>Update on Illness

I’ve been taking the thyroid med for several weeks now. I am not foggy at all, ever. Clear mind. I have mental energy, and even a bit of physical energy. I’m still in a lot of pain, but it’s more the leg thing than fibro pain.

Just to make sure I’m not imagining this, I resolved to take a week off from the meds. By the sixth day, brain-fog, lethargy, feeling awful, were all back. Very interesting.

I know I have fibro. When I was diagnosed, all 18 points were extremely painful. I wonder, however, if any doctor had listened to me about the thyroid thing, if I wouldn’t have been better able to cope all these years. This doctor is the first who ever paid attention, and gave me the choice to try the meds or not. He’s the first who ever specifically said I have mild hypothyroidism, although I’ve been getting the same test results for years.

I guess it pays to find the right doctor. This one I found by default. All four of the other doctors I’ve had since I moved here have left their practices and moved on to other places and/or jobs. One left to stay home as she was pregnant and already had a disabled child. Anyway, this last one was the only one taking new patients AND my insurance at the same time.

Just luck that I finally found one who listened. He’s not perfect, and Doctor Welby was only a figment of someone’s imagination, but I am better, thanks to him. Actually, tangibly, demonstrably better. Is demonstrably an actual word? Do I care? LOL

So I have decided to stop focusing on all the things that are going wrong in my country, and just focus on being better and enjoying my life.

Part of me wants to be angry, and protest, and sign petitions, and at least try to contribute in some way to get us back on a sane track here, but I’m only one sick and aging woman, and the fight is going to have to get along without me. I doubt anyone will notice. LOL

It’s like recycling. I try to be a responsible person. Recycling, disposing of things properly, trying to keep my electricity usage down. Being a good citizen. But now I’m ill, and pretty much isolated and unable to get around freely. So I have a basket of ten years worth of used batteries, cause you don’t throw batteries in the trash, they need proper disposal. I don’t recycle, cause there’s no facility for it where I live, and no way to get to a recycling station.

For years, I felt guilty over this. I know people who don’t give a fig for social responsibility. Who wouldn’t recycle if someone came and did it for them, cause they just don’t care enough. I’m not going to feel guilty for any of it anymore. I do what I can. That’s all I can do, and I can’t blame myself for the rest. When I could, I did. That’s all I can ask of myself, right?

So let go of the anger, let go of the guild, let go of the self-bashing. I didn’t choose illness, it was foisted upon me by the fates, or the universe, or some sort of infection I didn’t know I had, or whatever. Doesn’t matter. I’m ill, that’s it, and I just want to have the best life I can within those confines. If someone figures this out someday and finds what to do about it, I will be overjoyed. But until then, I’m just doing the best I can, every day.

Examples of my life, anyone? Let’s see. I have neatly folded laundry in the bedroom that’s been sitting there for three weeks, because I didn’t have the energy or enough pain-manageable time to put it away. I forgot I was putting water in the sink one day, and the sink ran over and I had a minor flood in the kitchen, followed by wet towels in the tub til my homemaker came and did laundry. My dishwasher developed a leak in a connection under the sink and everything got soaked. So I had to remove everything, toss some stuff, which is sitting waiting for my homemaker to come on Tuesday and take the trash out and the rest of the stuff is all over the kitchen floor drying out and being in my way. I have a very, very small kitchen so this is not a good thing. There are ‘items’ all over the table than I need to deal with. Vitamins to be taken, a few things that need to be put where they belong. I did manage to sort out the paper that was on there. Same with the bedroom dresser. Things need to go where they belong instead of just put there because I cannot manage more than that. I have food in the frig that never gets eaten because I can’t manage to prepare it and rely on cereal and frozen dinners.

I guess what I’m saying is that I am not coping well in spite of being better. It’s all down to the pain. Pain makes every movement difficult, every action fatiguing, and just wears you down in general. Trying to cope with pain is a full-time job.

Okay, I think I’ve worn my brain out. Not sure I’ve ever done this long a post, but my brain is working and I had things to say. Yay, me. And spring is coming, people. Woo hoo.

2 thoughts on “>Update on Illness

  1. >Hi my old friend, how are you! I have not checked my blog(or any blog) for ages. have been keeping busy and feeling relatively well! Managed to hold a full time job now!It is interesting to read about your hypothyroidism! I recently started taking basal temperatures and found that mine is always on the very low side! I am wondering if I am also having mild hypothyroidism. I will have that checked again. take care. http://www.fms-ra.blogspot.com

  2. >How great to hear from you!! I thought you'd just given up with the blog. Yay you for working. Working full-time at that. I hope you are loving the job. It's so hard to get a doctor to listen and act on your concerns. This is my fourth in ten years, and the only one who did. Keep track of your temp. Mine has always been on the low side as well. My thyroid levels were just a little bit off, and the pill has made such a huge difference in me, it is worth it to keep at it til someone listens. Ask for a two month trial of meds. That's what I had, and I stopped the pills for a week in the middle and by the sixth day, lump on the couch R US. Doctor said it takes that long for the med to get out of your system, so that was another indicator that it IS the pill that's making the difference. Keep trying. You're worth it, as the saying goes. LOL Woo Hoo you!

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