my own, of course.

1. What is your middle name? – It’s the one that comes between my first name and my last name.
2. How old are you? – Older than dirt.
3. What is your birthday? – I believe it’s the day I was born, but I could be wrong about that. You could try googling.
4. What is your zodiac sign? – I need a sign?
5. What is your favorite color? – Pretty much all of them. Otherwise, everything would be black.
6. What’s your lucky number? – 65038653047569372658595746363734899876453840459457345458.
7. Do you have any pets? -Yes.
8. Where are you from? – ‘Out there’ according to my children.
9. How tall are you? – About yea high.
10. What shoe size are you? – I am not a shoe.
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? – At least one. Pair, that is.
12. What was your last dream about? – It was an outer space fantasy, starring me and every really cool actor alive. Or maybe I was every cool actor alive. I could have made that last bit up, though.Or the whole thing, now that I think about it.
13. What talents do you have? – All of them.
14. Are you psychic in any way? – Again, all of them.
15. Favorite song? – Signs, numbers, pets, songs, picture frames, lamp shades. Questions, questions, questions.
16. Favorite movie? – Yes.
17. Who would be your ideal partner? – I don’t need a partner. I can run this planet on my own. I am woman, hear me roar. Thank you, Helen Reddy.
18. Do you want children? – Only the ones I already have.
19. Do you want a church wedding? – Been there, done that, never doing that again.
20. Are you religious? – Not even the teensiest bit.
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? – Which one?
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? – Again, which one? There are so many.
23. Have you ever met any celebrities? – Have any celebrities ever met me?
24. Baths or showers? – I certainly hope so.
25. What color socks are you wearing? – How do you know I’m wearing socks? Have you hidden a camera in here?
26. Have you ever been famous? – You mean I’m not famous now?
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? – No, just regular sized.
28. What type of music do you like? – Not country.
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? – There’s that regular size thing again. I’ve not been particularly skinny while dipping anything, no.
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? – I only have sex with humans. Seriously! Do I look like a pervert? I know you have that camera hidden in here somewhere. I WILL find it!
31. What position do you usually sleep in? – Horizontal.
32. How big is your house? – About this wide and that long. Oh, and yea tall.
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? – Food. I tried other things, but none really went over well with my digestive tract.
34. Have you ever fired a gun? – I have. It just wasn’t up to the demands of the job.
35. Have you ever tried archery? – No, was it charged with anything serious?
36. Favorite clean word? – Later.
37. Favorite swear word? – Solemnly. As in ‘I do solemnly…’ The other words are just okay.
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? – Four days.
39. Do you have any scars? – No, I’m like Captain Jack, I just keep rebooting to pristine.
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? – Actually, I have, thank you very much,.
41. Are you a good liar? – Can’t you tell?
42. Are you a good judge of character? – I am not a judge. I never even passed the bar.
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? – I can only afford the one.
44. Do you have a strong accent? – Yes. It’s been working out quite a lot lately.
45. What is your favorite accent? – Mine. Those muscles! I do like the Welsh accent, too. I’m all about Wales at the moment. Thank you Ianto Jones.
46. What is your personality type? – I think I flunked that test.
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? – I’m supposed to keep track of this, too? I’m not going to have enough time to finish this quiz with all the things I have to catch up keeping track of. Geez. I’m not even sure I saved those receipts.
48. Can you curl your tongue? – Wanna see? Just tell me where that camera is.
49. Are you an innie or an outie? – Come on. Where is it? I’ll show you if you tell.
50. Left or right handed? – Left or right-handed what? The open-ended questions! What kind of meme IS this?
51. Are you scared of spiders? – Nooooo. See ‘Are you a good liar’ above.
52. Favorite food? – Not okra.
53. Favorite foreign food? – Also not okra.
54. Are you a clean or messy person? – Aren’t we all?
55. Most used phrased? – I have to keep track of phrases, too? I’m going to need a lot more paper.
56. Most used word? – Oy, vey. No, that’s not it. That’s exasperation showing.
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? – Depends. Ready for what?
58. Do you have much of an ego? – No. Most of it spilled out of the bowl while I was scrambling it. Oh, wait, that doesn’t say ‘egg’, does it?
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? – Are you hoping for something a little…you know 😉 ;), here?
60. Do you talk to yourself? – Yes, and I am a very good conversationalist.
61. Do you sing to yourself? – No, I sing to the world. The inhabitants just aren’t always around to listen.
62. Are you a good singer? – You’ll have to ask my listeners. As soon as the applause dies down.
63. Biggest Fear? – Getting these answers wrong. What happens if I fail this quiz?
64. Are you a gossip? – No. Gossip is for people who know what’s going on. Or think they do.
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? – Seriously? Do you know how many movies I’ve seen? Another thing I was supposed to be keeping track of?
66. Do you like long or short hair? – Yes.
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? – Why, have they forgotten them? Didn’t they have a SIGN???
68. Favorite school subject? – Reading, writing, but not arithmetic.
69. Extrovert or Introvert? – Again! Extrovert or introvert WHAT?
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? – No. I inherited all the scubas I could possibly ever need.
71. What makes you nervous? – Nerves.
72. Are you scared of the dark? – No. It’s exactly like the light, except you can’t see anything.
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? – There is not enough time in all of eternity to correct people’s mistakes. There are just so. darn. many.
74. Are you ticklish? – Try me and find out for yourself. But first, where is that camera?
75. Have you ever started a rumor? – Yes. I started the rumor that……..
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? – Not sure. What position is authority usually in?
77. Have you ever drank underage? – Have I ever drunk underage what? Water, booze, orange juice, potato salad? Underage WHAT?
78. Have you ever done drugs? – I have. Antibiotics, allergy pills, the usual stuff.
79. Who was your first real crush? – Well, it wasn’t actually me, but I was in a car that accidentally crushed a tiny little animal, unrecognizable when I got out to see what we’d run over.
80. How many piercings do you have? – Again, I was meant to keep track? Let’s see. There were all those vaccination shots, some cortisone a couple times. Allergy shots. Like everybody.
81. Can you roll your Rs?” – No, but my Ss curl quite nicely.
82. How fast can you type? – About this fast.
83. How fast can you run? – I have people who do that for me.
84. What color is your hair? – Hair-colored?
85. What color is your eyes? – My eyes is eye-colored.
86. What are you allergic to? – Allergens.
87. Do you keep a journal? – I blog, does that count?
88. What do your parents do? – I don’t know. What DO dead people do?
89. Do you like your age? – No. I’d rather have one with swashbuckling adventurers, one of which being me.
90. What makes you angry? – You do not want to go there.
91. Do you like your own name? – Yes. I chose it didn’t I? Oh, wait…
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? – Baby is a good one (well done you), infant, tiny person. That’s all I’ve got.
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? – Is that a hermaphrodite?
94. What are you strengths? – All of them.
95. What are your weaknesses? – Weaknesses? We don’ need no stinkin’ weaknesses. (Tiny little cliche there.)
96. How did you get your name? – Found it hidden in a suitcase in the attic.
97. Were your ancestors royalty? – Puleeze. I, like everyone on the planet, is related in the distant past to everyone else. Of course some of them were royalty. Once royalty became a thing. Before that, not so much.
98. Do you have any scars? – I thought we covered this already.
99. Color of your bedspread? – I don’t spread things on my bed. I do like to spread things on toast, though.
100. Color of your room? – Which one? I have several in my apartment.

confessions

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